================================== B R I T C O M E D Y D I G E S T ================================== VOL. I RIK MAYALL'S MONTH FROM HELL MARCH 29, 1995 No. 11 A monthly electronic newsletter on British comedies. What's Inside ============= * Editor's Page * Rik Mayall Arrested! * "Have I Got News For You" * Op/Ed: Afraid To Offend * "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" * Jan Staff Visits the BBC Regular Departments: Britcomedy News Editorial/Opinion Page Quote-o'-the-Month ETC. Circulation/Back Issues Staff ===== Managing Editor..................Melinda 'Bob' Casino Contributing Editor..............Michelle Street Assistant Editor.................James Kew Copy Editor......................Cynthia Edwards Contributing writers: Lizbeth Marcs, Merritt Moseley, Simon Collings, Jan Staff. HTML logo by Nathan Gasser; HTML conversion by James Kew. Britcomedy Digest (ISSN 1077-6680) Copyright (c) 1995 by Melinda Casino. Reproduction for personal and non-profit use is permitted only if this copyright notice is retained. Any other reproduction is prohibited without permission. EDITOR'S PAGE ============= Several weeks ago I posted to alt.comedy.british and used the word "brave" to describe Comedy Central's decision to show "The Young Ones" and "Absolutely Fabulous." Someone in the U.K. responded to my post, saying how strange it was that showing these programs would be considered brave. Well, it *is* a bit strange, but as two articles this month point out, television executives have been led to believe that we Americans have a problem accepting anything that might be unpleasant or contain any real sort of bite. This is why there is so much worry about an American version of "AbFab." With our track record it'll be a miracle if it has the same marvelously nasty tone which made its British original the wonder that it is. The reasons for the American attitude are many and complicated. Since television here is all about big business and pulling in advertising revenue, writers and producers are almost forced to bring things down to the lowest common denominator and go for what they *think* the vast American viewing public wants. And so they look at the bottom line: the more viewers they pull in, the more they can charge for a commercial. The charges fly back and forth on who's to blame for this mess, with critics contending that this has led to a lowering of standards and others saying that the networks are only giving the public what they want. I agree with the former. In most of Europe, however, television is funded by the government and paid for via taxes and license fees. Therefore the pressure to produce a "money-maker" shouldn't be there; at least, in theory. Perhaps this is part of the reason why the BBC and other European networks seem willing to take risks and give new talent a chance to blossom. And in the end it gives the freedom for the people to go over the edge and create characters like Edina and Pats. This lack of a profit motive may also help artists in that they don't feel pressured to stay stuck in a rut. Despite being quite successful, "The Young Ones" was put to rest after only 12 episodes and as also reported in this issue, "AbFab" will be no more after this current series. In America, the normal trend is to keep something successful going on and on until well after it has outlived its usefulness. Anyone who has tried to watch an episode of "Saturday Night Live" this season knows what I mean. It's time for television executives to pick up their clue phones and realize that Americans can and will accept characters who are flawed, unpleasant and well... human. -- Michelle Street, Contributing Editor MAILBOX ======= I was watching Monty Python the other day. The late great Graham Chapman made me laugh. According to Chapman's character, his resume included his hobbies. "Golf, strangling animals and masturbating". Great... just beautiful... and the delivery... dead on... Silly Billy - New Jersey, USA ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ MAILBOX: Send letters to with the subject heading "Letter to the Editor." Prizes given every tenth letter; no prizes were awarded last month. BRITCOMEDY NEWS --------------- RIK MAYALL'S MONTH FROM HELL I forget who it was that said "April is the cruelest month," but March hasn't exactly been kind to Rik Mayall. First there was the sudden and unexpected departure of his co-star Stephen Fry from their West End play "Cell Mates" and the publicity surrounding Fry's subsequent "disappearance." Then came word that "Cell Mates" would close on March 25 due to the fact that since Fry's departure ticket sales had dropped off dramatically. This seems an especially tough break for Mayall, whose performance as the naive Irishman Sean Bourke was widely praised. It could also mean legal action for breach of contract against Fry, who quit only three days after the opening performance and was replaced by Simon Ward. Then Mayall went and got himself arrested. As Rik would say, "Right on! That'll shake 'em up at the Anarchist's Society!" And shake them up is definitely what Rik did when he aimed a gun at two total strangers in the early hours of the morning on March 18th. The couple was walking through London's Covent Garden at about 1 a.m. when Mayall pointed a gun at them. The couple, (obviously not realizing that they were dealing with an anarchist desperado), got all uncool and heavy and brought in the pigs, who promptly hassled Mayall and his unidentified 22-year old female companion. The gun in question turned out to be fake (just a prop from "Cell Mates") and after being questioned he was freed pending further inquiries. No word yet as to whether Mr. Mayall will complain about this incident to either his MP or the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen. BAFTA NOMINEES ANNOUNCED The name of Steve Coogan loomed large as the nominations were announced for this year's British Association of Film and Television Artists Awards (BAFTA). Coogan was nominated in the category of "Best Light Entertainment Performance" for "Knowing Me, Knowing You... With Alan