PAIN Meaning and purpose in the life of a Christian The ˙experience ˙of ˙pain, ˙in whatever ˙form ˙it ˙takes ˙is universal. ˙˙Human ˙suffering ˙is one of ˙the ˙world's ˙greatest unanswered ˙questions. ˙˙Especially ˙during the newness ˙of ˙the Christmas season, do we become more and more aware of the mystery involved ˙in ˙it. ˙I'm not writing this article ˙to ˙attempt ˙an answer to the suffering question. ˙I am writing instead, ˙simply to ˙share ˙some ˙of my thoughts and experiences ˙on ˙the ˙matter. Also, ˙˙perhaps by examining my mistakes, ˙and efforts in dealing with pain, ˙you will have something to fall back on when it comes your way ... as it inevitably will. Just by way of background, I was on Cross Fire '75, the team to West Africa. ˙I ˙spent much of the fifteen months we traveled in ˙pain, ˙and incredible fatigue. ˙I ˙never really took it ˙too seriously, ˙˙as ˙most ˙of ˙us were sick ˙regularly. ˙˙It ˙became frustrating for me, and the entire team though, when my illnesses outweighed my healthy times. ˙The situation reached a crisis the final ˙month ˙of ˙team when I just couldn't ˙continue. ˙˙I ˙˙was hospitalized ˙at ˙the ˙end ˙of ˙August ˙1976, ˙˙and ˙due ˙to ˙the persistence of a caring doctor, ˙discovered I was the victim (and had ˙been ˙for years) ˙of an incurable, ˙and ˙oftentimes ˙cruelly painful ˙disease called Systemic Lupus Erythemetosis. ˙Lupus for short. The cause, and the cure remain unknown. I remember laying in the hospital in a state of ˙dis-belief. My ˙head ˙whirled with questions, ˙but none so prevalent ˙as ˙the eternal "why?" Why me ... why now ... why this? I ˙was suddenly faced with the reality that I would be dealing with pain on a day to ˙day ˙basis for the rest of my life. ˙In the fear ˙that ˙such thoughts bring, I began to observe the attitudes toward suffering in ˙the ˙people ˙around me. ˙Most of us view pain ˙as ˙something alien, ˙˙something ˙to ˙eradicate ˙and be rid of ˙as ˙quickly ˙as possible. This attitude may be fine when you deal with ills that are ˙temporal, ˙definable, ˙and curable. ˙But not all ˙suffering falls ˙into those categories. ˙What do we say to those ills ˙and accidents ˙˙that ˙˙leave ˙their ˙victims ˙permanently ˙˙disabled, disfigured, or mentally incapacitated? ˙We cannot simply dismiss them. They are real, and difficult, and very much a mystery. When a Christian deals with life situations, we must keep in mind ˙the ˙fact that God is a mystery. ˙He cannot be defined ˙or explained by our limited knowledge. ˙Who hasn't heard someone in desperation or grief ask the unanswerable "why?" And who had the power and wisdom to respond? Once we accept that sometimes there are ˙no ˙answers, ˙at least for now, ˙we experience a release ˙of those gnawing doubts, ˙and become free to start learning. ˙˙When there ˙are ˙no answers, ˙only questions for us, ˙we must look ˙to Christ, ˙˙and ˙His example. ˙Jesus felt. ˙He hurt and ˙laughed, suffered ˙and died as we all must. ˙He was and is God incarnate, sensitive counselor to our despair, ˙as He has felt the very same pain we do. ˙C.S. Lewis, upon the death of a dear friend, ˙wrote in his book A Grief Observed: "When ˙I lay these questions before God, ˙I ˙get no ˙answer. But, a rather special no answer. It is not a locked door. It is more ˙like a silent, ˙certainly not unkind gaze. ˙As ˙though ˙He shook His head, ˙not in refusal, but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace Child, you don't understand." The ˙enigma of pain reflects the mystery of God. ˙It begins as a journey of trust. We can choose to accept and deal with our frailty, ˙˙or, ˙like Ivan Dostoevsky stated, ˙"If God offered ˙me suffering ˙as a pass through life, ˙I ˙for one would ˙return ˙the ticket." ˙We can face, ˙and even learn from the realities of our humanity, or we can run from them. Why ˙must suffering remain a mystery? ˙I ˙can't give a ˙pat answer, ˙˙but isn't it true that the times we are closest to ˙the Lord ˙are those times we have no control? ˙For me these are also the hours of my greatest sensitivity and compassion to those near me. ˙˙It's ˙only when our efforts to rationalize ˙and ˙eradicate seemingly useless pain are gone, ˙and we reach the end of our own rope, ˙we see Christ's strength available to us. ˙If the mystery were ˙fully explained, ˙there would be no crisis. ˙Most of ˙all, there ˙would ˙be no need of our faith walk with God. ˙˙Pain ˙and suffering are not some type of Cosmic Character Builders sent ˙by the ˙Almighty. ˙They are however, ˙used by Him to strengthen and cleanse our relationship to Him and to each other. As ˙Christians ˙we ˙believe that God's ˙promises ˙are ˙true. Romans 8:28 ˙reminds us that the Lord is ever present and working in our trials. Sometimes this is comforting, but often, the pain is still there, ˙and still very hard to cope with. ˙Just because we ˙know we are living a mystery, ˙and God is using it, ˙˙doesn't make ˙it hurt any less. ˙But so much of our suffering depends on our ˙attitude ˙toward ˙it. ˙It's very human, ˙˙and ˙necessary ˙I believe, ˙˙to ˙experience ˙fear, ˙anger, ˙˙self-pity, ˙˙and ˙even bitterness. ˙We wouldn't be normal if these emotions didn't pass through us. ˙I think so often of one of my African friends, ˙who when I reached a high pitched frustration, would always shake his head and say, ˙"Kristi, it will pass." It will pass. Fear, ˙and all ˙of the so-called "negative" ˙emotions that follow it can ˙be healthy, ˙normative, ˙and even creative forces in our lives. ˙˙A well balanced emotional human is capable of them all. ˙They only become evil when we allow them to immobilize and blind us to ˙the lessons ˙we could be learning. ˙Personally, ˙I ˙have ˙chosen ˙to concentrate on life, ˙my life as it is now. ˙I ˙cannot wish ˙the pain away, or ignore it. It has become a very real part of who I am. ˙˙But what I can do, ˙whether I am suffering or not, ˙is ˙to concentrate ˙on ˙the ˙health ˙that exists ˙inside ˙of ˙me. ˙˙The acceptance of my human condition, ˙in the light of God's promises leads to a fresh hope, and a new peace of mind. As ˙I study the Bible, ˙I'm always amazed at the ˙incredible sensitivity Jesus has toward us. ˙We humans, ˙unfortunately ˙are much ˙more ego-centric in our view of suffering. ˙We ˙mean ˙well usually, but never quite know what to say or do. In sharing with a ˙person in pain, ˙or dealing with it yourself, ˙it is vital ˙to remember ˙that ˙the ˙suffering Christian lives ˙with ˙a ˙constant reminder ˙of ˙his/her ˙frailty. ˙There is no question ˙that ˙God heals, ˙˙likewise ˙there ˙is ˙no question that ˙we ˙don't ˙always understand ˙how ˙He ˙does so. ˙Ours is not a total ˙theology ˙of glory. We live, as Martin Luther puts it, ˙"In the shadow of the Cross." ˙˙We ˙must take this cross seriously, ˙with all of ˙it's implications. There is no victory without defeat, ˙glory without shame, ˙or health without suffering. ˙For example; I ˙cannot say that I have been healed of my disease. (Not yet anyway) I can say however, ˙that I have been healed of many other things through my disease. ˙˙I've ˙never felt as loved as when I discovered I ˙had Lupus. I saw Christ alive through the caring of His church, ˙and I ˙˙experienced ˙firsthand ˙the ˙sensitivity ˙and ˙faith ˙of ˙His followers. Healing with suffering ... victory, in the shadows. I'd ˙like to tell you that I accept and trust at all ˙times, but ˙I ˙can't. ˙I'm human. ˙When I'm in pain, ˙˙I'm ˙constantly reminded ˙of my mortality. ˙But, ˙I'm also reminded that in ˙the shadow (or light?) ˙of the cross, and God's promise of redemption through Christ, there is hope. In ˙closing ˙out my thoughts, ˙I ˙think ˙it's ˙important ˙to mention ˙a little bit on the practical side of sensitivity to the suffering person. I ˙believe the most important attitude you can take is honesty. ˙A ˙person is rarely alone in their pain. ˙˙If there ˙are people around who care, ˙they will be suffering ˙also. If ˙you ˙find ˙yourself in that boat, ˙don't be afraid ˙to ˙admit you're afraid. Be honest about your feelings, hurts, ˙and fears. If ˙you're ˙angry or confused, ˙talk about it, ˙˙it ˙helps. ˙˙Be supportive ˙of the suffering person, ˙but don't pity them. ˙˙Let them know you care by being yourself, ˙that is after all who they love and need. Accept the ills of those you're dealing with as a part ˙of ˙themselves. ˙A ˙very real part. ˙Most of all, ˙˙don't underestimate ˙them. ˙˙They ˙will fight the ˙pain, ˙˙fear, ˙˙and desperation hand in hand with you, and with our Lord. I hope some of the things I've talked about will help you in your ˙trials. ˙˙I ˙hope it helps the next time you hold me, ˙˙or someone like me as they cry. ˙I ˙hope most of all, ˙you use your experience in suffering to grow in sensitivity, ˙and that our God will burn into your conscience your need of Him in health as well as ˙pain. ˙˙This ˙Christmas, ˙may you be guided ˙by ˙the ˙tender compassion of our bleeding Savior. Kristi Lee Hernmeir NOTE: This article was written by Kristi for the Christmas, 1977 issue ˙of the National Lutheran Youth Encounter Newspaper. ˙˙The article was written only a few days before Kristi's death. Permission ˙to reprint the article was given by Pastor ˙Gene and Ruby Hernmeir, Kristi's parents.