LIST FILE ON MARGIN IS 76 STATUS: ALL ALLOWED NUMBER OF LINES: 609 1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask.... 2 ********************* REMOVED: 13 FEB 84 ******************* 3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator 4 ************************************************************ 5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION 6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM. 7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned 8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public. 9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is 10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which 11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be 12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved) 13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the 14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the 15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace 16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up. 17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system. 18 ************************************************************ 19 20 Sighing with relief at being let off the hook for the next round, the 21 eccentric poet (a redundancy if there ever was one) turned to his companion. 22 "Far be it from me to interfere in such a loving moment of reunion, but I 23 believe that I might be able to lend some assistance. I was present on the 24 first evening of up-time weapons fire, and noticed a bald fellow in an odd- 25 looking yellow robe leaving the Inn as I approached. Seeing as I approached 26 from Innisfall, he obviously left to there. Let's begin by asking our fellow 27 patrons if they have seen such a one since. If not, chances are that he 28 could still be found there." With that, the poet lurched to his feet and 29 staggered over to the Innkeeper, returning in a moment with news and ale. 30 "He has not been seen since by the Innkeeper. Since I have a personal reason 31 for wishing the man ill, I would like to ask that I be allowed to add my 32 arms to your efforts and to help bring that peace-disturbing pig's bladder 33 to his just reward." 34 As he spoke these words, he drew from the lining of his cloak what looked 35 like a six-inch piece of broomstick and an assortment of very small circular 36 saw blades... 37 && The Mad Actor && 38 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 39 Evan:The SCA was founded in Berkeley, about 1965. We are a non-profit, 40 educational group, dedicated to the study & preservation of medieval culture. 41 Or to put it another way... We're trying to re-create the Middle Ages. 42 Only we're doing it the way it SHOULD have been! (No Black Death, etc). 43 We have classes in all sorts of things (what kind of things depends 44 on where you are). Most groups have weekly fighting practice, many have classes 45 in medieval dances (both court dances & peasant dances). You can also find 46 people who are interested in calligraphy, cooking, costuming, etc. Oh yes, lest 47 I forget, there are Bards. (I am not a bard in the SCA, for some reason my 48 singing seems to provoke the MOST unseemingly behavior. Throwing things, 49 reaching for knives, etc). Most of the songs I have left here are SCA songs. 50 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 51 :*************************************************************: 52 53 My Dearest Mohammed Wassir: 54 55 The final task is done. The last Andropov clone is dead. Call 56 off your goons. I have won. 57 58 Let there be no cause for bitterness. 59 60 Let us be friends. 61 62 I offer my friends the treasures of the world...but I demand 63 their obedience as their price. 64 65 Should you think to deceive me remember Natasha, my sister, 66 and the horrible price she paid for her disloyalty. 67 68 ================ 69 70 Lt. Salazar: 71 72 Why aren't you sticking up for my interestest? 73 74 What do you think Myrddin Emrys gave you the $800,000 for? 75 76 I paid for protection and all I'm getting is romance. 77 78 With the last Andropov clone dead things are getting really 79 hot around here. Things are going to be getting a whole lot 80 hotter for you too, my dear inspector, if you don't 81 earning some of those big bucks I keep dishing out. 82 83 I need protection. Don't disappoint me. Remember Natasha. 