Article 733 of alt.etext: Path: news.cic.net!ddsw1!panix!not-for-mail From: jis@panix.com () Newsgroups: alt.zines,alt.etext,alt.music.alternative,alt.music.independent,alt.comics.alternative,alt.non.sequitur,alt.slack,alt.society.generation-x Subject: E-ZINE: SUPER STUPID SLAMBOOK #4 (JULY 1994) Followup-To: alt.zines Date: 19 Jul 1994 10:24:21 -0400 Organization: PANIX Public Access Internet and Unix, NYC Lines: 469 Message-ID: <30gnml$91g@panix.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: panix.com Keywords: halo, benders, tsunami, sex, gum, frente, girl, velocity, drugs Xref: news.cic.net alt.zines:4605 alt.etext:733 alt.music.alternative:107594 alt.music.independent:613 alt.comics.alternative:1856 alt.non.sequitur:3746 alt.slack:18743 alt.society.generation-x:39006 +--------------------------------------+------------------------+ | $$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ | HaLo BeNdErS | |$$$$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$ | GuM | |$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | VeLoCiTy GiRl | | $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | GuM | | $$ $$ $$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$$ | SoF' BoY | | $$ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$ $$$$$ | TsUnAmI | |$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | CoDeInE | |$$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ | FrEnTe! | | $$$$ $$$$ $$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ | RoN ReGe | | | GuM | | $$$$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$ $$$$$ | DrUgs | |$$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$$ $$ $$$$$$ | GuM | |$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | PiCnIc TaBlE LiViNg | | $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | | | $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ $$ | | | $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$ $$ $$ | | |$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | | |$$$$$$ $$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$$ | | | $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$ +------------------------+ | | | $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$ $$ +-----+ |$$$$$$ $$ $$$$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ | J 1 | |$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | U 9 | | $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | L 9 | | $$ $$ $$$$$$ $$ $ $$ $$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$ | Y 4 | | $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | | |$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ | | |$$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ | | | $$$$ $$$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$ $$ | #4 | +---------------------------------------------------------+-----+ | [ All of Andy Wharhol's superstars were either dead, ] | | [ or working in shoe stores ] | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ We congratulate you on a choice of the product of our firm. People have been enjoying the taste of our product for less than a year. Tradition and strong competition on international markets make the constant care about the high quality of our products the main principle of our firm. Our products are made of the highest quality raw materials. They are subject of quality inspection in every stage of their production, so that finally they are in the perfect state of quality. However, under the influence of heat, our product may become grey, what does not influence its taste or nutritive value. Taking the opportunity, I wish you the best of luck, _ _ | | __ _ ___| | __ _ | |/ _` |/ __| |/ / | |_| | (_| | (__| < \___/ \__,_|\___|_|\_\ +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | [ E-MAIL ] [ STANDARD MAIL ] | | jis@panix.com P.O. Box 242 | | Village Station | | New York, NY 10014 | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ TITLE: God Don't Make No Junk (CD) ARTIST: The Halo Benders ADDRESS: K (Box 7154, Olympia, WA 98507) PRICE: I paid $12.99. Calvin Johnson's latest non-Beat Happening side project is one of the funnest things I've heard in a long time. Ten ultra-neat lo- fi, poppy and punky, garage rock songs about girl, guys, relationships and all of the fun junk that falls in between those categorical cracks. So lyrically, _God Don't Make No Junk_ is what most of us Beat Happening fans--and most of us are, right?