'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #392 !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Drivel" !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> LilNilHil !! ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/28/98 !! !!========================================================================!! Hello. Here's some things I wrote in a mental hospital. You will enjoy them, oh yes. -- We don't care what you think little man, little boy You squirmings are useless now Doesn't matter what you say how you think, little man We've got all that you'll need. Your with us, little man little boy, little fuck. Chemically coming, your sickly becoming now broken yes beaten you'll follow along. Your a dog in a bag that is hung from the gallows in a dead town on a gone time anywhere. -- muffle of his pillow keeps everything beyond the screaming of the ten year old next door in silence. it's summer, and florida, and two sheets, and two shirts, but i shiver. and her eyes still leak. he pummels the door open and lets me know it's my turn that it's only a business the business of drugs hope in pill form. i walk in, i sit down i get this, he gives that there's his money fucker/fuckee profit from misery. my new doctor is my new god my new doctor is my new love my new doctor is my new life. the dangerous little man. -- tick-tocking head right to wrong to stop to go to running through the street crowded with these thoughtless thoughts from thinking machines. we combat like drunk philosophers on the eve of doomsday. Meant to Endure Naked in the gutter Digging through shit searching for that savior and this last desperate clutch at all the lost time. when you realize the madmen were often right. Meant to Meant to ..exactly. -- you go for a walk and you stumble on wherever looking at the sun you see it when you close your eyes but do you think it had once been more before your birth? you see them when you open them back up the rich in their rooms. and your odd glances at them seeing if you can permeate money. -- You can go your way..and.. i can go my way. I spotted him in between thoughts one day we didn't talk, we only looked just keep staring; we decided and let's not ruin it by getting to know eachother. because our love is like anarchy a utopic paradise, yet fucked. we think we thought y'know but you can never tell you'll never retain your constant flux you won't hack this you'll conform and recede and we'll all die and i'll stare. write fifty books on it or shut up and enjoy, like this. -- Soon it will be quiet. Another night just like every other one Sneak outside and light up Everyone is in bed and asleep Everyone but me is in bed, and asleep I get a rush of shame, like i might be keeping a few of them up Like they can hear my door shut and look out the window to see me Like my existence is detrimental to some yuppies circadian rythm Like they think i'm different and hate me because of it Like their rules don't apply to me It's all quiet out here though. Everyone's asleep of course. There's the newspaper guy with the headlights There's the thoughts of things people have to do when they wake up There they are all over the world, waiting for morning There's me on the gutter, all lit up. No morning. Soon, in the head, i will be quiet. -- umbrella she's like the rain she stops and falls she's the silent one in your homeroom haunting your image as you pass by her torn up victemless mind just you, and the mutilated arms of the girl in your gym class. Put out her eyes and show her to a field full of blind men and pits. They flutter, they stumble, they fall right in occaisionally something arrives to keep her going another week or so But she's done shove her in the direction of whatever's left and bottomless So that, like the rain. She may show you her swan dive. -- i don't like this When drugs are what we know of love and pain is all that keeps us from failing what god is there to save us? when he himself is sad when satan bathes in nothing when happiness is that dim light at the end of a nonexistent tunnel what'll god do? what go will do? so give 'em drugs, keep them quiet give them what they ask for to survive but don't tell us you care alchohol, the blood of god. the blood of a coward. -- revely for a dead man no pills and no sleep and no advice and no hate you can stop calling me, yes since you've realized that i'm not what your looking for since i've realized that i've made a fool of myself. why circle? dive down the plug-hole. the only way we'll float is if we die. I can't tell if it's bad or good when your finally defeated supposedly, like most things, it just is But where to go from nowhere? When your at the full-fledged bottom. I can't tell And i wish i didn't have to try It's such a nice suprise when you feel your luck begin to change. the bottom leveling out and everyone calling your name. the whole worlds attention fully magnified upon you such a nice little suprise The enemies see what they've been missing and give you thier apologies Your friends tell you what they really deep down think. Such a beautiful suprise but then you realize it was just another dream. And can't tell if it's a bad or good thing. no interaction at all. and no help and no hope and no talent and no angst and no pity and nobody. -- "I think your problems are very trite." guiltily home now, i still recollect i plug in the brain and i reconnect does it come down to god? as kids this was all we could remember, 'nobody said life was supposed to be fair' and why not why is that so crazy? to change things, to be human, i can not imagine a god who could love and then hate this as jen's arteries scream for a hit there aren't any drugs for this one a tape instead, of a guy who tells her to calm down. as mike tries to hang himself with a shoelace in his bathroom as the new guy is givin three shots and sent somewhere else as adam is ripped naked from the shower she yelps a fuck and streaks down the hallway naked blood streaming out of her eyes. as i listen and write yeah i somehow write, fuck the living as the ten year old skips out the window as jeremiah is fooled again as heather is told 'one more week' for the 5th time what the hell can i write? everything's already been said in their heads. i'm refusing to speak for it. you do them. i hate this. -- easter. I finally got the cigarettes. So i wouldn't have to off myself. But the nicotine always hits you wrong after all the hassle. I walked past the bum, and he gave me his sad-stained look. Minutes later i realized i was singing as i walked by. I sit and watch the cars roll away, and think I must be one of you now. And in the back of my mind, it's easter. -- notes from nowhere. remembering where i am and have been, as she knocks upon the wall. As i supposedly get better, from my sickness, from it all. As i plan to plan to think These thoughts I'm not allowed, The chemicals, the neurons, Load your guns and take a bow. Still she knocks. As they creep into the mind And rip me up in shreds. As they creep into the mind And rip it up till dead. As they creep into my mind.. i wonder if it'll make a sound, when they finally drive me mad. If i'll be underground, or live haphazardly sad. If the knocking ever ceases If she drives me into pieces I wonder if this thing still has a voice. still i wait. I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING WHEN YOU KNOCKED UPON MY WALL MY LIFE MY SOUL I WAITED HERE AS YOU SUCCEDED AND RECEDED AND DEFEATED AS YOU RAN DOWN GOD WITH A BATTLE AXE AND FOUR NAILS STILL I LISTENED AND I WAIT FOR THE WIZARD OF OZ AND CHARIOTS OF FIRE AND THE SAINTS TO COME THE FUCK ON IN I WAIT FOR GOD TO SAY HELLO I WAIT CUZ IT'S ALL I KNOW I'M WAITING AND WEARY AND WAVING AS YOU WALK ALONG HOME STILL I WAITED HERE STILL I WAITED HERE STILL I WAITED HERE WHERE'S THE HOPE IN THIS -- life and death There are ants on the sidewalk which you will step on but they will fall in between the rivets of your boot. There's a turtle on the train tracks stuck in limbo dead forver taken by the sun to spare the train. Me and the lizard who thinks my ashes are dinner. A puff of smoke and he runs. when all the wrong people love all the wrong people there's a hope for somebody somewhere. !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #392 - WRITTEN BY: LILNILHIL - 12/28/98 !!