같갚 같갚 갚 같같같같같같같같같� 같� 갚 같� 같같같같같같같같같같같� 같� 같갚 같갚 같같같같� 같같� 같같같같� 갚 같� 같갚 같갚 같같같같� 같같� 같같같같� 같갚 같� 같갚 같갚 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 갚 같� 같같같같� [MiLK] 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 같� 같같같� BIG Issue 1 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 같� 같같갚 같같같같� 같같같같� 같같같같� 갚 갚 같같같� 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 같갚 같같같갚 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같� 같갚 같같같갚 같갚 같갚 같� 같� 같갚 같갚 같갚 같갚 같갚 같갚 갚 갚 같� - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � This is the first "Volume" Edition of [MiLK]. Basically I felt that I had too many Submissions lying around to put them all in seperate files, so I just made this one big spew. but Enough with the Intro. "Spam" -Yohan Bawk "The REAL Madonna" -Whoops "Literary Terms" -Yohan Bawk "Poetry, or something.." -Psycotic Ambition "Anarchy Utility" -Yohan Bawk "Indiana Drivers SUCK!" -IceMECH "KRaD uTiLiTY" -Yohan Bawk "Fun in the Hole" -Nature Boy "42 Fun things / Hospital" -Epic "How To / Dictator" -James Hetfield - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � 旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� � 같굇굇굇굇굇굇굇굇굇굇같 � � 굇굇께께께께께께께께굇굇 � � 굇께께栢栢栢栢栢栢께굇같 旼컴컴커 旼컴컴커 旼컴컴컴컴� � � 굇께栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢같 � 舶餠 넴 � 舶餠 넴 � 舶� 舶� 넴 旼� � � 굇께栢栢께께껑굇굅같 � 잘켸 넴 � 잘켸 넴 � 넴� 넴� 넴 읕昴 � � 같굇栢栢栢栢栢栢栢굇같 � 旼컴켸� � 舶커 넴 � 넴� 넴� 넴 賽� � � 같굇栢栢栢栢栢栢栢굇같 � 넴賽賽� � 넴 � 넴 � 넴� 넴� 넴 旼� � � 같갚굇굉께께栢栢께굇 읕昴 읕昴 읕昴 읕昴읕昴읕昴 읕昴 � � 같栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢께굇 賽� 賽� 賽� 賽� 賽� 賽� 賽� � � 같굇께栢栢栢栢栢栢께께굇 � � 굇굇께께께께께께께께굇굇 F�U�C�K�I�N�G W�O�N�D�E�R�F�U�L S�H�I�T � � 같굇굇굇굇굇굇굇굇굇굇같 � 쳐컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� � Biff Thelmus Bonglemeister III Didn't Even Think About Writing This � 읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� Today we're going to tell you about Spam. In case you didn't read the nifty title up there, Spam is fucking wonderful shit. We'll tell you more about its uses later, for now, what is it? 같같같같같같같같같같같같같� 같갚갚굇굇굇굅굇굇굇굇굇굇굅� 같굇굇께께께굇께께께께께껑갚� 갚갚께께栢昉께꾼栢栢栢께께굇� 갚굇께꾼栢栢昉栢栢栢栢昉굉굇� 갚굉굉꾼꾼栢栢栢栢栢昉昉껑굇� 갚굉께昉栢栢栢栢栢栢栢께굅굅� 갚굉께栢栢栢栢栢栢栢꾼께굇같 [ Figure A. Spam ] Spam comes in great big cans. As I write this, there is a huge ass can of Spam sitting in front of me, just inches from my face. Spam was created and is currently manufactured by the Hormel company, you know, that meat company that makes those disgusting little canned sausages that taste like rotten hot dogs. On the cover of the can of Spam, there is a picture of a roasted ham, glazed on top, with little cloves on the scored top, a sprig of parsley decorating the picturesque repast. However, do not be fooled, Spam is not ham. What is Spam? Well, the ingredients are pork, ham, salt, water, sugar, and sodium nitrate. Ignore the sodium nitrate, it's just preservative. Now then. Spam comes in big 12oz. cans with a little pull-ring top. Pull the ring and the five-year-old air from within the can expels itself with a satisfied *splut*. Now wrench the cover off, and shake the can until the huge gelatinous mass comes quivering out onto a plate. Your Spam is "fully cooked, ready to eat--cold or hot," but frankly, ewwww! When Spam is cold the oily stuff in the can oozes all over it and little globs of gelatinous fat adorn the pink blob. Yeech. Anyway, heat your Spam up and eat it. There are several ways to heat Spam up, but using a frying pan to fry the junk is usually the best way. Second best is using an oven. By no means should you ever boil it, that would be disgusting, or steam it, that would be worse. I have never microwaved Spam. If you microwave Spam, there is always the possibility that the lamprey larvae living in the Spam will be genetically altered by the microwave radiation and be prematurely activated, before your stomach's gastric juices can kill them. That would be bad. Anyway, heat your Spam up, but BY NO MEANS SHOULD YOU EVER SALT IT. In fact, if you have bland food, just put a sliver of Spam in it, and the salt will diffuse into the bland food by osmosis, down the concentration gradient. However, when you eat Spam, you must eat it plain, to savor its intense flavor. Using bread or some other form of buffer to dilute the saltiness is cheating yourself of the true concept of Spam. Beware, it is very salty. Do not be alarmed if you begin to drool halfway into a meal of Spam, it is a normal reaction and all part of the Spam Experience. What else is Spam