=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Another Massacre Would Be a Nice Change --------------------------------------- Anyone who's read my previous postings knows I don't enjoy holidays. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a wet blanket for celebrations or occasions in general...Naw, screw that. I'm more than a wet blanket. I'm a massive body of water with some string and shards of cloth floating in it. Holidays and occasions in general are depleting and gratuitous, and the bulk of them are whipped up with more marketing intent and less meaning than if the Messiah's return was a Pay-Per-View event. What's worse, the vast majority of you monkey-breeders have the audacity to make me feel as if I'm a jaded gloom-monger for having the self-dignity to stand up and urinate verbally on what you've been conned into dishing out cash for as an annual event. Phew...with THAT off my chest... I've come out against birthdays, and the subsequent greeting-card industry that has most of you grazing on meager scraps of holidays like "Boss's Day" and fit to be sheared. For all of my bluster about Catholic-abandoned and profiteer-adopted holidays like Xmas and Easter, at least their premise was built on a two-century old, widely-accepted scrap of Euro-promoted folklore. Besides, since I'll still be seeing Xmas lights in my neighborhood until April (and turned ON, no less, you mind-wiped, brainwashed, Patty Herst-esque drones), I'll only swallow my tongue in ostentatious-induced disgust. No, in truth, there is nothing more reprehensible than the mass-appeal of the Madison Ave holidays. How can you distinguish them from normal, event or commemorative-related holidays? How about this as acid kool-aid test: If you get your mail, and the banks are open, IT'S NOT A @(*#! HOLIDAY! To put it even plainer than that: NO CAR DEALERSHIP "EXTRAVAGANZA" = NO HOLIDAY. There is one that stands out in my mind when I started this, and one more profit-motivated than post-Civil War carpetbagger with a quota: Valentine's Day. This card-and-candy concoction is why I haven't a doubt in my mind that if Orson Wells were still alive, he could get you people to form militias against an invading horde of Leprechauns. I know it's based on a saint and some-event-or-another, but you know for a fact nobody's celebrating this to pay homage to his long-dead ass when about half the Hallmark cards and jewelry store promotions have dropped the "Saint" without most of you even noticing it. Even the drunkest Irishman pays enough respect to another meaningless holiday to never wish you a "Happy Patrick's Day". Additionally, aside from obvious marketing-mongering involved, it's how engrained this holiday has become in society's expectations. I mean, if you're single, you are left to feel like the loneliest soul in the world for an entire day - and probably wouldn't even feel comfortable masturbating within that 24hr period guiltlessly unless you bought yourself a card first. Even then, if someone does happen to get you a card because you have NO one, then you are miraculously transformed from "loneliest" to "most pitiful" in your self-evaluation of how you fit in with pop culture. For those folks, I think they should feel obliged as part of a social damage-control to put anti-depressants into those candy hearts that pop up every year like Australian rabbits, with messages like "TAKE THE GUN OUT OF YOUR MOUTH". In some ways, it probably easier to endure this indignity alone rather than as part of a couple. At least when you're single, you can fill a mug of tears among fellow commiserators and make the best of hanging out, dateless. If you're IN a relationship, watch out... Being forced to romance on demand is second in performance anxiety to having to fill the cup at a physical exam. Just TRY and let this one slip by in most relationships, and you might as well try to sneak into the Oval Office wearing a turban with an AK-47 stuffed up your butt. What's worse is that this V-day they dropped the statistic into circulation that men spend over $100 on this holiday as opposed to women's $50. Well thank you very fragin' much, 6 o'clock news...now if I can't at least be statistically comparable, I might as well throw in the towel as far as sexual intimacy goes rather than waiting to get turned down. Face it folks, you've been had. I'm sure a number of you would rear the ugly head of "so what if it's not real holiday? I think it's a nice sentiment..." Really? Then I wish people would set up a holiday for whoever the Patron Saint of the Mute and Tongueless is, and spend a day expressing nothing at all. capone =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". 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