Partridge" and also for Best Comedy Performance in "Three Fights, Two Weddings, and a Funeral." "Knowing Me Knowing You" was also nominated for Best Light Entertainment (Programme or Series) while "Three Fights, Two Weddings, and a Funeral" was nominated for Best Comedy (Program or Series) and also Best Comedy Performance for Joanna Lumley in the role of Pats. Here's a complete list of the nominees in the major comedy categories: BEST COMEDY (Programme or Series): "Absolutely Fabulous," "Drop The Dead Donkey," "One Foot In The Grave," "Three Fights," "Two Weddings, and a Funeral." BEST COMEDY PERFORMANCE: Steve Coogan (Three Fights, Two Weddings, and a Funeral), Annette Crosbie (One Foot In The Grave), Joanna Lumley (Absolutely Fabulous), Richard Wilson (One Foot In The Grave). BEST LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT (Programme or Series): "Don't Forget Your Toothbrush," "Knowing Me, Knowing You... With Alan Partridge," "Rory Bremner... Who Else?," "Smashie and Nicey - The End of an Era." BEST LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT PERFORMANCE: Michael Barrymore, Rory Bremner ("Rory Bremner... Who Else?"), Steve Coogan ("Knowing Me Knowing You"), Victoria Wood ("Victoria Wood - Live In Your Own House"). Victoria Wood is also nominated for Best Actress in "Pat and Margaret." The BAFTAs will be awarded on April 27 at the London Palladium. ABFAB BEGINS NEW SERIES The third series of "Absolutely Fabulous" has just begun in the U.K. with the premiere episode, entitled "Door Handle." According to writer/star Jennifer Saunders, "this series moves everyone on, has a less frantic pace than series two, and concentrates more on the characters." The major characters are all still there and little has changed, except that Saffy is inching closer to going to University. The plot of the episode revolves around Eddie's attempts to get organized. After trying a computerized organizer and finding that not to be the answer, she goes back to doing things the old-fashioned way. The scene then shifts to New York, where Pats and Eddie go for lunch and to find a door handle for Eddie's kitchen. Along the way Eddie also gets her belly button pierced and in the end finds the perfect door handle. There's only one problem though... it belongs to someone else. Much to the dismay of "Ab Fab" fans worldwide, Saunders has also said that this will be the last series. STEPHEN FRY IN HOSPITAL After his bizarre disappearance, Stephen Fry is apparently back in England and a patient at London's Cromwell Hospital. This fact was confirmed by a spokesperson for the hospital and Fry's agent Lorraine Hamilton. As of yet, no word has been given about his condition or exactly what he is being treated for. The hospital spokesperson said that Fry "asked that his privacy and that of his family be respected by everyone." RONNIE KRAY DIES Gangster Ronnie Kray (who spent most of his adult life in Broadmoor Prison) died of natural causes in Slough on March 17th. So what does this have to do with British comedy you may ask? Ronnie and his brother Reg ruled British gangland during the 1960s and their lives were the subject of the critically acclaimed film "The Krays," starring Martin and Gary Kemp of Spandau Ballet. But more important, they were the inspiration for the classic Monty Python skit "The Piranha Brothers." Indeed, an article about Ronnie's death in "The Independent" contains numerous quotes which sound like they could've been written by the Pythons. Here's just one: "Sure the twins killed people," Charlie Kray, the principal keeper of the myth, told me recently. "Yeah, people who had families and that, and there's no justification. But they was in the twins orbit. What I'm saying is, it wasn't normal people the twins done." To which I can only add: "DINS-DALE!" ---> Send news items to Michelle Street . E D I T O R I A L / O P I N I O N P A G E =========================================== AFRAID TO OFFEND, by Lizbeth Marcs When I first saw "Are You Being Served?", the first Britcom I watched with any regularity in my post-college years, I was totally taken by it. Yes, it's a subtle as a brick-over-the-head. Yes, it's rife with puns and innuendo just to get cheap laughs. Yes, the jokes get a bit repetitive. But, I was bowled over because it had _guts_. Maybe I should make myself clear on this point. It had guts when compared to most of the nice-'n'-fluffy family sitcoms that try to pass themselves off as American comedy these days. Anything with a nasty bite, but holds the promise of a hit, quickly gets de-fanged, neutered and otherwise made safe for mass consumption. Only some growling allowed... nothing actually _nasty_, understand. Is this supposed to be the '90s? Is this the era of "NYPD Blue"-language, "Picket Fences"-style discussions about the true meaning(lessness) of religion, "Homicide"-like sentiments about the futility of it all? While Americans are turning out some great, cutting-edge dramas, we have killed our sense of humor and buried it in a shallow grave. Can you imagine something like "All in the Family" on the air today? Archie Bunker and company would've been run out of town, after they'd been tarred and feathered. Granted, this 1970s gem almost _was_ killed by constant protests, but CBS hung tough and kept it on the air, perhaps a little too long, as it turned out, since several cast changes and a name switch eventually signaled its demise. When Norman Lear tried again, this time with the equally-biting "714 Houser St." (Archie Bunker's old address for you trivia buffs), it died quickly. Why? I'm willing to bet that old-line liberalism vs. that new conservativism between a black man (Or Afro-American. What is the correct term now?) and his son, plus the fact said son was dating a Jewish white girl, may have had a lot to do with it. Then there was the troubling idea that there were never any clear winners. In the spirit of "All in the Family," sometimes one side was right, sometimes the other and sometimes they were just making noise to avoid the real issue. Lear's other nasty sitcom, "The Powers That Be," was brilliant