good for? Spam is wonderful for making sculptures. It is more versatile than modeling clay, in that it is not as heavy and will not retain fingerprints. It is easier to sculpt, in that using a knife to flake off slivers of Spam will work better than doing that same thing with clay. And, if the sculpture is an utter failure, you can fry it up and eat it. If you do not plan to eat your masterpiece, coat it with Elmer's Glue, yes, the disgusting white junk that smells like crap. It will seal a snotty cover around the entire thing and prevent flies from getting to it. This glue cover, if sufficiently airtight, will also kill the budding lamprey larvae. Unfortunately if you do not put a thick enough cover on, and there is a leak, the lamprey larvae will eventually break out and ruin the sculpture. Good things to sculpture with Spam include little animals (elephants are the easiest), dinosaurs, famous rock stars (you can usually use a blob for the face), text file authors, and even phallic symbols. Spam can also be used to flavor drinks. Although the stuff is greasy, which will leave a disgusting film on top of the drink, if you use a straw you will not notice. Just grind up the Spam, letting the liquid in the Spam run down. You do NOT want to use the liquid, it is pure grease without any salt in it. Now put the Spam into a drink which does not have enough flavor and shake well. You can be sure that the drink will now be packed with flavor. Some people dislike this method of using Spam. Too much Spam can be fatal, so do not eat the stuff in large doses, one can is more than enough for one meal. Always eat Spam with Tang, the concentrated sugar experience--Tang requires no Spam flavoring. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � The Real Madonna Many of you may know her already--the blond, lascivious, lucious enchantress. But were you aware of her secret life--the REAL madonna..behind the movie screens, the bitchy attitude, the stuck up nose, the pelvis thrust, the chastity belts made of paper that weren't really much good anyway.. but well, that's another story. But what lies behind that facade? Well, you're just about to find out. When Madonna was a small girl, growing up in southern Tennessee, the one thing she yearned for was to become a wife. She adored her father and wanted to be exactly what her mother was to her father: slave. She did everything her daddy wanted, even dressing up in those skimpy dresses that weren't really much fun to play in at all, even when daddy hurt her in that one place and she didn't understand why. She never did tell mommy about it, because when she was even younger, she'd seen daddy doing the same thing to mommy, so she figured it was normal and she just must have been weird-in-the-head and she better stop it so that she can be a better slave and not write all these run on sentences. Young Madonna's name wasn't even Madonna. Her name was Bessie--her father named her after his best cow. He always used to talk about what a fine cow that Bessie was.. Bessie helped the poor farmers through the hardest times, and the father had formed a..shall we say..special...attachment...to the cow. But that disease wasn't well-known until much later. But young-Bessie-that-eventually-became-virtuous-Madonna loved her father and everything he loved, so she loved Bessie-the-cow, her namesake, also. When Bessie was about 10 years old, her mother passed away. She was 29 and died while trying to give birth to her 9th child with Bessie's father. The baby died soon after, and Bessie's father was in a horrible mood after the baby died. Bessie wondered what "dumb bitch couldn't even bring me some more welfare" meant but she never did get around to asking her father. Now, Bessie loved her mother and father very much and wanted to keep her mother's memory alive, so she decided to take her mother's place. She did all the chores that her mother did, plus some new additional ones that her papa taught her. She never really did enjoy the things papa taught her, but papa knows best. I mean, after all, she was his slave, what else did she need in life? All in all, Bessie was one happy gal. She lived a happy life on the farm for the next five years being slave. When she was fifteen, however, she accidentally broke the old rusting lock on an old door in the barn and peered inside the cavernous space. She saw glints of light reflected off of some metal. After a closer inspection, she discovered whips, chains and