BTN: Birmingham Telecommunications News COPYRIGHT 1988 October 1988 Volume 1, Issue 6 Table Of Contents ----------------- Article Title Author Policy Statement and Disclaimer................Mark Maisel Editorial Column...............................Mark Maisel BBS's In The Old Days..........................Fred Hambrecht Pro File: Blake Miller........................Chris Mohney Are You A Computer Widow?......................Lisa Straughn ANSI Escape Sequences For DOS..................Keith Cahoon Diplomacy......................................Sohail Rabbani How To Upload A Message Onto A BBS.............Michele Cahoon Gamers Corner..................................Chris Mohney An Opinion On Mice.............................Bob Talley From The Kitchen...............................Chez Stephan Caught Again!..................................Gina Gossip Known BBS Numbers..............................Mark Maisel ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer and Statement of Policy for BTN We at BTN try our best to assure the accuracy of articles and information in our publication. We assume no responsibility for damage due to errors, ommisions, etc. The liability,if any for BTN, its editors and writers, for damages relating to any errors or ommisions, etc., shall be limited to the cost of a one year subscription to BTN, even if BTN, its editors or writers have been advised of the likelihood of such damages occurring. With the conclusion of that nasty business, we can get on with our policy for publication and reproduction of BTN articles. We publish monthly with a deadline of the fifteenth of the month prior to publication. If you wish to submit an article, you may do so at any time but bear in mind the deadline if you wish for your work to appear in a particular issue. It is not our purpose to slander or otherwise harm a person or reputation and we accept no responsibility for the content of the articles prepared by our writers. Our writers own their work and it is protected by copyright. We allow reprinting of articles from BTN with only a few restrictions. The author may object to a reprint, in which case he will specify in the content of his article. Othewise, please feel free to reproduce any article from BTN as long as the source, BTN, is specified, and as long as the author's name and the article's original title are retained. If you use one of our articles, please forward a copy of your publication to: Mark Maisel Editor, BTN 221 Chestnut St. BHM, AL 35210-3219 We thank you for taking the time to read our offering and we hope that you like it. We also reserve the right to have a good time while doing all of this and not get too serious about it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Editorial by Mark Maisel I hope that we were missed during the last month. Ed and I got together and decided to sit out a month since all of our contributors were busy enjoying the last of summer. I did receive several inquiries as to the whereabouts of BTN6 and now I will answer by saying here it is! Several events have been occurring during the last month that deserve notice here. Danny Manning and Daniel Bradford have started a printed newsletter called Birmingham Online. I love the name guys and I wish I had thought of it. I have not yet had a chance to see an issue but I have heard high praise from those who have had the opportunity. BTN tried the printed route when we first started up but the reception was not warm enough for this budding publisher to bear the burden of start-up costs. I wish "The Dans" all the luck in the world with their effort and I hope to see an issue soon. It is not enough that we have a local network of our own, we have expanded our horizons to national and soon international message exchanges through QuikNet which is running on the Pinson Valley BBS. This network allows PC Board systems to exchange messages on a variety of topics and a sysop may pick and choose from several message bases to exchange with others. If you have not seen this fantastic enrichment to telecomputing, then I suggest that you call Pinson Valley BBS right now and capture some of the stuff there. It is impossible to read all of the messages online as they are overwhelming. For example, the first time I entered the IBM conference, I captured 300 new messages and the oldest one was not even a week old. Channel 8250, one of our finest boards, has gone to a strictly message base board. The file transfer ability has been removed as the sysop has become frustrated with some callers leeching the boards file libraries and contributing junk and duplicate files. Please think about what we have here and what we stand to lose. I think that Stephen Powers, Ziggy, says it best on his opening screen, when you enter my bbs, you are treated as a guest in my home and I expect similar treatment on your part. You are a guest when you use a bbs and if you act like a thief, then you will be treated as such. I don't have too much more to say this time but I would like to let you know what sort of treats our contributors have cooked up for you this month. It turns out that we have one of the true pioneers in BBSing among our ranks in Fred Hambrecht and you will be extremely interested in his article about the the