BTN: Birmingham Telecommunications News COPYRIGHT 1991 ISSN 1055-4548 March 1991 Volume 4, Issue 3 Table Of Contents ----------------- Article Title Author Policy Statement and Disclaimer................Staff Publisher's Corner.............................Mark Maisel Editorial......................................Tim Straughn What Exactly Is This Papacy, etc...............Sinister Dexter Currently Untitled (fiction)...................Jeremy Lewis Notes From The Trenches........................Dean Costello Survey Suggestions.............................Scott Hollifield ?Why I Compute?................................Ricky Eanes You Need Help! (provided by Mark Shafer).......Unknown Review: Wing Commander........................Colby Gibson Review: SimEarth..............................Jeff Hollingsworth What Is An ECHO, or How Does, etc..............Fred Hambrecht ProFile: Lurch Henson.........................Chris Mohney Special Interest Groups (SIGs).................Barry Bowden Known BBS Numbers..............................Staff Echoes/Network List............................Staff ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer and Statement of Policy for BTN We at BTN try our best to assure the accuracy of articles and information in our publication. We assume no responsibility for damage due to errors, omissions, etc. The liability, if any for BTN, its editors and writers, for damages relating to any errors or omissions, etc., shall be limited to the cost of a one year subscription to BTN, even if BTN, its editors or writers have been advised of the likelihood of such damages occurring. With the conclusion of that nasty business, we can get on with our policy for publication and reproduction of BTN articles. We publish monthly with a deadline of the fifteenth of the month prior to publication. If you wish to submit an article, you may do so at any time but bear in mind the deadline if you wish for your work to appear in a particular issue. It is not our purpose to slander or otherwise harm a person or reputation and we accept no responsibility for the content of the articles prepared by our writers. Our writers own their work and it is protected by copyright. We allow reprinting of articles from BTN with only a few restrictions. The author may object to a reprint, in which case he will specify in the content of his article. Otherwise, please feel free to reproduce any article from BTN as long as the source, BTN, is specified, and as long as the author's name and the article's original title are retained. If you use one of our articles, please forward a copy of your publication to: Mark Maisel Editor, BTN 221 Chestnut St. BHM, AL 35210-3219 (205)-956-0176 We thank you for taking the time to read our offering and we hope that you like it. We also reserve the right to have a good time while doing all of this and not get too serious about it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- F R E E B I E : G E T I T W H I L E I T S H O T ! The following boards allow BTN to be downloaded freely, that is with no charge to any existing upload/download ratios. The Connection LZ Birmingham Alter-Ego Channel 8250 Little Kingdom Joker's Castle Crunchy Frog Myth Drannor Posys BBS The Matrix Abject Poverty The Bus The Outer Limits Bloom County If you are a sysop and you allow BTN to be downloaded freely, please let me know via EZNet so that I can post your board as a free BTN distributor. Thanks. MM ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Publisher's Corner by Mark Maisel I have decided to try keeping a little space for myself and, at the same time provide a platform for those of you who are interested, a place to stand up and use as a soapbox. Express your ideas in BTN. What a bargain! All you have to do is generate said ideas and get them past my very lenient publication standards. I would appreciate it if you would at least try to be civil and stick to your point. Personal attacks against specific persons and/or entities will most likely be axed so please don't even think about it. Big news in BTN! We seem to be quite steady at this larger size. Kudos and whatnot to all who see fit to continue and those beginning to contribute to BTN. I hope that you will take the time to read everything in BTN but I know that most of you will only take aim at a few of the articles that may interest you. They are all good and mostly homegrown. BTN seems to be growing in scope and personality. I have pondered this before and have decided, at least for now, to continue to let it do what it will. I have been considering parties again...I know, I know, you are already squealing with excitement. April will probably be the first one. The invitation will reflect some changes in what I expect of my guests and I hope that you will read and comply. If not, I may have to reconsider my position on hosting parties for the masses. One more thing that you may find of interest, back in December sometime, someone, I believe from Washington D.C. got hold of an issue of BTN. For whatever reason, they saw fit to have an application for an ISSN from the Library of Congress. ISSN is the numbering system for periodicals used by the library. What this number means for BTN, firstly and important to me, copyright protection, and secondly for those who seek such, legitimacy as a publication. I wish to thank whoever it was that thought enough of our humble efforts and hope that BTN will continue to spread and prosper. With your help, feedback, the occasional article, and general abuse, it will do just that. The library called today and gave me the number. What a coincidence since today is the day this turkey is overdue. You can spy our new ISSN in the 2nd line of this file right next to our copyright notice. I will be receiving written verification of our number through the mail soon. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Editorial by Tim Straughn The following is an opinion piece by Tim and BTN invites you to respond. Any civil reply will be considered for this spot next month. If you don't feel like responding to this and have something else to say, please consider using this space to say it. MM The Smoking Traveler With the recent Federal crack-downs on smoking in public places such as libraries and other public buildings, one of the buildings coming under attack from this is the Birmingham airport. In some ways, I agree with the general principles of the new laws, but in others, I feel that the implementation of the laws is a farce. The methods of alleviating the problems of "second-hand smoke" are far from the best ways to resolve the problems, and are completely unfair to those of us who do smoke. Other private building practices enforced by the companies that operate those buildings are also a farce, and will only cost the company money. My real beef is related to a recent trip to Schenectady, NY. I am a smoker, and can agree with the limitations originally imposed by the various airline companies that any flight lasting less than 1 hour should prohibit smoking on it, and in fact since the flight is so short, and usually is a climb and then a descent with no real "cruising" at any altitude, the movement about the cabin should be restricted as well. One such flight that comes to mind is the hop from here to Atlanta, GA. This flight is only about 40 minutes, and any smoker should be able to do without his habit for this amount of time. Here's the real clincher though. I knew that the laws were further `enhanced' to include all domestic flights, i.e., even flights from Atlanta to Los Angeles, which are approximately 6 hours. This is asking a bit too much of the smoker to do without his habit for this extended period, and the ultimate solution to the problem of second-hand smoke is not prohibition, but better ventilation. The issue is further inflamed when no regulations are put on perfumes and colognes worn on the same aircraft. Again, knowing that I could not smoke on the flight, or actually until I got to my destination due to building regulations, I went to the little convenience store in the Airport to pick up a pack of gum to prevent me from grinding my teeth to dust, and also to help with the pressure changes related to air flight. The first thing I saw was the cigarette stand in the store, and was slightly amused that cigarettes were sold in a no-smoking facility. When I enquired for gum, I was quickly informed that gum could not be purchased in the airport. WHAT!? First of all, the smoker has been deprived of a vice which he enjoys, and then, is offered no alternative, and on top of that, is tempted by the displays and reminded of his nicotine urges. Well, knowing that ranting about it would only possibly get me kicked out of the airport, I went on down to the boarding gate. I got within 50 feet of the gate, and was assaulted by some of the most foul smelling perfume I have ever smelled in my life, and the concentrations of it in the air should have been considered chemical warfare. The first thought I had was "I hope this broad isn't on the same flight." I was wrong. Not only was she on the same flight, but she wound up in the seat next to me on a completely booked flight. I have never been air sick in my life, but in that one little flight to Atlanta, I came as close as I want to it. The noxious concentrations gave me a tremendous headache and made me very nauseated. When getting off the plane in Atlanta, I looked the woman in the eye, and said, "And some folks have the gall to complain about smokers.....". I was thankful that I made it to Atlanta without puking all over me and the surrounding passengers, and the walk through the airport did wonders for settling my stomach and head. Now, I was getting close to the boarding gate for my connection to Albany, NY, and was again assaulted by very high concentrations of perfume. I hoped and prayed that person was getting on a different flight, but again I was wrong, and