all sorts of interesting toys. At this point, Bessie found her calling. She grabbed all the sexual devices (for that's what they really were, though the poor girl was too ignorant at that point to even know that) and ran out away from the farm. She would never return. Bessie ran and ran and ran and ran for hours and hours and sentences and sentences and sentences and lines and lines and lines. Eventually, the chains wore her down and she sat by the roadside to rest. She leaned up against the decrepit fence at the edge of the road and drifted off to dreamland. She dreamt about her father, and how much she missed him, but she knew that she had somehow found something that would link her to her future, her fate. Then her dream started shaking, and when she woke up, she found herself lying down in the back of a truck wobbling its way down the bumpy road. She sat up and looked around her, first checking for her chains--phew, they were right there next to her. The truck passed through miles of cornfield and flat lands, and Bessie realized by that point that she must be in Illinois. She was scared of who the people in the truck were, so she grabbed her toys and jumped out at the first sign of life--which happened to be chicago. Bessie carried her toys down into the city, earning a few dollars by selling some to passerbys that admired her whips. She would crack the whips on street corners to get people to come over and pay attention, usually getting lots of attention (For she was a rather nice looking girl, after all) except from the old women that called her a young whippersnapper. (ouch.) In one day, she earned enough money (for her chains were of the highest quality) to get an audition. (Well, after all, that's what everyone wants to be--a starving artist of some sort) The nice men at the audition liked her legs so much (i mean, they liked her so much) that they gave her a job. All she had to do was lie on a bed and scream and they would videotape her and give her lots of money. Well, this sounded great to Bessie, after all, she loved being a slave. One day while she was lying and screaming, a man rushed in from somewhere and shouted "YES! that's her! that voice.. the tone..the pitch..it's perfect!" and they took Bessie away. "What's your name, girl?" asked the man. "Bessie," she replied. "Dreadful. Sounds like the name of a cow. It'll have to go.. all right, we're into the opposites.. let's name her after one of the most saintly figures.. Madonna. How's that sound? That's your new name." "Okey-Dokey," madonna replied. She was happy. Madonna started training, taking lessons for singing and lessons for how to writhe around to get young and old men alike to look at her and lessons for how to play the flute (for one must always be well-rounded. and boy was she well-rounded). And eventually, she even became kinda good at it. She could actually carry a tune. But that was probably from all the years of hard work on the farm.. She'd built up lots of strength back then. Eventually Madonna came to be quite well-known. She even began to develop.. a personality. That of a vixen, but still, a personality. She did have a fascination with locks and little boys (probably stemming from her experiences with finding the chains and god knows where the little boys bit came from) but other than that, she was a normal sex queen. Her 'music' became very popular, and Madonna even got to do the writhing-around-on-the-bed-bit on STAGE! The whips and chains and chastity belts came in later on in her career, but Madonna was, in a word...happy. And that is how Madonna came to be. Once an innocent young girl with aspirations of becoming a slave, now a lewd lascivious leering Lolita with aspirations of shocking as many people as she could. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Literary Terms -------------- Useful Guide by Biff Thelmus Bonglemeister III... striking fear into the hearts of teachers everywhere Boy, English teachers are sure full of shit. In fact, I bet your English teacher makes you memorize/regurgitate all sorts of "literary terms," they LOVE that one, those freaks. So here we are, all the literary terms you'll ever want, WITH EXAMPLES!!! For the sake of convenience the guy in some of the examples has this name we pulled totally out of thin air, he's called Neil Zibble. Okay here we go: Acronym: This is a bunch of letters, not succeeded by periods, which stand for something or other, like NASA or SCUBA or BLaH or MiLK, or