..::::....::::::::........::.........:::. | : : ~,~~ - (.) - : : /-)( | t-file : Hallucinatory Oyster Burrito : ()= assault : : HOOKA! .:.....:......::::........:::........:::.:. 25 October 1994 Issue #33 An Invitation to Cheating! by Gtterdammerng As exam time nears, students everywhere are busily getting ready for the final test of their scholastic achievement for the entire year. And for a large proportion of the student population, it is time to plan the largest cheating scam of the last two semesters. It is silly to deny the truth. In every classroom, the knowledge of students will be supplemented by the assistance of concealed "test-assistants." In fact, it is foolish to deny that many of GlenOak's finest have reached the pinnacle of scholarly success through questionable It is safe to assume that the higher echelon of GlenOak's senior class have relied heavily on the use of "cheating" in order to reach their current grade point averages. However, those students who employ techniques of unethical test-taking deserve the high grades. It is obvious that these students are the truly intelligent ones. The goal of the American education system is not learning; especially in affluent, college-preparatory suburbs like Plain Township, the goal of American education is a high GPA and high SAT/ACT scores. What a student has really learned or experienced in his eighteen years of life is irrelevant. It is quite simple. There are essentially two ways of getting good grades. One way (the one championed by teachers) is to study hard, stay home and read chapter upon chapter of bookwork, repeatedly do algebraic problems that were understood after the first five and "play the game" of the teachers. Unfortunately, this path is long and arduous. It is often complicated and also allows little time for experiencing life. And, sometimes, this path offers up a person's dignity for grades. But there is a far easier way to achieve grades! Cheating is the way. It is often quicker, more effective and less time-consuming. The intelligent person would realize that there is a better way to achieving the end that is desired: good grades. It is the American way. It is capitalism at its very best. Ah, but what about later in life? "You can't cheat your entire life," shout the anti-cheating advocates (the administration). Oh, but that simply is not true; quite the contrary, in fact. John D. Rockefeller built his financial empire upon loopholes in federal law. And in the same way, students build their academic success upon loopholes in teacher surveillance. That may be so, but what about learning? If a student cheats, then he is only hurting himself because he doesn't learn anything. But, remember: as was already stated, American education is geared towards grades, not towards learning. But just for the sake of argument it can be assumed for a moment that American schools want students to be well-rounded intelligent people instead of grade-conscious robots. Students who actually take the time to study what they are shown hardly ever remember it any longer than two to three weeks after the unit is over. There is no significant advantage to "learning" these things. Also, students who engage in creating cheat sheets or other complicated schemes often learn the "facts" of the unit by writing it down. Perhaps it shouldn't be this way. It certainly is, but maybe it shouldn't. The United States public education system encourages this activity. There is no educational ethic in the schools. Students realize that they are there only for grades and not really to learn. Some classes, admittedly, are run by very progressive teachers that understand these concepts. And GlenOak is lucky to have these teachers. But as a whole, this is not the case. How often do students ask a question during a pre-test review and the teacher responds with, "Well, don't worry, you don't need to know that for the test." Schools should not be run like prison-camps. Students shouldn't have to beg to use the restroom. And the problems that modern schools face are not the product of declining families or urban collapse or drugs or anything like that. The problem is the paternalistic structure that schools employ. Silly as it may seem, students should be excited about learning and actually desire to know things that will help them in the future. However, as long as American education is set up the way it is, this will not be achieved. So, students: get out your cheat sheets, tape those notes underneath the microscope and get ready to do your best! `'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`' Hallucinatory Oyster Burrito An AUFHEBEN Production! support: tyrant: numbah: "Why, I don't know much of The Seinsfrage .. DDE WHQ!.. 216.966.7453 anything!" -Eraserhead Radio KAOS ... Moonshadow .. 216.830.4657 _Submission Policy_: Hallucinatory Oyster Burrito is into subs! If you write something - anything - send it to us and we'll get it to press. For contacting HOB, see below. Want to be a support board for HOB? Download ALL the HOB's and DDE's create a file sig on your board, and let me know. Your BBS will be listed. TO CONTACT US: Call the WHQ (The Seinsfrage) or you can send e-mail to Bogus Nomenclature on Radio KAOS. Internet address is coming soon! `'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`' -eof-