early days. Those of you who see messages from Blake Miller will get a kick out of his Profile and perhaps you may get a better understanding of why he types like that! Next time your spouse complains about your lack of attention, direct them to Lisa Straughn's article on computer widows. I think that it may ease the burden. Sohail Rabbani has graciously offered to present a series on the game, Diplomacy, being played online on America Online. This is fascinating game of strategy and intrigue that any and all serious game players should consider joining. We have several good instructional articles this time that will prove to be very beneficial to you and Gina Gossip has been at it again so enjoy. We close BTN once again with our Known BBS List for our area. If your board is not listed, then please leave me a message on any public bbs excluding your own, of course. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- BBS's In The Old Days by Fred Hambrecht It was December of 1978 when I discovered the first BBS. It was run by Ward Christenson out of Chicago. Based on a CP/M system, you could enter messages, read messages, and in general communicate with the rest of the fledgling "home computer types". I got the list of the BBS's in the US and that night called all 17 of them. With one exception they were clones of Wards system and devoted to CP/M systems. The exception was a system written by Bob Blue in California using the Apple. At the time I was the proud owner of a Commodore Pet Computer with a tape cassette, 8K of memory and a printer I had bought for the sum of $595 that used silver paper about 4 inches wide and burned the characters on the paper. To this day I don't understand the attraction of BBSing, But hooked I was, I had to have my own BBS. At that time no software existed for the PET so we had to write our own. When I say write our own, I mean RS-232 drivers and everything. The PET had no serial interface and the only other interface was a Commodore version of the HP IEEE 488 Bus. Not the most popular in the industry. The hardware problems had to be solved first. At that time a set of 8K memory chips would set you back about $125, I lucked out when the company I worked for (Sycor) changed over to the new 16K chip and I was able to "obtain" a couple of tubes of 8K chips. I was in hog heaven, with the aid of a bread board, the PET was upgraded to 32K a princely sum! Commodore had just announced a dual 140K disk drive for only $1295. A few days later we had the new drive in hand. The serial interface was designed and tested over the next few weeks. The next problem was a Modem, I couldn't figure a way to get the acoustical coupler to work on incoming calls. Again luck was with me, a new company BIZCOMP had just announced a modem that was a direct connect. Well, at least it was if you had what the old Ma Bell folks called a DAA (Direct Access Arrangement). No problem, call the phone folks and get one. "Ha Ha you have a computer in your house" the loyal minion at Bell chuckled "and want to do what"... I knew I was had, I hung up before they traced the call right after he mumbled about extra costs for computer grade lines as well as Modems only being allowed on commercial numbers. I called BIZCOMP and convinced the sales manager that this would be the advertising chance of a lifetime. He sent me one for FREE! The only condition was that he could use my system to demo the modems to his customers. When I questioned him about the DAA, he replied " Hell, hook it up and don't tell them" As a Ham I had hooked up phone patches for years, so Ma Bell didn't worry me. I wrote and debugged the software over the next month and a half, much to the consternation of two teenage daughters, who could not understand why I would tie up both phones talking to myself. All this while important calls from boy friends were being met with busy signals. Rule 1 of BBSing - No inconvenience is too great. Finally The great day! In February of 1979 the worlds first PET BBS was active. I was set for the world praise for months of effort! The first few calls left nasty messages as to why did my command structure differ from Ward's. So much for originality. A quick rewrite made all the menus look like the old CP/M boards except I thought it was dumb to have to add a carriage return after entering your letter choice, that lasted until the board was reviewed for Kilobaud Magazine by Frank Derfler. His comment was something to the effect "the system annoyingly sometimes requires no carriage returns". Oh well! glory never comes easily. I changed the software once again. Now I was an exact clone! Who could complain now! You guessed it, Ward made changes to his software and again sleepless nights of rewriting the code. The only real thrill was when the Pet club in Canada requested a copy of the software. This was the largest PET club in the world and homebase of the famous GURU Jim Butterfield. They ran my software for about 2 years and then the group did a rewrite that is still sold today. The system had the ability to Add, Delete, Read and Browse messages. No file transfers or any of the features found today on the nifty systems we use everyday. All in all a primitive system, but good enough to qualify us as a pioneer in the BBS hobby. