______ ______ ______________ | | | | \ | \ / \ / ____ \ ______| | |________| | / \ | |____ | ________ | ( {} ) | _____) /~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ | |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| | | | |______| |______| /_____________| | | | | | | | | ...Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | | | | | | | | Cockroach Assault | | | | (a.k.a. Deep Purple) | | | | | | | | By: Alex Siegel | | | | | | \ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The demonic cry of the giant cockroaches rattled the morning air, shattering utterly the morning stillness of Humbal Village. Moments later, Dul leapt from his stone hut, ready to battle the chitinous devils and send their greasy souls back to the blasted hell from which they issued. He reached towards the sky to stretch his massive frame. His joints creaked and popped, still stiff from deep sleep. The muscles moved under his skin like a family of enraged pythons. The early morning sun gleamed off of his bronze skin. He drew his sword, Black Abyss, and watched the intricate play of sunlight across the engraved, polished surface. Many an evil beast had met a sticky end under its honed edge. He spun the blade in the air, testing his awesome strength against the colossal mass of steel. Few could even lift such a ponderous weapon, but in the callused hands of Dul, it moved with the lightness of a tiny sewing needle. Insipia of the Blue Banshee Clan ran out of the hut that Dul had come from only moments before. A hasty morning toilet had left her short tunic askew. She leaned up against Dul's body, wrapping her legs and arms around him while tears gushed from her eyes. He stood as if rooted to the ground. "Oh please don't go," Insipia wailed. She beat her fists against his chest. "If you die, my life will be an empty shell. No other man can satisfy me, can fill me, as you do." His eyes remained locked in the direction of the roaches' cry. Insipia's lithe body, which could liquify the heart of any other man, would not distract Dul from the brutal chore ahead. "I must fight. Without me, those six legged terrors would thrust across the land and gorge themselves on the bones of our people. Think not of yourself, but of the uncounted others whose lives I will save today." "I can think only of you, my darling! The uncounted others count not for me." She slid down his leg and collapsed in a sobbing heap on the ground. Her golden hair flew in all directions as her chest heaved with sodden anguish. The only, brief break came when she wiped the mucus from her upper lip. "I must go now," Dul said. "Already my blood froths for the coming battle. Pray for me, if you must, but fear not. For should I fall today, my soul will surely find greater glory still among the gods." She collapsed forward onto her face, her grief sapping the last ounce of strength from her arms. He caressed her snarled hair one last time, and then he ran off. His great, thick legs worked like steel pistons as he dashed towards the enemy. Already, his sword wove a deadly, whistling pattern of death. He felt his heart pound in his chest, while his liver processed glycogen at a ferocious rate. That eagerness was almost his undoing, as he found himself deep in the thick mass of cockroaches before he could stop. They towered over him, his head only coming up to the bottom of their abdomens. Their heavy, black scales rubbed together and made a ear-splitting clamor. Without hesitation, Dul lashed out. Black Abyss moved like a steel wand of death, destroying all that it touched. The roaches were unprepared for the inhuman cruelty of Dul's attack. They screeched in fear and drew back from the whirlwind of doom in their midst. The high-pitched keening hurt Dul's sensitive ears, but he ignored the pain. Within moments, white, smelly innards had covered a great patch of land. Dul slashed and hacked through a score of beasts, but another hundred waited. Standing on his tippy toes, he looked out across the valley and saw an endless, shifting sea of hard, black bodies. For the first time in his life, the mere possibility of failure snatched at his soul. It wasn't fear, for he would never suffer that childish emotion, but rather a shadow of doubt. He shook off the troubling feeling and redoubled his efforts to slay the chitinous horde. There was a rhythm to the slaughter. In and out. Up and down. As the pattern settled into his muscles, he redoubled the pace again. In and out. Up and down. He felt a warm, dampness running down his thigh. Without slowing the terrifying speed of his sword, he twisted to look. Insipia has wrapped herself around his buttocks. "I couldn't stand to be apart from you!" she cried. "If you die, than I will die with you! Our souls will cleave together for all eternity, so that even the gods won't be able to pry them apart!" "Have no fear. Our Love could walk through the fires of hell and sneer at the foul demons who live there." Seizing on the distraction, the deadly roaches pressed forward. With strength born of desperation, Dul redoubled his efforts. "You must leave now," he said to Insipia. "For I can ill afford your hypnotic beauty at this time." Her thin body shaking with fear and grief, she stood up and walked towards the hut. She moved slowly, as if heading