NUMBER OF LINES: 999 001=Usr:0 Null User 06/30/87 20:34 Msg:0 Call:0 Lines:19 1$If you are in need of help, you need but ask... 2$************************* 04 MAR 90 ************************************** 3$Welcome to BWMS II (BackWater Message System II) Mike Day System operator 4$************************************************************************** 5$GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS II IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION 6$ PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM. 7$BWMS II was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS II is a privately 8$owned and operated system which is currently open for use by the general 9$public. No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the 10$system is privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all 11$messages which I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the 12$system, it will be periodically purged of messages (only 999 lines of data 13$can be saved). To leave a message, type 'ENTER'. Use ctrl/C to get out 14$the ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering 15$the message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to 16$replace the line. To exit from the system, type 'BYE' then hang up. 17$Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system. 18$************************************************************************** 19$ 002=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 03/04/90 15:01 Msg:4995 Call:27702 Lines:4 20 Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. 21 When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, 22 no wind is the right wind. -- Seneca 23 ************************************************************************** 003=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 03/04/90 18:21 Msg:4996 Call:27709 Lines:5 24 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==== 25 Oh, Goody Goody! I get to be on TOP this time. What? Oh, sorry, did YOU 26 want to be on top? 27 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==Zephyr::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==== 28 BEWARE THE MARCH OF IDES! 004=Usr:131 THE VISION 03/04/90 21:23 Msg:4997 Call:27719 Lines:18 29 30 31 ______________________________T_H_E__V_I_S_I_O_N___________________________ 32 33 Back from the grave, eh? Yep, that's where I've been - the grave. 34 Well, if you consider school a grave. I do because it sucks. Anyway, how 35 have things been around here? I see that AD is still here. How are you 36 anyway AD? Haven't been on in around a year or so I guess - I forget 37 already. This board is the only one that is still around that I used to 38 call all the time. That's because it's great and has a good, dedicated 39 sysop. Good job Mike! See you guys later... 40 41 _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_ 42 43 ____T_H_E__V_I_S_I_O_N____ 44 45 Back after a long absence. 46 005=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par 03/05/90 12:05 Msg:5000 Call:27729 Lines:2 47 Vision: Good to *see* you too, yuck yuck! 48 006=Usr:272 Talos 03/05/90 18:37 Msg:5001 Call:27742 Lines:75 49@<*><*><*><*><*<>5029 50@52 51@52 52@ 53 <*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*> 54 Well, I tried this before (End of last disk) and it didn't fit so I'll put it 55 up again. 56 57 Birdhouse in your Soul 58 59 'm your only friend-I'm not your only friend 60 But I'm a little glowing friend 61 But really I'm not actually your friend... 62 ...but I am 63 64 lue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you? 65 ake a little birdhouse in your soul 66 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet 67 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 68 69 I have a secret to tell, from my electrical well 70 It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells 71 So the room must listen to me; filibuster vigilantly 72 My name is blue canary one-note spelled l-i-t-e 73 74 My story's infinite, like the Longines Symphonette-it doesn't rest 75 76 Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you? 77 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 78 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet 79 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 80 81 I'm your only friend-I'm not your only friend 82 But I'm a little glowing friend 83 But really I'm not actually your friend... 84 ...but I am 85 86 There's a picture opposite me, of my primitive ancestry 87 Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free 88 Though I respect that a lot, I'd be fired if that were my job 89 After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts 90 91 Bluebird of friendliness like guardian angels it's always near 92 93 Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you? 94 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 95 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet 96 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 97 98 And while you're at it leave the nite light on 99 Inside the birdhouse in your soul 100 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet 101 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 102 Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch 103 (And while you're at it) 104 Who watches over you? 105 (Leave the nite light on) 106 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 107 (Inside the birdhouse in your soul) 108 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet 109 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 110 Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch 111 (And while you're at it) 112 Who watches over you? 113 (Leave the nite light on) 114 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 115 (Inside the birdhouse in your soul) 116 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet 117 Make a little birdhouse in your soul 118 They Might Be Giants-FLOOD 119 120 Talos Valheru 121 Ruler of the 122 Eagle's Reaches 123 <*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*> 007=Usr:131 THE VISION 03/05/90 18:59 Msg:5002 Call:27743 Lines:9 124 125 ________________________________T_H_E___V_I_S_I_O_N_________________________ 126 127 Talos, I saw the video for that song a few days ago on MTV. I kinda liked 128 it! Is the whole tape good? I think I'll buy it if you say it is good. 129 Later... 