--are used to. Musically, it's a slightly different story. The Halo Benders aren't as minimalist in sound as Beat Happening--thanks to a noticeably fuller rhythm section on most of the tracks--and there's little, if any, of the typical guitar feedback in this collection. Glue that together with some great Steve Fisk mixing, and you got yourself one fine album. Standout cuts include _Will Work For Food_, _Freedom Ride_ and my personal fave, _Don't Touch My Bikini_. Just the mere idea of Calvin singing about bikini's from the first person voice is enough to make me like it. Oh yeah, for some reason the track _Scarin_ sounds like a Jeff Lynne/ELO ballad on a bagful of peyote. Haven't decided if that is a bad or a good thing, but you've been warned. ================================================================= TITLE: Piyochan's Lemon Chewing Gum (CANDY) ARTIST: Creative Yoko Co., Ltd. Piyochan is a cute little yellow chick-bird who likes lemons. This cute little bird is also the ever lovable pitch-person for some damn fine tasting lemon flavored chewing gum. The flavor can only be described as being some funky gimmish of massive citrus tartness and gushing sugary sweetness. Insanely good stuff. But while the flavor is great, I don't like the way the flavor dies off. It doesn't fade away like other types of gum or candy. It just plain disappears, not even leaving an aftertaste behind. *sigh* What's up with that? ================================================================= TITLE: Your Silent Face/You're So Good To Me (7" SINGLE) ARTIST: Velocity Girl ADDRESS: MERGE Records (P.O. Box 1235, Chapel Hill, NC 27514) PRICE: It goes for $3 post paid. Indie pop people, Velocity Girl, do the cover-song thing with this two cut hunk o' vinyl. _Your Silent Face_, one of my all-time fave New Order songs, gets redone via a synthesizerless, sugary and harmonica accompanied arrangement. Not as moody--a bit too cheery- -than the original, but not too bad either. The other side, _You're So Good To Me_, is a great version of a good song by everyone's fave Beach Boy, Brian Wilson. Velocity Girl's guitar pop-sound was meant for tunes like this. One of the guys--Archie I assume--sings the lead on this, accompanied by some great twangy guitar, and Sarah's la-la-las. No badness on this one at all. ================================================================= TITLE: ACEROLA Chewing Gum (CANDY) ARTIST: Lotte What do you think of when you read the word, ACEROLA? For some reason, when I first read the label on this gum I thought of some ol' gruff old bastard looking at me and saying "Hey kid! You don't know shit from acerola!" And frankly, I don't. So sue me. A quick gander in Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary tells me that acerola is "a West Indian shrub with mildly acid cherry-like fruits very rich in vitamin C", which is a pretty accurate description of what this gum tastes like. It has an incredibly tart cherry taste that stings my tastebuds; which is a good thing. The flavor is so sweet and strong that even after the gum is gone, it leaves a yummy cherry- like aftertaste floating through my mouth. *sigh* Chewing gum heaven. Worth getting your hands on at any cost. ================================================================= TITLE: Sof' Boy Volume 2, Issue 2 (COMIC) ARTIST: Archer Prewitt ADDRESS: Simple Machines (P.O. Box 10290, Arlington, VA 22210-1290) PRICE: I paid $1.50, but I'd send them a stamp/IRC for a current catalog to make sure this is still available from them. I'm gonna cut to the chase, Archer Prewitt, of Chicago swingers lounge swingers Coctails, has put together one of the best mini- comics I have ever seen. Gush city on this one, so stop reading this review if you're incurably misanthropic, and hate ultra-happy reviews, okay? Technically speaking, this mini-comic _is_ actually a _mini_ comic. Four-color separations and everything in a lovely 4.25" x 5.25" package. Considering that most mini's are black and white xerox jobs that are hastily collated and stapled together, this one definitely stands out from the crowd. Sof' Boy, our cute protagonist, looks like a relative of the Pillsbury doughboy, acts as naively benevolent as Barney the Dinosaur, and has the magical ability to put/pull himself back together like the '70s cartoon fave, the Shmoo. He is such the loveable, and eternally optimistic, dork! I guess you have to be when you live in the nasty world he lives in. It's a world filled with vagrants who feel him up, steam rollers that run him over, kids who pump him full of lead, old men who beat him up with canes and speeding cars that decapitate him. Wouldn't _you_ be an optimist if _you_ lived in such a world? Regardless of what's thrown at him, Sof' Boy pulls through it all with a big dorky smile on his face, and that's why I love him. My fave moment of Sof' Boy cheerfulness occurs when he's mistakenly arrested for gun possession. His ass is kicked into paddy wagon, then he's photographed, finger printed and thrown into a dark and dingy prison cell that's equipped with only a toilet and cot as furniture. "What a comfortable cot..." he says as lays down in it. As I said, he is such the optimistic dork. ================================================================= TITLE: The Heart's Tremolo (CD) ARTIST: Tsunami ADDRESS: Simple Machines (P.O. Box 10290, Arlington, VA 22210-1290) PRICE: It goes for $10.00 post paid. Listening to _The Heart's Tremolo_ was a big kick in the head to this Tsunami fan. Individually, their songs and