970810 Romper Stomper bomper boo, Tell me tell me, tell me do. Magic mirror, tell me today, Did all my friends have fun at play? I see Newt, and Jesse; Tipper and Elizabeth; George and Manuel; Oliver and Ronald; Colin and Norman, Colin! Get your hands off Newt's you-know-what. I've told you once, and I've told you a thousand times. This country, and especially TV land simply cannot handle inter-racial, gay relationships. Shame on you, Now walk on that Lego balance beam, sponsored by Hasbro, Proctor and Gamble, and Monsanto corp. Colin, walk from one end to the other with your pants down. We're each going to take turns spanking your dark little heiney. Des Moines, Iowa, it's Sunday, April 27, 1997 and this is ATI, (Activist Tupperware, Incorporated) Issue #76. 1776? 1976? Que revolutionario, mi publicacion tirada es mui tirado y frescura, novedad. 76. 76. 76. 76. OK. So the romper room lady is dead. Long live the romper room lady. Yeah. Miss Nancy Claster died of cancer the other day at 82. Remember her magic mirror? I see Anais Nin, and Gore Vidal, George Plimpton and Martha? Mariel? Margot? Is that you? What are you all doing in that hot-tub? Holy Apropos! Eugene Stoner, 74, Designer of the M-16 (did you say Hasbro???) picked the same day to die?? And the NY Times, schmaltzo schlock-mongers that they are, put his picture right next to Miss Nancy's!!! I see Mattel, Hasbro, Colt, Smith & Wesson... I remember my first M-16 vividly. #59209-3a. because it had Hasbro hand guards. Not a whole Hasbro like others I've had, the chamber and trigger mech. was made by Colt in my home state of CT. In fact two buildings down from the Regency apartments in Bridgeport where my grampa was a super. How was I to know when I was playing Tonka trucks, GI Joes, watching Romper Room and Mr. Rogers I would grow up to score expert on M-16, AK-47 AND the Afghani 5-shot sniper rifle? Only sharpshooter on grenade though, so keep me away from the white phosphorus. How was I to know I'd Miss Gulf War Syndrome by one digit on my ss#? How was I to know I'd become a conscientious objector AFTER receiving an Honorable Discharge. How was I to know I would become an LSD fiend while on active duty (it's more "normal" than you'd think) only to quit cold turkey (no patches, hypnotists or 1-900#'s for me, pal) the minute my End-Terminate-Service was filed? Thank you Hasbro, you make me want to puke. Thank you Miss Nancy. You showed me how to see magic. You can never know. Thank you Eugene Stoner, for inventing such a beautiful well functioning, defense-only (yeah, right. Mommy, what's a tumbler round??) piece of freedom protection. I almost want to break my pacifist vow and commit violence on your casket, Stoner Gene. But your corpse is art, and as quoth Dante: "Violence to art more heinous be than murder of children, verily." The God that made you dead is the same beautiful God who brought us the New Deal, New World, peace in the mideast, Mother Theresa and Ronny Raygun's lovely radio voice. Sublime, man. Be glad I never had GI Joe and his twins gang-raping Barbie in the back of a Tonka truck. I saw that in the park the other day and the mom? Obliviously busy reading the most recent Topaz Danielle Steele Harlequin Romance novel. OK, last week's Topaz Danielle Steele Harlequin Romance novel. You notice how close "cosmic" and "comic" look? Now, that's divine comedy. I'm prime anarchist and that, my friends, was my column. A triple whammy double obituary feature. And now on to the good stuff. Odzooks. I promise. SNL Notes: a Prime Anarchist Production. I finally found someone with more makeup caked on her face than Tammy Faye Bakker. That gorgeous "chick" in the band No Doubt. Is she covering up crater face by the pound or what? Oh well. Doesn't disillusionment drag you down? Is GE Smith sick? Dead? Retired? I didn't see the reputedly under- rated stage-hog guitarist the whole show. Heard a rumor he can't get along with Martin Short. Oh Prima Donnie... At any rate -- if the guy's gone I'll start watching SNL regularly again for the first time since John Belushi straddled a toilet and speed balled his brains out. Dude, that hit me hard too. Curt Cobain's got nothing on you. ADBUSTERS MOMENT!!! Attention please: The Purpose Of Saturday Nite Live Is To Sell $30,000 Automobiles. By the way, I really like No Doubt a lot. Attn: Dave Fischer. Is the lead singer your ex-girlfriend, Vanessa??? Cars. One more car ad after this Gatorade commercial and they lose me. Going, going. Gone. ATI, like one big long editorial page. The Rag Read Round the Riverbend. Fold it up and use it for, well... never mind. :)