again, the person wound up in the seat next to me. This time, there was an empty seat, so I paged the flight attendant, and asked if I could move. She asked why, and I asked if something was wrong with her nose. The woman wearing the offensive perfume was of course very insulted, but I simply told her that she wasn't offensive, but her perfume was. I cannot help but believe that concentrations of scents like that are as bad for one if not worse than second-hand smoke. I was wishing that I had eaten a huge bowl of beans before leaving home. I think that I will use that tactic next time I go somewhere. If I can't smoke, I might as well fart, because someone is going to be a source of foul odors, and it might as well be me. I think I'd rather smell what George Carlin refers to as a "rip-shit- tear-ass" fart than to have to smell some of the perfumes which some folks think smell good. I guess what I am getting at is that in order for this thing to work out fairly, each passenger should pass through a gas analyzer as well as the metal detectors at the security gates, and be forced to go take a bath if the concentrations of perfume scents exceed a given level. Like I said, I am a smoker, but when in a crowded room, I do try to curb my habit to be fair to the non-smokers in the area. When in the car traveling with my wife and children, if my wife is smoking, then I refrain in order to keep the concentration of smoke down to a tolerable level for the kids. I also try to keep good air circulation in the car as well. On airplanes, think about where the smoking sections were before smoking was completely prohibited. If you were a smoker and were flying coach, you usually wound up on seats in the back of the aircraft. On a Boeing 727, this can be especially excruciating, because of the vacuum created when the turbines are accelerated for take-off, or for deceleration of the aircraft on landing. You wind up with one on either side of you, and one over your head. Trust me, I've been in the front and rear on a 727, and there is a change in cabin pressure at the rear when the engines are revved. If I remember correctly, wasn't this called discrimination when the blacks were forced to sit in the back of busses in the 50's and 60's? Smokers are being discriminated against, plain and simple. I feel that if someone objects to the smoker so much, then he has all the right in the world to take a different flight, and to refuse to get on the aircraft with the smoker. The thing that triggered this rant was the fact that I could buy cigarettes in a declared no-smoking zone, and could not get a pack of gum to help me curb my urges. This stinks. The other contributing factor is the assault of the perfume from other passengers, who were quite possibly some of the same people that voted to prohibit my smoking habit on airlines. I know that cigarette smoke stinks to some people, but they above all should be aware that perfume stinks to some people too. The other peeve I have with non-smoker's rights is the implementation of no-smoking policies in the work place. Recently, our entire office building was declared a non-smoking facility. Good. When I want a cigarette, I will simply stop what I am doing, and get up and go outside to imbibe in my vice. What does this do for the company? Well, it decreases my productivity significantly because each time that I get up and leave whatever it is that I am doing, I have at least a short review of what I was doing to refresh the train of thought that I was in. This review would not be necessary if I did not have to leave what I was doing. I can see where smoking in the office presents problems for non-smokers, however, the solution is not to make the smokers less productive. The solution is to increase ventilation. This option has a one-time expense, and is not that significant in comparison to the number of hours lost over a period of time, which could have been productive hours at $125 per hour. A lot of modifications can be made to an HVAC system for one 8 hour day's worth of time at $125/hr. for one smoker. There are 6 smokers in our office. While we are a minority of the population in the office, we still cost as much as the majority. We still have productivity measurements imposed on us as well. Some would say that the obvious solution is to quit smoking. I don't ask anyone else to stop any of their habits, one of which is gum chewing. But, I also wish that I could legally beat the owner of the cud that I stepped in when walking down the sidewalk. Even tobacco chewing is not prohibited in the office. Now you want to talk about a disgusting habit! Ever seen a desk that a spit cup got turned over? All in all, I just feel that the people that make the rules need to view the impact of their rules from all sides before making the rules into law. If a smoking area is provided, a lot fewer problems will occur. If the smoking prohibitions are further enhanced to encompass the wearing of loud obnoxious perfumes in quantities that would kill a moose, then I will consider this a move to make the policies more fair. Anything beyond simple deodorant on the human body in the work place is unnecessary, and an infringement on my rights to not have to smell the crap. Personally, I would rather smell body odor than to smell some of the perfumes I have had to contend with in our office. It is that serious, believe me. I can see prohibition of smoking in areas where safety may be compromised, in situations where the ventilation is poor, but if the ventilation cannot be solved, then it is inadequate to begin with, and the area should be considered a confined space and appropriate respirator equipment used. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What, Exactly, Is This Papacy I've Been Hearing Of, And What Can It Do For Me? An exclusive interview with the heads of the Crunchy Frog Cabal, or whatever they're calling it today, by Sinister Dexter As I drove the el cheapo rented subcompact up to the gates of the large estate at Nice (that's pronounced NEECE for all you non-literates out there), I marveled at the sheer SIZE of the place. The main building was a four-story mansion, complete with helipad and twenty-car parking garage. Scattered about the grounds were smaller structures, apparently quarters for the hundreds of acolytes that staffed the place. Also obvious were the tennis courts and the large swimming pool. An eager looking acolyte in a valet's uniform took my keys, and roared off in the small car almost before I could retrieve my recording gear. Another acolyte led me up the ornate marble stairway into the main building. As I passed into the huge foyer, I found myself uttering a low whistle - this place must have been EXPENSIVE. The foyer was a full four stories high, and a large stained-glass skylight depicting a constable opening a box of chocolates topped the room. A large, multi-tiered fountain lay in the center, and several expensive-looking sofas and chairs lined the room. I picked a seat near the fountain and sat down. Within minutes, I heard the sounds of approaching footsteps as two figures descended from one of the upper floors. As they neared, I could tell it was Episkopos R.J. Gumby and Cardinal Bishop, the two I was looking for. Putting on my best reporter's smile, I switched on my tape recorder. Dexter: Hello. I'm Dexter... R.J.: Can you help us settle something? Dexter: Er... sure. R.J.: At the end of "Young Guns", did the Doc/Narrator character speak in first- or third-person? Dexter: Third, I think. Bishop: Told ya. R.J.: Damn. Now, then, you're Dexter, right? Dexter: Yes. R.J.: I knew it. I'm Episkopos Pope Pope Praetor Sir Dr. Dr. R.J. Gumby, as you well know. And this is... Bishop: Pope Pope Cardinal Dr. Bishop, at your service. R.J.: Now, then, what would you like to know? Dexter: Just a few general questions for the general public, Episkopos. R.J.: Shoot. And don't bother with all the titles. Just call me R.J., okay? Dexter: Well, just for the record, what are your _full_ titles? R.J.: I'm "His Eternal Majesty, Episkopos, Pope, Pope, Praetor, Sir, Dr., Dr., And All-Around Nice Guy R.J. Gumby." Bishop: And I'm commonly known as "The Right Honorable Pope, Pope, Cardinal, Lumberjack Extraordinaire, Persecutor of Heretics, and Advisor to the Papacy, Bishop, M.D." But it's quite a bit easier to just say "Pope Pope Cardinal etc. Bishop." The full names are only for ceremonies, legal papers, that sort of thing. Dexter: How did you two get all those titles? R.J.: Various and sundry ways. Dexter: I see. Now let me ask... Bishop: No. Dexter: What? Bishop: Never mind. Go ahead. Dexter: Ah. Okay. What, exactly, is this Cabal business about? R.J.: First, let me say it has NOTHING to do with Trade Wars. The Crunchy Frog Cabal, or the Church as it is sometimes called, is a loose dis-organization of Discordians and Monty Python freaks, based here in Nice. We're a semi-profit organization. Dexter: And that means...? Bishop: If anyone out there is dumb enough to send us money, we'll keep it. Dexter: Nice policy. How did the Church get started? R.J.: Well, that's classified. But I can tell you the Church started out in the late 80's on the Crunchy Frog BBS. It started out as a bunch of maniacs leaving messages at each other, survived a couple of holy wars and that sort of thing, and then evolved into what you see around you. Dexter: When did it change from a joke into a pseudo-Discordian society? Bishop: [Pointing at R.J.] HE did it. He got a copy of the _Principia Discordia_ and went all funny. R.J.: Oh, be quiet. You agreed with it once I told you you could be a Pope under the new rules. Actually, though, it started a long time ago, when I first read Shaw and Wilson's _The Illuminatus! Trilogy_, and I wondered about all those references they made to the Discordians and all that. Then Terry McCombs spotlighted Discordia in his God of the Month club, and I got Chaos in a big way. And then one day I