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                         >> "Can I be a Barber, Mom?" <<

                                  by -> Jook

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        so, like, i went to get my hair cut the yesterday. mmm hmm. my hair
 is like this to me: it's nice and all and i like it the way i want. my mom,
 though, oh muh mom.

        see, i'm home for christmas break and stuff. so, like, she says stuff
 to me like:

        "you want money for a haircut, hun?," on monday.

        and on tuesday she'll say "so, do you want me to call shorty's and
 set up an apointment for you?"

        and then on wednesday, she'll just leave the money on muh bed. so i
 finally give in, take the money, call the barber shop and set up an
 appointment.

        i would like everyone to know the world is a better place because of
 this haircut. i know look like a complete freak. no barber, in their right
 mind, would cut a set of hair like they did mine, and let you go. so chuck,
 the guy who cut muh hair, musn't have been in his right mind. see, he cut it
 real, real bad. see, it looks like one of those green helmets the original
 gijoe figures came with that snapped on and stuff. mmm hmm.

        i went to this place called _shorty's_. shorty has been dead for a
 good 10 years now. i've never met him -- only been going to shorty's for 9.
 i took a couple of years off, though. mainly because i don't get muh hair
 cut more than twice a year and also because i've been getting muh hair cut
 at this lame hair place that muh mom's friend owns. only problem is that she
 can't cut hair.

        _shorty's_ is like one of those old fashioned places. they got those
 old chairs that spin around and around and around and around and they got
 these comb displays and they got bubble gum dispensers.

        so they guy who cut muh hair was chuck. he's not so attractive. he
 also likes to talk about the green bay packers a lot. maybe murmur should go
 get his hair cut there. he better wear his green bay packers boxers, though,
 if you know what i mean.

        so i get there and he says, "how do you want it, owen?"

        and i say "i want it long in the front. in fact, don't even touch the
 front. and i want it really short in the back. and, uh, don't touch the
 sideburns."

        he gets his razor out. MRRRRRRRRRRRRR. there go 3/4's of muh
 sideburns. and like, to make a long story short, he cuts my hair so i look
 stupid.

        but muh point is, i want to be a barber, because no barber can cut
 hair. not a single one. if i was a barber, i would cut everyone's hair
 because i would be the only one who knew how to cut hair. and my hair
 cutting place would be called "THE ONLY PLACE THAT GIVES A GOOD HAIRCUT".

        moral: chuck isn't attractive, and murmur should wear his packers
 boxer shorts.

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      * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #165 -- written by Jook -- 12/18/97 *