130 131 _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__ 132 008=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 03/06/90 07:04 Msg:5006 Call:27750 Lines:8 133 &*&*&*&*'s 134 I'm doing fine. And I'm now running my own full time BBS. atarwin is the name 135 and it can be reached at xxxxxxx. 2400 baud N81. 136 137 An Astral Dreamer (Whos BBS is listed just before Backwater in the BB/AP bbs 138 list.) 139 &*&*&*&*'s 140 009=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/06/90 15:36 Msg:5007 Call:27756 Lines:92 141 696969696969 142 (part 2b) 143 Drifting, Drifting. Past Deimos, past Phobos. The Red Planet obscured 144 most of the sky now, most of the vast blackness speckled with little, 145 unblinking pinpoints of light. Some thought roams through my mind 146 about "A thousand little pinpoints of light". Bush? Busch? I don't 147 know. It seemed like only a few moments ago that I was safely on 148 Earth, in the company of good friends. Now, somehow, I was drifting. 149 150 We seemed to be entering the atmosphere (funny, we always think of 151 entering an atmosphere as "reentry" because there's only one planet 152 we've visited which has an atmosphere-namely, the one we live on). The 153 shields, or whatever was protecting me, did not seem to be heating up. 154 There was no characteristic red glow. I looked at my hands. They 155 weren't burning up. The sun began dispersing its rays through the 156 atmosphere as the moons receded. The black of space gave way to an 157 omnipresent reddish-yellow hue as the sparse atmosphere began 158 whistling across my face. It looked a lot like LA on a REALLY bad day. 159 We were approaching the ground. 160 161 What do I mean by "We"? No one else is here but me. In fact, as far 162 as I can tell, nothing else is here but me. It seems...well, you are 163 probably getting bored with all of this rambling. Time to get on with 164 the story. 165 166 The ground did approach, or I approached it, in a somewhat hyperbolic 167 fashion. I didn't realize how fast I was zipping along until getting 168 fairly close to the reddish sand. The Sun was behind me now. Mars 169 looks a lot worse than anything you've seen in Arizona (including 170 Phoenix). There's no trees or anything like that, just lots of sand and 171 dust and more sand and dust. I knew that before I went there-unless you 172 belong to the Flat Earth Society, you probably knew it, too. So, this 173 is where the Russians are going in the Year 2000. Why? Maybe that's why 174 I was there-the Russians sent me. No, no. That doesn't make any sense. 175 The National Security Agency sent me-they want me to find out why the 176 Sovs are going there. Yeah, that must be it. 177 178 Where this hyperbolic path was taking me suddenly became very evident: 179 right into the side of a pyramid. You could see it coming. At this 180 speed, there wasn't going to be much left after impact. I came all 181 this way just to smack into the side of a pyramid. I could have done 182 that outside of Cairo (at half the cost, I imagine this little trip was 183 costing someone a bundle). Wait a minute. Pyramid? Mars? Is it 184 possible this isn't Mars? No-over there, that is probably Olympus 185 Mons. A familiar landmark. Outside of that, it's hard to tell 186 anything. This is kind of like looking at the Earth from the Moon for 187 a while, then suddenly finding yourself in Athens, Georgia trying 188 to locate the Appalachian Mountains. It's hard to identify major 189 landmarks when you're amongst them. But, this is definitely not 190 on Earth-the sky is too clear. It's Mars all right. But, a pyramid? 191 192 The old cogs starting turning. There IS a pyramid on Mars. It is 193 in the Arabia region. It points towards Phobos, which is going to reenter 194 the martian atmosphere in a 100 million years or so. And the Sovs 195 are going to Phobos with their probes (well, probe-one of them did die 196 along the way). And... 197 198 And I am getting ready to be obliterated like a well fed bug on a 199 windshield in about 15 seconds. 14,13,12,11,10,9,8,7, SMASH! It's over. 200 I shook my head a little as I woke up. The dream is over. Great. 201 Then, I looked up to see this very fat fellow confidently smiling at me 202 from a height of about 30 feet. That's were his head was, 30 feet above 203 the ground. The rest of his body stretched from that height down to the 204 floor. He was big. I pinched myself. His face was greasy (probably 205 the effect of gorging himself with french fries) and his shirt was 206 totally unbuttoned and open. He was sitting cross legged on the floor 207 when he started the discourse. 208 209 "Welcome to my planet. What do you think?" 210 211 "What would you think if you were kidnapped from a bar and whisked 212 light years from your home?", I replied. 213 214 "HAH!" He leaned forward an inch. "Do I hear a complaint?" 215 216 The problem with an Alien is that they are alien. You really don't 217 know where to begin with one, or when you've ended. I realized I might 218 have offended him, so tried a middle of the road reply, "MMMMM, 219 maybe...". 220 221 "Many would have sacrificed everything they owned to make the journey 222 you've just completed, and all you can think about is your local 223 watering hole? " He looked up at the ceiling and started laughing. 224 After regaining his composure, he said, "I can see. Now I can see. 225 You people don't focus on the experience at hand, so you can't solve 226 your existing problems. That certainly answers a lot of questions." 227 228 "What kind of questions?" I asked. 229 230 (...to be continued...) 231 696969696969696969 232 010=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/07/90 13:22 Msg:5011 Call:27769 Lines:90 233 696969696969 234 (part 2c) 235 "Your planet is rapidly taking on the appearance of mine-howling wind 236 storms, large surface areas which can't support any sort of reasonable 237 life, and so on. But, quite different from mine, the Earth is teeming 238 with intelligent beings. The question is: why don't they do something 239 about their situation? Stop the deterioration of your ecosphere or leave 240 the planet for other ecospheres or something? Don't you realize that if 241 you either don't fix your problems or leave them behind, at some point 242 you'll pass the threshold of where there are a sufficient number of 243 intelligent beings to solve your problems? At that moment, your race 244 will perish." 