84 85 86 McKane 87 88 :************************************************************: 89 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ 0! < 1 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 90 91 92 Paul Bunyan versus the Conveyor Belt 93 by: William Hazlett Upson 94 95 One of Paul Bunyan's most brilliant successes came about, not 96 because of brilliant thinking, but because of Paul's caution and 97 carefulness. This was the famous affair of the conveyor belt. 98 99 Paul and his mechanic, Ford Fordsen, had started to work a 100 uranium mine in Colorado. The ore was brought out on an endless 101 belt which ran half a mile going into the mine and another half 102 mile coming out--giving it a total length of one mile. It was 103 four feet wide. It ran on a series of rollers and was driven by 104 a pulley mounted on the transmission of Paul's big blue truck, 105 "Babe." The manufacturers of the belt had made it all in one 106 piece, without any splice or lacing, and had put a half-twist in 107 the return part so that the wear would be the same on both sides. 108 109 After several months' operation the mine gallery had become twice 110 as long, but the amount of material coming out was less. Paul 111 decided he needed a belt twice as long and half as wide. He told 112 Ford Fordsen to take his chain saw and cut the belt in two 113 lengthwise. 114 "That will give us two belts," said Ford Fordsen. "We'll have to 115 cut them in two crosswise and splice them together. That means 116 I'll have to go to town bad buy materials for two splices." 117 "NO," said Paul. "This belt has a half-twist--which makes it 118 what is known in geometry as a Mobius strip." 119 "What difference does that make?" asked Ford Fordsen. 120 "A Mobius strip," said Paul Bunyan, "has only one side, and one 121 edge, and if we cut it in two lengthwise, it will still be in 122 one piece. We'll have one belt twice as long and half as wide." 123 "How can you cut something in two and have it still in one 124 piece?" asked Ford Fordsen. 125 126 Paul was modest. He was never opinionated. "Let's try this thing 127 out," he said. 128 They went into Paul's office. Paul took a strip of gummed paper 129 about two inches wide and a yard long. He laid it on his desk 130 with the gummed side up. He lifted the two ends and brought them 131 together in front of him with the gummed sides down. Then he 132 turned one of the ends over, licked it, slid it under the other 133 end, and stuck the two gummed sides together. He had made 134 himself and endless paper belt with a half-twist in it just 135 like the big belt on the conveyor. 136 "This," said Paul, "is a Mobius strip. It will perform just 137 the way I said--I hope." 138 Paul took a pair of scissors, dug the point in the center of 139 the paper, and cut the paper strip in two lengthwise. And when 140 he had finished, sure enough, he had one strip twice as long, 141 half as wide, and with a double twist in it. 142 143 Ford Fordsen was convinced. He went out and started cutting the 144 big belt in two. And, at this point, a man called Loud Mouth 145 Johnson arrived to see how Paul's enterprise was coming along 146 and to offer any destructive criticism that might occur to him. 147 Loud Mouth Johnson, being Public Blow Hard Number one, found 148 plenty to find fault with. 149 "If you cut that belt in two lengthwise, you will end up with 150 two belts, each the same length as the original belt, but only 151 half as wide." 152 "No," said Ford Fordsen, "this is a very special belt known as 153 a Mobius strip. If I cut it in two lengthwise, I will end up 154 with one belt twice as long and half as wide." 155 "Want to bet?" said Loud Mouth Johnson 156 "Sure," said Ford Fordsen. 157 158 They bet a thousand dollars. And, of course, Ford Fordsen won. 159 Loud Mouth Johnson was so astounded that he slunk off and stayed 160 away for six months. When he finally cane back he found Paul 161 Bunyan just starting to cut the belt in two lengthwise for the 162 second time. 163 "What's the idea?" asked Loud Mouth Johnson 164 Paul Bunyan said, "The tunnel has progressed much farther and 165 the material coming out is not as bulky as it was. So I am 166 lengthening the belt again and making it narrower." 167 "Where is Ford Fordsen?" 168 Paul Bunyan said, "I have sent him into town to get some 169 materials to splice the belt. When I get through cutting it in 170 two lengthwise I will have two belts the same length but only 171 half the width of this one. So I will have to do some splicing." 