even MK][. Alliteration: Consanance at the beginning of words, i.e. "Scott self services while singing." Cf. CONSANANCE Allusion: This is where some guy is not original enough to keep his own head afloat, and refers to some other guy, e.g. (boy, don't you love Latin? Nobody understands it, not even you, but it makes ya look damned SMART) when you make a reference to someone else's work. So it's a lot like plagarism, it's like when I say "boy that text file BLAH-042.TXT, the BLaH Field Guide To Lampreys, boy that's a pretty hot piece of work," I am ALLUDING to that. Assonance: Repitition of vowel sounds, like "NeEEeil eEEes a peEEenis" (emphasis added) or "go blow a G.I. Joe." Cf. CONSANANCE Bad Joke: Your face. Hah! Hah! Hah. Cf. VERY WORST JOKE Climax: EWWW!! What are YOU thinking of, don't deny it! This is a LITERARY climax, that's when the plot of the story gets its most exciting. For example, if some book was about Neil Zibble killing (another hypothetical person) Scott Chazin, the part when Neil shoots Scott is the climax. Cf. RISING ACTION, FALLING ACTION, CONCLUSION Conclusion: This is the resolution of a book, where all the loose ends get tied up and the main character wakes up discovering that it was all a dream. At least, that happens on "Dallas." Example: Neil Zibble has finished axe-murdering people, now he wakes up and finds out it was all a sadomasichist dream. Cf. FALLING ACTION Conflict: A fight of some sort. There are four kinds of conflict: Man-vs-Man: Where person(s) are against other person(s), i.e. Neil Zibble fights Scott Chazin. Man-vs-Nature: Where person(s) are fighting against Nature, i.e. Neil Zibble is getting eaten by a lamprey. Man-vs-Society: Where person(s) are being fucked over (not fucked, fucked over) by society, i.e. Neil Zibble is framed for shooting someone else's dog when Scott Chazin was the guy who did it. Man-vs-Himself: Where there is an INTERNAL CONFLICT, i.e. Neil Zibble debates whether masterbation is evil. Cf. INTERNAL CONFLICT Consanance: Repitition of consanant sounds, like NNNneil the nNNnecrophiliac nNNneeds banNNnanNNna dDDdildDDdos (emphasis added). Cf. ASSONANCE Falling Action: This is what happens after the climax, when we begin working towards the conclusion. No example, Cf. CONCLUSION Hook: This is an introduction or a beginning (or just part of a story) designed to catch one's eye and thus make someone want to read something. Example: see SADOMASICHISM Internal Conflict: This is a man-vs-himself conflict, which can either be the entire conflict of a book or just a little chapter of it, i.e. a whole book based on internal conflict would be Neil Zibble debating whether to kill his dad, a chapter maybe when Neil Zibble asks himself if he should or should not wear a condom. Cf. CONFLICT Irony: This is where something opposite to what one would expect happens. For example: Neil Zibble is masturbating, and then he says, "I'm not repressed," that's irony. Then when he says, "but I bet you are and I can help you," that's sick. Cf. SARCASM Recursive Acronym: An acronym that refers to itself, like GNU ("GNU's not Unix"), or RAS ("Recursive Acronyms Suck"). Rhyme: There are lots of different kinds of rhyme, rhyme is strong assonance at the end of a line, like "Neil Zibble is a schmuck/He masterbates in the muck." Cf. ASSONANCE, SLANT RHYME Rising Action: Another amazing example of how disgusting literary terms can sound, especially when we consider that this is how we get to the climax. Yes, that's right, the author starts the rising action which builds to the climax, example is in a book about Neil Zibble the small furry animal torturer, rising action is how he was abused as a kid and watched a small furry animal bite his neck. Cf. CLIMAX Rime: see RHYME Sadomasichism: Not a literary term, we put it in here as an example for HOOK, this caught your eye, didn't it? Sarcasm: This is irony, but said in a spirit of sadism, e.g. irony used to hurt someone. Example: Scott Chazin says to Neil Zibble, "boy, masterbation is NORmal, don't worry," and then starts cracking up. Cf. IRONY Slant Rhyme: Rhyme that is not exact, like "penis" and "slice." A half-rhyme, sometimes called a "female" rhyme. or a "sprung" rhyme. Cf. RHYME Very Worst Joke: Your MOTHER's face. Hah! Hah! Hah. Cf. BAD JOKE - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Sea Of Pain....By Psychotic Ambition I am sailing Sailing the sea of pain The ending I can't forsee But the pain is acompaning me