245 246 I can't believe this. I've come 100 million miles for a freshman level 247 ecology class. If I'm going to be subjected to this, the least whoever 248 is responsible could have done is provide a little entertainment on the 249 side, like Deep Throat or ... 250 251 "WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT? YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SMILE ABOUT!", 252 the Buddha screamed. 253 254 "Oh no, no" I started waving my hands, trying to placate him. "I didn't 255 mean anything personal." I paused for a moment. "Just what is it you 256 want me to say? That I'll go back to Frizby's and save the earth? It's 257 just this: you could tell me what to specifically do to keep the world from 258 being destroyed tomorrow and it would be pointless. When I got back to 259 Mommy Earth, no one in their right mind would listen to me. If that's 260 what you want, you've picked the wrong person. How about Gorby? More 261 people would listen to him if he said we were coming up against the 262 deadline to save the world. The best I could do is scrape together a 263 few winos who might, if they were on something strong enough, just might 264 believe me.". 265 266 "You've totally missed the point," He replied. "You and most of the 267 other inhabitants of that planet are aware of the devastation waiting at 268 your doorstep. You are ALREADY aware of it, no convincing of anyone is 269 necessary. Why do you ignore it? It is difficult to believe that you've 270 got the technology today to leave the planet and build new biosystems, 271 yet you choose to do neither. In the meantime, you could be saving 272 what was left of the existing biosystem. Why don't you apply that 273 knowledge?" 274 275 "You obviously think I am the spokesperson for the Third Planet." That 276 was the wrong thing to say. "No," I shook my head and looked down, "my 277 guess is that the type of intelligence which has evolved on my home 278 planet ignores realities by necessity. We've got people living at the 279 bases of volcanoes who see their fellow villagers wiped out every few 280 generations. The volcano blows its stack, a few survive, and those 281 few rebuild. In a few generations, it's a healthy little colony 282 waiting to be wiped out again. If the few survivors had dwelled on the 283 fact that they were going to get wiped again, they never would have 284 rebuilt in the first place." 285 286 The Buddha boomed, "There is a simple principle of intelligence of 287 which you do NOT seem to be aware. Maybe I can help you understand it 288 by analogy. If all the survivors of the volcano were men, then the 289 life of that village would be at an end. For proliferation, you need 290 two opposites. For intelligence to survive the severe predicament 291 facing your biosphere now, you require a tremendous diversity of 292 intelligence. That diversity exists now and can solve the problems 293 now. However, once that diversity is diminished, you will not be able 294 to recover. You will watch your planet become a dead, wind swept rock, 295 like mine." He paused to take a breath and recover from whatever it 296 was 30 foot tall people recover from. "Many of you don't care if 297 intelligence survives. You don't care if you are the only seeds, seeds 298 meant to scatter throughout the universe, to change its nature. But, 299 what they don't consider, these impudent morons, is that their ultimate 300 punishment will be more horrible than anything they could have 301 imagined: they will watch their children die, watch their friends 302 suffer, watch and know like no other being is capable of knowing. 303 Realize this punishment-that is what I want you to tell them. This 304 punishment, this consequence of intelligence!" 305 306 I thought about that for a second. I was thinking that this seemed to 307 be deteriorating into an Eastern version of fire and brimstone. Yes, 308 there will be punishment, but it is a natural cause and effect of 309 intelligence, not something purposely inflicted upon us measly 310 subcreatures by a Higher Being. Then I started thinking about seeds 311 and spreading them around. I had spread some of my seeds around, but 312 women weren't really that attracted to me. I never did figure out why. 313 It was just a fact I accepted. Just a fact I accepted. Just facts. 314 My back was hurting. The facts were hurting. I can't move my arms. My 315 eyes started hurting. I forced them open and looked up. Thirty different 316 frequencies of white noise exploded in my ears. There was a black 317 mop of hair stuck between my chest and my left arm. Attached to it was 318 Prissy. Both of us were lying in one of those automatically reclinable 319 hospital beds. This had to be a dream. 320 (...to be continued...) 321 696969696969696969 322 011=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/07/90 14:06 Msg:5012 Call:27770 Lines:45 323 696969696969 324 (part 2d) 325 I exercised my jaw a bit before trying to spit out a few words. That's 326 when I noticed the guy in the black suit sitting in the corner reading 327 "Reader's Digest". I recognized his type. What had I done wrong? 328 329 I looked down at the mop of hair and squeaked, "hi, priss...". That 330 damned noise was still reverberating through my skull. 331 332 She rotated the hair backwards so that the two brown eyes which were 333 attached to her forehead, could see me. "Ben. You are back." She 334 kissed me. Now, in lots of stories, you read about women kissing men. 335 But for a woman to go to the trouble to kiss me, something very interesting 336 must have happened. 