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- PRO FILE by Chris Mohney The Pro File is a short, half-serious biographical sketch given to various computer telecommunications personalities around Birmingham. Victims are selected randomly from a group of names put into the notorious Hat. Anyone who thinks himself brave or witty enough may petition for admittance to the Hat by leaving E-Mail to me (Chris Mohney, most boards around town) to that effect. Anyone who wishes to suggest more questions or sneakily nominate someone without their knowledge may take the same route .... --------- Pro File on BLAKE MILLER --------- Age: 25 years Birthplace: The City of Angels, California That be Los Angeles to you all east of the Rockies... Occupation: Professional Graduate Student. I am currently on my seventh straight year of college... I keep telling my self that one of these days I will graduate... My_hobbies_include: Calling BBS systems! What else? Hmmmm.... Oh yeah. Programming computers. I practice the Martial Arts when I get the chance. I also like to go backpacking. As a matter of fact, I am going hiking in the Sierra Nevada mountains in the beginning of September. Months_telecomputing: I'm embarrassed. Just like most women are when you ask them their age. I got the modem in November of 1987. My first computer was (well, still is) an Apple Macintosh 512K. I now also own an AST Model 80. Seeing as how the MACAPATHY has set in to the BBS community, I use the MS DOS machine for most telecomputing activity. SYSOP_past/present/future of: Well, people ask me why I don't run a BBS. I tell them the BBS software I want to operate has not been written. I would like to share a big secret, there is life after TTY... I have not given much thought yet to the name I would give the board, but I do want to run one. Seems like a lot of fun. The emphasis would be on C Programming, of course... If I could, I would get around the 640K single user limit by running it on a DEC MicroVAX or something similar... My_oddest_habit_is: Waking up in the middle of the night with a strange craving to tweak source code I had been working on all day because I all of a sudden had an answer come to me in a dream! Then it is hard as heck trying to get back to sleep! My_greatest_unfulfilled_ambition_is_to: Rewrite MS DOS! The_single_accomplishment_of_which_I_am_most_proud_to_date_is: Getting into graduate school! My_favourite_performers_are: Sean Young. Have you seen Bladerunner? Now that is a babe! She shows up in the strangest places... Harrison Ford. Have you seen Bladerunner? I think this guy can act! Music? Tangerine Dream and Pink Floyd is a toss up. Chip Davis of Mannheim Steamroller, Vangelis, Jean Michel Jarre (who is Maurice Jarre's son), John Barry (music for James Bond movies), Fleetwood Mac, Supertramp, Mark Knoffler, Ray Lynch, Styx. Other albums from some groups in general. The_last_good_movie_I_saw_was: That is a tough one. Hmmmmmmmm............ Probably LadyHawke, which I rented back in March. The_last_good_book_I_read_was: The Bible (NIV Study Version). If_they_were_making_a_movie_of_my_life: I would like to see my part played by Harrison Ford. He would probably do a good job. My_pet_peeves_are: Anything labeled with the word 'standard' in it or so described, in which case 1. it probably is not 2. at least a jillion different variations can be found... ASCII and RS232 come to mind REAL quick... When_nobody_is_looking_I_like_to Sleep. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Are You A Computer Widow? by Lisa Straughn For those of you who are widows of computer junkies, I would like to speak to you about this growing infatuation between you husbands and the electronic wonders of the 80's. Did you ever think you would get tired of looking at the back of your husband's head before growing tired of looking at his face? Do you ever want to tell him to go sleep with his computer? Does dinner sometimes get ruined because he doesn't have time to come and eat because he's "on-line"? (And then he blames you for timing dinner wrong?) Do your children or pets seem to suffer from "Father Withdrawal Syndrome"? Has your husband started typing instead of talking to you? If you answered yes to one or more of the questions above, then you are experiencing the side effects of this high-tech addiction. Before you shoot, divorce, or otherwise incarcerate the poor hubby, just try to relax and be patient. Remember, these are just little boys in grown up bodies, most of them anyway. The older they get the bigger and more expensive their toys get. I think it has something to do with the fear of growing old and senile. Though I know it is tempting at times, don't throw his computer out the window. We of the fairer sex are supposed to be sugar and spice, etc., etc., so the advice of the day is to try more honey to catch the fly instead of vinegar. The alternative is to send him to an institution to have his RAM disk formatted. Whatever you do, don't harm the computer. It's a lot easier to expend a lot more honey for the attention than it is to eat a 2000 dollar computer after installing a virus on his machine, and certainly doesn't shorten one's life expectancy as much. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Ansi Escape Sequences for Dos Command Format ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- CUP --- Cursor position ---------------- prompt $e[LineNumber;ColumnNumber H HVP --- Horizontal/Vertical Position --- prompt $e[LineNumber;ColumnNumber F CUU --- Cursor Up ---------------------- prompt $e[NumberOfLines A CUD --- Cursor Down -------------------- prompt $e[NumberOfLines B CUF --- Cursor Forward ----------------- prompt $e[NumberOfColumns C CUB --- Cursor Backward ---------------- prompt $e[NumberOfLines D DSR --- Device Status Report ----------- prompt $e[6n SCP --- Save Cursor Position ----------- prompt $e[s RCP --- Restore Cursor Position -------- prompt $e[u ED ---- Erase Display ------------------ prompt $e[2J EL ---- Erase Line --------------------- prompt $e[K SGR --- Set Graghics Rendition --------- prompt $e[Parameter;Parameter m SM ---- Set Mode ----------------------- prompt $e[Parameter h RM ---- Reset Mode --------------------- prompt $e[Parameter l ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Examples Cursor position ---------------- prompt $e[2;4H Moves cursor to line 2 column 4. Horizontal/Vertical Position --- prompt $e[3;6F Moves cursor to line 2 column 4. Cursor Up ---------------------- prompt $e[2A Moves the cursor up 2 lines. If the cursor is already on the top line then DOS ignores the sequence. Cursor Down -------------------- prompt $e[3B Moves the cursor down 3 lines. If the cursor is already on the bottom line then DOS ignores the sequence. Cursor Forward ----------------- prompt $e[5C Moves the cursor right 5 columns. If the cursor is already in the right most position then DOS ignores the sequence. Cursor Backward ---------------- prompt $e[3D Moves the cursor left 3 columns. If the cursor is already in the left most position then DOS ignores the sequence. Device Status Report ----------- prompt $e[6n The console driver outputs a Restore Cursor Position. Save Cursor Position ----------- prompt $e[s Saves the current cursor position. Restore Cursor Position -------- prompt $e[u Restores the cursor position saved by the Save Cursor Position sequence. Erase Display ------------------ prompt $e[2J Erases Screen. Erase Line --------------------- prompt $e[K Erases from the cursor to the end of the line. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Set Graphics Rendition Set Graphics Rendition --------- prompt $e[44;43m Turns on blue background and yellow foreground. Parameter Function 0 All attributes off 1 Bold on 2 Faint on 3 Italic on 5 Blink on 6 Rapid blink on 7 Reverse video on 8 Concealed on 30 Black foreground 31 Red foreground 32 Green foreground 33 Yellow foreground 34 Blue foreground 35 Magenta foreground 36 Cyan foreground 37 White foreground 40 Black background 41 Red background 42 Green background 43 Yellow background 44 Blue background 45 Magenta background 46 Cyan background 47 White background 48 Subscript 49 Superscript ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Set Mode ----------------------- prompt $e[1h Changes video mode to 40 X 25 color. Reset Mode --------------------- prompt $e[2l Changes video mode to 80 X 25 black and white. Parameter Function 0 40 X 25 Mono 1 40 X 25 Black and white 3 80 X 25 Black and white 4 80 X 25 Color 5 320 X 200 Color 6 320 X 200 Black and white 7 Wrap-around at the end of each line Parameters for Reset Mode are the same as for Set mode except parameter 7 resets the mode that causes Wrapping at the end of each line. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Written by: Keith Cahoon (Guitar Man) @1988 Point of NO Return BBS (205)664-9609. 300/1200/2400 24hrs. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- DIPLOMACY by Sohail Rabbani Fourteen years ago I learnt to play DIPLOMACY, but never got a chance to actually PLAY it. When a friend brought the game and it looked promising to the group (we were a group of eight), I was assigned the task of mastering the rule book (which looked rather imposing) and teach it to others. I did the job a little too well, as a result, I ended up being the group's permanent Game Master and never played. As college got harder the group dispersed and DIPLOMACY left my life. Then out of the blue Mark Maisel mentioned to me one day that America On Line has a game of DIPLOMACY going on wherein he was playing Italy. "Who controls the Adriatic and Ionian Seas," was my spontaneous question. We discussed the game for a while and I realized that although I did not remember all the intricate details of the map any more, a good bit was still there. DIPLOMACY by E-mail This was the most logical step in the evolution of the game. I was excited and wanted to play. Currently, I'm playing in a game, my first ever. In this (what I am told will be an) on going section on DIPLOMACY in BTN, it will be our purpose to give exposure to DIPLOMACY, the game, in general and its E-play on a BBS. We'll also keep up with the happenings in the games being played on America On Line. I like to cover the basics first and in later issues we shall get into the more exotic stuff. INTRODUCTION and BACKGROUND DIPLOMACY, like chess, is a game of strategy above anything else. But it also involves a lot of other things that chess does not. There is probably more literature printed on DIPLOMACY