Ü ÜßÝ Ü Ü Ü ßÝ ßÝ Ý Ý Ý Ý Û Ý Ý Ý BLaH Ý ß Ý ÜßÜ Ý Ý File ÝßÜ Ý ÜÝ ÝßÝÜÝ Written March 20, 1994 #044 Ý Ýig Ýong ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý Ýairy Ý Ý Ý Þ Ý Ý Ý ÝÜß ÝÜÜÝ ßÜÜßÞ ÜÝ ÞÜ Presents Ú ÄÄ ¿ "So You Wanna Be Goth..." ³ by ³ Guido Sanchez À ÄÄ Ù :::::: Goth- how very :::::: OFFICIAL BLaH HAND-E-Z-REFERENCE CZECHLIST for those who truly lust for Attaining that Most Noble of G0alzz... being Goth Are you really Goth enough? score each answer 1 for yes, 0 for no, and 2 if you couldn't read the question through the tears brimming in your eyes at the mere mention of Morrisey 1. Are you British? 2. Do you lust after/aspire to be like Winona Ryder? 3. Does the Cure make you Cry? 4. Is your last name Eldritch? 5. Can you complete this sentence : "Hey Now, Hey Now Now Now..." 6. Are you into Sandman? 7. Does your skin blind you? 8. Do you wear sunglasses at night? 9. Assign 1 point for each pentagram or other mystical symbol you're wearing right now . 10. Are you pagan? 11. Peter Murphy is to Bauhaus as Morrisey is to .... 12. Assign 1 point for each blatantly blasphemous piece of modern art you have in or around your house 13. Do you own a pipe organ? 14. Do you listen to Depress Mode? 15. 2 points for each scar on your wrists 16. Do you know Morrisey's first name? 17. 1 point for each time you've seen Rocky Horror Picture Show. 18. 1 point for each version of Dracula you've seen/read. 19. Do you wear all black? 20. 1 point for each coffeehouse you frequent that has a French-sounding name. 21. Do you just generally suck? 22. 1 point if you swallow. 23. 1 point for each word/phrase you use often in your vocabulary : macabre depressing gothic ennui decrepit sad vampiric blase ghastly woe gaunt c'est la vie morose sigh crypt passe 24. Damnit, won't you just leave me the fuck alone? Isn't there something better you could be doing than reading this shit? Shouldn't you be at Cafe Ennui crying or something? Maybe lusting over a picture of James Dean or something? FUCK AWAY ALREADY YOU LITTLE POSER PIECE OF SHIT. Here's Robert Smith's Phone Number. +44, 788 522 142. Go stalk him or something you pathetic pseudo-intellectual. You're certainly dressed for it you fucking morbid freak. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SO DEPRESSED ABOUT? Stop being so gloomy. Go outside, pick a flower, try not to mourn the end of its natural life, and sniff it. Find something happy and obsess over it. Otherwise you'll end up a bitter old shell such as myself, on medication in a home and too chicken-shit to pull the plug because you thrive on depression. Maybe at least then you'll stop wearing black. There's this new invention, it's called COLOR. Look into it. The only reason I write this shit is because I see Goth going the way of the cyberpunk.. that is, people are ashamed to be associated with the group due to the relatively recent influx of posers.. unfortunately with the Goth movement, "posers" are the ones who've made it what it is today.. <--Propaganda and shit----------------------------------------------> bah.. I'm going to bed now Wanna join BLaH? Then you're even stupider than you look. Get over it. No matter how much the promise of such glory empties you, no matter how much each new issue resembles your pathetic scribblings, you will never be me. I'm high on myself and the glory that IS blah.. couple more hours of this and I get the tattoo.. BLaH TzZZzz Nun-Beaters Anonymous <708> 251-5094 The Obloid Sphere <708> 965-3098 I'm so high, I swear I could fly.. <---Did i mention that I'm british?--------------------------------->