=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= She Lied To Me -------------- She'll be mine.. That's how the conversation began if I recollect correctly. But the past is getting so hazy in my mind lately.. I just need to write these things down.. You know, because, I never know exactly when I'm going to forget them.. I remember that night fairly well though.. The sky was dim and the stars were starting to shine through.. I had the phone reciever pressed to my ear and I was speaking to the first person that I'd ever met online over the phone.. We were friends then.. I was convincing this girl that I'd be able to get one of her sisters to love me.. Hell, it started as a joke.. But it didn't end a joke.. After about two hours of discussion on all kinds of enthralling topics I hung up. It was about two months later and I signed online very early. I was startled to recieve a message so early. It was a private communications directed to me from this girls sister, Emily. She explained to me that her sister, Katie, had told her what I had said, and she demanded an explanation. Of course, being the type of guy that I am, I got a sly grin on my face. I sent a message back to her and we began a rather lengthy talk about nothing in particular. We noticed that we had many similarities, we were both pyromaniacs, single, and both really disliked authoritarian figures. I asked for her phone number and recieved three of them. It was nearing mid-afternoon when I called her. I remember the first conversation very clearly. She sounded just like an angel you know.. I knew I was really going to love this girl. A few hours later we were as you could say, a couple. I remember how blessed I felt. Things progressed steadily from there. We became very close and I felt I could trust her with anything. We told each other about the hardships in are life and the such and I decided I was going to go visit her. So I hopped onto a plane and headed to New York. Now little did I know I'd have quite a time finding her house. And of course, being a man, I wasn't about to ask for directions. So, about three days later, I still hadn't found her house and I got on a plane and came home. I guess that was the thing that started the relationship on a downward spiral. Two months later I recieved a herendous teleconference bill from a PBX that got traced back to my line, and I was unable to go online. I was unable to touch a phone and dial her.. Things were getting very grim. A few months later I was able to return and things seemed just like normal. Things were upbeat and happy. Or so I thought. It was nearing spring and I headed out to the Cayman Islands for break. I stayed there with a few friends and really hit it off with this hacker girl I met. Things went rather well and I was on my way back home in what seemed like no time. I didn't think much of what happened with that girl in the Cayman Islands.. But it came back to haunt me. Upon reentering the country I placed a call to Katie in Minnesota and told her what happened. I told her I was going to tell Emily and I didn't want her to say anything. But of course, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. But.. Katie told her, Emily didn't let me know that. Maybe because she didn't believe it, maybe because she didn't want to. It was approaching summer that Saturday morning my life turned to hell. I called Emily and had an elaborate discussion on hip replacement surgery with her.. And I said, hey, let me go on your account and you can go on mine. She agreed and gave me her account name and password. I noticed she had e-mail so I figured she wouldn't care if I read it.. I fully expected her to read mine. I opened her mail box and read a letter from Katie. All seemed well. But then I came along some lining which I did not like at all.. It said something along the lines of.. "Yes, Jesse is coming up this summer.. Your lucky you have such a good guy like Chris that is going to come visit you.. I guess we're both going to have a great summer.." I noticed just then my name wasn't Chris. I stored all over her e-mail on my computer and deleted it from her mailbox. Then came the letter I wrote. I wrote up a bitter and spiteful message in Notepad, and sent it off to Emily's account. She read it and replied with quite a heart wrenching note.. A few depressing notes later.. I was out the only thing I really cared about.. After those notes I called my friends and talked to them.. But they could offer me no support.. They could offer me no help, they could offer me nothing. I decided I needed to get outside, out of the house. I went and hung out with my friends and went to a party later that night. I tried to call Emily from a payphone at the party.. But no one answered. I ended up spending the night over my friends house.. I told him what happened.. and he replied.. "She was always a bitch anyway.." and he lit up his joint he had hanging out of his mouth. The next morning I was so depressed I could hardly open my eyes. It seemed like the weight of the world was coming down on me.. I went home almost immediately and layed down on my bed and gazed aimlessly at the cieling. I turned on some music, but nothing was loud enough.. I'd like to say things got easier from there, but they didn't. We didn't speak for nearly a month after those altercations.. But when we eventually did, things were not the same. As much as I wanted them to be, they weren't, they never would be again. That summer we briefly got back together, only to be resplitup because she was cheating on me yet again.. My heart is still broken from all of this. I learned that it isn't a good idea to trust or love anyone. Never trust anyone with secrets and you cannot get hurt. Never love anyone and you have nothing to worry about. I feel like my heart got stomped on.. I still do.. I still fucking do. Remember everything when only memories remain.. -dropcomm =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". 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