4  :The Curse Library:-:Ctrl-S/Space: NOTE: 39 COLUMNS/LOWERCASE 325 LINES/35 SECTORS *************************************** * High Society presents... * * * * The Real Pirate's Guide, Volume 2 * * * * compiled by * * Ctrl-Reset * *************************************** Finally! After a few cheap imitations, the second volume of Rabid Rasta's Real Pirate's Guide. Since RR has left for the college scene, and I worked closely with him on the first version, you'll have to put up with me for this installment. ---------- As stated in the first edition of The Real Pirate's Guide, there are a lot of pirates; unfortunately, a vast majority of them are morons. For this reason, these "guides" have been as- sembled to aid in the growth and matur- ity of the younger pirate generation. Which brings us to the golden rule of pirating: "REAL PIRATES ARE OVER 15 YEARS OF AGE"(exceptions are few, like if one was a beta-tester for Broderbund, we could let that slide). What follows is a compendium of all the ideals and morals a Real Pirate should possess. Note that some have been taken over from the first Guide because of their high value, and because these rules are still widely knocked around. ---------- [SOFTWARE] Real Pirates can appreciate the differ- ence between "Karateka," and "Competi- tion Karate". Real Pirates have long-since deleted "Caverns of Freitag," "Mr. Cool," "Trompers," "Jenny of the Prairie," and still couldn't give a sack of dog dicks about anything from Avalon Hill, SSI, and especially Scott Adams(AI). Corollary: Real Pirates would jump at the chance to "help" Adventure International go Chapter 11. Real Pirates aren't obsessed with the never-ending quest of collecting all 12 sides of "Time Zone". Real Pirates respect the programming and creative talents of those working for Broderbund, Infocom, and Electron- ic Arts, and congratulate them on a valiant attempt to make money. Real Pirates didn't get excessively excited upon the release of "Soft- Porn Adventure," "Strip Poker," or anything of the sort. Real Pirates respect the efforts of other pirates to sell his or her own programs, but would distribute them at them drop of a hat. Real Pirates pirates aren't just "learning assembly." Or even worse, "machine language." Real Pirates don't contemplate why their Apple II+ w/48k won't run "King's Quest," or "DazzleDraw." Real Pirates know that the Mail Trading Club, run by The Professor, is the biggest mail-order scam/rip-off since X-Ray glasses. Real Pirates aren't anticipating the release of the follow-up to "The Phillistine Ploy." Real Pirates know that Lord British is not the Monarch of any European empire. Real Pirates know that "Road Pizza" was either a very good joke, or a very bad game. Real Pirates play "Karateka". [MODEMING/BBS'] When posting a message, Real Pirates can differentiate between: 'z' and 's', 'ph' and 'f', '2' and 'two', 'u' and 'you', '0' and 'O', '4' and 'for', and 'x' and 'ks'. Corollary: Real Pirates have long- since possessed the ability to punctu- ate, spell and construct clear, well organized sentences. Corollary to the corollary: Real Pirates aren't constantly searching for new ways to spell "WARES". Real Pirates don't use the prefix "k-" (ie. k-k00l, k-awesome, k-mart). Real Pirates use lower case. Real Pirates don't use text graphics. Real Pirates don't use imbedded back- spacing. Real Pirates don't post "I have" mes- sages, when they really don't have. Real Pirates aren't to impressed with "spinny" cursors, and turn them off upon logging onto such boards. Real Pirates don't try to impress others with their superior ability to add many carriage returns at the end of a message, thus preventing anyone from reading the last few lines. Real Pirates don't brag about people they know, or clubs they are in to the point of becoming obnoxious. (ie."RACKRACKRACKRACKRACKRACKRACK",etc) Real Pirates don't obtain their "phreak" codes from the local Net-Works "super-elite hack board". Real Pirates use the latest version of ASCII Express "Pro". Real Pirates, when trading with another Real Pirate, are not concerned with matching everything the other pirate sends them. Real Pirates are happy to send wares to other Real Pirates simply because they are in the same business. (ie. no, "I send you 3 sides, you send me 3 sides") Real Pirates don't wait for BBS' to print-out the