towards the gallows rather than her warm, safe home. Eager now to see the end of this titanic struggle, Dul redoubled his attack against the ocean of hard-shelled doom. The massive bodies fell like wheat before the magical threshing machine that was Black Abyss. With his free hand, he wiped the white slime from eyes, hands, chest, and groin. This was hard, thirsty work indeed. Suddenly, Dul heard a crashing noise. An enormous roach, fully twenty times more massive than any of the others, came over a hill. It's gleaming pincers sliced through everything before it, including the scrambling bodies of its fellows. The tiny eyes atop its head glared directly at Dul, the pupils glowing with red anger. He had never seen a creature so huge yet so full of low cunning. On second thought, the bog dragons of the great southern swamp were pretty bad too. He squared his hips and steadied himself. When the beast arrived, he and Black Abyss would receive it in fine style. The other roaches flowed back so that nothing stood between their king and Dul. A great hush fell across the land, silencing even the minuscule insects that fed on the succulent, green grass of the valley. Without warning, Dul felt the warm, moist form of Insipia as she threw herself against his back. She wrapped her arms his chest and pushed her fingers into the wiry hair between his rock hard pectorals. "No!" she breathed. "You'll be smashed like a snail beneath of a frying pan!" "I can not run. I stand at ground zero of the greatest battle of my life!" He inhaled deeply, swelling his huge breast. Her arms popped off like overstretched rubber bands. He grimaced in pain, for her fingers had taken a not inconsiderable amount of hair with them. "My sweet petunia," he said. "Take heart, for your love will carry me through this trial. Should I fall, I need merely think of your sweet face and I shall rise again. Or perhaps I will think of your feet, for they are shapely too. And we dare not forget your breasts. Or your thighs. I'm particularly fond of..." The cockroach king, roaring to the sky, charged forward. The ground heaved and bucked with each gigantic footfall. Dul spun his sword, forming a translucent, black zone of death. The king's pincers slashed at Dul, but they merely butchered empty air, for Dul had vaulted out of the way. He brought Black Abyss down towards the center of the demon's hideous skull. A terrible clang rang out as fire hardened steel met hell hardened chitin. To the amazement of even the gods themselves, the sword failed to pierce the black armor. Instead, it bounced off in a cascade of multi-colored sparks. Dul fell back to the ground, senseless with disbelief. Insipia screeched in anguish, and the shrill note shook him from his reverie. He charged forward, dodging between the tree-like legs of the monster. The gleaming point of Black Abyss thrust upward, powered by the immeasurable strength of Dul's muscles. He was rewarded with a waterfall of white, cockroach bowels. The torrent continued, gaining strength with each passing second. Overcome by raw force of the spew, Dul fell backwards onto the muddy ground. He splashed around in the white froth and struggled to regain his footing. "Come to me, my lovey-dovey!" Insipia yelled. He tried to answer, but his mouth filled with bitter slop instead. Panic gripped him by the throat and shook him as a terrier shakes a rat. It was fine to die in glorious battle, but it was another thing to drown in cockroach crud. People would snicker whenever they spoke his name. He redoubled his efforts to escape. The king collapsed onto Dul, shaking the trees from the impact of beast against dirt. A long moment passed in awful silence. Fearing the worst, Insipia screamed towards heaven while a veritable cascade of tears washed down her cheeks. "Take him not, fickle gods! He is yet too young and too virile to pass from this plane. And if he does go, then I'm coming after him!" Black Abyss poked out. A geyser of white liquid followed, shooting straight into the air from a narrow slit in the round back of the cockroach king. The terrible sword slashed and slashed again, redoubling in strength with each stroke. Then Dul himself crawled out. His chest heaved as he sucked in huge gulps of sweet, life-giving air. He thanked the gods for the breath-holding exercises that he practiced every night. Drooling with joy, Insipia ran across the back of the great roach. Their bodies slammed together, spraying white mush in all directions. Carried beyond words by a rip tide of passion, the two lovers locked lips until their lungs worked as one. The other roaches, grief stricken by the loss of their king, turned away from the village. With heavy antenna, they went back to their dark, damp crevices. But their twisted minds held only one thought: revenge. |=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=| | _____ Call Goat Blowers Anonymous for the LATEST HOE! _____ | | 6/ ^..^ (215) 750 - 0392 ^..^ \9 | | \_____(oo) This Issues Featured Support Board is: (oo)_____/ | | WW WW Halo WW WW | | (519) 332 - 1548 | | ...the kings of modern goofiness... | |=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=| Copyright (c) 1995 HoE Publications and Alex Siegel. #75 --> 5/1/95 All rights Reserved. Contact Alex at scimitar@netcom.com.