=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Overman ------- Many of you have read my previous works in F.U.C.K., particularly F.U.C.K. #164, where I relate the mean tales of my youth. How then, you may wonder, have I come up from whence I was born? How is it that my situation in life has changed? Or has it changed? Am I now the same mental, emotional and physical weakling that was me as a child? No. I am not. I have changed. I have changed considerably. I am now a veritable mental giant, yet not without the ability to explore and learn afresh. I am emotionally invulnerable, yet I easily become soft and tender when the time arises. On a physical level, I am now the hunter, no longer the hunted. I do not fear a mental challenge, nor an emotional challenge, nor a physical challenge. What has caused these changes? How did I raise from the small inner city child with no social skills, no friends, no future and no value to become the god of myself and my environment that I am now? How did I attain such mastery of man and machine as I now posess? Did I win the lottery? No. Did I inherit a million dollars? No. Did I find God? No. Did I find the answers in the writings of L. Ron Hubbard? No. Did I travel to the Far East and study Buddhism? No. Was I a six million dollar federal research program? No. Was I kidnapped by space aliens and sent back to conquer Earth? Not even close. It was none of these. I was none other than a will to power. Yes, a simple act of human will. Previously, in my weak and pitiful state, I looked to a divine being to aid me through this world. I looked to the next world as a place of rest, a place where I would be safe from the dangers of this life. This was nothing more than dangerous escapism. This divine being did nothing but keep me from acting on my own. If god was here to take care of me, what need did I have to take care of myself? If god was here to set my ethical and moral standards, what need did I have to think for myself? Until I escaped this self defeating philosophy, I was doomed to a life of failure. Atheism brought me out of this. Athiesm forced me to think of this world as the first and final battleground. No longer would I have an afterlife to look forward to. This life would be the only one I would get, and I had better make it count. No longer would I be able to accept defeat here, knowing that I would be safe and protected in the afterlife. If I was to rise victorious, it would be in the here and now. Athiesm forced me to think for myself. No longer could I simply look at an ancient tome to tell me what was right and what was wrong. Instead, I was forced to examine every bit of life itself and determine for myself the true nature of right and wrong. I was forced to become my own god. No longer was a divine being responsible for my creation, my life, and my destruction. I was now in charge of me. This engendered a strong sense of personal responsibility in me. *I* was responsible for myself, no one else. My actions would ultimately lead to my success or my failure. And that success or failure would be final, no more would I be granted a second chance in the afterlife. I stopped accepting defeat. No one would best me, no matter the cost. This affected more than the combative side of my interpersonal relationships. I saw through my previous failures and realized that many of my previous violent confrontations were the result of the failure of my own social skills. This must be cured, I realized. Furthermore, I must cure it myself, as there was no longer a divine being to assist me or comfort me if I failed. I fought, fought my way free of the social and socioeconomic state I was in. I learned computer science as a tool to move myself up on the economic scale. With only one formal class in computer science, I aquired employment teaching computer science at a state college. How did I do this? Hard work, led by force of will. Hard work, and the mental agility built by the rigors of defining my own system of ethics and morals. After you have created your own philosophical system, computer science is childs play! I fought to meet people and to interact with them successfully. I fought with myself, with my poorly developed skill set. Now that I was free of the horrid judeao-christain concept that sex was evil, I fought to learn how to interact on an emotionally intimate level with women. Free of the sexism inherent in any religious system based upon judaism, I was now able to interact with females on an equal intellectual level. All of these changes made me free of my previous environment. No longer would I interact with the people I had interacted with before, nor would I interact with people the same way as I had before. I met new people, people who had not known me before. People who saw the new me and judged me for what I was at that time, not what I had been before. It took two years from the time I started until any appreciable changes were noticable by those around me. It took another two years before the new me dominated the old me. I took another two years before I was able to finish the process. Another 6 years has passed in my life, where I continue to change and to grow with each passing year. I cannot compare my life now with my life growing up. If I had to do it all over again, I might choose to take my own life instead. It was hard. I would not wish my tribulations on the worst of my enemies. However, the times and events of my early life have given me a tough inner strength. Nothing I face now causes me fear, because I know I have survived the worst that life has to offer. I am invulnerable. My life now is quiet and peaceful. At times, I have difficulties dealing with the adjustment. I no longer constantly fear for my life, and was the case for the majority of my youth. I no longer engage in constant conflict with the people around me. I create conflict when I wish to create conflict, and peace when I wish to create peace. I no longer travel the world alone, just me and my imaginary god. I am able to share my emotions with those few people whom I choose to become intimate with. I do not fear their rejection, because I know the value of myself. I have found hapiness, I created it for myself. You too can obtain the happiness that I now posess. Take control of your own life. Stop blaming others for your life. Stop relying on god, your parents, or the welfare state. Do not let any of these take care of you, physically, mentally, or emotionally. If your parents take care of your physical needs, they will also create a framework for your mental and emotional life. If the state takes care of your physical needs, it will do the same. The state teaches people that they are subservient to it. The check every month is a periodic reminder of who is in control. If you give the state nothing, and the state gives you money, you are a child of the state. How then can you have a sense of your own self worth, if you have no value to the state? How can you have a true sense of your own self worth if your life is subsidized and managed by your parents? Only when we struggle and succeed on our own can we know our true value. Only when we know and appreciate our true value can we guarantee our own mental strength. Only when these two are fortified can we ensure our emotional well-being. Live your own life. Create your own path. Do not rely on other men for anything. Not for your physical needs, not for your morals, not for your ethics, not for your ideas of right and wrong, not for your mental training and education, not for your sense of self worth, not for your emotional health, not for anything. Rely only upon yourself, and you will grow until you are able to provide for yourself. You will grow until you no longer need other men to provide for you. Not for your physical needs, not for your mental needs, not for your emotional needs. When this comes to pass, you will have conquered yourself. Once you have conquered yourself, nothing else will be able to arouse fear in your heart. You will never face a tougher opponent, nor will you ever find a more sweet victory. - Voyager =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... = = Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = gote land +27.31.441115 = = Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 = = Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 = = Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 = = Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 = = Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unearthly Shadows 303.683.1443 = = E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 = = Dungeon Sys. 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