337 338 "What's all that noise in here?" 339 340 "There is no noise," She replied. "That just the drug wearing off." 341 342 "DRUG?!?" I could see me security clearance being cancelled right 343 before my very eyes. My security clearance is my life. Without it, I 344 don't work. Without work, I can't make mortgage payments. Without 345 that, I'm a street person! I must have turned several shades of white. 346 347 "Oh, you looking very bad now. Maybe you sleep more?" Prissy said. 348 349 I tried, unsucessfully, to sit up. 350 351 ---------- 352 353 Got to stop here. I promised we would meet Bob in this episode. As 354 you can see, we didn't. So, this chapter is not over. Consider this 355 the first half of Chapter 2. We'll get to Bob by then, but no more 356 promises outside of that. 357 358 So, what did we learn in this episode? Buddha prefers a pyramid on 359 Mars over a temple in Tibet. I really don't have anything else to say. 360 President Reagan summed it up very nicely at the beginning of the 361 story. For those of you who didn't understand what he said, here is a 362 little real estate tip: "BUY CONDOS IN BEIJING NOW WHILE YOU CAN AFFORD 363 THEM!". 364 365 366 696969696969696969 367 012=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/08/90 13:05 Msg:5013 Call:27792 Lines:197 368 696969696969 369 ======================================================================== 370 2b-1 of many 371 The Little UFO that Could 372 ************************* 373 * TOP SECRET * 374 ************************* 375 GAMMA SIGMA PHI 376 FOR YOUR EYES ONLY 377 by 378 Benjamim Jamen 379 380 "Sex is like a terrible drug, which starts when 381 our eyes touch as we pass. Maybe we even brush momentarily 382 as we pass-feeling a mild intoxication inside. 383 Unexpectedly, you grab me and I look up to see the drug 384 burning in your eyes. It enters my blood. We lay writhing 385 on the floor as the illicit narcotic screams through our veins..." 386 -Marilyn, when asked to explain coupling 387 to an asexual alien. 388 389 Well, if you've walked by my place of employment lately (see Chapter 390 1), you've probably noticed that they put the name of some innocuous 391 sounding firm out front. That happened while I was in the hospital. 392 They're probably trying to fool me. Here I come back from the hospital 393 and see "Geodetic Technologies, Unlimited" and I'm supposed to think 394 they moved with no forwarding address. HA! You can't fool me that 395 easily, guys. I know you're in there. Besides that, my pass card 396 still opens the barrier arm out in the parking lot. 397 398 Here we go, off on another tangent. I told you earlier you'd have to 399 put up with these little mental detours if you want to hear the whole story. 400 We need to get back to the hospital and take things from there. 401 402 The last time we talked, I told you Prissy kissed me. Well, that might 403 have been a slight exaggeration. She brought her face fairly close to 404 mine, but as far as laying one of those Hollywood style smacks on the 405 old kisser, she didn't do that. It wasn't really even a peck. Maybe 406 she was embarrassed because of the guy sitting in the corner. 407 408 The MIB in the corner. He was sitting there with a placid look on his 409 face reading Reader's Digest. I knew why he was there. If I said 410 anything that threatened National Security, he was supposed to tell the 411 doctor that I really didn't say that. For them to send a MIB, I must 412 have really screwed up this time. 413 414 Then the doctor came in. 415 416 "How we feeling today, Mr. Jamen?" 417 418 "Like one gigantic pulled muscle." 419 420 "I see." He held up two fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?" 421 422 "Eleven." 423 424 "I see." He scribbled something down. This guy must have gotten his 425 MD from Nerd Medical University. 426 427 "Look, Doc. I don't care what you're writing or anything like that. I 428 just want to know in simple terms what happened." 429 430 "What happened?" He looked over the top of his glasses. "I don't know 431 what happened, Mr. Jamen. Your employer stopped me from taking a blood 432 sample at the critical time which would have told us exactly what has 433 happened. However, I can tell you what it looks like." 434 435 "Yessss?", I leaned forward, only to fall back with a groan. My whole 436 carcass was aching. 437 438 "It looks like you took an hallucinogenic drug of some sort." 439 440 "ME!?!?!?!", I forced myself up this time, to hell with the pain. 441 "Doc, look in my eyes. Do I look like a dope fiend? Compared to me, 442 Nancy Reagan is a coke head! I mean, I..." 443 444 "Calm down, Mr. Jamen, don't strain yourself right now." He waved to 445 the nurse, she left the room. In the same motion, he put his hand on 446 my chest and gently pushed me back down into the bed. Prissy was taking this 447 all in from the sidelines. "I'm just telling you what it looked like. 448 Let's not get upset, okay? Now, maybe someone spiked your drink or 449 maybe you are genuinely going crazy and this is just the first bout of 450 it. I'm just trying to cover all the bases. 451 452 By the way, were you on any sort of medication at the time of the 453 attack?" 454 455 (...to be continued...) 456 696969696969696969 457 458 696969696969 459 (part 2b-2) 460 That started a whole series of inquiries into my personal habits. I 461 couldn't believe Prissy-you wouldn't even have known she was there if 462 you didn't look up every once in a while to see her still poised at the 463 edge of the bed. The nurse came back with a needle full of something a 464 little while later. The doctor picked up the clipboard at the end of 465 my bed, scribbled a bit, then the next thing I know the nurse is 466 pricking me with "just a little something to help you relax". Relax, 467 hell. I didn't wake up until the next day. 468 469 This went on for a few days. I knew something bad was coming down 470 because Howy never even so much as sent a get well card. Howy would 471 have been in there every day (smuggling beer and other life support 472 system components) unless his livelihood had been threatened. So, most 473 of what I could piece together that night came from Prissy. It sounds 474 like Howy and I never left Frizby's. You probably remember that Prissy 475 said we could stop back by and discuss the extraterrestrials and such 476 after she got off work. That