172 173 Loud Mouth Johnson could hardly believe his ears. Here was a 174 chance to get his thousand dollars back and show up Paul Bunyan 175 as a boob besides. "Listen," said Loud Mouth Johnson, "when you 176 get through you will have only one belt twice as long and half 177 as wide." 178 "Want to bet?" 179 "Sure." 180 181 So they bet a thousand dollars and, of course, Loud Mouth 182 Johnson lost again. It wasn't so much that Paul Bunyan was 183 brilliant. It was just that he was methodical. He had tried it 184 out with that strip of gummed paper, and he knew that the 185 second time you slice a Mobius strip you get two pieces-- 186 linked together like an old-fasxioned watch chain. 187 188 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ The Mesolithic Mathematician }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 189 190 ###################################### 191 HEY! More crap from figment of the imagination 192 [DUTIFULLY FLUSHED.] 193 *HA HA HA* 194 ########c############################# 195 ++++++++++-------------------+++++++++++ 196 Hey Figment!!! 197 198 Do you know how many Michael Jacksons 199 fit in ONE Volkswagon???? 200 ? 201 ? 202 FIVE!! Two in the front 203 Two in the back 204 and ONE in the 205 ASHTRAY!! 206 *ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha* 207 Doc Spock 208 ######################################## 209 88888888888888888 210 masg 211 ? 212 list 213 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hi everyone! 214 This is me again. Yes, I just couldn't stay dead. Sometimes it's a bummer, but I usually can't leave. 215 There are very few things that could stir me and this is one of them. Yes, it's 216 that figment of imagination and any other mindless idiot causing busy signals 217 and messing up this place. I plan on assassinating him as soon as I can talk 218 Philippe into giving up his get out of heaven free card. Well, I have to be going 219 I hear Andropov has been hanging out here. Maybe we can chat. 220 The Ninja 221 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 222 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM 223 224 CYM, PAM, Hrothgar, Aaron, d, Anon, Batpoop, etc.: 225 226 Amazing! I disappear for a few months and find none of the old 227 (pardon the expression) user's. Are you still out there? My rather ab- 228 rupt departure from BWMS resulted from the sale of my equipment in pre- 229 paration for my forthcoming move to Tokyo. I am at present using a friends 230 system. Poetry is fine but I miss the long-winded religious and political 231 discussions of the past. I must admit, however, using BWMS as a medium 232 for my own poetic inclinations, under the alias of "Apollo". I'll bet 233 you never suspected! As my opportunities to access the system will be 234 somewhat irregular, henceforth, two-way discussions of the previosly 235 mentioned nature would be difficult. Once more, however, I would like 236 to sieze this, perhaps my last, opportunity to attack Christianity as 237 it has attacked American society (and others) What is the driving force 238 of this religion that prompts the defacation of public and private property? 239 And why do the law enforcement authorities not respond to those who clutter 240 our public streets with "JESUS SAVES FROM HELL", "TRUST JESUS", etc. as 241 they would (and do) to one who writes "SATAN SAVES FROM CHRISTIANITY" or 242 "TRUST THE RAJNEESH"? Clearly, regardless of the official stand to the 243 contrary, there is little or no separaton of state and religion in practice; 244 lest these destructive persons regardless of their cause, would face 245 criminal penalties. I maintain, as before, that these archaic, outdated 246 religions are literally demoralizing and though their indulgence should 247 remain the discretion of the indulgee, they constitute, as they always have, 248 a grave threat to this society when protected and encouraged by the 249 government thereof. In conclusion, I would like to request of those of the 250 Christian persuasion, if you should ever happen to find yourself in Japan, 251 please do not attempt to pollute the moral environment with your prehistoric 252 philosophies and dogmas. 9% of Japanese are already Christian. I find 253 this more than sufficiently threatening. 254 I regret that I was unable to read any responses to my last message. If 255 you would like to respond to this or any of my previous messages, and you 256 don't mind a slight disruption in continuity, could you please do so in 257 about a week. Hopefully I will again hve access to the system around 258 that time. 259 Mikey: Sorry I forgot you in the opening salutation. (This also applies 260 to anyone else from "The Olden Days" [1983--that is] whom I forgot.] 