\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ //////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ //////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' //////////////// .ao0.////////// \\\\\\ YOOOOO000b.\\\\\ YOOOOO00000@@@@@//// dOO000@//////// \\\\\ YOOO0000@@@b\\\' YOOO00000@@@@@P// dOOO000@D////// \\\\ OO0000@@@@@b' / OO000P///////// dOOO000@P///// \\ O000P'\Y@@@@D/// O0000q///////// OO000@P///// ' 0000\\\\Y@@@D/// 00000@@@@@////// 000@@@@q/ Editor: 0000Q\'d@@@@D/// 0000@@@@@P//////// @@@@@@@. Access Denied 000@@@@@@@@P'/// 000@@P//////////// .d@@@@@D X Marks The d00@@@@@@@P'//// d00@@@a///////// d@@@@@@@@@' Shit d00@@@@@@P'///// d00@@@@@@//////// @@@@@@@@' ///////////////////////////////\ Y@@@@' ///////////////////////////////\\\\ Y@'\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ /////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ D a m n e d F u c k i n g S h i t - Presents - Issue #52 Date: 7/19/95 Title: An Interesting Conversation Author: Anonymous * The following is a conversation that recently occurred between two people who would rather remain anonymous, because they pheer narqs. Everything marked with *'s has been blacked out in order to protect the innocent. We join the conversation in the middle of it, because the first part wasn't very interesting. Anyways, enjoy. 8:14 pm *** Jul **, 1995 ----------------------------- eye saw uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. oh.. I told you that, nevermind.. hmm.. Two nights ago, `Phantasm ][' was on channel 7 at 3:00am. It roqed even more than usual. Eye love that movie. was uhh.. that guy in it. the one with the awesome name Angus Scrimm!%@^&%#@... Yep. "The Tall man". He r00lz. he doz. bigtymes Yep. Hey, on a completely different note, guess who died on July 4th? ummmmmmmmmmmm... ****? Yew only wish.. ;). gno, that Bob Ross guy. "A little bit of color.." .. sound of reference flying over ****'s head. I didn't think you'd know. He's that TV artist guy, with the fro. eleete. wow. hey.. on a completely different but related subject.. ****/*****, was hanging out at a Skatepark in Chicago, and met a guy who was good friends with ****, who ran ********* ******.. who evidentally hung himself over newyears. w0w, can't say I ever heard of him beyond yer ******* *********.. ;). W0w. Hanging would be a shitty way to kill yerself. I'd have to go a gun, myself, preferably a large caliber shotgun. or going to sleep with the car on in the garage wouldn't be too bad either. not hanging.. umm.. not burning either .. big gun to head.. but going to sleep would be best. Yeah, but I think I'd find it kind of hard to fall asleep.. ;). Until I like.. died. ehehe. Hmmmm.. slitting your wrists would also suck. I don't see why people do these things so stupidly.. Hmmmm. yeah.. definitely. the whole garage thing is cool because the Carbon Monoxide knocks you out.. so.. you WILL fall asleep ;) Ah. I was unaware, I thought you'd just die. Hmmmmmm. Ah well. Yeah, that would probably be best. Even like.. poisoning yerself has got to involve some pain. Especially if you use like.. Drano.. .. cleans you out, but leaves you feeling all hollow inside. there are some poisons that might be alright.. but you'd really have to PLAN the hell out of your suicide to get ahold of them. not something most people do. Yep... Hmm.. most people a little distraught at that point... ;). Hmmmmm. Maybe that guy hung himself because he had nothing to do once his board went down.. ;). Hmmmm.. I don't think that'd happen to me tho'. Maybe like.. I dunno.. **** ***** or something. nah.. not even ****. someone like Bob Mahoney would really be in a bad position. Yeah, true. Hmmmmm.. Maybe *******. He'd have no more dorqs to talk to 24/7.. ;) yeah.. probably. hrmm. not most other people tho. they'd be more like 'wow.. I have lots of time now.. I think I'll go do something worthwhile'. Maybe I'll take down my board.. and then like.. go kill ***. That'd be a worthwhile cause.. ;) I suppose. you could disguise yourself as a black guy.. jump through his window, yell 'Yous dead yall' at the top of your lungs, stab him 12 times, and then jump out the window. Hey.. that's perfect.. ;). ehehe. I like the quote.. bah... Yeah.. It's all falling into place. Hmmmm. But I wish we had a copy of "**********" so I could like.. play it outside his window for a bit first.. ehehe. You would go down in history as 'The ********** Murderer'.. and your case would remain open for years to come. Yeah. Then there's be all sorts of Investigative Reports shows doing editions about me. ;). Wow, I bet that would start a lot of message discussions on local boards too. All the kewlie people on one side, vs. all the dorqs.. ;) I would become a Professional Thesbian and play you on 'A Current Affair'. Yeah.. .. & I could like, watch it and say.. "These lesbians don't even look like those guys".. . Ah, Imagination is so fun. "Ha-Ha, Bill, we'd better stab him to death and jump out the window, after starting *** *** *** on his computer, so it will play our themesong Ha-Ha'. yeah. blah. I miss that song too. And ********. Do you know if *** has a copy? _________________________________________________________________ * (At this point, the talk became too horrid for the likes of you. We will resume at a later point in the conversation...) __________________________________________________________________ Yep. Well. blah. I dunno. I like double spaces after a period. That's all I can think of to say. that's great man. yawn. hmm. *** is kewlie. but would be more