in how in skewered the political process, but you had to be a mind-reader to figure out when it was running on NBC. More recently, "The John Larroquette Show," which started out as a brutally dark comedy with satiric teeth that could cut through metal, has been made softer and fluffier. The star of the show, Mr. Larroquette himself, when he saw that his recovering alcoholic character was moving out of his flophouse into a real apartment, said, "Dear God. They've added the living room couch. It's over." Networks are leery and really, who can blame them? When you've got new recruits to the legions of Political Correctness growing every day and threatening to ban, boycott or otherwise hit the advertising pocketbook if you so much as stray from "the true path," you gotta toe the line. This is an age where the brilliant comedian, the late Jackie Gleason, is criticized because "The Honeymooners" made spousal abuse "funny." Maybe I missed it, but outside of threatening to send Alice to the moon without the benefit of a space ship, I don't recall any actual hitting. I recall "defenseless" Alice giving as good as she got. This is also an age where Bob Newhart who's _much_ funnier in stand-up than he is in a sitcom, was booed at a concert when he replayed his hysterically funny "woman taking a driving lesson" sketch. He killed his critics by threatening to do the entire thing in Mandarin. I blame Bill Cosby. In his younger days, he was a brilliant stand-up and storyteller. The first few seasons of "The Cosby Show" were fresh and original -- and funny. Unfortunately, as "The Cosby Show" dragged on year after year, its plotlines becoming thinner along with the humor, the networks realized that there was actually an audience for safe pap. The result? More safe pap followed, leaving us with such comedic classics as "Full House" and the getting-less-funny-by-the-minute "Saturday Night Live" franchise. The networks, for the most part, have abandoned truly nasty and interesting comedy to "the alternatives," whether they be subscriber channels (HBO shows "Mr. Bean"), general interest cable (Bravo gives us "Fry and Laurie," A&E introduced "Blackadder" to the unwashed masses, Comedy Central borrows heavily from the BBC line-up, though shows tend to get edited for commercials), or PBS. In fact, most PBS stations will gladly admit that their Britcoms (as well as their other British programming) are the most popular with viewers and tend to draw in the most new members and repeat donations simply because people are willing to _pay_ to keep them on the air. Suncoast Video, which carries a decent selection of Britcomedy for a shopping mall-style store, informed me that they can't keep Britcomedy on the shelves. The second the tapes come in, they walk out the store like they've got legs. This says something. There is an audience for this stuff. Why? British comedy -- or rather, the British comedy that the BBC sees fit to export to the American public -- tends to have bite, sometimes a rather nasty bite indeed. This is not to say that I, personally, like all British comedy. I don't. This is not to say that I hate all American comedy. I don't. There is good and bad in all genres, but the differences between mainstream Britcoms and mainstream American sitcoms are painfully obvious. Can you imagine what would happen if poor, "befuddled" Tom from "Waiting for God" showed up on American television replaying his B-movie roles with Gretta Garbo? What about Diana Trent with her acid tongue and the insistence that retirement is nothing more than death? I shudder to think. A recent episode had normally-sweet Tom vowing to tell the truth at all times and, as part of that vow, he informs plain-Jane that she's doomed to spinsterhood for the rest of her life because she resembles a badly-dressed sack of potatoes (or words to that effect). It was _painful_ to watch, but funny because it was true. Then we have Tom's pill-popping daughter-in-law. I can already hear the cries of "Drug addiction is not funny!" in the background. Not _one_ of these characters would survive a trip across the Atlantic. The "Young Ones," while they played well on MTV, and have legions of fans wanting CBS/FOX to release the rest of the episodes on tape, would turn off most of the American public. The closest thing we've got is a mindless, harmless sitcom called "Friends." I think you can tell by the title that it has little in common with the anarchy and vicious humor found in "The Young Ones." "Cybill," staring no-talent Cybill Shepherd, has been compared by U.S. critics to "Absolutely Fabulous," but it's as watered-down as a hotel gin-and-tonic. While I don't claim to be an expert on AbFab, since my access to Comedy Central is spotty at best, even I noticed some of the similarities. I also noticed that after _one_ episode Americans are already screaming about the alcoholic character. ("Alcoholism is _not_ funny!") "Are You Being Served?" would also, no doubt, fall to the Big Three's axe. While not exactly nasty or bitingly satirical material, Mrs. Slocombe's pussy, Captain Peacock's roving eye, and Mr. Humphries not-so-subtle sexual orientation would be edited toot sweet! "Make the pussy a cat! Tone down Humphries -- he's practically waving a pink triangle!" I hear the producers scream. All this over what is essentially an innocuous comedy, and I am unanimous in that. One of my favorite examples of what happens when a Britcom attempts to make the crossing is the U.S. Pilot of "Red Dwarf," mostly because you can play "The End" from the original version right next to the never-aired NBC pilot and see the striking differences. The optimism that makes the slobby Dave Lister so likable is torn away in the American version; Dave Lister is a square-jawed, buffed Han Solo-type! The essence of the character -- and what makes him work in relation to other characters -- is lost. According to Robert Llewellyn, who was cast as "Kryten" in both versions of this Britcom, a Hispanic comedian was originally chosen for the role of Dave Lister, but -- surprise, surprise! -- Universal and NBC were terrified