sounded like such a good deal, I kept 477 sloshing the brews and running my mouth in hopes that Howy wouldn't get 478 bored and leave early. By the time Prissy was ready to split, I was 479 pretty smashed (that's the point I can't remember anything). So we went 480 outside. I started saying something very strange about, "Preserve 481 intelligence. We must preserve intelligence.". Prissy and Howy turned 482 around to see that I had taken off all my clothes and was taking a wee 483 wee on a fire hydrant. That must have been quite a sight! The problem 484 is, if you remember, the place we work is near Frizby's and that's close 485 to the government housing project and people there do lots of drugs so 486 there are lots of police around trying to keep them from doing lots of 487 drugs. It is not a good idea to be standing naked in 20 degree weather 488 reliving your past life as a dog in that neighborhood. Howy ran ahead 489 and got the car while Prissy tried to placate me. Somehow they got me 490 in the car, tied me up with some straps from the trunk, and got me to 491 Howy's house, screaming and kicking the whole way. 492 493 Come work time that morning, I was still in Never Never Land. Howy told 494 the boss about my little predicament, and I wound up in the hospital. I 495 learned later that Prissy has a tendency to leave out any salient 496 details which she considers trifling. Considering that trait of hers, 497 my best guess is that she took care of me until the ambulance arrived 498 and some sort of attachment developed. So, what had become of her five 499 year old son, Bob, while she was nursing me back to reality? Apparently, 500 her parents live in Reston and they help take care of the little tyke. 501 That makes sense. She also lives with her parents, even though she is 502 in her twenties. That's apparently not considered unusual for the 503 Japanese. I told her that most Americans in their twenties or thirties 504 don't live with their parents unless they are Trekkies or have some 505 other mental deficiency and she said it was quite common in her culture 506 to live with parents until marriage. I asked her if it was also quite 507 common in her culture to have children when you are not married and she 508 seemed to get real mad (certainly wasn't obvious, though) and said she 509 had to leave for work. Boy, must have touched a raw nerve. 510 511 There was no phone in my room. They were definitely trying to tell me 512 something. And, everytime I got up to step out into the hall, Mr. MIB 513 was right there behind me. Things did not look good. Howy never came. 514 The boss never came. Outside of the regular hospital staff, only 515 Prissy was there. I was getting to the point where I wished they would 516 just give me the final injection and get this whole thing over with. 517 518 Finally, the day arrived when the doc came in and told me I could leave 519 in a few hours. I called my personal place of worship, Frizby's. 520 Prissy was there. 521 522 "Hey, Priss. Look, you've been my best friend over these last few 523 days. I really appreciate that." 524 525 "That very good to hear", she replied. 526 527 "They're letting me go around 4:00. How much trouble would it be for 528 you to stop by and pick me up?" 529 530 "I very happy to do that." Prissy always seemed to keep her answers 531 short, courteous, and to the point. 532 533 "GREAT! See you at 4?" 534 535 "Yes, I be there at 4 PM." 536 537 "Bye, Priss, you've been a very good friend." 538 539 We hung up. She did come at 4:00. Originally, I had some problems 540 checking out of the hospital because the lady at the Exit Desk didn't 541 know what insurance company to bill this to. I tried to explain I 542 didn't have any forms or anything and recommended she call my employer. 543 She did. I wish I knew what they said-she just got a funny look on her 544 face and commented, "Everything is taken care of, Mr. Jamen". So I went out 545 to the lounge around 3:45 and waited for something to happen (by the way, 546 there was also this hospital crapola policy of sending me to the lounge 547 in the wheel chair, but I could write a whole book about the hospital 548 stay alone and that should not be the reason you are reading this). 549 Prissy showed. She really looked beautiful. I don't know why, but she 550 did. 551 552 "How you like we go to my house for dinner?" 553 554 "Sounds greatola!" Everything had become suffixed by "-ola". Maybe an 555 aftereffect of the experience. 556 557 So, we get to her house, and who do you think is there? Howy! We 558 embraced. 559 560 "They just said I couldn't call you or visit you. They didn't say anything 561 about bumping into you at someone's house." 562 (...to be contined...) 563 696969696969696969 564 013=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 03/08/90 15:53 Msg:5014 Call:27796 Lines:1 565 JEEZ LOUISE! 500 LINES IN 3 DAYS! WHAT A RECORD! WHAT? --ONE USER?!?-- 014=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 03/09/90 16:23 Msg:5015 Call:27809 Lines:1 566 JEEZ LOUISE! 500 LINES IN 4 DAY! GUESS THAT MEANS 696969 HAS THE FLU! 015=Usr:92 Katherine Dohert 03/09/90 17:13 Msg:5016 Call:27810 Lines:1 567 ***********************kathyD************************************************ 016=Usr:103 Robin Ramsey 03/10/90 00:59 Msg:5021 Call:27824 Lines:14 568 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 569 570 It appears the fires still warm the Inn...And even after some three 571 years or so some familiar faces still smile from the tables...Much has 572 happened...Alex now has a sister...(8 months) and he has knack of allways 573 getting South America...Yes l'homme he has aquired a taste for the VILE 574 V.O.L. 575 576 The company is sending me back to the land of puddles... Soon I am told 577 When I get back I look forward to a LARGE game of Jupiter Risk 578 579 Best wishes to all. 580 581 :::::Alex:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 017=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 03/12/90 07:01 Msg:5027 Call:27877 Lines:5 582 &*&*&*&*'s 583 Just droping in to say hello. Where is everybody anyway? 