singles have always been great but their first full-length album, _Deep End_, really sounded like it was rushed. Everything on that LP just seemed to be tossed together with no particular rhyme or reason. This time around all of the things that make Tsunami great fall into place perfectly. Songs flow smoothly from one to another in a really neat and well thought out package. Soft melodies in tracks like _Quietnova_ and _Fits and Starts_ do a nice job of bridging and balancing the more rockin' din of _Loud is as Loud Does_, _Cowed by the Bla Bla_ and _Be Like That_. There's even a groovy instrumental, _Slaw_, which has a guitar section that sounds like it was lifted straight off of--I'm not kidding you folks--Black Sabbath's _War Pigs_. The track does a pretty good job of dividing the CD's 10 tracks; not mention making me dig up my war-torn copy of _Paranoid_ just to satiate my aural delusions. The only cut that sounds a bit weak is _Kidding on the Square_, but lyrics like "do you have the guts to pick up a penny off the ground" make it totally unhateable. ================================================================= TITLE: Tsunami & Codeine (LIVE SHOW) ARTIST: Pretty obvious, no? To say that lovely New York City--and most of the east coast-- was hotter than hell the day of this show at CBGBs is a major understatement. It was a zillion-gajillion degrees, and then some. But I'm rambling... Tsunami was great, doing lots of new material off of _The Heart's Tremolo_. Can't remember the names of all the songs they played--who can remember or think when they're slowly dehydrating--but I do remember them doing _Slaw_, _Sometimes a Notion_, _460_, _Be Like That_, _Le Bride De Elegance_, _Fast Food Medicine_ and a whole bunch of other stuff. Jenny and Kristin were great doing their guitar/vocal thing. Andrew's bass was slightly sluggish, but okay. And John's jazzish drumming was incredibly refreshing (Fuck, I sound like Kramer...) Miscellany-wise, Kristin had a good rant about the utter stupidity of wearing polyester shirts in gym class (I hear ya...) and Jenny had a neat sales-pitch/story about almost losing a whole bunch of Tsunami t-shirts on a flight from Chicago. A very well composed and polite band, considering that the crowd was literally filled with frat-boys--or people who just enjoy looking like them-- shouting about how they wanted to "do a mosh pit". *sigh* Not to mention this drunk bud-boy who was standing on the chair next to me talkin' about how cool it was when he and some buddies trashed up some place at some Mighty Mighty BossTones show. *sigh* I get's better, read on... Buddy almost falls off the chair, so I grab him. I ask "You okay?" He say "Nahh. I wasn't worried, there's more than enough cleavage here to brace my fall, ya know [nod, wink, nudge]..." *sigh* ad infinitum. Is there some tour bus--maybe one of those double-decker jobs that you see all over New York City--that guarantees to drop off losers at CBs on Saturday nights? Codeine was as sluggishly great as they always are, although it was mildly depressing to see that tons of people cleared out after Tsunami. What's up with that? Hath people no taste. Is Simple Machines Sub Pop's next big threat? Hmmmm... The mind wobbles... ================================================================= TITLE: Marvin the Album (CD) ARTIST: Frente! ADDRESS: Mammoth/Atlantic (Or is that Atlantic/Mammoth? Regardless, most any of the overpriced chain record places will have this thing.) PRICE: Costs more than pizza. Not to mention, it's less filling. Back in junior high school, our spanish teacher made us memorize inane conversation-like scripts in hopes of making everyone bi- lingual. It didn't work. Neither does this album. Join me as I write this review in a tribute-like fashion in honor of my junior high spanish teacher, Ms. Bentham. NOT ME: Mi amigo, donde esta mi _Frente!_ grabacion? ME: Tu _Frente!_ grabacion es en basura... NOT ME: Hay dios mio! ME: Lo compadazco. _Frente!_ es un conyo mas grande... NOT ME: Tu esta muy boracho! ME: Si. Mi favorito jugador de beisbol es Fernando Valenzuella! NOT ME: Tu esta _muy_ boracho! CONCLUSION: My spanish sucks, and so does this album. ================================================================= TITLE: Twenty Six Panel Sex Comic (COMIC) ARTIST: Ron Rege ADDRESS: NiB Comics (P.O. Box 382163, Cambridge, MA 02238) PRICE: It goes for $2.00 post paid. All you nutty, koo-koo-crazy, indie-rock kiddies have probably have seen Ron Rege's work on Swirlies album covers, t-shirts and other assorted miscellany. In fact, one of the best comics he's ever done, _Beauty Section_, is part of the album art to the Swirlies LP, _Blonder Tongue Audio Baton_. But that's besides the point. This comic is great in it's own way. First, you get what you pay for, 26 full-page panels that poetically philosophize and analyze that wonderfully mysterious thing that drives us all, sex. But all you sleaze-balls can just back off and put your