of upsetting the Latino community because the character was supposed to be a "slob." A good-looking white guy took his place. Then there was the Americanization of Rimmer. This effort fell flat before it ever left the oven. In the early episodes of the original series, Rimmer was a nasty piece of work. He used anything and everything to keep his superiority over Lister and refused to turn over Kristine Kochanski's hologram discs to Lister. The U.S. version neatly removes the tension from the _entire_ first series by stating that all the other "personality chips" were destroyed and Rimmer's was the only one left. After all, it wouldn't do to have a character _too_ unlikable in an American sitcom, no matter how funny his British counterpart may be. Before I sign off on this rant, I'd like to leave you with this true story. Whenever I drag home my "Monty Python," "Fawlty Towers," or "Blackadder" tapes, my parents moan and complain that my brother and I have weird tastes. Yet, pop one of these tapes in the VCR and they're glued to the television, laughing their heads off and being surprised that they, who followed "All in the Family" the way some people follow soaps, actually like this stuff. (My father has already threatened to steal my "Red Dwarf" collection while my mother has actually attempted to abscond with my "Blackadders.") The real shock didn't come until several weeks ago when my brother and I, for some reason, were talking about "Are You Being Served?" My 68-year-old grandmother asked, "Is that the one where they talk about Mrs. Slocombe's pussy?" It turns out my Italian grandmother is a closet fan. She tunes in every night to the Boston PBS station and stays up late just to catch it. This is the same woman who thinks "Full House" is cute. It appears that ABC, CBS, and NBC have some homework to do. Perhaps they should start studying with the BBC. ### Britcomedy Digest welcomes contrasting views. Mail rebuttals and editorials to with the subject "EDITORIAL". SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE.....by Simon Collings -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every so often the British create something that seems truly bizarre to the rest of the world. Something totally unfathomable, loved by a select group at home and almost unknown to the rest of the world. One such "cult" activity is the game of cricket, "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" (ISIHAC) is another. This is a BBC radio programme that has been running for 22 years on the UK domestic radio network, Radio 4. The show is chaired by the jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttleton and is advertised as "the antidote to panel games." The regular contestants are four well-known British comedians: Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Willie Rushton and Tim Brooke-Taylor. They're split into two competing panels -- although the score keeping can seem a bit mysterious sometimes! During the show Humphrey Lyttleton gives the panels "silly things to do." It's one of the original improvised comedy formats, AND IT'S ON RADIO TOO! The show is a mixture of innuendo (in the "Carry On..." style), awful puns and "undergraduate" humour. Each week a different series of games is played, adding variety to the show. There is at least one series per year, occupying a slot in the schedule which rotates through "The News Quiz", "Just a Minute" and ISIHAC. Some of these programs can be heard on the BBC World Service. A gentle warning: not all the characters (or the games for that matter) in this show are real! Let's take a closer look at the show's stars: Humphrey Lyttleton (or "Humph" as he is affectionately known) is the show's chairman. He comes from a well-to-do middle class family and served in the British army as an officer during the Second World War. He has had a long career as a jazz performer and is now in his mid-seventies. As chairman, he adds his considerable sarcasm to the show. The panelists: Tim Brooke-Taylor's first radio appearance was in "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again" (1964-70,73), which led to TV appearances in "At Last The 1948 Show" (1967) and "Broaden Your Mind" (1968,69). A former Goodie (the TV show ran for 10 series between 1970 and 1982), he has also appeared in many comedies including "His and Hers" (1970-72), "The Rough With The Smooth" (1971,75), "Me and My Girl (1984-85,86-88) and "You Must Be the Husband" (1987-88). Tim's largest contribution to ISIHAC is to argue with the chairman over the rules to 'Mornington Crescent' (one of the games) at the first opportunity. Barry Cryer was one of the writers for "The Frost Report" (1966-67) and was a regular guest alongside Tim Brooke-Taylor in "At Last The 1948 Show". He has many other writing credits to his name, including "Hello Cheeky!", "Morecambe and Wise", and Kenny Everett's TV show. His main contribution to the show is his uncontrollable laughter which can be heard throughout. Graeme Garden collaborated with Tim Brooke-Taylor on several shows, notably "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again" and "The Goodies". He's also a script-writer whose credits include "Doctor In The House" (1969-70), "Doctor At Large" (1971), "Doctor In Charge" (1972), "Astronauts" (1981) and "Surgical Spirit" (1992-94). You may not be surprised to hear that he is a qualified medical doctor; he also appeared in a TV medical advice series called "The Body in Question." Willie Rushton was one of the founders in 1961 of the magazine "Private Eye" and a regular cast member of "That Was The Week That Was" (1962-63), in which he was frequently called upon to impersonate the then Prime Minster Harold Macmillan. He appeared in "Up Pompeii!" (1970) and makes numerous TV appearances in shows including "Through the Keyhole." He is currently on tour with Barry Cryer in the show "Two Old Farts." The scorekeepers: Samantha is a well-known "glamour" star and has many film credits to her name. She is currently working in Denmark on a new production. Her special performance on this year's Christmas show was especially