'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #371 !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Naked People (Are People, too)" !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Paganini !! ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98 !! !!========================================================================!! Okay, so there I was. "Where were you?" Hang on. I'm getting there. There I was driving my car down Auburn Street. It was a nice day. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. I had the windows slightly rolled down. Children were playing. Birds were singing. People were waving at each other. (So it was the finger... that does not matter.) Anyhow, understand that everything was just perfect. I was listening to my new favorite song on the radio - Karma Police, by Radiohead. All was right with the world. Can you picture it? Visuals are somewhat important for this piece. Then, for some reason I started thinking "You know, something just isn't right here. Something is missing." Incidentally I thought it was a little cold for the month of September but we'll touch on that one later. I looked around me and I couldn't find anything wrong but I knew something was up. Something just didn't feel right. I looked up only to find the small rip in the interior of my car that everyone has but has no idea of its origin. I looked down to the floor of my car only to find the hey and dirt that somehow makes its way there. I stopped to think "Where did all that roughage come from?" I let it go though, because there was something bigger here. There was a higher purpose to serve. I looked from side to side and there was nothing but the many books and socks that have taken up their residence on my passenger seat. Now, at this point I am starting to get a little worried. I wondered if maybe I was having one of those psychic moments like you see on Unsolved Mysteries. You know, the ones where people are killed and across town some woman eats a hero sandwich and has stomach pains knowing that somewhere in the world a man has died. Yeah, kind of like that, except... not really. I look down once more only to see... and this is the kicker... this is what will get you... I looked down only to see that my shirt was unbuttoned. My blue, button-down shirt; the one that came from a friends discount at the all too trendy "Buckle"; the one I wear almost every two days... was completely unbuttoned. !!! That's just not decent. !!! Know this. I am not a tart. I am not one of those girls who run around town in see-through shirts. I have never left the house in just a towel. I do not wear the color purple. (Just throwing that one in there.) What gets me about this whole thing is that this is the second time something like this has happened to me. The first time was a little worse because I had someone point it out to me at a gas station in the form of cat calls and phone numbers. Granted, that was a little better because it was only the top four buttons as opposed to all six. You know, I feel kind of bad this time though. This is getting to be a problem. Here I can program my VCR, calculate trigonometric problems, and cure cancer (okay, maybe not) but I cannot even dress myself. What does that say about me? What does that mean? What am I going to do? I am beginning to wonder if maybe I need to start wearing big sweaters with no buttons or perhaps a nice turtleneck would suffice. Maybe someone should call me each morning and say "What are you wearing?" No. I don't think that will do at all. All this got me thinking about naked people. (Let's keep it clean folks.) It got me thinking about how every time I go to the local bike path some woman wearing nothing but a bra and shorts runs past me. It got me thinking about how men there jog in their underwear. Children run around half naked. At first my opinion on all this was solid. Wear clothes. Stay in school. Wear clothes to school. Stay away from drugs... all that. However, I began to think about it and I will tell you something. I am glad to live in a country where people can run around half naked. I am happy to look around me and see people with no clothing on. (Whoa!) I think it's a good thing when we can recognize the human body as something beautiful (or not so beautiful as the case may be) and accept it's presence in society. Now, don't pin me down as one of those nudists. (One of those crazy nudists.) I simply think that maybe we should open our minds a little. We should relax a little. One thing that has always disturbed me a little are those bins of underwear that can be found in department stores. Ladies, men, you all know what I am talking about. I am talking about how every time you are in the hat department or the glove department, or maybe you are just passing through, you can find a bin full of underwear laying in the exact middle of the walkway. There is always a sign in the bin too. It says something to the extent of "Bargain Underwear. Mix and Match." Well, keep your bargain underwear away from me. I don't want your bargain underwear. The last place I want to see the word bargain is with the word underwear. (Or the word meat -- either one.) I don't like the idea of rejected underwear, and that's what it is, you know. They throw all of their rejected underwear into a bin and then... his is what is most heinous of the whole thing. Women come over and they rummage through the underwear. It's like the turkey bin at Logli's the last day before Thanksgiving. (There's a whole story there.) They get these crazed looks in their eyes and they delve deep into the bin... looking for that one good pair of underwear. I'm sorry but I don't think I can buy underwear that fifteen women have checked out and then rejected. First of all, the idea that those women have seen my underwear just doesn't do it for me. Secondly, the idea that they have seen my underwear and rejected it; that it wasn't good enough for them... that doesn't do much for me either. I'm not sure if this thing has a point. Perhaps it's just something to think about. Look at yourself next time you leave the house. You don't need to look great. Just make sure you're wearing clothing. It's a plus! Chicks dig it! Guys... I'm not sure what the deal is there. Or you know what? Don't wear clothing at all. That's the beauty of all of this. Sure, you might be arrested. Sure, you might go to jail. This is America. This is our country and if we don't want to wear clothing then, by God, we have the sovereignty and we should not have to wear clothing. You tell that to your police. You tell them this crazy girl named Sara Mann told you no, you don't have to wear a shirt today. That's the beauty of this country. We can show our ankles and get away without being shot. I love this country! Thank you and God bless America. !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #371 - WRITTEN BY: PAGANINI - 12/22/98 !!