than any other board game with the exception of chess. DIPLOMACY is set in Europe of 1901. The game board is a map of Europe, more or less, as it was in 1901. There are a few inaccuracies (Norway and Sweden, for example, did not get separated until 1906 or so) and several over simplifications, but let's not split hairs, it's a game after all, for God's sake. The European Powers of the day were in an intense competition for supremacy. Alliances shifted with kaleidoscopic unpredictability. They, however, used military force very sparingly but attempted to manipulate each other to their own advantage using deceit and treachery as their main weapons. In 1953 Allen B. Calhamer, a double major in history and political science, got so intrigued with the history and politics of Europe at the turn of the century that he set out to design a game based on that. In 1958 Avon Hills came out with the first commercial version of his game. He named it DIPLOMACY. A revised version, which is essentially the game we play today, came out a year later, in 1959. Postal play of the game became a fad and rapidly proliferated into a voluminous body of literature covering doctrine, strategy, tactics and variations. Mr. Calhamer and an ad hoc committee of postal players worked on removing the various ambiguities that still existed in the game through the sixties. After several refinements a revised and definitive version of the Rules appeared in 1971. There are seven players, each represents a Great Power. There are thirty four "supply centers" on the map. The objective of every player is to capture 18 of the supply centers, by hook or by crook. If this takes forming alliances or stabbing people in the back, then so be it. The seven powers of Europe, represented by seven players in DIPLOMACY, are the Dual Monarchy of Austria-Hungry; the Third Republic of France; post Victorian England (Queen Victoria died in early 1901); the Second Reich of Germany; the Kingdom of Italy; the Russian Empire; and the Ottoman Empire. NATURE OF THE GAME DIPLOMACY is not a game for everyone. It's not a "nice" game at all. Some vices which one wishes never to possess in real life become virtues in DIPLOMACY and are essential for a wholesome experience of the game. In that sense it could be thought of as a role-playing game. DIPLOMACY is a game for mature people who can tell the difference between a game and reality. Those who must win on order to enjoy, are warned never to try playing this game. Nor should those, who take the outcome of a game PERSONALLY, ever go near this game. In real life we do not betray the trust of our friends nor do we deliberately cheat and deceive our neighbors, but in DIPLOMACY we do. The first Commandment of DIPLOMACY is: "Thou shalt covet thy neighbor's supply centers." It is essential to remember that DIPLOMACY is just a game. A player who wipes another one out, especially through deceit and treachery, is not a bad person or an unworthy friend, he is a player of DIPLOMACY and, at that, a good one. In DIPLOMACY there is no room for appeals to personal friendship, reminder of past favors and exhibition of temper tantrums at a treacherous ally. The game's inventor, Allen B. Calhamer wrote the in 1974: "Cooperation must be created among players who have been fighting one another, and who have set their hearts on other objectives; they must admit that goals they have pursued all game long, which are now within their grasp, have just lost their value, and may even be destructive. Frequently they are out of position for new encounter, better positioned to fight each other. This is not the cooperation of being merely assigned to the same team. This is Verdun." OBJECTIVES and PLAY STYLES Games are played for fun. Some people are too preoccupied with winning or "doing well" that they cannot enjoy if they don't win. DIPLOMACY, as mentioned before, is certainly not the game for such people. Everyone has approximately 14% probability of winning. However, there can be several other objectives and their corresponding styles of playing DIPLOMACY if having fun is the motive. (1) Conquest or Stalemate: When played by a very good and ruthless player, this is a very powerful style. This player attempts to win, and if that proves difficult, he attempts to prevent another from winning. At the very minimum he attempts to bring about a stalemate. Pursuit of this objective requires an aggressive stance, logical calculation, cunning and a lot of gall. Players in pursuit of this objective are seldom steadfast allies. They prefer temporary alliances for specific goals only. Each alliance is broken when it has out lived its intended purpose. A player with a reputation of this style rarely finds allies and frequently becomes an early target of others who are less adept than he is. (2) Strong Ally: This is a variation of the first style, with one main difference, one primary alliance is made early in the game and is strongly maintained to the end. This player is satisfied to let his primary ally become the winner if he cannot win himself. Two players can enter into a long term pact have develop a common grand strategy. As a team the two allies seek to eliminate all others and possibly call it a draw between themselves at the end. This is a very