appreciated by the audience - it's a shame it was on radio because we can only guess what it was. When Samantha is unavailable for the show, the equally well-known and well- oiled Sven takes her place. Sven is best known in his native Sweden and has appeared alongside Samantha in several "glamour" productions. Piano accompaniment: Colin Sell is a little known British pianist who is always savagely criticised by the chairman for the quality of his playing. Here is an example of Humph's venom: "You will be accompanied on the piano, teams, by the ever popular Colin Sell, who receives sacks of fan mail... Here's an example: 'Dear Colin, The Ventaxia kitchen extractor removes all the unpleasant...'" What makes this show so appealing? What has made it last so long? Well, the best way to show those who have never heard it is with some of the games that have been played. So let's hear Humph introduce some highlights from the last series: "Hello, and welcome to 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue.' This week we're coming from to you from the historic city of Chester, who's good people recently returned Gyles Brandreth as an MP...sadly they couldn't find anyone willing to take him back." "Last time our teams were here they were described as unmissable, so to the members of the Chester rifle club in our audience tonight let me introduce the targets...They are, on my left, Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden. On my right, Willie Rushton and Tim Brooke-Taylor...And always eager to do some scoring, the delightful Samantha." ONE SONG TO THE TUNE OF ANOTHER Humph introduces the game: "Each player will in turn be allocated a song without the words leaving just the tune. At the same time he will be given the words of a song without the tune (leaving just the song) and then he has to sing the words of the first song (that's the one without the tune but with the lyrics) to the tune of the second song (and that's the one with the music but without the words). To make this more interesting--and this is the clever part, teams--the song without the words but with the music is a different song from the one without the music but with the words... and that's why it's called 'One Song to the Tune of Another,' simple when you explain it." "And as this is a musical round, accompaniment will be provided. Now, it is a rare occasion when one gets to introduce a pianist who makes an audience jump to their feet at the very mention of his name... so when I tell you that tonight it is none other than Colin Sell you'll know to remain seated... COLIN SELL! Incidentally, Colin was telling me before the show that he is just about to complete his latest album... All he needs is the last set of prints back from Supa-Snaps..." Willie Rushton sings: "Bohemian Rhapsody" to the tune of "Strangers in the Night." Tim Brooke-Taylor sings: "Da-doo-rom-rom" to the tune of "Jerusalem." Barry Cryer sings: "I Love You Love Me Love" to the tune of "Those were the Days." Graeme Garden sings: "Hit Me with your Rhythm Stick" to the tune of "O Solo Mio." SOUND CHARADES Humph introduces the game: "OK, we are now going to play a game called 'Sound Charades.' It's based on the erstwhile TV show 'Give Us a Clue' which featured Lionel Blair the dancer and father of the Labour leader Ramsey MacDonald... As you will remember, in the TV version the players were not allowed to speak, leading to much mirth and hilarity. Our version works on similar principles but with two exceptions... mirth and hilarity... Oh! and of course the teams are allowed to speak." "Each team will enact a film, book, TV title for the opposing team to guess, and, Barry and Graeme, you're going to start now and your title will be displayed via the megabyte magic of the satellite linked digitally remastered laser display board. If any of you at home want to play along with the teams, close your eyes now..." (mystery voice announces) "Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction." (pause) "OK, you can open them... I bet you feel an idiot." Barry and Graeme: "It's a film, two words. OK here it comes... Hey Barry... Yes... You know how they make paper... Well yes, sort of... Well they cut down trees and grind up the wood into a sticky sort of mess and they roll that out and make it into paper... Right, right... It's not true you know." (mystery voice announces) "An Inspector Calls. An Inspector Calls." Willie and Tim: "It's a play and its got three words and it goes like this... (in a heavy Scotland Yard accent) Legs eleven... Two fat ladies... Clickety-click... There's one thing I don't understand Inspector... Oh, what is that then?... What is clickety-click?" HISTORICAL HEADLINES Humph introduces the game: "Long, long ago, teams, events of national importance went largely unreported in the national newspapers -- a tradition that has been upheld in this country to this very day. Teams, I shall provide an historical event and I'd like you please to suggest some newspaper headlines likely to have been printed in the papers the following day. The first event is the feeding of the five thousand." Free for all: + Magicians Weekly: DAVID COPPERFIELD UNVEILS GREAT NEW TUNA SANDWICH ILLUSION + Jewish Chronicle: ARE GOLDFISH KOSHER? + Sun: JESUS CHRIST ATE MY FISH + Observer: 4998 VEGETARIANS LEFT HUNGRY + Daily Mirror: WHERE'S THE KETCHUP? SHOUT PHARISEES + Financial Times: ATTRACTIVE PROPERTY GAINS FOR MEEK FORECAST WORD FOR WORD Humph introduces the game: "Our next round, Word for Word, involves the teams uttering a meaningless series of unconnected words. Interestingly, this round is thought to have provided the author Jeffrey Archer with the inspiration for the title of his next book -- 'A Meaningless Series of Unconnected Words.'" "I shall ask one team to exchange a series of completely unconnected words between them. The opposing team may challenge if they notice a connection. If I uphold the challenge then the challengers will take over." Tim and Willie: "Umbrella." "Follicle." "Shot." "Muffin." "Scarf." "Codswallop." (buzz) Challenge from Graeme: "Yes, 'Umbrella' and 