584 585 An Astral Dreamer 586 &*&*&*&*'s 018=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par 03/13/90 06:53 Msg:5028 Call:27904 Lines:10 587 (_(@%#(%_)(^(#$^(%(#$_^)+_@#$%)#+$_^*(+#$*^+_#$(^+~(_+%^(#$^#_)^($%(#$%(_)^(*_) 588 Alex: I assume "The Company" is sending you back for a visit, not for good. I 589 mean only an evil company would transfer someone *away* from Hawaii! So, when 590 will you be settin down in puddle-town? Rumor has it that a good group of 591 Riskians could be put together quickly just in case you arrive without much 592 notice. 593 594 Please, please let someone here know... 595 (%(@_)(@_(%)_((@#%(@)#(%)@#%*)_@(&)@^_)(@_ L'homme sans Parity *%@)*_(#!_)$(_!@ 596 019=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 03/14/90 07:15 Msg:5037 Call:27918 Lines:7 597 &*&*&*&*'s 598 Seems BWMSII is in one of its biorythm low points. But wait, I see a high 599 point approaching... :-) 600 601 An Astral Dreamer 602 &*&*&*&*'s 603 020=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 03/14/90 09:28 Msg:5038 Call:27919 Lines:4 604 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==== 605 Astral Dreamer: Well, it WAS going high and mighty for a while there. We had 606 over 500 lines in just two short days. Whahoppen? 607 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==Zephyr::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==== 021=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/14/90 14:55 Msg:5039 Call:27922 Lines:1 608 da censor stuck again 022=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 03/14/90 22:18 Msg:5040 Call:27932 Lines:3 609 ********************************************************* 610 The censor??? 611 *************** 023=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 03/15/90 07:18 Msg:5041 Call:27936 Lines:2 612 HuH??? 613 024=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/15/90 11:23 Msg:5042 Call:27940 Lines:107 614 696969696969 615 (part 2b-3) 616 It was great. Prissy's parents are great. Everything is great. But, 617 Bob, Prissy's son, he's an interesting character for a five year old 618 (earlier, I had said he was four, but anyone with this much going on 619 upstairs has got to be at least five years old-you'll see what I mean). 620 621 "Ben, Prissy's son is a party trinket. I mean, you've got to see this 622 kid in action!", that was Howy, he was holding a cola (actually, it was a 623 Coca-Cola in a can, but since they haven't paid us to advertise here, 624 we'll just call it a generic cola). 625 626 "What is he? A pickpocket?", that was me, and we turned our attention 627 to the little fellow. 628 629 He looked like your average five-year-old. There was certainly a lot 630 less of the preschool stupor in his face than you see on most kids of that 631 age but, outside of that, he appeared normal. Black hair, certainly 632 of oriental appearance, and absolutely no accent whatsoever. 633 634 Howy said to Bob as he waved one of those silver dollars minted a 635 few years back that you don't see any more (I'm thinking they were 636 called "Susan B. Anthony's", do you remember?), "Your eyelids 637 are getting verrry heeeeeaaaaavvvvyyy". Bob feigned a trance. 638 It was obvious to anyone watching that he was faking it (at least to 639 anyone who knows Saturday Night Wrestling is a sham). That kind 640 of act was really not too difficult for someone his age. What was 641 astonishing was that he used this "hynosis" as an excuse to recite poetry, 642 make comments on lifestyle, and generally say things you don't hear a 643 kindergarten student say. What follows is an amazing, but true, edited 644 transcript of some of the things Bob said. And, he said them all with 645 no regard whatsoever of what we were discussing in front of him. He 646 was in a world all his own when the words came spewing out. 647 648 649 "Bert and Ernie, R3PO, Superman, Spiderman, Chocolate Chip 650 Cookies, Capt Picard, Skyhawk, Denver Dinosaur, Pee Wee Herman, 651 Ms. Tracy [a school teacher, maybe?], xenomorphs, The Incredible 652 Hulk, Data, Howard the Duck, Kung Fu, Capt Power, Ninji Warriors, 653 Capt Crunch..." 654 655 He just kept rambling in this intensely monotonous manner. Howy said 656 not to worry, this was just noise. After he focused in on some 657 nebulous "signal", it would begin to become coherent. 658 659 So, my first reaction was that Bob was a wide-eyed TV fanatic-perhaps 660 just short of the final, terminal stages of video psychoses. You know, 661 the crux of the mysticism problem today is TV and movies: UFOlogists 662 can't distinguish fact from celluloid (remember, this little story IS 663 about UFOs). The 'little grey men' we've heard so much about since 664 Strieber published his book sound too much like the visitors on 665 "Close Encounters...", while the 'Men In Black' sound like the guys who 666 were always trying to do in James Bond (by the way, did you ever see any 667 mud on Mr. Bond's shoes? doesn't that strike you as a bit alien?). 668 A lot of this New Age UFO fad can be attributed to an overdose of 669 video. 670 671 Bob went on... 672 673 "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star 674 How I wonder what you are 675 Up above the sky so high 676 Like a diamond in the sky, 677 Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star 678 How I wonder what you are." 679 680 "That's really deep great, Howy. I never heard recitation of nursery rhymes 681 referred to as 'being coherent'." 682 683 Howy waved his hands and got this intense look on his face. "No, just 684 listen. It get's better. The thing evolves." 685 686 Prissy: "What you trying to do? Make up haiku?" 687 688 Me: "I think we've got an information overload here." 689 690 Howy: "PLEASE SHUT UP AND LISTEN!". 691 692 "I before E 693 except after C..." 694 695 Me (suppressing the giggles): "It's a formula, listen close!" 696 697 "And when sounding like 'a' 698 as in neighbor and weigh." 699 700 Howy: "Okay, it starts around here, listen..." 701 702 "If you want it built, 703 I'll build it for you. 704 If you want it made, 705 I'll make it for you. 706 I couple my fingers 707 with my mind. 708 I design." 709 710 711 That was stunning. I asked Howy, "How long did it take you to get him 712 to memorize that?". 