Slowly I am becoming weak Survival is what I seek Laugher is what I hear Day and Night every year It laughs at my help cries Darkness engulfs the skies Storm is drawing near I am running out of time I fear I am slowly moving ahead In the right direction is yet to be said My boat has a leak My outlook looks bleak But I'll try to find a way To escape from the price I pay I am sailing the sea of pain My efforts to escape are in vain Serve by Psychotic Ambition --------------------------- Serve your master You know who he is Serve your master You know that he bids Serve your master Or pay the price Serve your master You're trapped like mice. Serve your master He's coming over Serve your master Your life is over Rain by Psychotic Ambition ------------------------- One by one they all descend Their destination unknown Easily carried by the wind They are persuaded here and there Though they travel different routes They all end in the same place But that is not the end of their journey For it is neverending Over and over they travel Not knowing where they might land - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Anarchy Utility --------------- Converts text files to Anarchist, "I'm a Hacker Wannabee Who Knows Stupid Computer Characters and Extended ASCII Codes" format. This is really useful for generating huge text files in totally nonsensical format. It's hard to read, so encrypt files with swears or explicit sex in them so parents reading them over your shoulder will get headaches and die! Or, convert your entire TERM PAPER to Anarchist format, and annoy the SHIT out of your teachers!! ANARCHY is a file viewer, use it exactly like you use the DOS command TYPE (you know, the command that views the contents of a file). At the DOS prompt just type: C:\>ANARCHY {filename} Where {filename} is the filename to be converted. This will display the contents of {filename} in Anarchist format. If you want to save this neat-O Anarchist formatted-text in another file, use standard DOS redirection piping, like so: C:\>ANARCHY {filename1} > {filename2} Where {filename1} is the file to read from, and {filename2} is the file to be written to. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- An example, before conversion... Listen to the voices in your head, that say to you: Cheat on tests, it doesn't matter, nobody cares. Kill your neighbor's lawn with DranO the next chance you get. Look, there's a dog, bean it with that rock! Teachers... and whips... a good combination! Set your house on fire! Listen to heavy metal... and KILL YOURSELF! And after conversion. L죥퇀� 흺 흂� v뵡뉚z ∽ y봺� h�좊, 흂졙 z쟹 흺 y봺: 쌺�졙 뷂 퇀z흞, ∴ �뷁z�'� m졙퇀�, �봟붾y 뇿脣z. ]<�|| y봺� 禎�9hb붴'z |쟶v� vv∴h ])�좑0 흂� 禎x� 뇀좑뉚 y봺 9疽. L뵒k, 흂荻�'z � ��9, b�좑 ∴ vv∴h 흂졙 �뵁k! 吾젃h荻z... 좑� vvh→z... � 9뵒� 뇯mb∽졙죺�! 5疽 y봺� h봺z� 뷂 윞脣! L죥퇀� 흺 h�쟶y m疽�|... 좑� ]<|LL �0싢5�LF! - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � "Indiana Drivers, They Suck!" Hello, I'm back. . . Well, I'm here to tell you about some of the world's worst drivers, Indiana drivers. There is BAD driving, then there is stupid driving, then the combination of the two, "Indiana Drivers." They are in a class all their own. I'm sorry if you have any relitavies in that state or you live there. If you moved there, mostlikly you don't drive like them so don't wory. Ok, here goes it. . . . . .They drive at 40mph no matter what the speed limit (i live in Crete, about 30 sec from Indiana), slower if they are old or have a really crappy car. They insist on driving in what ever lane will piss off the most people or so it seems. Picture it, your gonna make it to school in just enough time to get to your locker and to your first class (home room for me, yes HR in High School). You pull out onto the main street, start going at about 45 in a 40. You come up on an Indiana driver, going say 35. The clock ticking towards 8am, you are behind by about 2 min now because you've been following this guy for about 5 min. You finally get to a 4 lane road (route 30) and pass the guy cause you decide to go the speed limit (or 5 mph over), it seems that you have passed him so quick your going 70 or 80, you check, your lucky your only going 60, no, just kidding, your going 50 in a 45. You wonder why this person "must" go 35 or 40 in this zone. Oh well, you continue up till Burnham and 83. You turn onto Burnham and accelerate up to 55, the speed limit is 50 till the airport (about 3 to 5 miles). You come up on another Indiana driver, now your