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      (*)   (*)   *   (*)~*~(*)                  HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #898
    *  0     0    ~    0                *
   ~   0     0  ~* *~  0         hOGS    ~          "Pumpcon Awards"
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   ~   0     0  ~   ~  0        eNTROPY  ~              by Slawz
    *  0     0   * *   0                *               11-7-99
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        Well kids, another Pumpcon has come and gone.  I am introducing a new
 tradition this year, since this is the first year I was somewhat involved
 with running it, Pumpcon Awards!@#. 

        It was as a whole a pretty successful con I guess, if you could call
 it that.  It'd be better off labelled as a binge drinking and drugging
 festival.  This year there was a fistfight (if you can call it that, it
 looked more like rockem sockem robots.) and a new bartab record, somewhere
 along the lines of $9000 for the 48 hours we occupied the bar.

        These awards are judged solely by me, and other ghetto.org members.

        --slawz

        P.S. See the bottom for the Pumpcon Sexchart

 [-----]

        Top Ten Coolest People

 1. case (World record holder for number of times "BITCH MAINTAIN" screamed.)
 2. andrea (Great personality)
 3. swern ("Take a shower with me!")
 4. ophie (JD Chugging Champ)
 5. juliet (Vodka Chugging Champ)
 6. U4EA
 7. sw_r
 8. angus 
 9. Devi0us (absent most of the con, even though he organized it. wtf?) 
 10. Nirva (Most piercings)

        Honorable Mention: miff, xyg, and alpaca.  Funny motherfuckers.
 Also Joe630.


        Top Ten Fags

 1. ajax (He got owned and can't take it, "LOOK I HAVE A LEXUS, LOOK AT MY
    KEYS")
 1. Netkita (NO ONE LIKES YOU, SCRANTON TRASH.  GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULL)
 2. tersian (mind your own business)
 3. l4rry (Way too sweaty)
 4. Miff (starting unnecessary fights, totally ruled otherwise)
 4. Alpaca (see above.  also spitting)
 5. Joe630 (only because he's gay)
 6. Mindscrew (owes me 50 bucks bitch)
 7. sdr (Walking talking chicken mcnugget)
 8. z0rch (40 year old gimp who almost got us kicked out of our room for
    taking the screens off the windows)

        Honorable Mention: Mogel (Pajama Wearing Mute)


 Biggest Poop Award: sw_r (4 bottles of beer in mb, 4 bottles of beer!)

 Most Vomit Award: Gaunt (BLERGH)

 Worst Couple (or coupling u could say): sw_r + kt 
        Honorable Mention: atreyu + netkita

 Drunkest Person: kubiak

 Biggest Hangover: sw_r

 Best Boy Band: 31337 Degrees (JOEY Z)

 Best Coked Up Speech: Angus

 Best Assault on a Police Officer: U4EA

 Best WWF Move: tersian

 Worst Fighting Ability: ajax

 Funniest Ajax Fighting Impersonation: Swern + Alpaca (ROCKEM SOCKEM ROBOTS)

 Most Mulch Eaten: dk

 Gayest Car: ajax

 Coolest Car: slawz

 Coolest Newcomers: eubern1g, ju1ce

 Most Annoying: sdr

 Best Ass: ophie

 Best Eyes: L0ra

 Best Face: andrea

 Best Breasts: Joe630

 Best Beard: kt

 Most Charming: L0ra

 Best Hair Color: shinex

 Best Personality: andrea

 Best Conversationalist: andrea

 Best Dressed: ophie

 Most Diseases Spread: L0ra

 Best Trinket to Pick up Dates: L0ra + her candy necklace
   
 Best Sex Chart Tally: L0ra

 Biggest Nerd: Vaxbuster (like 8 years running)

 Biggest Toadie: sdr ("What kind of sub do you want U4EA?")

 Scariest Dude: Ludi (Like 8 years running)

 Biggest Flirt: L0ra

 Biggest Mack: Frank

 Worst Pickup Line: Joe630 ("Have you ever considered modelling?")

 Worst Sales Pitch: Joe630 ("BUY MY MAGAZINES OR EMMANUEL WILL RAPE ME")

 Worst Driving: Joe630

 Most Obviously Drunk Minor: bellum

 Best Fire Alarm Pull: krypt 

 Gayest Rave: iXOM

 Best Line at the Bar: sw_r (I want a shot of your cum)

 Best Portrayal of a Mute: angieb

 Loudest Person: case (BITCH MAINTAIN)

 Funniest Use of Urine: case (want some lemonade??)

 Gayest License Plates: Joe630

 Gayest Outfit: Mogel

 Best No-Show: nac.net faggots

 Nice Guy: davd

 Bald Faggot: ajax

 Official Bar of Pumpcon: B&W Sports Bar, Center City Best Western,
                          Philadelphia, PA

 Official Drink of Pumpcon: Rusty Nails

 Official Bottled Beer of Pumpcon: Yeungling Lager

 Official Canned Beer of Pumpcon: Guiness

 Official Shot of Pumpcon: jaegermeister

 Official Cheese Steak of Pumpcon: Jim's Steaks (WIZ WITH!)


                        Pumpcon Sex Chart

                      ,-------------------,
                      |                   |
                   l0ra--simpleton        |
                      |         |         |
                      |         |         |
                   Swern-------u4ea----Joe630
                             /   |
                            |    |
                            |   loki
                            |    |
                            |    |
                            \  ophie----juliet
                             \
                        mb----kt----eubern1g
 
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 ( *(c) hOGS oF eNTROPY pRESS*       HOE #898 ~ WRITTEN BY: SLAWZ ~ 11/7/99 )