effective style and is also the most common. Unfortunately, it makes for a dull game if two or three such alliances simultaneously appear in the same game. (3) The Underdog's Advocate: This kind of player is not particularly interested in winning. He wants to prevents others from winning. He also wants to prevent anyone from getting wiped out, especially himself. In other words, he tries to keep the balance of power. If one player begin to grow strong, be drums up a campaign against him. If another player gets too weak, he intervenes on his behalf. This is perhaps the best style of play, where the game itself is of greater importance than mere winning. Such a game may go on forever. (4) The Monkey Wrench: This style of player refuses to take the game seriously at all. He knows its only a game, so he does not concern himself with winning it. He attempts new moves, injects bizarre variations and experiments with unknown possibilities. It is the best way to add color and variety to the game. In the next issue we shall explore the Elements of the Game itself. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How To Upload A Message Onto A BBS by Michele Cahoon A lot of users have had questions on how to create messages off-line and upload them into a message on a board. Each board is different as far as how many lines the allow in a message and PCBoard allows 72 characters per line. I will use my board as an example to help describe what you need to do. First you check the board for how many lines they allow for a message. On my BBS it is 33 lines per message. Get your editor and write your message or messages. Make sure you only have 72 characters,(spaces, commas, periods are included),check the amount of lines in your message. The next step is calling up the bbs. Start the message as you normally would, type the e (for entering a message); to: (place who it is for); subject: (whatever); and security; (receiver only or public). When you get to the first line of starting the message, go to send a file on your end of your communications package. Make sure you are set on your end for an ASCII upload. Then go through the steps you normally do to get an upload going. Sit back and watch it fly...never thought you could type so fast...... Then save it as you normally would save a message... Now isn't that simple??? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Gamers Corner by Chris Mohney I almost suffered cardiac arrest when reading this article a while ago. It concerns the roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons, but only as the setting; anyone can understand it and laugh about it. Trust me, it's hysterical! It's by Richard Aronson, from the 13th issue of the roleplaying periodical Spell Book. Enjoy! * * * Let us cast our minds back to the early days of Fantasy Role Playing, back when ye Dread Gygax was loose upon the land. Funny how humor and horror can start out so alike. Let us go still earlier (yes, it is permitted to breathe sighs of relief) to the days before Gygax (and the courts) thought that he owned FRP. In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game", and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson, a veritable giant of a man. This story is essentially true; I know both Ed and Eric, and neither denies it (although Eric, for reasons that will become apparent, never repeats it either). If my telling of it does not match the actual events precisely, it is because I've heard it many different ways depending on how much of what type of intoxicants Ed had taken recently. The gist of this is that Eric, well, you need a bit more about Eric, or else I won't fill quota. Eric comes quite close to being a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise in all respects a superior gamer, and I've spent many happy hours competing with and against him, as long as he is given enough time. So, Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin (why should only Lawful Good religions get to have holy warriors was the thinking) in Ed's game. He even had a holy sword, which fought well, and did all those things holy swords are supposed to do, including detect good (random die roll; it could have detected evil). He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred: ED: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo. ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it? ED: (Pause). It's white, Eric. ERIC: How far away is it? ED: About fifty yards. ERIC: How big is it? ED: (Pause). It's about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top. ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it. ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo! ERIC: (Pause). I call out to it. ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo! ERIC: (Pause). I sheathe my sword an draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way? ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo! ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened? ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it. ERIC: (Pause). Wasn't it wounded? ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO! ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow! ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a *)@#! gazebo! ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away. ED: (Thouroughly frustrated.) It's too late. You've woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you. ERIC: (Reaching for his dice). Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin. At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is. It is solely an afterthought, of course, but Eric was doubly lucky that the gazebo was not situated on a grassy knoll. That is the story of Eric and the Gazebo. It's funnier when I tell it in person. Isn't it always, though. Be seeing you ... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- An Opinion on Mice by Bob Talley provided to us by Jay Enterkin I think that mice are nice where they belong - in traps, not in computers. Is there no end to the vermin infestation? What's next -- chipmunks? The meeses I have tried were slower and less accurate than a keyboard. What's the matter with WORDS? Have we forgotten how to use plain, simple words? This brings me to my other pet hate - the infamous Icon. Why Icons? Can't we all read English? Must we have cutesy little pictures to tell us what to do next? Are we raising a nation of people who are computer literate but English illiterate? One of the programs I bought and threw away had a picture of a hammer in it. I never did find out what it was supposed to mean, but I know what I thought it meant - I should have hit myself on the head with a hammer for buying anything so childish and inane. Expensive trash! And just EXACTLY what do the scissors mean? Cut & Paste? Cut what? Paste what? Paste what to what? What is the matter with simple words like "insert" or "delete" or "move"? If I wanted to see a picture show, I'd turn on the Boob Tube and let the over-paid, shallow minded fools like Merv Watchamacallit do my thinking for me. My opinion is, if you MUST have icons to run your computer, you should really take up something that fits your mental aptitude better - like knitting - or sky-diving, sans 'chute. One of the great strengths of good MSDOS programs are simple menus, ready to use at any time. No artsy-craftsy pictures of garbage cans and scissors... Bob Talley ----------------------------------------------------------------------- From The Kitchen: #3 by Chez Stephan Well ok. We are well into summer and I guess most of you have either been to the beach at least once or have a trip planned very soon. I personally prefer the beach in winter. I can lay out here and get sun. But the beach in winter is a completely different world. The seafood is super and there are no crowds. Anyway what I'm getting at is the fact that on your trip to the beach be sure to bring home some fresh seafood, shellfish in particular. This month I'm going to give you some hints for cooking shellfish as well as a recipe or two or three I feel quite sure you will enjoy. Shrimp should always be brown (actually some are greyish) in color when purchased fresh. If at all possible get shrimp with the head on. You get more shrimp per pound. When making seafood stock (recipe follows) you will need the heads to get the right flavor. Shrimp are sized by count. Eight to ten count will mean there are 8 to 10 shrimp per pound. These are what some people call jumbo. The jumbo are good for stuffing as well as grilling and bar-b-ques. In most recipes though you will need to use 16 to 20 count. These are a good size for most dishes as well as the best for frying. Shrimp will usually cook in 3 to 5 minutes regardless of the recipe you are using. Always add shrimp to soups and gumbos just before the recipe is finished. With most soups that are not cream based you can actually add the shrimp and turn the soup off. The remaining heat will take care of cooking the shrimp. !!!!!!!!!! NEVER OVER COOK SHRIMP !!!!!!!!!! Herbed Shrimp Over Oven Baked Rice: 1/2 pound 16-20 count shrimp peeled 1/2 teaspoon Basil 1/2 teaspoon Thyme 2 tablespoons Parsley flakes dash Rosemary 1/2 teaspoon Garlic 1/2 teaspoon Paprika 1 small Vidalia Onion 1 stick Unsalted Butter Melt butter in fry pan and fry onions and herbs together until soft, about five minutes. Add shrimp and stir until cooked. Serve on bed of oven baked rice. Oven Baked Rice: 6 tablespoons Butter 1/2 teaspoon Salt 1/2 teaspoon Black pepper 1/2 teaspoon White pepper 1 small Vidalia Onion Chopped 2 stalks Celery Chopped 3 Chicken Bullion Cubes 2 1/2 Cups Water Melt 3 tablespoons of butter in the bottom of a pyrex dish. Cook onion and celery until tender. Add water and herbs along with the chicken bullion cubes and stir until dissolved. Add rice cover and bake in 375 degree oven for 45 minutes or until done. Serve this meal with a nice white wine and some cheesecake. Oysters. Oysters should always be bought in the shell. If you have to though you can use shucked oysters that are packed in their own juice (this juice is called liquor). Oysters that are in their shell should be alive when eaten raw on the half shell. An oyster will live about three days out of water if kept iced down. Oysters in the shell will keep about 3 weeks if kept WELL iced. In a bag of oysters there is usually 12 to 15 dozen oysters. Steamed Oysters: Place several layers of wet burlap over the grill. Cover with scrubbed oysters in the shells. The coals should be very hot. Lower lid and the oysters