on his bumper going 40 - 45. You finally get up to the light, make your left turn. It's the home strech (or school strech), you have no one infront of you and you arive to school, park your care in some lame way that the principal said to or he'd have your car towed. You sprint into the school, you get past the hall to the library and you hear "RIIINNNNNGGGGGGGG!" It's the 8am bell, your late, life sux and another damn Indiana driver/person FUCKS up again and will not even pay for it, or even care, except for the fact that they will never get a ticket for going too fast, but who knows about going too slow. Man that was my 3rd tarty, one more, and you get to stay after school for 50 min with your loving (NOT) principal. Man does life suck! Well thanks again for reading guys. Let me know what you think so far about my writing and toppics. Driving off, IceMECH - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � KRaD Utility ------------ By Biff Thelmus Bonglemeister III Converts any text file into KRaD studlycap format! Really useful for annoying the FUCK out of people who hate studlycaps. Also really useful for converting ENTIRE TEXT FILES, i.e. essays, term papers, etc. for submission at school, drives teachers absolutely BONKERS! KRaD is a file viewer, use it exactly like you use the DOS command TYPE (you know, the command that views the contents of a file). At the DOS prompt just type: C:\>KRAD {filename} Where {filename} is the filename to be converted. This will display the contents of {filename} in studlycap format. If you want to save this studly studlycap formatted-text in another file, use standard DOS redirection piping, like so: C:\>KRAD {filename1} > {filename2} Where {filename1} is the file to read from, and {filename2} is the file to be written to. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- An example, before conversion... Call your nearest kRad GinsuTalk chat system, Nuclear Greenhouse! And, while you're on, why not go behind the innocent facade and visit one of the world's largest elite file boards, Nuclear Warezhouse! Get tons of kRad elite warez. Just call Nuclear Greenhouse at 998-0008, and ask for Dave the sysop. Nuclear Greenhouse--an incredible 17 nodes, running GinsuTalk at 300, 1200, 2400, 9600, and 14.4k baud! And after conversion. CaLL YouR NeaReST KRaD GiNSuTaLK CHaT SYSTeM, NuCLeaR GReeNHouSe! aND, WHiLe You'Re oN, WHY NoT Go BeHiND THe iNNoCeNT FaCaDe aND ViSiT oNe oF THe WoRLD'S LaRGeST eLiTe FiLE BoaRDS, NuCLeaR WaReZHouSe! GeT ToNS oF KRaD eLiTe WaReZ. JuST CaLL NuCLeaR GReeNHouSe aT 998.ooo8, aND aSK FoR DaVE THe SYSoP. NuCLeaR GReeNHouSe..aN iNCReDiBLe 17 NoDeS, RuNNiNG GiNSuTaLK aT 3oo, 12oo, 24oo, 96oo, aND 14.4K BauD! - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � "Fun in the Hole" By Nature Boy (NB!) As of now, I am sitting in my In School Suspension room trying to look writting this....SHHhhhh...Anyways, I decided to write a list on 101 fun things to do in the "Hole". The hole...such a dreaded place, boring and almost seems never-ending, but this Tfile may help time go by, even in a fun way! Most of these are things I have done either to stay out of trouble, or just to annoy the teacher. 1. Chant word em up numerous times 2. Play with your food, and draw it. 3. Grind every pencil in the area with the sharpener 4. Click staples every-where 5. Scribble on the desks 6. Make projectile weapons out of non-used rubber bands 7. Randomly throw you arms around so they think you are insane 8. Press the office pager like your playing Mortal Kombat 9. Tear every page out of an Encyclopedia Britannica set 10. Tell a teacher of your last lamprey hunt. 11. Take your bottle of pepsi upside-down in your mouth thinking you are a five gallon water bottle 12. Build castles out of mud from your shoes 13. Stare at a teacher and blink like the shutters of a japanese tourist's camera 14. Use your projectiles to stcik pens in the celing 15. Fopam from the mouth 16. Carve SMeG in your leg 17. Bring a jar of tang for lunch 18. Stan and salute as each teacher passes through 19. Complain about teachers they're firends with 20. Complain about flashing flourecent lights 21. Tell endless stories about Jethro Poor Boy's bad attitude 22. Constantly colapse 23. Pretend your on a horse as the secretarys type 24. Mumble about the war in your head 25. Mumble about the blood clot in your head 26. Mumble how good pencil shavings taste 27. Use a flourecent highlighter to highlight every page in a book 28. Make bongs out of paper clips 29. Make magnets stick through your head 30. Twist and turn a goatie you dont even have 31. Twist and turn your teachers goiter 32. Eat like a starving puppy 33. Flicker the light screaming FLaSHeRS!! 