261 Ninja: Anata wa Nihonjin desu ka. Soo dewa nakereba, naze "Ninja" ni 262 shita ka. 263 264 Dirty Ol' Man 265 266 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM 267 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 268 269 ESTATE SALE 270 271 Lathe, Drill press, Hydraulic press 272 Miscellaneous shop tools & equipment 273 Furniture & Appliances 274 Electronics parts 275 ***** EVERYTHING CHEAP ***** 276 277 Saturday February 10, 10am--6pm 278 279 280 281 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 282 283 I am refreshed to find that someone else here in Stump Town shares a similaropin 284 DELETE 285 ----------------------------------------------- 286 THE GENIUS OF KARL KROYER 287 288 In 1964, the freighter Al Kuwait, all twenty-seven hundred tons of her, capsized and sank to the bottom of Kuwait Harbor. 289 That nation's government might have left her there had she not been carrying a cargo of six thousand sheep! 290 Fear was that the rotting carcasses would poison the harbor. So the shipping company would be required to clean up its mess. 291 But no one knew how. 292 Neither the Kuwaiti government nor the shipping company had any idea of how to recover those thousands of dead sheep from the 293 bottom of the harbor. 294 Then someone remembered Karl Kroyer. 295 A Danish inventor. A genius, some said. His inventions had earned him a million dollars many times over---his bicycle-wheel 296 rim linings and his various kitchen appliances and his nonskid highway surfacing and all the other profitable patentables on 297 which his international reputation rested. 298 So the Kuwaiti ship owners called Karl Kroyer. 299 No way to conduct the cleanup operations underwater, Karl decided. The freighter would first have to be raised to the 300 surface. 301 The ship owners agreed. 302 But they had tried all the conventional methods of ship raising, and all had failed. 303 Karl said he would think about it. The Kuwaitis would hear from him soon. 304 They did. 305 Karl dispatched a small vessel to Kuwait Harbor, armed with a long injector hose and 30 BILLION pea-sized polystyrene 306 pellets. If hollow, air-sealed, superbuoyant plastic balls could be injected into the sunken ship's hull, the ship itself 307 would become buoyant and float to the surface. 308 Karl Kroyer's divers descended into Kuwait Harbor, and they carried out his instructions. The plan worked. The freighter 309 was raised to an even keel. Mission accomplished. 310 Karl's fee was a handsome although not unreasonable $186,000. 311 And word got around. 312 Off the coast of Greenland, a similar situation with a sunken steamer. They shipowners called Karl Kroyer. The vessel was 313 raised successfully. 314 Again, off Scotland, same situation. Kroyer was commissioned and came to the rescue. 315 Finally, Van Den Tak of Holland, Europe's biggest ship-salvage company, joined forces with inventor Kroyer. And today 316 polystyrene pellets are used routinely to raise sunken ships which could not have been recovered two decades ago. 317 Karl Kroyer might really have cashed in had he been able to patent his process. Yet he could not obtain a patent for a 318 concept that was already in existance. 319 For Karl had borrowed the hollow plastic pellet idea. He had read about it in a magazine. He had read about a sunken yacht 320 which had been raised to the surface by being stuffed with Pin-Pong balls! 321 Genius inventor-engineer Karl Kroyer remembered reading about that operation in a 1949 publication. 322 A comic book. 323 The genius behind the genius of Karl Kroyer was Walt Disney's Donald Duck. 324 Now you know THE REST OF THE STORY. 325 326 327 (From DESTINY, by Paul Aurandt) 328 -------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz ---------------- 329 P.V.: 330 In the last message Mr. Aurandt was inaccurate in one respect: the inventor was not actually Donald Duck, but the genius 331 behind the Duck. One of the greatest comic-book artists to ever hold pen. 332 No, it wasn't Disney, but a man named Carl Barks. (All TRUE comics fans stand silent in awe.) 333 Now YOU know THE REST OF THE STORY. 334 (So I didn't have a trick ending. Sue me.) 335 && The Mad Actor && 336 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hello! 337 Being Chinese and sort of passed around Japan, I never had a chance to learnthe lingo. Sorry. 