interesting if it worked right all the time. I need a release copy. perhaps I should call a zero-day warez board... instead I think I'll just sit here and pick my nose, as it requires less labor. Good idea. In the meantime, I'll invest overseas. ;) sounds like a plan. hmm. Perhaps I'll volunteer in some helpful worldwide organization, and go to Menjahamut Betlassieat and teach the diseased children there the beauties of the BBS scene. Good idea. I'll go to Burkina Fasso & set up a big warez board. I'm sure I'll get lots of calls from starving children in the local AC. Then we can discuss how gay *** is. good plan. or maybe we could each build a fortress on either side of the village... and propel meat and vegetables over the heads of the starving people to each other. Now THERE'S an idea. Wow, that's pretty good. Hmmmmm. And we can just like.. shout across the village about how we couldn't eat another bite, and we have all this excess food.. But We'll just give it to the dogs. we'd need to be careful not to walk the dogs. or walk ourselves. I think both might be eaten by a passer-by. yeah. Maybe build an underground tunnel system or something. Keep them damn starving people away. "NO!#@* I don't have 70 cents a day, get off my ass!*#@" exactly. how the Master Plan begins to form. then we could setup big speakers on each fortress, and big receiving dishes, and send warez back and forth by playing the connect and handshake tones really loudly to each other, as well as discussing how Gay *** is.. except discussing it in Mahamutian, so he would never know. Yeah, Hmmm.. but what if some starving dorq staggers into the transfer area? We'd have to use Zmodem to make sure it was resumeable. And another idea would be to invite *** himself to come out, then feed him a lot.. then talk about how he's taking food home that's secretly shoved up his ass or something over the speakers, and then throw him over the wall. wow, that sounds awesome. really far up his ass. he wouldn't want to lose it during the trip. Good call.. ehehe. ah. Well, this sure has been an interesting conversation, but my fingers are numbing. bah. bummer. that's air-conditioning for ya. unhealthy stuff. mine are nice and waaaaaarm, because me house is at natural room temperature.. which is not too hot to sit in a leather chair in long pants. hohoho. how cool and comfortable I am. Wow. How I envy you. The other day I could have been wearing a winter coat in my house & still have been kinda cool. That's central air for you. Hmmmmm.. Maybe we should just throw away the A/C. I think so. think of the savings on your power bills. think of how many starving children would fit into the place where your A/C used to be. ahh. it is so comfortable here. and when it gets too hot. I go to work at a place which is naturally, and biodegradably conditioned. Good for you. Doing something for the environment *AND* for the starving. Hmmmm.. how many children are shoved down the laundry chute, anyways? evidentally a large number. my dirty clothes never seems to make it's way to the laundry hamper. Well, could be like.. a big.. mongoose or something that lives in the middle of the chute, and eats some of the laundry each time. I'd call the exterminators. I'll call the Orkin Man.. so eye can watch him zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppp the shit out of that dirty mongoose. Good idea. I luv how he's a big machine/weaponry clad guy at first, then turns into some dorq in a white hat. Quite a guy. Hmmmmm. But if you start getting snakes all over your house, be sure to get the mongoose replaced. I suppose. you know those King Cobras can just come out of anywhere, as common as those things that aren't centipedes. hmmm. well, I suppose it would just be an addition to the Snipe living in my bathroom.. hiding from all those people hunting them. Yeah, I saw it. Nice little guy. I keep a weasel & a wolverine in my underwear drawer. I did for awhile, but the feces got annoying.. as well as the fact that the wolverine would rip my arm off each time I'd need some clean underwear.. which of course would mean the underwear would be all nasty and bloody.. plus I don't have an underwear drawer, which might have also hampered things. Yeah, well.. I could see the wolverine-in-the-closet scenario, seeing as how you keep all those knives all over the place... Hmmmm.. Maybe you could get a meshed metal glove to wear for getting new clothes. perhaps. is that what you do? not a bad idea. I dunno.. I just got rid of them completely a few months ago. now I have a Kodiak bear in there. Ah. well, they're good protectors, I'll say that for them. Although they d do get a little hungry when there's nothing to eat in there. I like to throw in some berries + a bloodied carcass for the grizzly that I have. Sure, there not AS threatening, but they do work. yeah, they do well at the whole stare-tactic thing.. you know.. robber breaks into house, goes for underwear closet.. sees 6-foot angry beast. works well. I heard that bears eat lots of honey.. so I just beat the hell out of mine with a big bees nest I keep on a stick.. just seems to piss him off tho. lately he's taken to eating all the coat hangers. uncool. no place to hang my coats. not that I have any. Yeah. That can be nasty on their digestive system too. Hmmmm. Feces all twisted & sharp.. bah. I don't envy him that. For real security, I have a pack of wolves that roams my room when I'm asleep. They make a lot of noise, but I figure, What the hell, I'm not being robbed, right?. good point. I'd read