34. Tell teahchers of the times you and your book bag have gone through 35. Tear your soc to shreads 36. Pluck your hair out 37. Jump in on conversatioins that have nothing to do with you 38. Cheer as each minute on the clock passes 39. Write [MiLK] files on 101 things to do in the hole 40. Tangle the blinds up REAL bad! 41. Plot an escape from Alkatrez 42. Use any form of white powder to form lines 43. Drool on everything 44. Contantly put your feet on the tables 45. Color your hair with markers 46. Maim and beat your favorite secretary 47. Xerox your face when no ones looking 48. Xerox your face when no ones looking 49. Do all of the above untill milk comes out of neaghboring students nose 50. Jump on the desk and dance like Ed Grimly 51. Make a Van Gogh from saftey pins 52. wank Wank WANK! 53. Take the desks apart 54. Ask to go to the bathroom every five minutes 55. Shove anything into an electrical outlet 56. Paint a picture 57. Pain the walls 58. Yeah 59. Ummm 60. 61. Play whats in the box with your imaginary friend 62. Read Platoon upside-down 63. Repeativly fall out of your chair 64. Bead and knot your shoelaces 65. While on the floor, roll around 66. Support Beastiality 67. Start a patition to leagalize sodomy 68. Pop zits across the room 69. <-- Number speaks fo its self 70. Write Nature Boy out of used chewing gum 71. Rant and Rave about how you will sensely beat your Sea Monkeys when you get home 72. Never close your mouth 73. Arrange your Perry Como albums alphabeticaly from Z-A 74. Whistle untill you burst a lung open 75. Constantly clink a zippo lighter open an shut 76. Jab other students with a compass 77. State you are the Electric Messiah, kooler than Jesus 78. Preform slight of foot acrobatics on twine and two desks 79. Continue playing that famous air guitar 80. Write Sam Hein on your forehead with blood-red lipstick 81. Practice your regular kult rituals 82. Use as many racial slurs as you can find in that Spanish dictionary 83. Count all your money, mumbling "Bitch betta have my money...." 84. Sing a song by the carpenters 85. Pick stuff out of your teeth 86. Ignite any of your body hairs to give off a terible smell 87. Tell how funny Shindlers List was to a teacher you KNOW is Jewish 89. Remove that leather belt and lasso objects 90. Make a splash as you dive into the trash can 91. Take notes on thee teachers behavior's 92. Slam a T-Square up that drafting teachers ass 93. Act and swing like a beat-nick 94. Hiss and Scratch like a cat 95. Delace and Relace your shoes 96. Giggle at the naked pictures in the National Geographic 97. Break a red pen open and ask to see the nurse 98. Pretend your playing pong 99. Lick crumbs off any surface 100. Make a bag pipe from a few straws and a bag of chips 101. Command a fleet of paper air-planes! Well, there's your list. I do not own a lap-top, so I re-typed it when I home. After completing every procedure on this list, you teachers can be concidered Leagaly Insane in a court of Law. There are some inside jokes in there, and those not understanding, you might wana ask me. GReeTZ: Wolverine, Charlie Brown/Nightbreed, Frizzle Fry, Les Claypool, and anyone else that isnt on the spotlight - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � "42 Fun Things To Do At The Hospital" Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllo, NURSE! So, you are in the hospital. Perhaps you have been committed to be insane, perhaps you have a bladder infection, perhaps you broke your spleen, the cause is irrelevant, you are stuck. The hospital really isn't much fun at all, but while you are there, you might as well make the most of it. I was in the hospital the past weekend and came up with a little list of hints and tips for you to make your stay more enjoyable. 1. Play wheelchair demolition derby. 2. Play bingo with the heart patients. 3. Play twister with the mental patients. 4. Play the Michael Jackson game in pediatrics. 5. Play with the neat control things for the craft-0-matic beds. 6. Throw the neat control things for the bed at the nurses. 7. Throw your TV remote control at the TV. 8. Throw your TV remote control out of the window. 9. Insist your name is "Javier-Adbul-Jabeeb the Third". 