'Scarf' are related, surely?" Tim: "Only by marriage." Willie: "That's Jane Asher, not an umbrella...frequently mistaken." Humph: "I have to uphold that, it was a very obvious mistake." Barry: (interrupting) "I once put her up...sorry..." Willie: "If she had known you were coming she'd have baked a cake." Humph: "Carry on, Graeme and Barry, take over." "Clog." "Cake." (buzz) Challenge from Willie: "One of Jane Asher's finest - the clog shaped cake, which she brings out every 'clogging' Sunday. Which they enjoy in Ramsbottom annually." Humph: "Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't cancel out the buzzer so I haven't a clue what happened then. Barry and Graeme, carry on, carry on..." "Flange." "Grouse." "Gusset." (much laughter from audience) Humph: "I heard a laugh there Barry, you're out..." Barry: "This IS the same round that we're playing you're adjudicating?" Humph: "Oh, it's the wrong game..." Challenge from Tim: "Well known pub: Grouse and Gusset, and they're open." Humph: "Carry on Tim." "Moribund." "Arthur." "Cataclysmic." (buzz) Challenge from Graeme: "Moribund and his brother Arthur!...we remember them." Tim: "Can't say fairer than that." Humph: "I know them well..." Graeme: "It's us is it? Right..." "Lark." "Wimple." "Novice." "Gerbil." Tim: "What was the last one?" Graeme: (whimsically) "Never you mind!" Humph: "German was the last one." Willie: "German?" All: "Gerbil, Gerbil, Gerbil..." Humph: "Oh, Gerbil was it?...German Gerbil." Graeme: "He was a German." (buzz) Challenge from Willie: "Was there a film called the 'Gerbils of Wimple Street'?" Barry: "The Parrots of Wimple Street." Willie: "Carrots?" Barry: "Parrots!" Willie: "'The Carrots of Penzance,' you're thinking of..." Tim: "Well, that was jolly good fun Humph, wasn't it?" Humph: "I'm absolutely fed up with it, to tell you the truth!" MORNINGTON CRESCENT Humph introduces the game: "It's now time to play the game called 'Mornington Crescent'..." (huge cheer from audience) "The 'Friends of Mornington Crescent' mailbox has been inundated again by a postcard from our regular correspondent, Mrs. Trellis of North Wales, who in holidaying in Rhyl at present and she writes: 'Dear... Having a lovely... Weather not so... Wish you were...' Oh, and there's a PS here, 'Due to power cut in hotel, had to write this under lighthouse.'" "Anyway, back to the game. This week we will be playing Hugo's Second Stratagem... and in case you have forgotten teams, this means that moves across consecutive rows are prohibited unless, of course, you're in knip... Tim, will you start please?" Tim: "Across consecutive rows?" Humph: "Oh, we're not going to have an argument again." Tim: "You can't actually have consecutive moves if you're in knip anyway, can you?" Humph: "You can!" Graeme: "If you're playing Hugo's, you can." Tim: "Ohhh... Oh yes, sorry." Humph: "You couldn't in the first stratagem, but in the second one you can. He amended it. You want to quibble Graeme?" Graeme: "Well he didn't actually amend it, he altered it." Tim: "I suppose that if Humph says we play it that way it doesn't really matter then, does it?" Graeme: "It's not Humph's amendment is it? It's Hugo's!" Willie: "Humph mentioned it." Humph: "You just said it wasn't an amendment. You said it was an alteration." Graeme: "Ahh, but you're trying to amend it now." Tim: "Perhaps we'd better leave it till next week." Humph: "Start away Tim, please..." Tim: "Lisle Street." Barry: "Frodsham Street." (Hissing from audience.) Willie: (challenging) "Spell it!" Barry: "F-R-O-D-S-H-A-M." Willie: "Where's that?" Barry: "Chester!" (the place where the show was being played) (Cheers and clapping from audience.) Willie: "Tight Street." Graeme: "Trinity Street." Tim: "Oh, blimey..." (pausing for thought) Willie: "It's not that bad... I hope you're not going to do anything very, very silly." Tim: "Do you think...?" (showing Willie the move) "Fleet Street." (Audience wince.) Barry: "Farringdon Street..." (is interrupted and changes to) "Westgate." (Audience sighs with relief, then claps in appreciation.) Tim: "No, we've forgotten the consecutive rules." Willie: (noticing a group of people in the audience) "What a funny little pocket of people over there." Tim: (in explanation) "They come from Chester." Willie: "Ohh!... They probably voted for the loony in the jumpers..." (reference to Conservative MP Gyles Brandreth) Willie: "Cromwell Road." Graeme: "Chichester Street." Willie: "Where's that then? Here?" Graeme: "Now you're in knip." Tim: "I suppose we are, aren't we?" Willie: "You are!" Tim: "Ummm, is there any way out of it?" Willie: "Yes, for me...but not for you." Tim: "If I go, you're coming with me." Humph: "Don't forget that consecutive rows are not prohibited because you're in knip." Tim: "Baker Street, thank you Humph." Barry: "Trinity Street." Willie: "Knightsbridge." Graeme: "Brandreth Square." (Laughter from audience.) Tim: "Are you allowing that, Humph?" Humph: "Listen, at this stage in the game I'll allow anything." Tim: "In that case, Mornington Crescent." (Cheers and long applause from audience.) ROMAN FILM CLUB Humph introduces the game: "There's just time, I notice, to fit in a quick round of 'Roman Film Club.' So teams, in honour of Chester's forebears, I would like you if you please to suggest some titles of films likely to have been popular with the ancient Romans..." Free for all: + Toga, Toga, Toga + Accidental Nero + Funny Gaul starring Barbarian Streisand + Viaduct Soup + Mad Maximus + Gladiator II - He's Baccus + Roller Ball and Remus + Rome Alone + Orgy and Bess with Caesar Minnelli + Hadrian's Wallstreet The show always ends with an elaborate round-up from Humph. Here are a couple of examples: "Well, as we rapidly approach the bus stop of the apocalypse, I notice that four horsemen have all come along at the same time." or... "Well, as the vanquished char-woman of time begins to shake-n-vac the shagpile of eternity, I notice that we have just run out of time." That brings us to the end of the show. If you want to get a better feel for the comedy style, try subscribing to the alt.games.mornington.crescent