338 Boy life sure can be tough. I still can't talk Philippe into giving up his 339 card. He'll never use it. 340 The Ninja 341 ************************************************************************* 342 ONE THING ABOUT THE STORY OF PAUL B. ABOVE, THAT WASN'T TOLD WAS HOW HE 343 GOT THE IDEA TO CUT THE BELT INTO TO BEGIN WITH. IT SEEMS THAT THE 344 MANUFACTURE HAD GOTTEN THE SPECS WRONG AND BUILT THE BELT TWICE AS WIDE 345 AND WITH TWO TWISTS IN IT INSTEAD OF ONE. SO WHEN PAUL WENT TO PICK IT 346 UP HE SAW THIS AND SAID "OH NO, NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 347 TWO WEEKS FOR YOU TO MAKE IT RIGHT!" THE MANUFACTURE SAID NO, IT IS NO 348 PROBLEM, HE WOULD JUST CUT IT DOWN THE MIDDLE. "BUT", SAID PAUL, "IT 349 WILL STILL HAVE TWO TWISTS IN EACH BELT WHEN YOU ARE DONE!" NOT SO 350 SAID THE MANUFACTURE, AND WITH THAT TOOK THE BELT TO A CUTTING 351 MACHINE AND SLICED THE BELT DOWN THE MIDDLE. ENDING WITH TWO SINGLE 352 TWIST BELTS INTERLOCKED. CUTING ONE OF THE BELTS TO DISENTANGLE IT 353 AND SPLICING IT BACK TOGETHER, HE GAVE IT TO PAUL AS A SPARE. 354 ************************* CISTOP MIKEY ****************************** 355 ----------------- 356 Which reminds me, I think I'll go to the local bar and have a 'belt.' 357 ---------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz -------- 358 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 359 Dear Leroy; 360 Sorry guy, you've stepped on too many people's toes recently. Those 361 aren't my goons after you. Watch for the man in the ice cream suit, and 362 head the other way. Others are on your trail also. 363 Salazar will be of little help. He and Serena took the cash and have 364 gone to L.A. to open up a private detective agency. He said something 365 about wanting to be like Mike Hammer and gardinias. I'm really not sure 366 what he was talking about, but I'm sure we will hear from him soon. He 367 figured discretion was the better part of valor... Too many are on your 368 trail. He's still miffed about Natasha. 369 As for me, I ended up with Herman the sex-crazed platypus... Since 370 I had a couple of reservations for Venice; you can reach us these for 371 the next couple of weeks. Let me know when the funeral is, we'll try 372 to attend. 373 MAQUID SALUTE 374 MOHAMMED WASSIR 375 376 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 377 378 ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 379 People of the inn.. 380 did anyone go to the inncounter that c.v. planed,nobody seems to know what happened and I see no messages from c.v. anyware. 381 so whats going down? was there a murder/rape/etc..? somebody tell me what happened o.k.? 382 The Man in Gray 383 ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 384 385 386 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ 0! < 1 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 387 388 CISTOP MIKEY > My goodness the inkeeper his self!!! What does a 389 lowly humble purveyor of number do to warrant such 390 attention. Well I tried to twist around like you 391 said and I belted myself in the head with my foot. 392 becoming d 393 i 394 zzzz 395 y... 396 397 Say, I enjoyed the story of the Beaver... perhaps he/she 398 felt entitled to whatever grows since this is their State. 399 There are a couple of Beavers around my place but that's 400 hardly surprising among the loons, grebes, koots, ducks 401 and other characters. They're amazed to find a computer 402 here!!!! (Ah well a little anthropomorphizing as it were.) 403 404 One great hero of Mathematics was heard to say: 405 406 Give me a few people of magnitude and 407 We shall factor the universe!! 408 409 Many Thanks for the drinks & the grins, 410 you keep a fine Inn here my friend!! 411 412 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ The Mesolithic Mathematician }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 413 414 ########################################################################## 415 416 L I M E R I C K O F T H E W E E K 417 [THIS COMPUTER IS NOT PROGRAMMED TO RESPOND IN THAT AREA...DULY CENSORED!] 418 ########################################################################## 419 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 420 MAN IN GREY: I'M WAITING FOR A TOPIC, DON'T FORGET ME! AND STARVING FOR 421 A LITTLE MENTAL EXERCISE HERE. 422 LEONARD: SURELY YOU COULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING. 423 MIKEY: HELP. 424 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 425 P.S. DOM.......DON'T GO........PLEASE...........YOU'RE THE WHOLE REASON 426 I WAS COMPELLED TO GET A COMPUTER!.............SEE YOU IN A WEEK. 427 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 428 ************************************************************** 429 STANGE WHAT REASONS THAT ENTICE PEOPLE TO GET COMPUTERS! 