10. While taking a blood test, take the syringe and do it yourself. 11. Steal other patients' ID wristbands. 12. Steal other patients' organs. 13. Beg your nurse for "2 poundz of mo' phine!" 14. Rig other patients wheels so they work like shopping carts. 15. Always insist on a fifth opinion. 16. Draw obscene pictures on the papers attached to your bed. 17. Draw obscene pictures on your nurses' heads. 18. Hide under the covers and don't come out. 19. Lie face down in a busy area of the hospital and don't move. 20. Try to wheel your wheelchair out of a window. 21. Stick your face in the "sharps" bin. 22. Bleed on your doctor and ask lots of questions about AIDS. 23. Never flush your toilet. 24. Take a shower exactly every 69 minutes. 25. Have 'nam flashbacks frequently. 26. Walk directly into walls all over the hospital. 27. Call other patients and breathe heavily. 28. Tell the operator they are waiting for her in the operating room. 29. Make yourself into a mummy with bandages. 30. Fashion a fake gun from a bar of soap and escape. 31. Gain an eating disorder. 32. Vomit on your doctor. 33. Insist that the nurse NOT leave the room for X-rays. 34. Ask your doctor if you can still smoke crack with your condition. 35. Smoke crack in your room, regardless of his answer. 36. Sing Monkees songs non-stop. 37. Pound on the wall, and insist that it is music. 38. Put on your hospital gown backwards. 39. Wear a sign saying "I'm Lost" and wander aimlessly. 40. Wheel your bed into the hallway and go to sleep. 41. Write a letter to our president supporting our FUN health care system. and, well, the last one... 42. Just die. Well, that's about all the fun things there are to do in the hospital. Maybe there are more, but I'm not very creative. Hospitals are bad places, try to avoid them if possible. Farewell, and well thee may fare. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � "How to take over your government" or "How to become a world power in 5 easy steps" Ok, we all know how much we'd like to all be the leaders of our own Dictatorships. Well, if you use this guide, these 5 easy steps should bring you fame and mass hatred towards you! It's simple. "I used Jamesy's Guide, and look what it did for me! I especially liked his suggestion about killing all the jews..." -Adolf... somebody Let's get to the Basics. Step ONE. To gain power, you have to be a strong speaker. No shy people really ever become dictators, just doesn't happen. That one is easy enough. If you do not fall under this catagory, proceed to taking Acting, Public Speaking, and Speech classes. Step TWO. Have a really big ego. Unless you're sure of yourself to the point of arrogence, you're going to have a hard time taking power. Make sure you know how to make quick, bias decisions. If you do not fall under this catagory, proceed to take more acting classes, for all actors have egos. Step THREE. Have lots of weapons. Whether this consists of nuclear weapons, or Manpower, or what not, you need to have a sufficent amout of Ammmunition to be able to take over the government. If you do not fall under this category, proceed to use the skills you learned in steps one and two to impress your friends and neighbors into following your "Cause". Then gets lots of money, and use it on Weaponry. Then scare more people into joining your brigade because now you have weapons to do this. Then buy more weapons. And keep the process going. Step FOUR. Find somebody to really hate. All the best dictators always had a certain Ethnic group or Religeon to base all the problems of the world upon. This category is relatively easy, just find someone who you despise and take all your anger out upon his Racial or Ethnic clan. Step FIVE. Kills lots of people. After proceeding with step three, this one again should be relatively easy. Just shoot lots of innocent people, and scare lots of people, and kill the people that aren't scared, and kill the people that are scared. Basically, kill anything in your path that does not agree with you. By following this simple five steps, you can lead your country into a successful tyrannical ancestry that's sure to last and last. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � � � [MiLK] Information � � � � [MiLK] Sites: � � � � Barney's Pleasure Palace...(708)965-3098 [14,400] 昉께께께께께� The Acropolis..............(708)557-2826 [14,400] 昉께께께께께� The Lunatic Phringe........(708)232-0565 [12 Nodes] 昉께께께께께� 昉께께께께께� 昉께께께께께� BIG Issue #1 栢栢栢栢栢栢� This file is Exactly 40622 bytes long