came across a copy of _Principia_, and WHAM! Enlightenment! Dexter: I'm sure everyone out there is wondering about the benefits of joining the Church. What do you offer the new converts? Bishop: Actually, not much. If we ever get around to printing them up, official membership cards will be distributed. They'll get the official title of "Acolyte", and the authority to preach and proselytize and be officious at their own discretion. They'll have the knowledge that they're in on one of the silliest organizations ever thought up without chemical assistance. Dexter: Are there any important rules to follow? R.J.: Well, yes. Our members must constantly be aware of the evil and insipid off-line reader menace, and fight it at every turn (if they feel like it). They should watch Monty Python, laugh, and Get The Joke. They should follow our strictures, lest they be visited by The Right Heavyset Archbishop Chopper. And when we make some strictures up, we'll be sure to write them down and tell everyone. Other than saving one from certain bruising and laceration, conscientious observance of Church strictures can seriously help one's advancement in the Church. Of course, flagrant disregard for the strictures can often do the same. We'll let you know once we get some strictures made up. Dexter: Are there any serious restrictions on who can or cannot join? R.J.: Unlike SOME religions, the Church is an equal-opportunity church. Regardless of race, creed, belief, sex, intelligence quotient, and/or vegetarianism, we'll consider you just as carefully as the next guy. Sometimes we just don't consider you, we just flip a coin. Dexter: Speaking of belief, who do you... well... worship? R.J.: Nobody at the moment. Got any ideas? Actually, we have a few Saints. Er, one in fact. Monty, SysOp of the Crunchy Frog, our "base" in the telecommunications world. Quid pro quo. I mean, to an extent, some of us are Discordian, worshipping Eris and all that, but most of us are just along for the ride. Doesn't matter to me. Dexter: I see. What are some of the benefits of advancement in the Church? R.J.: Many. The ability to be smug at other people and dazzle them with your huge title. Official license to the person(s) of your choice. Free and unlimited use of the facilities here in Nice. Extended conferences with Cardinal Natasha (bring your own leather goods). Various and sundry things. Dexter: Nice. Bishop: No. NEECE. NEECE. Dexter: No, I meant... [Here I noticed the manic grins on their faces, and decided to give it up] never mind. Who are some of the other members of the Church? R.J.: Well, besides us, there are The Highly Recommended Pope Cardinal Natasha, The Right Heavyset Archbishop Chopper and his proxy, Bishop Pain, Pope Cardinal Baron Sir Rev. Rev. Dr. Dr. Dean C., Cardinal Terry McCombs, and Monk Eric. We've got a few bishoprics pending, and there are a few hundred faceless acolytes around, as you probably noticed. We're still looking for more members, though. Dexter: I see that some of the higher-ups have rather lengthy titles. Do the acolytes have any hope of achieving such poly-syllabic greatness? Bishop: Poly-syllabic greatness?!? Dexter: Well, you know what I mean. Bishop: Of course - I just never heard it put like that before. R.J.: Well, everyone starts out as Acolyte, and that's nowhere near as prestigious and fun as being a pope. Advancement in the Church is done very randomly. Certain events and achievements can affect one's rate of advancement, however... Dexter: Like what? Bishop: Let's just say that leaving dumb messages just to get "cute" taglines is BAD. R.J.: As for more titles, these are given out at will, by us. For example, right now, I could make you a bishop. Why not? Dexter Sinister is now Bishop Dexter Sinister, and should be treated with all applicable respect and care due a Bishop. And there was much rejoicing. Congrats. Dexter: Hey, thanks! With all these titles, how do you keep up with who's in charge and all that? Bishop: A clever point system will keep everyone in order, whenever we get around to designing it. Dexter: Makes sense. And now, on to political matters. What is the Church's stance on the major issues of today? Say, abortion? R.J.: We don't care. Run with it. Dexter: Hmm? Bishop: Just like he said. We don't forbid certain views, like SOME religions out there. If you want to do it, go ahead. We don't mind. Dexter: Very open-minded. And how does the Admiral de Coligny factor into all of this? R.J.: I'm sorry, who? Dexter: [Checking list of questions again] Oh, excuse me. Wrong list. Where would one go for more info on the Church? Bishop: Call the Crunchy Frog BBS, (205)956-1755. Leave mail to R.J. or me. Or leave a public message to "Timmy". Dexter: I see. Well, that's all for me. This is Bishop Dexter Sinister, reporting for Birmingham Telecommunications News, and signing off. R.J.: Hey Dexter, before you go, how about a tour of the Dungeon? I'm sure Cardinal Natasha would like to meet you... Dexter: Great! Let me just turn this... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Currently Untitled (fiction) by Jeremy Lewis Installment 1 It was almost sunrise when the old yellow car pulled into the driveway. The car was so old that no one could remember what kind it was and Herbert wasn't telling. All that mattered was that it drove well enough and that Herbert liked it. Herbert was the strongest man on the Earth and he was also quite possibly the least intelligent. His best friend was R.G. Strangemind, who ironically happened to be the most intelligent man on the Earth. R.G. had been the only person on his block to build a laser pistol at age nine, in fact he had been the only person to ever build a laser pistol. Herbert stepped out of the car and walked up the driveway to R.G.'s house. Herbert knocked on the door and then opened it. "Are you ready for work?" he bellowed in his uniquely loud voice. R.G. entered the room. R.G. was a tall, wild eyed, lanky individual whose hair often reminded people of a cat being electrocuted. He wore a white lab coat and he carried a piece of toast in his right hand. He was the complete opposite of Herbert, who was the perfect image of masculine strength. "You are late!" screeched R.G. in his mouse-like voice, "What is your' reason?" Herbert spoke sheepishly and with much shuffling of his feet, "I couldn't find my keys." At this R.G. became angry. "And where were your' keys," he asked impatiently. "In the ignition," replied Herbert. R.G. was so angry at this moment that the toaster decided to explode, quite surprising the table upon which it had been sitting. Herbert leapt back with the speed and agility of a tiger, avoiding a flying piece of toast and tripping over the coffee table. R.G., however, was hit by the deadly piece of breakfast paraphernalia and was knocked to the floor. "What happened," asked Herbert. "The toaster exploded, you idiot," replied R.G. "What else would send toast flying all over the room?" With that episode at an end and with the extinguishing of a small table in the kitchen, the unlikely pair set of for work. to be continued... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Notes from the Trenches: Stranger In An All-Too-Familiar Land by Dean Costello Well, I am indeed in Maryland, and what a curious place it seems to be. Toll roads, road construction as far as the eye can see, and expensive food prices (a hamburger at McDonalds [what I use as an indicator of cost of living] is $.88). I think that the basic problem is that I had a tendency to romanticize about how nice a place it is. I forgot about the mind-numbing tediousness of my hometown. To give you insight, Cambridge is somewhat like Alabaster, except the river is wider and the attitude is more redneck. Yes, there are more rednecks per capita here than anywhere else in Alabama. Kind of curious, really, which I guess is why I rebelled so hard against Alabama when I first got here ("Holy Christ! It's just like Maryland, except there's no Chesapeake). But as Mom always says, "Life's what you make of it", which just gets me more annoyed since I am looking for something concrete, not just a homily. But one thing about this town, homilies abound. Everything is 'good enough for my grandfather, and its good enough for me' and therefore I 'should just be grateful and satisfied with what I've got.' I hear an awful lot of 'You're not that great', but mostly in asides from Mom, but that is not for discussion here. 'Who do I think I am?' for daring to think that there is something more to life than working for $7.50/hour at a job I despise, getting two six-packs of Budweiser on the weekend and getting into my '74 Duster, and circle the strip in Cambridge all weekend. It is like mediocrity is not just a personality quality to be appreciated, but it should be strived for. Failure is okay, as best I can figure, but don't rub others' noses in it. Success is only proper based on local mores, which in this case usually means via land raping or flat-out exploitation of workers. A kind of social stratus based on the number of citations from EPA that your corporation has garnered, as it were. And the local 'intelligentsia' wonders why the best of the graduation classes get the hell out of Dodge the day after commencement exercises at the football field. I was sitting down the other day trying to figure out who was still here and who was gone. Of the top 10% of my class, or so, there are only 3 of us left, and that is including me. I want to hit the mediocrity thing a little harder, here. There is one girl in my class, Alpha (not here real name, obviously). Fairly intelligent, ranked about 10th out of the 256 or so that graduated with my class. One month after graduation, I saw her at the local bowling alley. She had fallen in with a group I would describe as lowlifes. I spoke with Alpha, albeit briefly under the jealous eye of the chief lowlife who apparently assumed that I wanted to rustle the chief filly