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     $$     .d""b. .d""b.                  HOE E'ZINE #1036
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     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$ss$$           "I HOPE THIS FILE OFFENDS YOU"
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$                         by, Quarex
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$                      03/16/00
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     $$  $$ "TssT" "TssT"

	AHHHHH

	FUCK M2M

	I was actually going to go to bed tonight without writing a text
 file, but instead, just after seeing the new No Doubt song (which is,
 incidentally, pretty good, just like all No Doubt.  They really are an
 example of what pop music should sound like), this goddamn fucking
 steaming pile of dog shit called "Mirror Mirror" by M2M came on my
 fucking TV.

	Now, before you ask yourself, "Who is M2M?"  Stop.  You already
 know who they are.  With a song name like "Mirror Mirror," they can only
 be one of three band archetypes:

 1> European (German/Dutch) Power/Heavy Metal.
 2> One or more underage girls.
 3> One or more underage boys.

	And, due to the relative scarcity of German Power Metal on MTV,
 you can pretty much assume it is one of the shitty types.  And, indeed,
 it is two underage girls.  I realize many of you may already be aware of
 this, but it seems entirely TOO SHITTY to BE ON TV.

	Okay, where am I going with this?  Sadly, it appears this is
 headed the route of the Quarex Woman Rant, except this is an alternate
 form, called the "Quarex Reality Check Rant."

	The M2M video, as well as the No Doubt video before it, featured
 women being in situations wherein they were either being dumped by their
 boyfriends, having trouble with their ex-boyfriends, or in some other way
 having to deal with men fucking them over.

	Okay, now, let Quarex bring you back to the real world--this never
 happens.  Men never screw women over.  Anything you hear, anything any
 woman tells you, about a man screwing a woman over, is complete and utter
 bullshit.  At NO POINT during the ENTIRE COURSE OF HUMAN HISTORY has a
 MAN WILLINGLY FUCKED OVER A WOMAN.  AND HERE IS WHY:

	A> MEN NEED WOMEN.

	IT IS A FACT.  UNLESS THEY ARE GAY, MEN NEED WOMEN AT ALL TIMES.
 Why do you think I am so venomous all the time?  I interact with men
 about 50 times more frequently than I interact with women, at least in
 real life.  Thanks to ICQ, I can talk to "women" all day long, but they
 are always far away, and always getting married. No man is going to
 willingly undertake a course of action which will cause a woman to stop
 touching him.

	B> WOMEN LIE.

	IT IS A FACT.  UNLESS THEY ARE BABIES, WOMEN LIE AT ALL TIMES. If
 a woman claims a fucking-over from a man, she is lying.  Women like to
 fuck with guys, then lie, claiming that the guy had somehow done
 something to wrong the woman, when we all know this is untrue. We do not
 even need to know the details.

	C> THERE IS NO REALISTIC TELEVISION PROGRAM, AND NEVER HAS BEEN

	IT IS A FACT.  UNLESS I AM WRONG, THIS HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH
 WOMEN. But, I wanted to throw it in anyway, because it is vaguely
 on-topic. Have any of you ever seen any television programs that, in any
 way, shape, or form, resemble your life?  No.  You know why that is?
 Because they do not exist.  I always thought art was supposed to be a
 reflection of life, but apparently television is the one medium that does
 not pay any heed to that guideline.

	Think about it.  Let me make it easier for the dumb people --

	MATCH UP THE QUALITIES THAT GO WITH THE PERSONALITY TYPE ON T.V.

        A> UNPLEASANT, RUDE,                 1> NEVER GETS DATES
           HORRIBLE, WORTHLESS

        B> PLEASANT, NICE,                   2> GETS LOTS OF DATES
           FUN, LIKABLE

	If you placed A with 1 and B with 2, well, congratulations, you
 have successfully identified Television, and thus successfully identified
 complete bullshit.

	Think about all the people you know -- give some qualities of
 people who get dates frequently.  Did you find yourself using mostly
 words from "A?"  Yes, you sure as fuck did.  Do you know WHY?  BECAUSE
 TELEVISION IS A MOCKERY OF REALITY, NOT A REPRESENTATION OF IT.

	SO, THE NEXT FUCKING TIME SOME BITCH TELLS ME THAT SOME SHOW IS
 REALISTIC, AND THEN STARTS CRYING WHEN I DICE HER VALUE SYSTEM TO PIECES
 AND SHOVE IT UP HER ASS, AT LEAST SHE WILL UNDERSTAND.

	Goddamn fucking M2M.

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 [ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu      HOE #1036, BY QUAREX - 3/16/00 ]