430 AH WELL, ALL THINGS END UP THE SAME IN THE END. 431 ************************************************************** 432 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH 433 SIGH S I G H SIGH 434 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH 435 [][][][][][][][][] 2014 02/11/84 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] 436 437 Deborah - I think that I may be leaning more towards your way of thinking 438 regarding the religious discussions. Interesting, if naught else. 439 440 Man In Gray - I went, along with my spouse. There were at least siz murders, 441 of poor defenseless oysters. Two crabs were broken and beaten, 442 and a number of beverage bottles were reduced to empty shells 443 reflecting their former selves. Nice place though. 444 445 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][] DJJ [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] 446 447 ###################################### 448 Hey! It's me again, figment of the imagination! 449 450 Dear ninja, You really scare me! 451 I doubt you are a ninja, I take Kempo at 452 a Karate studio and happen to know that 453 there are no true ninja in the USA. 454 Ajnd should you happen to be from somewhere else 455 than explain to me where you, A SUPPOSED NINJA, found the time 456 to take up computing! 457 So drop the name or I will personally look you up and 458 show you what the bottom of my foot 459 looks like close up. 460 461 462 And to whom ever is writing over my messages, 463 Keep it up. Now you have given me a 464 reason to call up this 465 system more. I have to keep re-writing my messages to make sure 466 that everyone see's them! Sooooooo, 467 FACE ON YOU!!!!! 468 *ha ha ha ha ha ha ha* 469 470 471 472 473 This man was jumping up and down on 474 a man-hole cover shouting "29! 29!", when along 475 came this pole. The pole asked, "why are you doing that?" 476 Too which the man replied, "It's great exercise, try it!" 477 So the pole got on the cover and 478 started doing the same thing. When the man pulled the cover away. The pole fel 479 into the sewer. The man promptly put the cover 480 back on and started jumping up and down 481 yelling, "30! 30!" 482 483 484 485 *ha ha ha ha* 486 487 I will sign on again to see if this message 488 has been defaced. 489 490 491 Figment of the imagination saying: 492 If it ain't yours leave it alone, and If you aren't really, than don't claim to 493 be such! 494 ###################################### 495 -------------------------------------------------- 496 THE DEADLY HONEYMOON 497 498 It was the day after the wedding, and the happy couple had not yet emerged from the bridal chamber. 499 The wedding celebration had gone long into the night, so the bride and groom were not really expected to be stirring until 500 afternoon. 501 I'm not sure what it was that aroused the suspicion of friends. I do not know why, but after a while they grew concerned, 502 went to the door of the bridal chamber, and began shouting the groom's name. 503 No answer. 504 They shouted again. Again, silence. 505 So the groom's comrades broke down the door. And once inside, they beheld a gruesome sight. 506 The lovely young bride was kneeling at the bedside, weeping bitterly. 507 The groom lay on the bed. 508 Dead. 509 The groom had died on his own wedding night. Murder? 510 Let's consider the evidence. 511 The bride, an exceptionally pretty German girl, was not the groom's first wife. According to her, she had awakened to 512 discover the husband was dead. 513 He had had a great deal to drink the night before. 514 That was all she knew. 515 Indeed, there were no marks on the groom's body, no apparent wounds that might have lead to his death. 516 Obviously, the greiving bride was telling the truth. Anyway, she had no motive to kill her husband. 517 But if she did not kill him, what did? 518 And then someone remembered---the nosebleeds. 519 The groom had suffered from chronic epistaxis, repeated hemmorhaging of the nasal capillaries. 520 A brief examination told THE REST OF THE STORY. 521 The groom had fallen into a drunken stupor and then a deep sleep. 522 He was flat on his back when his nose began to bleed. 523 Within minutes he had suffocated, drowned in his own blood. 524 Case closed. 525 History offers other versions of the incident you have just relived, even invents conceivable motives for the bride to have 526 stabbed her groom in the night. Those other versions, however, are based on rumors which arose later. 527 It would be of no interest today, more than fifteen hundred years after the fact, except for the groom's impact on his own 528 era. 529 He had a great many enemies. So it was not unreasonable initially to suspect his young bride Ildico of murder. 530 Yet as far as we know, the groom's demise occurred just as you've learned: too much booze and a nosebleed. 