hairy palms back in your pockets. This isn't a pornographic jizz-fest like _Cherry Poptart_ or other "adult" comics. Ron has a brain and uses it. On orgasms? "It doesn't matter if I draw a half-assed attempt [at visually explaining orgasms] because no matter what I or anyone draws no image can come close to what this feels like." On lust? "I remember my heart fluttering over the girls in kindergarten. I am very sensitive to the fact that it is no fun to be a woman, being ogled by men all the time." On homosexuality? "If it feels right to you, then by all means, I'm all for it!" On love? "Love exists!" Combine statements as cooly honest as that with some funky primitive/abstract art and you have one great comic. Very much worth the money. And if you're too cheap to buy his stuff, send him a S.A.S.E. and he'll send you something cool. ================================================================= TITLE: Juicy & Fresh (CANDY) ARTIST: Lotte Ugggh! Bealgh! P-tooey! What a friggin' lie and sham the name of this gum is. Juicy _and_ Fresh? I don't think so. Juicy? Nah, it has a taste reminiscent of the gritty, bitter taste one gets when one bites into an unripe piece of produce. And fresh? No way! No matter how long chew this stuff, it never manages to lose its chemical-like, mothball rich taste. Yikes! An el cheapo pack of good ol' American _Juicyfruit_ tastes a helluva lot better than an ultra-expensive pack of this Japanese confectionery travesty. ================================================================= TITLE: Prescription drugs that Jeff had to take (DRUGS) ARTIST: Jeff, Jeff's dentist and various pharmaceutical companies ADDRESS: X Magazine (P.O. Box 1077, Royal Oak, MI 48068-1077) E-MAIL: xmag@world.std.com PRICE: No loser, he will _not_ sell you these, or any drugs, so don't even _think_ about asking. But you can send him $3.00 for a sample issue of X Magazine--It's Cyberlicious! [Reviews by Jeff Hansen] PENICILLIN: Pretty straightforward. You'd have to be born under a rock not to know that this is an anti-biotic. You may not know, however, that it goes with either red or white wine. [SIDE EFFECTS: decreases effectiveness of oral contraceptives; diarrhea.] PERCOCET: I was originally given these pills to combat Wisdom Teeth Removal Pain (sounds like the Chi Peps' new album). I was told to take a pill IMMEDIATELY. However, because of the numbness of my lower lip and general hilarity, I shot the pill clear across the bathroom along with a large amount of water. I didn't find it until five (miraculously) pain-free hours later. This pill will make you feel groggy, groggy, groggy. But a good kind of groggy. My sister had to dip into my supply for some post-op pain she had; she informs me that it (an accidental double-dose) makes Saturday Night Live seem funny, so you KNOW it's powerful goo. [SIDE EFFECTS: mentally/physically dependent; sleepy; foosball.] V-CILLIN: This is a stronger version of PENICILLIN. I was given this after I acquired an infection from the wisdom tooth surgery. Isn't this one of the members of Public Enemy? [SIDE EFFECTS: same as PENICILLIN, except stronger (go figure).] FLAGYL: Arrrrrrrrrrrghhh! This is the nastiest drug I've ever had to take: It's big. It tastes like chalk and cigarettes. And lint. It has the worst side effects. One thing they don't mention is the possibility that you will react to the drug in the wrong way and develop a kidney stone that, according to the nurse hunched over your fetal, quivering form, is the "worst kind of pain there is". Great, you've made it, boola! This is also THE drug to take if you have a wide array of sexually-transmitted diseases. So, hey, kill two birds with one kidney stone. [SIDE EFFECTS: dizziness; dry mouth; darkened urine; emergency room visit.] DEMAROL: I was given this in the hospital intravenously to combat the pain associated with my kidney stone. It makes everything serene; the only problem is you have to concentrate to focus your eyes. [SIDE EFFECTS: knighthood; desire to fish naked.] VICODIN: My latest drug, and the biggest pill yet. I was given it for any follow-up pain, but I haven't had to take it yet. Its size, however, says to me: "I mean BUSINESS!" Can't WAIT! [SIDE EFFECTS: sleepy; physically/mentally dependent; dressing up in opposite gender's clothes.] ================================================================= TITLE: Relax (CANDY) ARTIST: Lotte Ever wonder what it would taste like to take a nice long lick of one of those cardboard car air fresheners? You know, those little pine-tree-like thingies. Well, dream no more candy lovers, because Relax gum tastes _exactly_ like what I'd imagine one of those air freshener thingies would taste like. As strong, putrid and "unique" in taste as _Black Black_ (reviewed in Slambook #3) but unlike _Black Black_, it has no character or personality whatsoever. Really sucky stuff. Definitely not something to waste your hard earned junk-food cash on. Inhaling copier toner seems more