[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #670 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "I Tricked Some Fat Kid Today" 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 888 888 888 888 888 " by RottenZ 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/31/99 o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] Some of you may know this; I'm not sure how extensively the darker rumors about me have spread. I'll let you in on the secret, though, since this short tail depends on you knowing. I am a mage. That's right, a real, living, breathing magic user. My specialty is polymorphing. If you've never played Warcraft 2, I'll let you know what that is, as well. I can change shapes to emulate different people or objects. Girls are my specialty. I really enjoy pretending to be girls. That way, I can trick poor losers into thinking I'm interested in them, all the while secretly smiling on the inside, knowing that I myself am not a girl at all, but a guy. Anyway, today was great. I pretended to be this girl in jeans and platform shoes. I walked around campus for awhile, looking for my target. Trust me, this is U of I, there is no shortage of young nerds just ripe for the taking. Today I found my mark with little to no trouble. He was fat, that was the first thing I noticed. Fat, with poofy, ridiculous hair that almost made me laugh out loud when I first saw it. He was just sitting on a bench, resting his rolls of obese grandeur, futilely scanning some dumb book in front of him. Around his massive gourd he'd somehow managed to fit a pair of headphones, although God knows how he managed that. He was gently rocking away to whatever rotten crap he was listening to and reading. Maybe just enjoy the nice day. So I decided to ruin it for him. Carefully, I sat down next to him. I knew he saw me; I could feel him undressing my soft, supple body with his whore eyes. I imagined that he'd probably never seen an exposed bosom in his life, which made me even more pleased. Yet he just sat there. Clearly, a girl walking up and sitting next to a guy, when there are empty seats elsewhere, is a sign that conversation might not be too bad an option, although I've found that stupid nerds are too timid to say anything at all, even if they want to, which just makes things even hotter. And of course, he just sat there, like some big retard... heck, maybe he even WAS a retard, and didn't say a word, despite the numerous glances. Soon, I began to smoke. I could tell he didn't smoke because he didn't look or smell the part, and, well, he just wasn't COOL enough, just to see if he'd get me to stop. But he didn't. He simply allowed me to keep on smoking. It was really quite amusing. I just sat there, staring off into the distance, and this big dumb pretended to listen to his music and read, all the while fucking me within his mind. I'm not one to get turned on by such things, but if I were, I would have been very turned on, despite the fact that this person was a hideous beast. It was even funnier when his CD player died. Do you know what he did when his CD player died? He PRETENDED to listen to music, just so he didn't have to talk to me! I mean, what if I really weren't a guy? What if he was missing out on talking to the perfect person for him? (Clearly this couldn't be the case, for there is no "perfect" person for someone who looks like THAT) It didn't matter, though. He just sat there, stupidly, pretending to read. Soon I got up and walked behind a van, disappearing. But I've often thought back to that glorious day when I tricked a big, fat, ugly retard into falling in love with me. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #670 - WRITTEN BY: ROTTENZ - 5/31/99 ]