of his herd and move her into my corral, and I discovered that she had lost most of her upper-level thought processes, along with a better part of her spoken grammatical ability. In other words, Alpha, a promising female, had done what I have seen all too often in females--she is playing stupid for the benefit of a very stupid male (trust me on this, I knew the guy from high school). The thing that bothers me is that it isn't just nodded at here in Dorchester County, the way it is in many areas, but it is both expected by the female and encouraged by the female's family. Another girl, whom I shall call Beta, was probably the single most intelligent female I have ever met. When we spoke together, when I was thinking as hard and fast as I could, I could tell that her mind was only a little bit occupied by the discussion, and the rest of her brain was being used for solving global hunger, world peace, and curing cancer; in general, while smoke was coming out of my ears, her brain was just barely idling. A scary person to speak with. Kind of like Brett Thorn, except she really did know all the answers and didn't need the superior smile, or a Chris Mohney without the smartass (Finally, the local tie-in is finished). Anyway, her boyfriend told her one night that they should have sex so that she would become pregnant and then she would have to marry him. And the shocking thing was that she wasn't the least bit offended at being considered chattel. What her boyfriend did was acceptable behavior. It is apparently appropriate for the area males to act like a bunch of Bedouins. I haven't heard from Alpha for a while, I think that she has a couple of kids, and her husband was laid off from his factory job when it closed in 1985. Beta was accepted into Cornell in the Biology department, got stomped badly, switched over to Computer Science, and that was the last I have heard. Speaking in an unorthodox manner is also frowned upon. You know the old greeting drill, "Hello", "Hello", "How are you?", "Fine"; that everyone goes through? I try to switch it up a little with "Hey" instead of the second hello, and "A tad tired, I reckon" instead of the 'fine'. I get looked at so strangely. "Who do you think you are?" is the usual expression I get. Also, I must concede a point. A bunch of you have always fallen back on the old saw, "Southerners are nicer". Well, kind of nicer, in a superficial way, since I have noticed that you (plural) are as much a bunch of treacherous back stabbing bastards as anyone. There are some things to be said for the hovering that salespeople do when you enter their store. Here, few people hold doors, reply to random "Hey"s on the street, say "How are you?" at the supermarket checkout; you know, that kind of thing. Whether or not that is good I'm not sure. It is different. Now don't get too carried away with the "Ah-ha! Dean admits the South is better than the North!" I always deify a region after I leave it. I assume that if I do come back for any length of time, I would start to remember the neighbors next door, or the crappy drivers, tornadoes, and the abandoned cars pretty quickly. I imagine that if I were to go back to Pennsylvania for any length of time, I would also start remembering that no beer is served on Sundays, the lack of restaurants, the surly townsfolk, and the really bad roads. It is all a matter of perception, I would assume. For some reason, hindsight and reminiscences always color something to be much better than it actually was. Remember how big your parent's house was? Or the back yard? Or the local theater? Perception changes over time, as it will with everyone. Soon, Birmingham will enter with South Jersey and Central Pennsylvania as being the Best Places that I have ever lived, and eventually, if and when I ever get a real job, Maryland will again be placed in my pantheon of previous residences as the Land of Milk and Honey. But for the time being, it is pretty much as William Donald Shaffer, our Governor, said: "The Eastern Shore is a shithouse." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- **** SURVEY SUGGESTIONS **** Or, "Who Asked You Anyway? (*I* DID, bwahahahahaha)" an official address of suggestions offered for the next Unofficial Birmingham BBS Survey ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- by Scott Hollifield If you've followed the evolution of the infamous BBS Survey since its genesis, you have a pretty good handle on how it got to be where it is now, following a path of intrigue and controversy since the first issue of BTN, in 1988. The first and most notorious of the surveys was run on ONE board in town, Channel 8250, and the results stirred up so much dust that I publicly asked for suggestions that I could use for the next one. Only I made a mistake. I did it in a message base. Where people could REPLY to me, in 50-line messages. And they did. And EVERYONE had their own ideas. People who were on Channel 8250 during this time will remember the ensuing discussion well; it was a debate that lasted several months and made me doubt my ultimate purposes more than once. Overwhelmed and somewhat intimidated by all this hubbub, I took the other extreme the next year: I asked for NO one's opinion, and created the survey by myself. The result netted about 400 voters and is what you read in BTN last month. Actually, I misspeak myself somewhat; there WAS a question last year that asked for suggestions, but few people took the time to offer substantial suggestions. This year was a bit different. Over half of the participants said SOMETHING in response to that last question in the survey, and much of it was insightful thoughtful critique. However, rather than stir up another message base debate, I decided to do this article. What I'm doing here is recapping the most popular or most relevant suggestions offered in response to this year's question #30: "Please mention any suggestions you might have that would improve this survey." I'm going to paraphrase or sum up each suggestion, then provide my own commentary - whether or not I think it's a good one, why I will or won't use it, etc. Here we go! --------- ** Ask what users would like to see more/less of on a BBS. This is quite a good idea and will probably make it into the next questionnaire in some form. Such a question might help sysops determine how to improve their own BBSs, instead of simply being told that their board isn't adequate or whatever. I also re-instate the "Why?" questions from last year. ** Create a way for people to answer the questionnaire offline. This is something a couple of people mentioned last year. It seems that a good many people have difficulty coming up with on-the-spot answers and would really like the time to think some up. That's fine with me. I sort of tried to initiate this idea on The Connection this year but couldn't because of technical problems on my end. Next year, I will provide a list of the questions in downloadable form, perhaps free of transfer ratio obligation, if the sysops are willing; I might see about getting such a list in BTN before the surveying starts. That way, anyone who wants to can compose a list of numbered answers at their own leisure and mail them to me on one of the BBSs. ** Why the questions on television, music, etc.?? Some voters seemed rather frustrated that I had dared to include questions in the questionnaire that were not BBS-related. The reasoning for this is rather simple.. I just thought that after answering a slew of BBS questions, users might enjoy answering a question or two that had nothing to do with computers or modems. Since so many people had something to say about this, I will consider paring this aspect of the survey down a bit next time. ** The questionnaire is too long! Tough beans. One user suggested that I warn people how long it's going to be, which I may well do. ** The questionnaire is too short! Aahhhhh... ** Leave out "least favorite" questions. This is probably the most controversial aspect of the survey. People are sometimes sensitive to being criticized by people they don't even know, and some sysops don't like the idea of having their boards shot down by faceless voters who don't realize all the work and time that's been put into running a BBS. However, my advice to these people is: get thicker skins. I could propose some argument in defense of these questions, something to the effect that sysops and users-who-post-a-lot lose a bit of their right not to be talked about while gaining a bit of celebrity status but I won't bother. Lots of people enjoyed these questions too. It's fine if you don't want to answer them, lots of people didn't. But keep in mind that the results of this survey are meant in the most INsincere context as possible, and shouldn't be taken seriously. Have fun with it. ** Ask for a third-favorite BBS and sysop. I did this last year; not enough people responded to make it worth tallying. ** Ask about favorite (non-terminal) software. I'm not interested in knowing what your favorite game/ spreadsheet/desktop/etc. is. The survey is geared toward questions concerning the local BBS scene, and so it will remain. ** Make it a secret ballot. It already is as secret as I can get it. The only people who see the names of the voters are myself and whomever I choose to help compile the results (this year, Dean Costello). Complete anonymity tends to encourage cheating, which was attempted this year. ** Fix the survey so that long distance callers can take part. The name of the game is: Unofficial BIRMINGHAM BBS Poll. Long distance users are enough of a minority that their votes for out-of-town BBSs, sysops, etc. don't sway the curve anyway. I did deal with long distance voters a bit differently this year, however. Up until now, I've eliminated all votes cast by long distance callers. However, there has since arisen a small number of LD callers who, in finding only boredom among their own local scene, visit the rich