from a letter uploaded from a "friend"

    TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY
    6969 SLIPPERY ROOT DR.
    DROPTROUSER, NC 22269

    Dear Jerry,

         We regret  to  inform  you  that we have rejected your recent
    application to model and represent  our  product,  Trojan Condoms.
    Although your general physical appearance is not  displeasing, our
    Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product does not
    portray a positive, romantic image for our product.

         A loose,   baggy   and  wrinkled  condom  is  NOT  considered
    romantic.  We did admire your efforts to firm it up by using Poly-
    Grip, but even  then  it slipped  off  before  we  could  get  the
    photographs taken.

         We would  like  to note however, that we have  never  seen  a
    penis that looked like a bicycle grip until now.

         We appreciate  your interest and thank you for your time.  We
    will retain your  application  for  future  consideration,  if  by
    chance we decide that there is a market for Micro-Mini Condoms.

         We send  greetings  and  our deepest sympathy  to  your  wife
    and/or girlfriend.

                                                     Yours very truly,
                                                        Burly Dick,
                                                     President Trojan


    Condom CompanyBD/peeP.S.

    Remember our slogan:  Cover your stump before your hump-
                          Don't be silly protect your willy-
                          Before you attack her, wrap your whacker-
                          If you're  not going to sack it, go home and
                          whack it!!!