appealing. ================================================================= TITLE: The Guy Who Lived Under a Picnic Table (PERSON) ARTIST: Dan, the guy who lived under a picnic table ADDRESS: Same as the SLAMBOOK PRICE: If you'd like to own or rent someone who lives under a picnic table, you're more screwed up than you think. But this grade "A", certifiable, true story originally ran back in the Summer/Fall, 1993 issue of EXILE; a zine that Matt and his brother Spencer put out whenever they feel like it. The next issue--due out in the fall--will be an ultra huge thing devoted to the underground scene in Osaka, Japan. If you're interested in the super-mega-total-all-star-Osaka-a-go-go issue of EXILE, you can contact Matt and Spencer via the SLAMBOOK's luxurious and elegant New York City P.O. Box. They love to get postcards, FYI. [Interview by Matt Kaufman] [SLAM] Why did you go to Hawaii in the first place? [DAN] I was teaching English in Japan and I went to Hawaii for three weeks because my visa was running out. Then I decided to stay. [SLAM] How did you end up living under a picnic table? [DAN] At the end of three weeks, I went to some island named Somali and I camped out one night with a friend of mine. The I got the idea of camping all the time. I started out in a tent, but the tent got stolen. So I lived under a picnic table. [SLAM] What did you do to support yourself? [DAN] I worked as a security guard at a housing project. I cooked all of my food at the campground on propane burners. [SLAM] Did you ever get anything ripped off? [DAN] Not too much. Some. [SLAM] Did you have any bad experiences while you were living under the picnic table? [DAN] I was at the campgrounds and there were these big Samoan dudes with a '56 Chevy. They asked me where the bathroom was and I showed it to them. In the bathroom, they threatened to beat me up. But I talked them out of it and we actually became friends. We cruised around in the '56 Chevy. [SLAM] What advice do you have for other people who are thinking of going down to Hawaii to live under picnic tables? [DAN] Hawaii is expensive. The key thing is to get a motor scooter. Then you'll be able to go anywhere. [SLAM] So what are you doing now? [DAN] I'm living in Chicago studying for my actuarial exams. I want to write a book about college graduate who is homeless for eight months, and works as a security guard to support himself. It ends when he becomes a successful businessman. +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | This was SUPER STUPID SLAMBOOK #4 (JULY 1994) | | All contents (c) 1994 Jack Szwergold, all rights reserved. | | And after saying all that, I realize that this is an elec- | | tronic zine, which by the nature of it's medium, allows it to | | be duplicated with little or no effort. So this is to let | | you know that distribution is free. You can copy and send it | | to as many people and places as you want. But the content is | | mine, and plagiarism is just not a nice thing. Which is the | | only reason why I stuck a copyright statement on this thing. | | So be nice, and don't claim authorship to things you didn't | | write. Okay? | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | [ WHERE TO FIND THE SLAMBOOK ] | | | | USENET: Each issue of the Slambook is posted to _alt.zines_, | | _alt.etext_, _alt.comics.alternative_ and _alt.music. | | alternative_ as well as various other sundry news- | | groups on the USENET. | | GOPHER: gopher.well.sf.ca.us (Thanks to Jerod at Factsheet 5) | | E-MAIL: For all you lazy types who don't like slumming on the | | USENET or playing around with gophers, you can get an | | e-mail subscription to the Slambook. Drop me a note | | telling me you'd like to subscribe and you'll be | | added to the Slambook's ultra-hip electronic-mail | | distribution list. Just say please, and the deed will | | be done. (NOTE: I'm not a LISTSERV, and I don't | | play one on TV. So please don't send me any cryptic | | LISTSERVish messages, okay?) | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | [ GOODIES, GENEROSITY AND GRAFT ] | | | | I all like junk! You all like junk! We all like junk! | | But please be sure to remember that any and all materials | | sent to the Super Stupid Slambook offices will not be | | returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed stamped | | envelope. There is also no guarantee that what you send will | | be reviewed. That's the breaks, bud. | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | [ ASK ME ABOUT MY MINI-COMICS ] | | | | If you haven't even read or seen any of my minis, send me | | some e-mail and I'll zap you some info on them. They're more | | fun and entertaining than ex-football stars running away from | | the cops on a Los Angeles freeway. | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | [ E-MAIL ] [ STANDARD MAIL ] | | jis@panix.com P.O. Box 242 | | Village Station | | New York, NY 10014 | +---------------------------------------------------------------+