Birmingham BBS community more often than their own. If a person, LD or not, appears to have a healthy interest in the Birmingham scene (i.e. if s/he responds to enough questions with B'ham answers), then I count their votes. This is done at my discretion. ** Add color. ** Put the options in a window. ** Mouse support. These are all technical suggestions that are impossible for me to implement. I am bound by the limits of the board. Oh, well, I guess I COULD put in color if I really wanted to, but I have a monochrome monitor - so why should I suffer? ** Disregard the stupid people. Will do. Anyone who henceforth claims to be stupid can have their votes discounted if they so wish. ** Make gender a feature of the results. That sounds like it might be interesting, especially since Birmingham has more female users than ever before. It might be possible for me to count the males and female based on their names, but some names are ambiguous. This may pop up next year as a question. ** Give a listing of the Birmingham BBSs. Such a list is available in BTN every month. ** Make the questions multiple choice. There are too many boards, sysops, and users in this town for this to be a feasible option. ** Make the questions funnier. Hmmm. This sounds like a Crunchy Frog vote. Talk to Monty about putting in some more script questionnaires. ** Leave Dean out of the compilation process. At the time, Dean was available. I used him and his apartment, and that's all there is to it. You can get a lot of good food delivered to you if you live in Southside, which I found out. ** Ask people's opinions about pay-BBSs. We already know all there is to know about this old topic. No one likes to pay for BBS use, but sysops do need the money. ** More technical questions. I don't know any. ** Questions of an immoral nature. I don't know any. ** Ask for more than one answer for "favorite BBS, sysop", etc. That would kind of defeat the purpose, wouldn't it? As a compromise, I did ask for second-favorite, which counts half as much as "favorite". It seemed to work okay. --------- There, that will do it for this year. If I didn't mention your suggestion, then you were the only one to offer it *and* I didn't think it was worth addressing. Probably. I hope to get a somewhat early jump on the survey this time, so that I can get all my procrastinating over with before the end of the year. Look for the Fourth Annual Unofficial Birmingham BBS Poll coming to a bulletin board near you sometime this fall. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY I COMPUTE by Ricky Eanes Why do I compute? What a question. Well, there are many reasons. First of all, I compute for simple fun. I enjoy everything behind BBSing very much. I love being able to get free or shareware games, playing on-line games, and most of all, communicating with people via chatting or with messages. I am shy in real life, but in BBSing I can be a whole different person since no one really knows who I am. As many of you know, I am 13, and this does make it kind of difficult. Some people refuse to have anything to do with me just because I'm a kid. I'm not an adult, and I'm glad I'm not. That always kind of makes me different from all the other users. Anyway, messages are probably my favorite part of BBSing. I love echoes especially. Particularly "teens" conferences. Although most of the teens on there are more like 18 or 19, there are a few people my age, and it is fun to chat with them. Files are a very important part of the reason why I compute. I now have many games that I can play anytime I want. The shareware concept is great, because I have had several experiences with buying software that I don't like and then being stuck with it. I used to be a doors freak, but I have chilled a little in this area. I still like playing chess and card sharks, but I never have really gotten into the in-depth doors. Computing has changed me, but not necessarily for the better. I have become a "compu-hermit". I am trying to ease off a bit, but I don't know if I can. Anyway, here are some noticeable differences. These show what was BEFORE I got into computers. 1. Vulcan was a statue. 2. Crunchy frog was something dad's always say they stepped on. 3. Alter-Ego was that guy named Clark that came out of me. I still don't know who he was. 4. Arkham Asylum was where the Joker was being held (and he still is). 5. The bus system was something that maids took to work. 6. Camelot was something from the Middle Ages. 7. A monitor was someone who tattles kids who talk. 8. A script was something that actors forgot. 9. A file was a piece of cardboard kept in a big metal case. 10.A door was something that kept your mom out of your room. 11.I had my sanity. 12.A conference was something you slept through at work. 13.Board was what I was before I got my computer (hehehehe). 14.A disk drive was a floppy with wheels. 15.A phone line was what you used for your voice phone. 16.A dip switch was a button on Dean's head. 17.Monk was someone who lived and worked at a monastery. 18.Cardinal was a bird. 19.Dean was a priest. Well, I guess now I'm supposed to tell you about when I first got my computer and got into BBSing. Well, I first really wanted a computer after having a computer class in school. We used Radio Shack Color Computer 2's or something like that, and I thought they could really cook. All they had was BASIC, and that's mainly what we did. Anyway, we finally did get a computer in 1989. When my dad bought a modem, mouse, and printer with it, I thought this was just a waste of money. I never thought I'd ever actually find a use for the modem. I obviously did. One of my friends, Brent Elliott, had somehow gotten his hands on a list of some local boards. One day when I was over at his house, I copied down the numbers for Crunchy Frog and Duck Pond. As far as I knew, these were the only boards that existed. I got kind of active on Duck Pond, but Crunchy Frog was too weird for me at the time. Those were my only two boards for a long time. Finally, someone else at school gave me the number for the Matrix. Wow, now I called three boards. One day, my mom saw an article in the newspaper about tele-computing. It gave a few more numbers. From one of those boards, I got the BTN list. I freaked when I saw all the boards there were. I just couldn't believe that all these people would go to all the trouble just for a hobby. During all of this, I did all my board calling with Bitcom, some stupid program that came with my modem. The ANSI driver barely worked, and the program couldn't do anything. I was stuck with Xmodem, and so I didn't download that many files. One day I splurged and got DSZ, and my life was forever changed. Before I bore you completely (it may be too late), I will just say that I eventually got Ez-Reader and got hooked. That was when I became active in the message bases. Not too long ago I finally got Telix and love it. Nowadays, I will download any file that I want. Transfer time means little or nothing to me. I am hooked on BBSes. I have changed in many ways since I started computing. I have made new friends on boards (well, a few, maybe). I actually have something to talk about at school with my friends. There are many computer freaks at school, but most of them don't have modems. The ones that do have them call my private board a lot and we write messages and all. Since they told me too, and kind of helped me with this article, there names are: Michael Davidson, Brent Elliott, and Bill Flanders. If you meet any of these creatures on local boards be as mean a possible to them and tell them I sent ya. Overall, I guess the reason that I compute is mainly to communicate with other people, without having to leave my house. I can be as shy or as bold as I want, and people have no way of knowing how old I am or what job I have (especially since I don't have one). If you want to make comments to me, "Go ahead. Make my day". All I have to say is, "At least I finally got to write an article for BTN!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The following was provided to me by Mark Shafer, a strange New York banker who, for some reason, frequents the Crunchy Frog. It is reminiscent of an article Ricky Morgan wrote a few months back and you will find it entertaining. Unfortunately, the author's name has been lost to the ages. MM YOU NEED HELP! "Did you know that last months damn phone bill was $450?" scolded Bill in his harshest, my-wife-the-child voice. That's more than TWICE THE MONTHLY PAYMENTS YOU MAKE FOR THAT F***ING COMPUTER!" he continued as he escalated to screaming. "I confess! I confess" his wife sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie - I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to AT&T". As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming such a calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction called "As The Modem Turns." If you don't already own one of those evil instruments called a modem, TAKE WARNING! Don't even think about buying one. Modem fever sets in very quietly and insidiously. It sneaks up on you and then grabs you by the wallet, checkbook or, heaven forbid, credit cards. Once you own a modem, you enter this addictive trap by "dialing up" a friend who also has a modem. For some strange reason, typing messages to each other fascinates you, even though communicating this way is less than 10% of the speed you can achieve speaking the same words over a telephone. Then your modem buddy (friend is too good a term) sews another seed on the road to on-line addiction. He gives you the number of a local Bulletin Board Service. Once you get the BBS phone number, you've taken the first fatal step in the journey that can only end in on-line addiction. After you take that step by dialing up the BBS your modem buddy told you about, you find that it's very easy to "log on." This weird form of conversation with an unattended computer is strangely exciting, much