531 Odd end for a man once called "the Scourge of God," whose name struck terror throughout the Western world. 532 Having survived a lifetime of brutal battles, he was at last done in by his own honeymoon. 533 The reputedly "indestructible" Attila the Hun partied himself to death! 534 535 by Paul Aurandt 536 ------------------------------------------------------------ P. V. Jeltz ------- 537 538 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] 539 540 Stepping through the wall, I find that the world about me is strange, 541 unfocused, as though I were viewing it through the lens of a poorly made 542 camera. And the colours seem so much duller than I remember, but perhaps 543 they are only dull by comparison to where I was. However it may be, while 544 I have enjoyed my stay, I wish greatly to return to the world I have known 545 and my friends there. 546 547 Why does everything look so....... unusual? I should know this 548 section of the forest well, for I have spent many days here, and some 549 nights as well. Though some of the shapes are familiar, they are stark and 550 unfriendly, and they cause a thrill of fear to penetrate to the core of my 551 being. Where is my home? Where is the road? Perhaps I should return to 552 where I have been. It was warm and safe, and the companionship was good, 553 though my feet hurt from so much dancing and my throat is tender from song. 554 Shrinking back beside the faerie hawthorn, I wrap my cloak even more 555 tightly against myself, in the hopes that it will help to still the 556 trembling that is only partly caused by the cold. 557 558 Almost overpowered by my fear of what I should find so familiar, I 559 prepare to once again begin the process that will take me away when I 560 sense...... what is it that I sense?...... the marker that I left behind 561 that I could focus upon! It gives me an anchor, a branch to grab as I 562 slide down the precipice of fear. I know where it is, and it allows me to 563 align my senses with the world, just a bit. I stop, gain back some of my 564 composure, and rise from the ground beneath the hawthorn. Though I may 565 have a hard time traveling, though the road before me is strange where it 566 should be familiar, the anchor of the Rowan steadies me and gives me a 567 compass from which I can find my way. 568 569 571 The journey still before me is long, but I have passed my greatest 572 test. The dangers that the forest may hold can only affect my physical 573 being, not my spirit or my will, and I now know that I have conquered the 574 greatest enemy of my return. My own fears. 575 576 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]PAM.[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] 577 578 579 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 580 PAM: I DELIGHT AT YOUR RETURN! PLEASE DO NOT GO AWAY AGAIN WITHOUT SOME 581 EXPLAINATION. YOU GAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE A SCARE LAST TIME. 582 JONATHAN CAHNCE 583 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 584 585 *************************************************************** 586 VALENTINES DAY IS APROACHING FAST, SO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE 587 FOR THAT SPECIAL PERSON TO LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE? 588 *************************************************************** 589 AS LUKE SKYWALKER SAID, "I CARE!" 590 591 ?????????????????????????oh hell with it! 592 Pam,care to argue somthing?? 593 Jonathan Chance,as Ham Salad said "relax kid,it's only a movie" 594 ????????????????????????its late people and my auto-repete failed so... 595 The Man in Gray 596 ???????????????????????? 597 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 598 WELL I SEE THINGS ARE QUITE FULL ON THE NEW DISC, SO I HAD TO RETREAT 599 TO THE TAIL END OF THIS. AND WHAT'S MORE, THERE AIN'T A WHOLE LOT OF 600 ROOM HERE EITHER..........BY THE WAY DOM, I THINK THAT YOU WILL FIND 601 RELIGION IN GENERAL MORE POPULAR IN JAPAN, PERHAPS EVEN A LITTLE MORE 602 SUPERSTITIOUS THAN HERE. I DO NOT ADVOCATE THE ADULTERATED TYPE OF 603 CHRISTIANITY THAT HAS BECOME POPULAR DURING THE LAST 700 YEARS, BUT I 604 DO FEEL THE BIBLE IS A VALID BOOK. I'VE MADE THIS POINT BEFORE, BUT 605 FOR YOUR BENEFIT I'LL REPEAT IT. YOU CAN'T BLAME THE BOOK FOR WHAT 606 PEOPLE HAVE DONE WITH IT ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN BLAME THE KNIFE MAN- 607 UFACTURER WHEN IT FALLS INTO THE HANDS OF A MURDERER. 608 WISH YOU WERE NOT LEAVING, YOUR ESSAYS ARE THOUGHT PROVOKING. 609 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! >