will be perfectly steamed in a few minutes. When the oyster shells open they are ready. You can also use beer instead of water to steam the oysters but who wants to waste good beer. Oyster Stew: 1 quart shucked oysters 1 quart Half and Half 1 pint Whole milk 1 stick Unsalted Butter Salt Fresh Ground Black Pepper Paprika Chopped Fresh Parsley Oyster Crackers Melt butter in a 3 quart heavy saucepan. Add oysters and liquor. Bring to boiling point, but DO NOT boil. Stir in half and half, milk, salt, pepper, and paprika. Heat, stirring constantly until edges of oysters begin to curl. Stir in about 1 tablespoon parsley. Serve at once with crackers. This will make about 10 servings. This is also best on a cold winters evening when the gang is together for a football game or whatever. Crabs. Not the kind you get on a date. The best thing I can say about crabs is to use meat that has already been removed from the shells. Even then you will need to pick through the meat and remove shell fragments. ALWAYS OPEN THE CONTAINER OF CRAB AND CHECK FOR AN AMMONIA ODOR. She Crab Soup: 1 tablespoon Butter 2-3 drops Onion Juice 2 cups Crab Meat 3 1/2 cups Whole Milk dash Nutmeg 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 1 tablespoon Flour 1/2 teaspoon Accent salt and white pepper 6 tablespoons Sherry Put the butter, onion juice, and crab meat in the top of a double boiler and simmer for 5 minutes. Combine 1/4 cup of milk, Worcestershire, flour, Accent, nutmeg, salt and pepper. Stir until well blended. Heat remaining milk and combine with flour-milk mixture. Add to crab and cook slowly for 30 minutes. Pour into bowls and top with 1 tablespoon of sherry. Basic Seafood Stock: This is need for gumbos as well as fish stews. Start with 5 quarts of water. Add 1 pound of fish carcasses (do not use the entrails or the heads), 1 pound of shrimp heads and shells, the liquor off of a pint of oysters, 1 small onion, the tops of 1 bunch of celery and 1 or 2 carrots. Bring to a boil. Do not cover. Simmer for 3 to 4 hours adding water as needed. Cook down to about 2 quarts of liquid. Strain and pour into 2 quart jars. Store in fridge. Special Thanks to Jimmy and Johnny Patronis, the owners of Captain Andersons Restaurant in Panama City Florida. Most of these recipes are from Captain Anderson's Secrets Cookbook. That's going to do it for this month. Next month I will try do do some things with saltwater fish. Until then Enjoy and Good Eating Chez Stephan. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Caught Again! by Gina Gossip To start this gossip column off we will tell you a little info first. We had a BTN meeting again....what a meeting!! BTN was discussed some but not much.....topics ranged from 'whatcha been up to' .. to PKWARE.... We finally were graced with the presence of Mr. Gary Godsey. Ed O'Neill and he hit it off real well....infact, we were wondering if their screaming match would turn to blows.... nah not really but they probably both had sore throats the next morning. We had a photographer there, but he couldn't get the picture he wanted most.....the only female there to dance on the table. Yes, she had all the men to herself....eat your hearts out ladies! The meetings are something everyone should experience one time or another.....unreal!! Sure they are supposed to be talking about BTN, we all believe that like we believe Christmas comes twice a year!! We were not graced with a pair of spandex shorts though, we were promised they would be worn next time if Michele would wear tighter jeans. No one passed out this time...that we know of anyway. If there is any juicy information you would like on any of the writers of BTN .. please send a comment to Mark Maisel with your request and he will make sure I get it....and then you will get the answer.. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Known BBS Numbers For The Birmingham Area NAME NUMBER BAUD RATES SUPPORTED 68FREE 933-7518 300, 1200 America Online Node 1 324-0193 300, 1200, 2400 America Online Node 2 324-0194 300, 1200, 2400 America Online Node 3 324-0195 300, 1200, 2400 America Online Node 4 251-2344 300, 1200, 2400 American BBS 674-1851 300, 1200, 2400 Birmingham Business BBS 856-0679 300, 1200, 2400 Bus System BBS 595-1627 300, 1200, 2400 Byte Me 979-2983 300, 1200, 2400 Channel 8250 785-7417 300, 1200, 2400 Club Phoenix 942-0252 300, 1200, 2400 Commodore Club-South 853-8718 300, 1200, 2400 D3 Systems BBS 663-2759 300, 1200, 2400 Duck Pond BBS 822-0956 300, 1200, 2400 Fear & Loathing 985-4856 300, 1200, 2400 Fortress BBS 664-9040 300, 1200 LZ Birmingham 870-7770 300, 1200, 2400 Magnolia BBS 854-6407 300, 1200, 2400 Nouveaux BBS 871-5551 300, 1200, 2400 Penny Arcade 226-1841 300, 1200, 2400 Pinson Valley Node 1 854-9661 300, 1200, 2400 Pinson Valley Node 2 854-9662 300, 1200, 2400, 9600 Point of No RETURN 664-9609 300, 1200, 2400 ST BBS 836-9311 300, 1200, 2400 Smitty's BBS 849-7349 1200 Sperry BBS 853-6144 300, 1200, 2400 The Connection Node 1 854-9074 1200, 2400 The Connection Node 2 854-2308 1200, 2400 The Realm Of Tarot BBS 870-7776 300, 1200 Twilight Zone 856-3783 300, 1200 Willie's DYM Node 1 979-1629 300, 1200, 2400 Willie's DYM Node 2 979-7739 300, 1200, 2400 Willie's RBBS 979-7743 300, 1200, 2400 Ziggy Unaxess 991-5696 300, 1200