more than you are on-line with your modem buddy. The initial bulletins scroll by and inform you about the board, but you are too "up" to comprehend most of it. Then you read some of the messages in the message section and maybe, in a tentative manner, you enter one or two of your own. That's fun, but the excitement starts to wear off; you're calming down. Thinking that it might be worthwhile to go back and re-read the log-on bulletins, you return to the main BBS menu. THEN IT HAPPENS... The BBS provides the bait that entices you all the way into the fiery hell of modem addiction. As you look at the BBS main menu to learn how to return to the log-on bulletins, you find an item called FILES. By asking the BBS for FILES, you thread the bait onto the hook of corruption; the FILES submenu sets the hook. You leap into the air with the sheer joy of flight when all those public domain program titles and descriptions scroll by. And they are all FREE!!! All you have to do is tell the bulletin board to transmit them to you. You download your first program and you're landed! In the creel, cleaned and ready for the cooking fires. In just 55 minutes after you've logged on to the board, you've downloaded 6 programs, one of them being John Friel's Qmodem SST, version 4.1 (truly an instrument of the devil.) BBSLIST, which is also among the files you downloaded, contains a list of a great number of bulletin boards throughout the country. (There is evil all around us, constantly tempting us!) You print this list and find about 600 BBS phone numbers. (Have mercy on our souls!) You try the number again and it's busy. You try again - still busy. You think "Hey, there's one that specializes in messaging. Maybe I'll try it. It's in Mt Vernon, but its after 9:PM and the phone rates have changed. It wont be too expensive." The board answers. After 45 minutes you've read 100 new messages. Then you call another board - only this one is completely across the country from New York, in California. And so it goes on into the night. And the next night.. And the next.. And the next.. Some days it gets to you. You begin to feel the dirtiness of modem addiction, particularly when your mate makes you feel like a child by berating you for those astronomical phone bills - if he/she hasn't divorced you by then. Every night you sit down before your IBM PC to do some work and instead you dial up another BBS, If that one is busy, you call another and another and another until you connect. Then you feel ok.. almost high. When you hang up, you still can't work so you call another BBS. Your downfall as an on-line addict is just another one of this society's terrible tragedies, such as polygamy or the compulsion to circle numbers on computer magazine "bingo cards." Eventually your whole social life relies upon only the messages you find on electronic bulletin boards; your only happiness is in the programs you've downloaded. (You never try any of them, you only collect them.) Hope exists, however. We, the dedicated but underpaid staff of Modem Anonymous, have done extensive research to find a cure for modem mania, which has been ruining thousands of lives. And we have succeeded in our quest. The cure is really quite simple, yet effective: Set up your own remote bulletin board service. Then all the other modem addicts will phone you, and their mates can nag at them about $450 phone bills. And you can find peace at last. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Review: Wing Commander by Colby Gibson First off, I want to say if you have an XT and you are considering buying this game, DON'T. A little bit of history: From what I have learned, in the future, the Humans developed FTL (faster than light) technology. Jumping outward into the galaxy, they discovered an interesting race of beings that are known as the Kilrathi. Cat-featured, these kitties didn't like the human race very much. They decided to eradicate us. This sparked that war between the Kilrathi and the Confederation. At the outset, you are a 2nd. Lieutenant aboard the TCS Tiger's Claw, a VERY large and powerful Confederation Fighter carrier. Your mission is to carry out the mission instructions that Halycon gives you, and destroy as many Kilrathi fighters as possible. YOU decide if the Confederation wins the war. If you do excellent, the Confederation does excellent. If you screw up and get the hell beat out of you, likewise to the Confederation. This game is wonderful. Full 256 color support, oriented more toward the FAST computers around. A 286 and above is recommended to play this game. You can use a Joystick or the keyboard, the keyboard probably being the best choice. The game has EXCELLENT sound card support, Adlib and SoundBlaster included. You will fly your missions in several different types of fighters. There are four. Here they are and a rundown of the schematics. Hornet: This is a small, fast little fighter. It is armed with two Laser Cannons, 2 Dart DF missiles, and one Javelin lockon missile. The hornet's shields are weak, and armor is weak, but the Hornet, in the hands of a master, can wreck havok with even the Jalthi of the Kilrathi. Scimitar: This fighter, well to put it quite frankly, sucks to hell. It is, however, armed with two Mass Drivers. They are projectile launchers that have greater range than the Lasers and do more damage. They have 2 Dart DF missiles and 3 Javelin lockon missiles. It is extremely slow and hard to maneuver. Raptor: This is my personal favorite. It is just about equal in speed to the Hornet, but has MUCH stronger shields and armor. It is armed with two Mass Drivers and Two Neutron Guns ( these weapons do great amounts of damage but only at short range.) It has a Pilum FF (Friend or Foe) missile, Porcupine ( a Kilrathi one your tail? Let it go, no more kitty.) some Spiculum IR missiles, and an array of other missiles. Rapier: This is the most defensively effective vessel. It is armed with two Lasers and Two Neutron guns, 2 Pilum FF, a Spiculum, and two Dart DFs. It is extremely fast, and has the most powerful shields of any fighter. To more understand the Kilrathi arsenal, here are their fighters. Dralthi: This is a small, circular vessel. It is quick, but will usually pull up or down to shake you. A missile will generally destroy it. It has two lasers. Salthi: It is an EXTREMELY quick and agile fighter, armed with two lasers also. Krant: This vessel can take a beating, which is also armed with two lasers. Not as maneuverable as the Dralthi, but can kick your rear if you don't get behind him. Gratha: A slow, but very powerful and heavily armored and shielded workhorse. They are armed with two Mass Drivers and Two lasers. It will take a GREAT amount of damage before buying the farm. Jalthi: The GREATEST threat to you if you are heading at it head-on. It is armed with three lasers and three Neutron guns. Slow, sluggish, and not very agile, it will murder you if you don't get behind it. As a pilot, at first, you WILL stink. Badly. But, as you get better and better at it, you can fly sole missions against squads of 7 or 8 jalthi with a Scimitar and come out alive. You start off in a Hornet. You will be promoted, up to a Scimitar and above as you do good. If you don't do well, you'll get demoted. You will be asked to perform a variety of missions. Here is a great deal of them. Escort: You will probably either escort a Drayman to its Jump point, or go to the Jump point, get the 'sport, and bring it back to the Tiger's Claw. Patrol: Just fly around to different nav points, and do dogfights. Pick off: You'll go out and destroy either Dorkir/Lumbari transports or Ralari/Fralthi destroyers. Defend: Fighters come at the Tiger's Claw. You must destroy them. Sweep: Precede the Tiger's claw and sweep a path clear of Kilrathi fighters. After you play the game for a while, you will learn certain technicalities that will happen. If Halycon says that there MIGHT be a Fralthi out there, there WILL be and you had better toast it. He might say that you can only use missiles to destroy a star post. Garbage. Use ship's guns and destroy it. Missiles do help, however. You will usually be with a Wingman. They just fly around and, if they get lucky, destroy 1 or 2 Kilrathi fighters in a mission. I usually shoot all the fighters where they don't get any kills. The best Wingman is IceMan. He is good. Here's a list of other Wingmen\Wingwomen. Spirit Knight Angel Maniac (Maniac may disobey your orders) Paladin Iceman Bossman Hunter You will probably fly with most of them. Get to know them. Here's a list of Capital ships. Confederation: Tiger's Claw Corvette Exeter (a big destroyer.) Drayman (A large transport) Kilrathi: Ralari ( A small destroyer) Fralthi ( A LARGE destroyer) Lumbari (A transport) Dorkir (A transport) Sivar (A laser dreadnought. If you don't yet have the Secret Missions disk, don't worry. You won't see it.) While you are flying, there are several pointers that I will give, then I'll end this article. Pointer one: When your shields get hit, your guns recharge MUCH slower. Use your afterburners to get away from trouble to build them back up.) Pointer Two: NEVER, EVER use your afterburners in an Asteroid field or Mine Field. You'll hit one and blow up. Pointer three: Remember, the best way to fight an enemy fighter is to hit it from behind. Don't charge it from front unless it is a Dralthi or Krant and you are in a Raptor. Pointer Four: You can use the Nav Computer to skip asteroid belts and other things to get to the important stuff. Pointer Five: USE YOUR INSTRUMENTS! If you don't, you'll be breathing vacuum. Origin systems did a GREAT JOB on this game. Remember that Wing Commander II: The Kilrathi Revenge is due out in June. Be on the lookout for it. Later. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Simearth: The Living Planet A review by Jeff Hollingsworth Simearth is a simulator for the evolution of a planet. You control all aspects of atmosphere, geosphere, and biosphere, and civilization, if any occurs. You can cause natural disasters to alter the shape and life of your planet. You can terraform at will and cover the surface of your planet as you wish. Your goal in this simulator is to take the planet you choose through a complete life cycle for its inhabitants. You do not have to start at the beginning but it is more of a challenge. In summary, you can play creator. Simearth comes with a full reference manual that describes the loading of the game, as well as aspects of play. It goes into detail of each category and/or option that is available in the game. In addition to the user's manual, there is a section on earth science so one can learn as well as enjoy while learning Simearth. Don't be frightened by the large and imposing looking manual. It is actually very easy to read and understand. The writers of this book did an excellent job of indexing and arranging the information needed to understand and use this complex simulator. For those of you who do not like to read manuals, the simulator does offer online help, tutorial, and glossary. It just doesn't get much easier than Simearth when it comes to installing it on your system. Your master disk can be run from either A: or B: drives. Type INSTALL and you will be walked through the procedure in English. You are given options for video mode, audio, and hard drive selection. You will require a hard drive and an EGA or VGA graphics adapter. You may optionally use your PC speaker, Adlib, Soundblaster, or other enhanced sound cards for audio. A mouse is also optional. The interface for Simearth will accept input from either the keyboard or a mouse. The screen is very flexible for the user. The top line of the screen is set aside for pull-down menus that offer the options for play. Many options open windows, some of which are user adjustable as to size. In addition, you can have multiple windows open at once and may move them around on the screen to wherever suits you. The screen interface is quite similar to Microsoft Windows in look but is quite fast, at least on my 386SX. You scroll around your world by moving the mouse to the edge of the screen in whatever direction you wish to travel, or by viewing a globe or map window and moving an editing block to the section of the planet you wish to view. Thanks to the interface, I was able to adjust to its methods very quickly and get on with enjoying the simulator. The online tutorial and glossary enhanced my learning curve leading me onto more advanced challenges in the planet maintenance business. When I ran into trouble, the online help precluded my ever having to go back to my manual. As a result, I haven't had to spend any significant amount of time away from the game because of difficulties understanding some aspect of it. Simearth is well worth the price and has afforded me many hours of entertainment and insight into the ways the earth works. I intend to spend many more hours enhancing my skills and highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in the way the world and its many inhabitants interact with each other. Be warned though, the game is time consuming because there are so many details to be reckoned with, and it is at least mildly addictive. I suggest to the beginner that you at least thumb through the manual and run through the tutorial's walk-through. You will be rewarded with useful information and avoid many costly mistakes in your early play by following this advice. As for video mode, if you have VGA, I suggest that you use 640x480x16 as it will be fast to update and it is quite attractive enough for our purposes. I do suggest you use a mouse as it makes moving through the windows much easier and faster. Like many games on the market, Simearth does require some real estate on the ole hard drive. It requires about 1 megabyte of hard drive space and runs best with 640K of memory. Simearth by Maxis, copyright 1990...$50 approx. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What is an ECHO or how does my message get from board to board. By Fred Hambrecht Sysop Abject Poverty (680-9680) Many of the new users are sometimes confused, they post a message on a board and later log on to another to see the same message. I recently had a user who was convinced he had stepped into the twilight zone. He had posted a message on my board, I answered and he later logged into the Matrix and saw the answer. He knew his password and the phone number were different, but here was the answer. "How did this happen", he asked. I guess the place to start is with a little history of "networking" in the Birmingham area. Here is a quote from Ed O'Neill: "Way back in 1988, before the wide spread proliferation of echo mail software, I was at a meeting of local SysOps when the topic turned to setting up a conference on one of our boards where we could call in and share a forum. I, almost casually, remarked that I could write a program to send mail back and forth between our individual systems and totally automate the transfer so our messages would be available each morning without having to call out to a common board." Ed O'Neill in his EZNet Documentation Thus was born EZNet, I remember the first time I say it, I logged on to Ice Princess's now defunct board and saw messages from 8250, "Wow! this is neat!" While this article will concern itself with only the EZNet conference, EZNet was actually a group of conferences. In the early days each board or "NODE" of Eznet would automatically call Ed's board and deposit the daily messages and pick up messages from the other boards. Some things that go on are mind boggling. Lets assume you log on to Alter Ego and leave Message #1012 about Ricky Eanes quoting too much. This message is then sent via the net to Crunchy Frog where it shows up as Message #3422 on the frog. Ricky calls the Frog, quotes the whole message as message #3488, and it then returns to Alter Ego as message #1130. Now when you read Ricky's message, it will show referenced to #1012 on Alter Ego. but if you were to call the Frog it would reference message #3422. A lot of thought went into this sort of thing that most users never consider. A few months back Ed decided to get out of the EZNet Central Business and we were faced with a problem. Rocky Rawlins (Matrix) agreed to pick up the conferences on Matrix but was running different net software. It was decided that he would set up two ways to network the information, and the new net was born. A little about the network software: Here in Birmingham we have pretty much settled on two packages RNet and Netmail. These packages both work much like the mail door you use with your offline readers. The big difference is that they accept messages from many different names while logged in as a single name. Here is how the net is set up today, ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» (N) ΪΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΆ Matrix (Central Hub) ΗΔΔΔΔΔΏ ³ ΘΡΝΡΝΡΝΡΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΡΝΡΝΡΝΝΌ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ (N) ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΟΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΟΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» Ί Abject Poverty Ί ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ Ί S T Ί ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ (N) ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ (R) ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» Ί Alter Ego ΗΔΔΩ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ΐΔΆ Crunchy Frog Ί ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ ³ ³ ³ (N) ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» (N)³ ³ ³ ³ ³ ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» Ί Jokers Castle ΗΔΔΔΔΩ ³ ³ ³ ΐΔΔΔΊ Little Kingdom Ί ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ ³ ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ ³ (N) ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» (N) ³ ³ ³ ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» Ί Bloom County ΗΔΔΔΔΔΔΩ ³ ΐΔΔΔΔΔΆ 8 2 5 0 Ί ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ΪΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΚΝΝΝΡΝΝΝΡΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ ΪΔΔΔΔΔΩ ³ (N) ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» (N) ³ ³ ³ ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΟΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» Ί Magnolia ΗΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΩ ³ ³ Ί The Bus Ί ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ³ ³ (R) ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» (P) ³ ³ ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» Ί Byte Me ΗΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΩ ΐΔΆ Radio Free Troad Ί ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ (N)= NetMail (R)= Rnet (P)= (Omega Ohm's) So as you post a message on your favorite board, it is then sent to The Matrix either direct or in the case of a couple of boards in two hops to the Matrix and then to all the other boards. Remember we are only talking about the EZNet conference. Next month we will see some of the more complex connections for other echos. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ProFile by Chris Mohney The ProFile is a short, half-serious biographical sketch given to various computer telecommunications personalities around Birmingham. Victims are selected randomly from a group of names put into the notorious Hat. Anyone who thinks himself brave or witty enough may petition for admittance to the Hat by leaving E-Mail to me (Chris Mohney, most boards around town) to that effect. Anyone who wishes to suggest more questions or sneakily nominate someone without their knowledge may take the same route.... --------- Pro File on LURCH HENSON --------- Age: 27 Birthplace: Ft. Bragg, NC Occupation: Commodore Computer Rep at Ft. Rucker, Al My hobbies include: Telecommunications, Tinkology, Reading, Inventing interesting devices, Weapons of all types, Computers, Puzzles, the Pleasuring of Women, the Craft, and anything that is capable of holding my interest. Years telecomputing: About 5 - 7 Sysop, past/present/future of: Lurch's Place BBS, The Maze, The Unknown BBS, The Hellfire Special BBS, Sex-for-Sex's Sake BBS, The Enterprise BBS, The Launch Pad BBS, The Wire- Grass BBS, The Dark Side BBS, Eagle's Corner BBS. (Co-Sysop on the last five.) My oddest habit is: Speaking "Forsoothly" when conversing with a Lady. My greatest unfulfilled ambition is: To be in charge of All for more than just one day this time around.... The single accomplishment of which I am most proud is: It's not exactly MY accomplishment, but I guess that I can now once again be ME. My favorite performers are: Hmmmmmmm, MAYBE Ann & Nancy Wilson, ZZTop, David Copperfield, Merlin, Donna Spicer (DAMN, can she PERFORM!), and several others you have not had the pleasure of hearing of.... (like Donna ) The last good movie I saw was: The last half of "The Man who would be King". The last good book I read was: Almost all of the M.Y.T.H. books by Robert Aspirin If they were making a movie of my life, I'd like to see my part played by: Pierce Brosnan, IF he beefed up alot. Otherwise, anyone my size, that looks enough like me that people can recognize who they're looking at, and that has the style and confidence to be a believable me.... My pet peeves are: Stupidity When nobody's looking, I like to: Alter probability for humorous effects. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Special Interest Groups (SIGs) BEPCUG CCS Birmingham East PC Users Group Commodore Club South Jefferson Sate Jr. College Springville Road Library Ruby Carson Hall, Rm 114 2nd & 4th Tuesday (C64/C128) 3rd Friday, 7-9 PM 3rd Monday (Amiga) Paula Ballard 251-6058 (after 5PM) 7:30-10 PM Maurice Lovelady 684-6843 BCCC BIPUG Birmingham Commodore Computer Club Birmingham IBM-PC Users Group POB 59564 UAB Nutrition Science Blg Birmingham, Al 35259 RM 535/541 UAB School of Education, Rm 153 1st Sunday (delayed one week 2nd and 4th Sundays, 2 PM if meeting is a holiday) Rusty Hargett 854-5172 Marty Schulman 967-5883 BACE FAOUG Birmingham Atari Computer First Alabama Osborne Users Enthusiast Group Vestavia Library, downstairs Homewood Library 2nd Monday, 7 PM 1st Saturday, 1PM Benny Brown 822-5059 Ed Purquez 669-5200 CADUB CAD Users of Birmingham Homewood Library 3rd Tuesday, 6:30PM-8:30PM Bobby Benson 791-0426 If you belong to or know of a user group that is not listed, please let us know by sending E-Mail to Barry Bowden on The Matrix BBS. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Known BBS Numbers For The Birmingham Area NAME NUMBER BAUD RATES MODEM BBS SOFTWARE SUPPORTED TYPE *% Abject Poverty 680-9680 300-2400 ProBBS/ProDoor * Alter-Ego BBS 925-0707 300-2400 MNP4 ProBBS/ProDoor * American BBS 674-1851 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Amiga Alliance ][ 631-0262 300-2400 Ami Express Arkham Asylum 853-7422 300-2400 WWIV 4.12 *% Bloom County 856-0587 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 -* Bus System 595-1627 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2 *% Byte Me! 979-BYTE! 2400-9600 USR HST WWIV 4.12 Camelot BBS 856-0679 300-2400 Telegard 2.5 -*# Channel 8250 Node 1 744-8546 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 -*# Channel 8250 Node 2 744-5166 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 * Crunchy Frog 956-1755 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.0 DataLynx 322-3425 300-2400 Oracomm5.L.30 Graphics Zone Node 1 870-5306 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16) Graphics Zone Node 2 870-5329 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16) Hacker's Corner 674-5449 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 + I.S.A. BBS 995-6590 300-9600 USR HST TCOMM -* Joker's Castle 664-5589 300-2400 MNP4 PC Board 14.5 K-9 Corner 424-8202 300-2400 Image 1.2 *& Little Kingdom Node 1 969-0007 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 *& Little Kingdom Node 2 969-0008 300-2400 MNP4 PCBoard 14.5 LZ Birmingham 870-7770 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 * Magnolia BBS 854-6407 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.2 MICROTECH Comm. 951-5678 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 @ Missing Link 853-1257 300-2400 Image1.2 ^ Myth Drannor 699-5811 1200-2400 MNP4 WWIV 4.11 Outside It's America 951-2473 300-2400 MNP4 WWIV 4.11 Owl's Nest 680-0851 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2 PC Echange Link 663-2759 300-9600 USR DS QuickBBS 2.04 Posys BBS 854-5131 1200-2400 RBBSCPC17.3 += Programmer's Shack 871-3356 300-9600 USR HST Telegard 2.5i * Radio Free Troad 979-6183 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.2 Safe Harbor 665-4355 300-2400 GTPower 15.00 Shadetree BBS 787-6723 300-2400 Phoenix1.36 += Sherwood Forest 838-1432 1200-2400 Telegard 2.5i += Source Line 674-0852 1200-2400 Telegard 2.5i Sperry BBS 853-6144 300-9600 Hayes PCBoard 14.5 * ST BBS 836-9311 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2 @ The Commodore Zone 856-3783 300-2400 Image1.2 The Connection Node 1 854-9074 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.1 The Connection Node 2 854-2308 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.1 The Connection Node 3 854-0698 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.1 The Dog House 425-9255 300-1200 Image1.2 The Dragon's Hoard 833-3790 300-2400 WWIV 4.12 -*! The Matrix Nodes 1-4 323-2016 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 -*! The Matrix Node 5 251-2344 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 += The Outer Limits 985-1725 1200-9600 USR HST Telegard 2.5i The Quiet Zone 833-2066 300-2400 ExpressNET += The Round Table 938-2145 300-2400 WWIV 4.11 VCM(ee) BBS Node 1 655-4059 300-2400 USR V.32 Oracomm Plus VCM(ee) BBS Node 2 655-4065 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Victory Express 425-0821 300-1200 Image 1.2 Willie's DYM Node 1 979-1629 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 2 979-7739 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 3 979-7743 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 4 979-8156 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Ziggy Unaxess 991-5696 300-1200 Unaxess Boards with a "*" before their name are members of our local network, EzNet, and public messages left in the EzNet Conferences of any of these boards will be echoed to all members. Boards with a "@" before their name are members of our local Commodore network, Image Network, and e-mail left on any member board may be directed to any other member board. Boards with a "=" before their name are members of our local Telegard network and public messages left in the echoed conferences of any of these boards will be echoed to all members. Boards with a "+" before their name are members of FidoNet, an international network that provides a variety of public forums as well as private mail services all over the world. Boards with a "-" before their name are members of MetroNet, an international network that provides a variety of public forums as well as private mail services all over the world. Boards with a "^" before their name are members of WWIV-Net, an international network that provides a variety of public forums as well as private mail services all over the continent. Boards with a "&" before their name are members of Intellec, an international network that provides a variety of public forums as well as private mail services all over the world. Boards with a "#" before their name are members of Uni'Net, an international network that provides a variety of public forums as well as private mail services all over the world. Boards with a "%" before their name are members of ThrobNet, an international network that provides a variety of private adult oriented forums all over the continent. Boards with a "!" before their name are members of RastaNet, an international network that provides a variety of public forums all over the continent. If you have any corrections, additions, deletions, etc., please let us know via EzNet. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- EzNet Multiple Echo List This is a list of the current echoes that we are aware of. More are in the making and will be posted in future issues. If you are a sysop and are running an echo not listed for your board, please make us aware of it so we may correct it next issue. E P I A S B A W G Z r B d c T s e M N o M u i N t b C e g l t W r e t r t e A o s a c n y m h u s ------------------------------------------------------------------- Abject Poverty X X X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Alter-Ego X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- American BBS Not hooked into new central yet. MM ------------------------------------------------------------------- Bloom County X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Bus System X X X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Byte Me! X X X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Channel 8250 X X X X X X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Crunchy Frog X X X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Joker's Castle X X X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Kingdom X X X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Magnolia BBS X ------------------------------------------------------------------- Radio Free Troad X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- ST BBS X X X ------------------------------------------------------------------- The Matrix X X X X X X X ed. This is a test layout for the new echo list. Please post your comments, corrections, and suggestions for improving it. I'm not crazy about this layout but it is all that I could think of at the time it needed to get out. MM