about the whole pack-of-wolves thing,.. nice idea, but mighty expensive. I mean... I hope you don't have carpet, all that roaming really does a job on it. there are some industry magazines that recently rates the plusses and minusses of the system. I think I'm going to go for the electronic motion-detecting sounds-like-a-pack-of-wolves-roaming device for only $49.99. hey.. it might keep my awake, but it's a serious deterrent, what with all the people who own real wolfpacks. Well, I can see your point. I dunno, I was going to get rid of them after about a month, because they were really bringing down the resale value of our house. But they grow on you, ya know? Hmmmm. Mating season rolled around & there were more. Maybe I'll start giving wolves to people as Christmas presents. They're getting a little expensive to feed, I've got to have two or three deer set loose in the house now instead of just one a day. And forget having anything fragile survive once the chase starts. But, I dunno. They're really friendly to me now. And I don't want to give them up for some electric Almost-a-wolfpack-but-really-not thing. understandable. if I had already bought the wolfpack.. I think I'd stick with it. I mean.. there are ways to make money off of it as well.. I have friends who get called regularly by those Time-Life people who want to do specials on the ferocity of wolves, etc. but.. hey.. since I'm making the initial investment, I think I'll go for the low-end, I just don't have the cash now, you know? As for the christmas present idea.. sounds great. you could put them in little jars and tie bows around the lids, and send them off to distant friends. really sweet. See that's what I was thinking. I don't get to see many people any more, since the pack is pretty protective of me. Geez, when the cable guy came out they ripped him apart. No fixed cable, but I didn't have to feed them that day. Hmmmm. The only problem is that they hate the wolverine. But, on the other hand, what DOESN'T hate wolverines? There pretty much the assholes of the animal world. So, I'll probably have to get rid of the wolverine. Maybe I could just feed it to the pack. Then, I'd probably have 1 or 2 less wolves in the bargain. Seems like the best route to me. I suppose. the whole thing has to put a real stop to dating life tho, so that must suck. if you're convinced about the whole wolverine thing, I'll take him off your hands for a cheap price.. I think I had some thieves coming up my toilet the other day, and I'd like to have that avenue covered.. But to tell you the truth, I'd say keep him. I mean.. look at it this way, nobody fucks with your underwear. True. Hmmmm. And the only time they ever see each other is when I open the drawer. So, I suppose that would be doable. Hmmmmm. Interesting point. But, I think I WILL get rid of the grizzly. It's getting on in years, and I'd sleep better knowing that it was roaming free than if it was still shut in my closet. Yeah, I can see that. I'd also sleep better knowing my Kodiak isn't going to come out of my closet, rip my head off, and consume me.. but hey, it's a trade-off, you know? Then again.. I'd have to say, for the grizzly, that it's easier to make a new one than to fix the old one. not much can be done. maybe give him to the humane society or something. someone out there is probably WAITING to adopt a 6' grizzly bear. Hmmm.. yeah, some little girl probably. Cries herself to sleep every night that she's without a grizzly. Hmmm. good idea. Hmmmm. I had that whole "fear" problem with the pack for the 1st couple months too. I can't tell you how many times I woke up with a.. Wolf's teeth gripping either side of my neck. And I'm missing a few toes. But now we seem to understand each other. I think in the end it was worth it. Yeah, but look at it from my standpoint.. I mean, you feed your wolves them deer nightly, right? I beat the shit out of my bear with that bee's nest, but he still won't fucking eat. It's really gotten to bothering me. The bees can piss one off too.. but hey, if it's what he eats, I'll have only the freshest. I'm wondering if maybe he's depressed about something, and I should get him some Prozak or something. perhaps, later on down the line, if thing deteriorate. Hmmmmmm. Yeah, I forgot about that whole thing. Well, maybe he has an eating disorder.. & thinks he's just too fat or something. I dunno. You'd think he'd just eat the damn honey. . well, Hmmmmm. You might want to call the humane society yourself, or maybe a pet store, and ask why he's not eating.. Naah, I think you hit it on the head.. it's got to be that dietary thing. Besides, what does the Humane Society know about animals anyways, am I right? So.. tomorrow, I'll go to the store, buy a couple hundred gallons of SLIM-FAST and a fire house, and see if that works out any better. Now there's an idea. Well, I'm glad we could work out this little problem without professional help. I do so hate to involve other people in my problems. Hmm. Well, c'est la vie. Yeah.. them professionals just don't know shit. I mean.. they actually tried to tell ME that it was bad to hold the snipe under water for more than a minute.. I mean, you can SEE the little guy loves it by the way he squirms, and then vomits afterwards. What do those 'professionals' need, a slap in the face? Anyways.. thanks a lot for the input, I think you've saved me a lot of time/money. no problem. blah. Well, I'm gonna get going then. Laterz. Later man, nice talking with you. Ditto. bye. 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