713 714 Howy replied, "He says something different everytime. I think he's 715 actually composing it himself." 716 717 Amazing.... 718 (...to be contined...) 719 696969696969696969 720 025=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/15/90 12:03 Msg:5043 Call:27941 Lines:66 721 696969696969 722 (part 2b-4) 723 Bob squinted a little to get this next one out. Maybe some of the 724 words were hard. 725 726 "After a few moments of silence between the two, the 727 Alien finally held its microphone next 728 to the source of Mike's flatulence. It 729 smiled to itself about this discovery: how 730 these humans communicated was fascinating, indeed..." 731 732 I burst out laughing, that was too much. Prissy looked puzzled, 733 though I have no idea why. Howy just grinned a little. 734 735 "Do you have a headache? 736 Maybe it is the car you drive... 737 Maybe you should drive a Subaru." 738 739 "Oh, jimmy jams. We're back to the commercials!" 740 741 Howy waved me to be quiet. Then the next one came. It was petrifying 742 to me, especially in light of my experience. For some reason, the 743 young lad's tenor voice made the poem all the more electrifying. 744 745 "In this sturdy ship 746 We drift the Solar Seas 747 Wonders passing by us... 748 749 But many now know 750 That all of us will perish 751 In this ship without lifeboats 752 753 Will the Wonders keep passing 754 Unnoticed?" 755 756 I must have been visibly shaken. Howy came and put his arm around me. 757 I don't remember what I was thinking or saying. The little boy's voice 758 kept reciting other little jewels in the background of my mind noise. 759 I apologize for not being able to tell you anything else he said. I 760 really can't recall. 761 762 This is probably a good place to end Chapter 2. 763 764 765 ------------------- 766 DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance of satire to the Moslem religion or 767 ANY of its subsidiaries is purely a matter of chance and certainly not 768 intentional. Great pains have been taken to remove any and every word 769 which might be misconstrued as blasphemous by the Moslem faith. 770 However, in the event you are a zealot who can't even read the pattern 771 on a sheet of toilet paper without seeing the Great One's name being 772 slandered, be forewarned: He commissioned me to write this book. 773 Paragraph 3, Section 4A of our contract reads as follows: 774 775 "Anysoone who attempts ANY sort of retribution against the author 776 of these proposed writings, even so much as disodering the air 777 around his dog's nose, shall become condemned to live as a 778 public servant, endowed with a conscience which will not let 779 them forget the evils of government service, for the number 780 of millenia equal to twice the number of idiots in your 781 pissant universe." 782 783 ====================================================================== 784 (...to be continued...) 785 696969696969696969 786 026=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/15/90 12:56 Msg:5044 Call:27942 Lines:72 787 696969696969 788 ====================================================================== 789 3a of many 790 The Little UFO that Could 791 ************************* 792 * TOP SECRET * 793 ************************* 794 GAMMA SIGMA PHI 795 FOR YOUR EYES ONLY 796 by 797 Benjamim Jamen 798 799 "You know, we all drive these little cars around. 800 The windows are fogged, I can barely see out of mine. 801 Rubbing the glass, I press my nose and scream at you, 802 'HEY! HEY! OVER HERE, MY FRIEND!'. 803 You seem to be doing the same thing, as the both of us 804 try to maneuver our automobiles closer together. 805 806 The more we scream the more our breath fogs the windows. 807 808 Dear God, how do we live in these shells?" 809 810 -Bob, when asked by Mommy to say a prayer 811 for bedtime. 812 813 ***** 814 815 "Can a Buddhist believe in God, you ask? My, what a strange 816 question! Let me tell you what I think about God. Ancient Man 817 used 'God' to explain the things he did not understand. The 818 roar of thunder, the changing of the seasons, all of these 819 natural phenonmena to which we are exposed. 820 821 " Then physics arrived a short time ago. The universe was described 822 via a series of laws. The laws could be proved or disproved. This 823 involved a much more rigorous investigation than some blind faith 824 in a higher Being and even seemed to reap materialistic benefits. 825 Today you zip from city to city in an airplane not because someone 826 believes God whisks you from the ground and propels you to your 827 destination, but because of aeromechanics. It is quite simple, if 828 there was no understanding of aeromechanics, there would be no 829 airplanes. 830 831 " But, when you look upon a planet such as earth and observe 832 the regular patches etched across the surface by the farmer's plow, 833 how do you describe that via natural laws? You do not. You 834 say the effect observed is the result of intelligence. The laws 835 associated with intelligence are not yet understood, though we 836 vaguely understand that regularity with what should be a random 837 natural phenomenon is one principle of intelligence. That is 838 what the SETI effort is based upon: finding regularity within 839 certain electromagnetic radiation to prove someone else is out 840 there. 841 842 " What does this have to do with your original question about 843 God? Some day, probably quite far into the future, it should 844 be 'discovered' that certain regularities exist on a universal 845 scale. Actually, it has already been discovered, but many 846 are still too overwhelmed by the "Science is God" attitude to view 847 these regularities as the existence of a pervasive intelligence. 848 On the other hand, civilization as a whole still has a viewpoint 849 of "God is mysticism", carried over from ancient Man, which 850 would prove to be a disaster when mixed with the realization of 851 God as a pervasive intelligence- a disaster, that is, if you 852 want to preserve the current standard of living which has been 853 wrought from observation, experimentation, and a healthy 854 discourse among sentient beings." 