USENET group where at least one game of Mornington Crescent is permanently in full swing--don't worry about understanding the rules though! ### A BBC cassette is available: "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" (BBC Radio Collection, ZBBC 1388/ISBN 0-563-40769-7). JAN'S SAGA In Which A Humble Norwegian Braves The Wilds Of Suburban London To Visit The Beeb. At the beginning of March, three writing colleagues and I had the marvelous opportunity to visit the Light Entertainment and Comedy Division of the BBC. This gave us the chance not only to learn about "The BBC way of comedy," but also allowed us to set foot on historic ground. Our tour was arranged by Adam Tandy, head of the BBC's Light Entertainment and Comedy division. Luckily he is quite a nice man and used to visitors from Norway since in fact the NRK (Norwegian Television Company) is simply a scaled-down version of the BBC. The first studio we entered was a huge hall filled with more spots than Rick from "The Young Ones." They were just about to rearrange the set from that of a children's program into the scene of a serious debate show. The speed of this transformation was what amazed me the most. Between the hours of 11p.m. and 10 a.m. they completely rebuilt the set. According to one of our guides, this is a European phenomena, since most American shows stay in the same location until they go off the air for good. In Europe they rebuild the same set several times during recordings and to make this easier, the BBC constructed a "Freeway" around the studio to transport the various scenery. We were also able to get some insight into the process that shows go through before they are finally aired. Normally pilots are made for all new shows and series and then these are heavily debated by executives before being given thumbs up or down. Most series which make it to the pilot stage are given thumbs up, but we were told that during the 1980s ITV made hundreds of pilots which never saw anything but the inside of drawers. Once in a while, however, things go wrong. We learned about a recent comedy series that got shelved even after all the actors had been hired, sets ordered, and rehearsals done. Apparently one of the executives finally got around to reading the script and said "This isn't funny -- stop it!" So they did. After a visit to the news department, which was busy with reports about the release of Craig Charles, we went into another studio and watched Lenny Henry rehearse for his new series. What's special about this production is that Henry's production company has hired the location and staff from the BBC, but it's not actually a BBC production. After a few more words with our guides it was time to go and my colleagues and I left feeling very grateful that we had the chance to see such a big tv station at close range. Those who work there appear to be just a huge flock of people who wander around being all polite and British to one another. But when it comes to programming, they always manage to come up with products that are of the utmost quality. May they continue to do this forever... or at least until I die. :) -- Jan Staff ### HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.......by Merritt Moseley Viewers who saw "The News Hole" on Comedy Central last year witnessed another in a long and ignoble series of attempts to adapt British comedy programs to suit American tastes. In this case, the popular BBC series "Have I Got News For You" was the unfortunate victim of Americanization. "The News Hole" failed for many reasons. The show was utterly without humor and perhaps the only lasting impression it left on its few viewers was the desperate look in the eyes of host Harry Shearer and the lame attempts of his non-entity panelists to think of something funny to say. While this was not the most dire adaptation of a British show (that honor goes to "Reggie," the American version of "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin"), it showed the same lack of imagination. There was no comic writing, only a touching reliance on the improvisational skills of the comedians and a conviction that the format itself would guarantee laughs. The jokes were timid at best, dealing with such obvious topics as "O.J.-might-be-guilty" and "Oprah-isn't-as-thin-as-she-might-be." This is reminiscent of the watered-down manner in which Dame Edna Everage and "Spitting Image" reached U.S. screens. Compare a relatively tame American episode of "Spitting Image" which had Dustin Hoffman revealed as being short and Sylvester Stallone as being muscular and inarticulate, to its much nastier and satirical British cousin. On the U.K. series the skits were more likely to feature the sex lives of the Royal Family, John Major on the toilet in the House of Commons thinking longingly of Cabinet Member Virginia Bottomley, President Reagan's missing brain, or a boyish Minister For Sport squeaking "New balls, please!" to a Wimbledon umpire. Needless to say, the U.S. "Spitting Image" didn't last long while in Britain it's entering its 8th season. So if you want the real thing, then forget "The News Hole" and check out "Have I Got News For You," the original British comedy quiz show. This topical weekly program uses the same competitive format as "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" or radio's "My Word" -- points are awarded and a winner declared, but all in good fun. The master of ceremonies is Angus Deayton, an actor from the sitcom "One Foot In The Grave." There are two teams of two persons each. One of them is anchored by comedian Paul Merton and the other by Ian Hislop, the editor of the satirical magazine, "Private Eye." Each team has a different guest each week, usually drawn from the worlds of comedy, journalism, or politics. The scripted monologue which begin and end each show are delivered by Deayton and in between the comedy arises from the contestants' answers to a variety of questions more or less closely related to the news. These fall into several familiar categories: a video clip may stop at an interesting moment and the panelists try to say what happened next; they are asked to identify a series of names in the news; they supply the missing words in tabloid newspaper headlines with parts blanked out; they identify quotations; or they compete in supplying captions for provocative photographs. All of this makes for a nice balance between humor and authentic information. The show wouldn't work if the contestants were not actually quite well-informed about the news and indeed they get most answers right. On the other hand, it wouldn't be funny if they didn't supply a witty mock-answer before trying the real one. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY... HOT DOGS AND MUSTARD... NEWT GINGRICH AND REACTIONARY RICH PEOPLE The producers seems to have intended a nice contrast between Merton and Hislop. Merton is a stand-up comic of working-class origins and speech who, for instance, makes quite a show of his inability to pronounce French. Hislop is a public-school-educated, middle-class literary satirist who in the course of his work at "Private Eye," spends much of his time putting an unusual spin on the news. Despite their different backgrounds, they are equally sharp and there is no information gulf between the two. Hislop is usually paired with a comedian, Merton with a journalist or politician. Some guests have nearly stolen the show: Frank Skinner, Jo Brand, and the late Peter Cook teamed memorably with Hislop. The smarmy Tony Slatterly, on the other hand, was an embarrassment. Politicians usually fare less well. They can be surprisingly uninhibited but very often they just aren't funny and the jokes they tell seem prepared well ahead of time. Though the program is on tape and presumably can be edited for taste or the avoidance of libel, it is satisfyingly savage. The jokes are about religion, the lives and tastes of public figures, and sex, including the imputation of homosexuality, which would never survive an American censor. Deayton's urbane, feline delivery works nicely alongside Hislop, who is clever and often unable to resist smirking at his own best lines, and Merton, whose drollery emanates from a nearly blank, deadpan face. BEST OF... NOT ONLY... BUT ALSO... One of the best shows had Merton *almost* on his own. When overweight Labour politician Roy Hattersley backed out at the last minute he was replaced with a tub of lard which sat on the table with its own microphone next to Merton. There were a number of references, not to mention appeals, to the lard. That night the Merton/Tub Of Lard team won. "Have I Got News For You" is unfortunately a show that doesn't have a long shelf life. And it certainly doesn't travel well. Because it is so topical its amusement value drops off sharply after a short time. It also seems unlikely to be shown in the United States because so many of its references require a careful reading of the British press. If you don't know who Roy Hattersley or John Onanuga are, or at the very least embarrassing revelations about toe-sucking politicians or loose-lipped royal valets, you aren't likely to enjoy it to its fullest. If you do, there is no more enjoyable half-hour available on television. ### QUOTE-o'-THE-MONTH: (with all due respect to Ronnie Kray, 1933-1995) From Monty Python's Pirahna Brother's skit. This is Vince Snetterton-Lewis recalling his run-in with Dinsdale Piranha. "Well, one day I was sitting at home threatening the kids, and I looked out of the hole in the wall and saw this tank drive up and one of Dinsdale's boys gets out and he comes up, all nice and friendly like, and says Dinsdale wants to have a talk with me. So he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape round to Dinsdale's. And Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and a man they called 'Kirkegaard,' who just sat there biting the heads off whippets, and Dinsdale said 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out, and I said my name's not Clement, and then he loses his temper, and nails my head to the floor." ===== ETC. ===== FAQ FRENZY Several kind-hearted heroes and good netizens have created Britcom-related FAQs. Britcomedy Digest commends their hard work and says "Hey! Check out the following!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Josh Ridge Hallett has created the "Absolutely Fabulous FAQ" which tells you everything from the stars of this hit series to the origin of Bubble's accent. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ever wonder who in the world Cliff Richard is and why "The Young Ones" go on and on about him? Then you need look no further than "The Young Ones Anglo/American Gag Guide," compiled by Steve Gardner . This is an episode-by-episode guide to the British cultural references and UK slang that Americans might not understand. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - And for all who have questions about British shows which have made into American series, Joe Isham has recently posted "The British-to-American TV Comedy Concept Summary List." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Thanks to all of them for the hard work they put into completing these projects. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE BBC ONLINE: You can now email the BBC . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - CIRCULATION/SUBSCRIPTION INFO.: =============================== Britcomedy Digest (ISSN 1077-6680) is a free electronic newsletter posted monthly to alt.comedy.british and rec.arts.tv.uk. It can also be found in: DELPHI: In the "UK-American Connexion" forum, cf171. GENIE: In the "Showbiz" roundtable, page 185. SUBSCRIPTIONS: To receive an issue every month in your emailbox, send your email address to . BACK ISSUES: ============ WWW: [US] http://cathouse.org/BritishComedy/BD/ [UK] http://paul.acorn.co.uk:8080/Britcom/ FTP: Log on as "anonymous," giving your email account as your password. ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/BritComedy ftp://cathouse.org/pub/cathouse/british.humour/britcomedy.digest GOPHER: gopher://gopher.etext.org/11/Zines/BritComedy gopher://cathouse.org:6969/11/british.humour/britcomedy.digest