,... $$$$ $$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg. ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$ $$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$ """ """""" """ ggg "DAY TRIPPING WITH THE LORD DUNSANY" ggg $$$ by -> AIDS $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ [ HOE E-Zine #952 -- 12/14/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$ `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""' heave! ho! to and fro OK, so you gotta picture it, we needed (we being me, Jarett, and my pal Andrew) to get out of Dublin, and FAST. Andrew'd been babbling about going to Castle Dunsany for a long time, years really, and it was part of his itinerary. I figured I'd tag along for the ride. Ok, cool. The first thing you need to do is find where the local commuter buses in Dublin leave from. I no longer remember where this was, but we found the bus station fairly easy. Next we needed to locate our bus. Fair enough. Easy enough. OK, we get our tickets and our backpacks and all our shit and we get on the bus. Now, somehow or other, Andrew knew the bus wouldn't stop at Dunsany, maybe he read it in a tour book or something, but anyway, we had to ask the bus driver to specifically stop at the town of Dunsany. Well, he told us that he didn't know where it was. OK, we figure, fine, he'll just see it on the way and stop there. As the bus rides along, suddenly an entire chorus of Dubliners grows angry and starts screaming, "ISN'T IT DUNSANY YOU BE WANTING?" "YOU JUST MISSED DUNSANY!" So the bus driver screeches the bus to a lumbering halt. We got to the front of the bus and he informs us, "This is as far as you'll be going to Dunsany on this bus. That signs points the way and you'll have to walk the rest." Fair enough, we say, and I tell the bus driver to wait before he pulls out, because we've stashed our backpacks in the back of the bus. So we pull our backpacks (translation: our entire lives) out of the back and I wave to the driver and he pulls off, and we're left there in the middle of nowhere. The first thing we need to do is piss. We find some overgrown fence area, and take turns pissing behind it. Me first, then Andrew. OK, woo hoo! Our bladders are drained. So we looked up at the sign and the sign is pointing down a lonely and empty road, and that road leads to DUNSANY. We start walking down it, heave and ho! We're excited! We're gonna go to Castle Dunsany, home of the BARON LORD DUNSANY, that amazing fantasy writer who inspired Lovecraft so deeply. How could we want anything else? Yes, god, yes, We love the LORD DUNSANY and we love his castle! Walking down that wacky road, we suddenly hear a car pull up aside us. I look over into the car and there's some crazy old Irish man, and he says, "You need a ride?" I hop in the back seat and Andrew grabs the front. He asks Andrew where we're going and Andrew says, "Castle Dunsany!" "Do you know anyone at the castle?" "No," says Andrew. "Why are you going to the Castle?" "Well," sez Andrew, "I'm really interested in the Lord Baron Dunsany, the writer." The Irish freak! A burst of laughter erupts from him! "Hahahah! You're just going to go knock on the door of the Castle and say 'I'm very interested in the Lord Baron Dunsany, the writer!'? Hahahahah! They'll be like 'FUG OFF!' hahahahahah! FUG OFF! hahahahaha! FUG OFF! hahahah!" This literally continues for ten minutes until he gets us to the gates of the castle. I have to say, that man was one of the best people I've ever met in my entire life. No question. No question at all. So we get to the Castle Dunsany, we're at the castle gates, and we just walk in. Andrew's really excited. The estate is pretty large and palatial. We see the castle in the far distance, and it's /hideously/ modern. Castles like this are scattered all over the UK & Ireland. They apparently were very vogue at some point after the common conception of THE CASTLE was formed, (i.e., sometime after feudalism.) I'm not sure, but I think I was expecting more. Through a bunch of overgrown trees and we bushes we catch the glimpse of some old ruin, and we decide (without any evidence) that THIS must be the old Castle Dunsany. Which is entirely possible, to be honest. But it's also possible it isn't! Whatever! Who cares!? We decide to storm the castle and go running around in the ruins! That's the way men are made GODS! Pushed through all the overgrown hedges! Pushed through trees and bramble! Almost get assaulted (not the first nor the last time) by a cow! We get into the ruins! It's totally stark barren! There's nothing here except a bunch of tombs! One of which, btw, was an amazingly interesting stone from /quite/ a while ago, which held both a Lord and his Lady. Bas-reliefs of the two were carved on their sarcophogus. How weird! We find the grave of one of The LOrd Baron Dunsany Edward Draxton Plunkett Something something ARgyll Fantasy writer's son! We feel bad for a minute or two and then we're done witht his place! We've climbed every possible staircase and examined all the graves! Now we must go conquer those miserable wretches in the REAL CASTLE DUNSANY! WE climb out of the ruins, we climb out of the overgrown foliage and past that awful cow. Now we trek towards the REAL CASTLE DUNSANY! It's an amazingly huge building! Jesus fucking Christ, it's big! The Lord Baron Dunsany must have had some good times here. We get to the door, and Andrew takes over, smooth talker that he is. HE rings the doorbell. An old Irish harridan answers the door and says, "YES?" Andrew says, "Well, we're here for a tour of the castle!" Her little wiener dog runs up to the door and starts barking. "Tours? Tours are at 11am to 3pm. It's 5pm now." "Oh, tomorrow then?" "Yes, tomorrow. May I ask why you're interested in the castle?" "We're interested in the Lord Baron Dunsany! The writer! Do you have much of him here?" "We have a portrait. That's it." "Nothing else?" "No." The dog's going crazy, he's smashing himself against the door. He wants out. "Oh well then," says Andrew, "see you tomorrow." The woman lets the dog out! It's a little wiener dog! It's coming at me! It's trying to bite my heels! I take a picture! Then I pick it up in my arms and pet its stomach and let it down. It runs with us for a while and then runs back to the Castle Dunsany. "Well," I say to Andrew, "that sucks. What do you want to do now?" "I dunno," he replies. "Well, according to the map, the Hill of Tara is real close by. We could just go there and sleep on it." So we did. We went to the Hill of Tara and slept on that neo-lithic pagan burial mound. and that's how I went to the castle dunsany. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #952, BY AIDS - 12/14/99 ] [ Dedicated to Nyarlathotep! Because I love that crazy HPL motherfucker! ]