855 856 -Bob's father 857 858 027=Usr:4 Milchar 03/15/90 19:23 Msg:5046 Call:27947 Lines:6 859 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 860 CM: I'll have to agree with you there... 861 Well, here I am, back from my vacation in British Columbia! Victoria 862 is very warm and sunny this time of year, and I was able to fit a lot 863 of tourist-type stuff in a few days. But now, back to work... (sigh) 864 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 028=Usr:286 Jeff Marten 03/16/90 04:03 Msg:5047 Call:27950 Lines:47 865 866 867 {+}{+}{+}{+} 868 869 American Animatronics Announces : 870 871 The AMAZING New 872 873 TRACY BARRY 874 Animatronic NewsAnchor 875 876 SHE WALKS ! 877 SHE TALKS ! 878 SHE SMILES ! 879 SHE BLINKS ! (optional) 880 SHE RUNS A FULL 12 HOURS ON A SINGLE CHARGE ! 881 882 OTHER FEATURES INCLUDE : 883 884 * E-Z Care One Piece Hair Attachment 885 * Your Choice of BLANK STARES : Vapid or Bovine 886 * A Wide Selection of Programmable Story Reactions : 887 CONCERNED 888 SADDENED 889 HEARTENED 890 AMUSED 891 MILDLY ANGERED 892 893 News Directors from COAST TO COAST agree 894 the TRACY BARRY is the finest 895 Automatronic NewsAnchor on the market today. 896 897 ORDER YOURS NOW ! 898 899 Also available from American Automatronics : 900 RON 'N NANCY 901 THAT DAN QUAYLE GUY 902 903 904 -+|[ ThingFish ]|+- 905 Back To You, Pete 906 907 908 {+}{+}{+}{+} 909 910 911 dave's not here 029=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 03/16/90 15:05 Msg:5048 Call:27962 Lines:2 912 SO WHO MISSED HIM?? 913 030=Usr:333 Bartender Slug 03/17/90 00:45 Msg:5050 Call:27970 Lines:7 914 915 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 916 I am back! Anyone remember me? Seems this system has changed some since Nov. 917 or so. If anyone can explain the changes in 500 words or less I would greatly 918 be appretiated. Thanx! Same as always but not really -- 919 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Bartender Slug >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 920 031=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 03/17/90 18:55 Msg:5052 Call:27974 Lines:3 921 An Abbreviated Explanation of Change: 922 Stuff Happens. 923 Thank you. 032=Usr:103 Robin Ramsey 03/20/90 00:40 Msg:5055 Call:28012 Lines:17 924 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 925 926 Well...L'homme.. the sad truth is we are moving are entire operation back to 927 the mainland. The time lost comming and going from here has finally caught 928 up with the company! The first year here I did around 45k...last year alone it 929 was 10k a month..United loves me..and Alex asks "Mummy" who is that strange man 930 in the room with you...So My New Years resoloution ...keep travel to a MIN!. 931 As for when ...Junish-Julyish...So If your comming for a vist best make plans 932 now..Just the threat of a change of venue has brought the "OUT LAWS" out of the 933 woodwork!..We have The sister & law with hubby & two dwarfs comming on friday 934 for an unspecified period...(Not to exceed two weeks) Followed by 935 Parentus In-Lawus in late April...Gawd its' great !! So many relatives.. 936 So little time. 937 If time allows I will swing through Pdx late March Perhaps even on a Thursday 938 939 Best wishes 940 :::::Alex::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 033=Usr:286 Jeff Marten 03/20/90 02:15 Msg:5056 Call:28014 Lines:15 941 942 943 .................................. 944 945 This is to "Thingfish"..... 946 947 I was a little bit put off by that thing you posted about Tracy Barry 948 being some kind of robot or something. I don't really care one way or 949 the other, but I just didn't think it was very funny. It seems to me 950 that Tracy Barry is just a person trying to do her job......if you 951 don't like her news shows you could always watch something else. At 952 least treat her like a human being. Well, that's my two cents. 953 954 ................................... 955 034=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 03/20/90 07:51 Msg:5057 Call:28016 Lines:8 956 &*&*&*&*&*'s 957 Humor is almost always at the expense of somebody. In most cases a public 958 figure. I found it to be amusing, and in most cases jokes at my expense don't 959 bother me. I'm insecure, but not in that way. 960 961 An Astral Dreamer 962 &*&*&*&*&*'s 963 035=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 03/21/90 07:07 Msg:5058 Call:28030 Lines:8 964 &*&*&*&*'s 965 Just a reminder that I have my own BBS now. It's doing fairly well. xxxxxxx, 966 300,1200,2400 baud. 967 24 hours a day. 968 969 An Astral Dreamer 970 &*&*&*&*'s 971 036=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/21/90 13:06 Msg:5059 Call:28041 Lines:6 972 973 The REAL truth is that Tracy Barry is a human being, but THINGFISH is a robot- 974 refugee from Bladerunner. And Ronald Reagan is Disney's best automaton to 975 date. With erasable memory, to boot. 976 977 037=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/21/90 15:46 Msg:5060 Call:28044 Lines:22 978 696969696969 979 (part 3a-b) 980 981 Last of all, we were at Prissy's parents' house. Sorry it took me so 982 long to get back to you. If all of you would send me $5.00, then I 983 wouldn't have to work any more and I could sit around writing about our 984 adventures and maybe even put together some cheap software. On the 985 other hand, if money was that easy to come by, I'd probably spend my 986 days at Frizby's celebrating at your expense. No, probably not a good 987 idea to send the money. I will send you more episodes as things 988 continue to unfold and as time permits. 989 990 By the way, did you notice the April issue of the Planetary Report 991 seemed to borrowed the name from this book for a section of one of their 992 articles (actually, it was rephrased as, "The Little Spacecraft That 993 Could")? If you want to borrow any or all of this work, you can as long 994 as you don't copyright it or call it your own. Once you do that, there 995 will hell to pay. Whether you believe in Hell or not is irrelevant, 996 it's in the best interests of everyone concerned not to do something 997 dishonest like claiming you were responsible for a story about aliens 998 when you haven't even met one. 999