[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #790 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "I Don't Have Big Hair, Dammit" 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 by Six 888 888 888 888 888 " (with special thanks to 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o Jon Bon Jovi) o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 8/12/99 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] Once upon a time Not so long ago What were you expecting? A big, curly helmet, sealed closed with Aqua-Net? A backpack full of Poison and BonJovi CDs? Frosty pink lipstick maybe? Ok, yes I live by 4 pizza shops, and there are 5 24 hour diners in the 3 mile radius of my town. But, seriously, what is a "Jersey Girl"? In my travels out of state when I am among a group of my uhm "peers" I am automatically labeled the Jersey Girl. So what if I have the ability to drive in rush hour traffic while applying my make up, and if someone cuts me off I can curse out even the filthiest truck driver. I still don't think that's it. Tommy used to work on the docks Union's been on strike He's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough Gina works the diner all day Working for her man, she brings home her pay For love -- for love Last week when I was cruisin up the GSP (Garden State Parkway for you Non-Jersey people) in my Camaro, with the t-tops off. I was getting a nice dark tan in my guinea-t, I kept on my skin tight acid washed jeans to prevent lines from my shorts... When the fringes on my boots got stuck on that little lever that adjusts the seat. I was kind of stuck there so I totally grinded out my trans slowing down with out the clutch until I able to break free. So, there I am in the mall parking lot a clump of white suede fringe ripped from my boots, oh the horror. She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got 'Cause it doesn't make a difference If we make it or not We've got each other and that's a lot For love -- we'll give it a shot I'm not sure if it's the radiation leaking from the landfills, the raw sewage, the medical waste in the water, or those non-stop toxic fires under the Pulaski Skyway, but something has made me different from other girls in other states. I mean so what if I like the kinda wine that has a twist cap, and my prized possession is my Kip Winger issue of play girl. Does that really make me so different? I love being from New Jersey, I'm not hurt when people tease me about it. I think that they're just jealous. The people that make jokes are just jealous! They come from states with no personality. States with out ocean, boardwalks, Springstein, pork roll, egg and cheese on a hard roll, saltwater taffy and jug-handles. There is a point to this.. We're half way there Livin' on a prayer Take my hand and we'll make it -- I swear Livin' on a prayer I lock up my car, snap on the t-tops and roll up the tinted windows and head on into the mall. I make my mandatory stop and jean country to see if they have those stretchy jeans with the little zippers down the side. Alas they still have not got them in stock. Of course my next stop is to Z. Cavarricci. Once I buy that shirt like Jennifer Milles wore in "Flash Dance" and some new white suede boots, it's time to go home. Tommy got his six string in hock Now he's holding in what he used To make it talk -- so tough, it's tough Gina dreams of running away When she cries in the night Tommy whispers: Baby it's okay, someday This is really not a joke. I don't make fun of people from Pennsylvania for their cheesetsteaks. Or people from Iowa for their corn.. I like corn. Maybe it's just that the rest of the country is full of PC people, and the only thing in the world left that it's PC to make fun of is New Jersey. "Hey Big Hair what exit do you live on".. I hate that commercial. We've got to hold on to what we've got 'Cause it doesn't make a difference If we make it or not We've got each other and that's a lot For love -- we'll give it a shot After hitting the diner for dinner, I headed back home to shower. Three hours later once I got my hair nice and big, layered on all my foundation and blue mascara I got back in the Camaro. Did I mentioned my Camaro is named Bret after Bret Michaels from poison.. I have that PlayGirl too! I swung by my friend Gina's house to pick up her and her boyfriend Tony. We had to take off the T-tops again because Gina's hair was rubbing against them. We're half way there Livin' on a prayer Take my hand and we'll make it -- I swear Livin' on a prayer If all you people that think New Jersey is so bad and such a hell hole hate it so much. Stay away never ever come here and don't even speak to me about it. This state needs fewer people, especially the annoying kind like yourselves. We've got to hold on ready or not You live for the fight when it's all that you've got We swung down to Hunka Bunkas and danced the night away. I was so angry when they didn't have bending straws for my beer. We're half way there Livin' on a prayer Take my hand and we'll make it -- I swear Livin' on a prayer Bite Me. I don't have big hair, damnit. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #790 - WRITTEN BY: SIX - 8/12/99 ]