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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #792
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888            "I'm Going To Brush My Tooth,
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8            I Mean It This Time"
    888     888 888      888 888    "            by CannibalButterfly
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o               8/22/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        Here, There, Everywhere.  "A great retard manifesto.  Hey, crippled
 kids need love, too.

        "I muh-muh-muh-mean it this time"

        I think we've all heard those suffocating words pass through
 someone's dry, chapped lips.  It's gagfully delicious.

        Everyone is well aware that the common "I mean it this time"
 statement IS the root of all evil.  It's broken households, forced kids on
 the street, driven single mom's to sell their body just to get by, and worst
 of all, forced the Pixies to separate. 

        "He stole my baby!!  I'M PRESSING CHARGES!!  I mean it this time!"
 Hmm...That one certainly sounds familiar to me.  Puh-leez.

        "I love you!  I promise I wont knock da boots wit other honeys!  No
 matter how fly they be!  I mean it dis time, yo!"  Hello?  HELL-o??  Suck
 his wang one last time and send him out the door!

        "I did not use your turkey baster as an enime!  I mean it this time!
 Things are different for me now."  Ugh?? Enough said.

        Well, I recently found myself using those god forbidden words.  It
 shocked me into rock n roll heaven.  Forget the weed, the powders, the
 needles.  Daddy discovered a new sort of drug.  "I mean it this time"
 Addicting, useful, and believable to the naïve.  Mwuhaha.

        "Are you going to get your very wonderful and firm buttocks off that
 computer today and actually clean the kitchen??"

        "Yes, mother, and I mean it this time.  From the bottom of my lil
 bitty heart."

        "Aww, you're such a wonderful daughter.  *big hugs"

        (Okay, okay.  Maybe I'm sweetening the conversation just a tad, but I
 get pretty embarassed when mommy yells at me in front of my internet
 friends.)

        Low and behold....I didn't get around to cleaning the kitchen.  Well,
 I actually didn't get around to cleaning anything at all.  God, times flies
 with you're looking at goat porn.  Mmmmmm.  Anyhoot, this became a cycle for
 me and it felt good.  Ohh god, did it feel good.

        Maybe it was Betsy's oh so seXXXy baaah, baaah?  Maybe it was my pure
 laziness?  Maybe it was the hip re-runs of What's happenin' on the black
 entertainment station?

        Only thing I did know was that I was in denial and the days passed me
 by quicker than Milli Vanilli's singing career.

        I guess I came to the realization that I had a problem when I noticed
 my arm pit hair was long enough to be braided.  Not only did I skip the
 cleaning bit that week, I also skipped the getting out of this chair bit.
 At the time it seemed so useless.  But goodness gracious!  The awful stains
 on my oh so chic jeans and the horrific aroma that was venting off of me
 spoke for themselves.  I was in bad shape.

        After catching my beastly reflection in the blank computer screen I
 made the biggest decision in my life.  I was going to clean that kitchen
 like it had never been cleaned before.  Just one problem...my body was weak
 and frail from sitting for so long.  I was forced to visit a few 'Exercise
 for the Elderly' sites and do some sit down warm-ups to build myself back up
 to the masculine and brute woman I'd always been. 

        I gathered my strength and grabbed a hold of my desk.

        Right foot first.

        Slow and steady.

        Ta-da!

        Left foot second.

        Slow and steady.

        Ta-da!

        I was standing up and feeling a little dizzy, but I managed to limp
 my way into the kitchen.  I opened my eyes and expected a bloody mess, but
 instead, ohh la la!  It looked wonderful!  Obviously, my mom got sick of
 waiting for me to clean and just did it herself.  I must say this though,
 she did a kick ass job!  So now what was I going to do??  *brain storm*
 Computer...is...fun.

        You may be thinking that was a waste of a story, but it's actually
 not.  I learned a lesson and I felt as if it needed to be shared.  Here it
 is homefry,  If someone asks you to clean, don't do it.  They'll eventually
 give in and do it themselves.  Brilliant, huh?

        And another thing, if you sit at the computer for a week make sure to
 get up and do stretch exercises for 3 minutes a day.  You could even change
 your clothes and take a potty break when needed. 

        Yes, it is cool.

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #792 - BY: CANNIBALBUTTERFLY - 8/22/99 ]