101 Uses For Wood Bugs (those bugs that curl into a ball) --------------------------------------------------------- By: David Hooper Victoria, BC with a few suggestions from Snagglepuss 1 Play marbles with them 2 Paint green; a nutritious substitue for kids who don't eat their peas 3 Stir-fry in vegetable oil; popbugs 4 Balls in organic pinball machine 5 Trackball in a very small mouse 6 Pets that double as ear plugs 7 Ball bearings in light-duty machinery 8 Ammunition for pea shooter 9 Freeze, then substitute for soup croutons; scare mom 10 Use as roller in gigantic Bic ball point pen 11 Scoop out insides; paint bright colours; beach ball for hamster 12 Scoop several dozen into empty tin can; cover; shaker for Reggae music 13 Heads of large push pins 14 Puree in blender; add to Ovaltine to improve the taste 15 Fashionable, self-adhering earrings 16 Paint white; imitation pearl necklaces & other jewelry 17 Feed pet tarantula 18 Fit with miniature shovel and and sample jar; use to take soil samples 19 Clear stuffed-up nasal passages (you figure out how) 20 Play joke on pet Venus Flytrap 21 Test flypaper 22 Dip in coloured ink; put on white fabric; create new-wave cool T-shirt 23 Scoop out insides; flatten; glue several million together; sell to Polish space administration as spacecraft heat sheild 24 Pull off legs; sprinkle on your favorite flavour of ice cream 25 Replace worn out ball on tip of car's radio antenna 26 Handicap for people like Michael Jordan and Larry Bird; substitute for normal basketball 27 Fill holes in swiss cheese 28 Put a dozen or so in straight line; roll and smoke 29 Solder legs into printed circuit boards; organic computer chips 30 One-sided dice in Dungeons & Dragons 31 Crunchy Thanksgiving turkey stuffing 32 Play Chinese Checkers 33 Collect some flies and one hornet; CAREFULLY pull off wings; using wood bug as ball, play Russian Jacks (in the spirit of Russian Roulette) 34 Paint orange; use in fish pond as buoys 35 Feed to pet garter snake; tell people snake is rattle snake 36 New and upcoming style: Woodbug-washed jeans. Just add to laundry 37 Mix with gelatine; tapioca substitute 38 Pick large mushroom; turn upside down; inscribe numbers; place wood bug near center and spin. (makeshift Roulette wheel when lost in woods) 39 Coat with phosphorescent material; poke under dresser; find lost coins, jewelry, parking tickets, etc. (not for use with some dressers) 40 Collect 88 of them; teach how to jump up and down; put on piano keys and teach them to play rag-time; sell piano and bugs to old-style bar 41 Vibrating ball in police whistle 42 Inject steroids; enter in 1 m insect dash 43 Paint black; use as ornaments in leather clothing and accessories 44 Collect three; step on two; insert in electrical socket so your baby doesn't get electrocuted 45 Spread rumor that they are an aphrodisiac; sell for $20/dozen 46 Collect as many as you can; put between two sheets of glass; with panels for top, bottom and sides; fill with dirt; instant science project 47 Breed near nuclear power plant; sell offspring to museum as newly- discovered species of insect 48 Teach to smell guns, knives and drugs; improve airport security 49 Puree and add spider parts, orange Cool-aid and Draino; sell to high- school kids as "Zit B Gone" 50 Throw on floor in front of unsuspecting pedestrians; substitute for banana in old practical joke 51 Sneak a colony into hardwood fine furniture store that wouldn't give you a good deal 52 Sprinkle from balcony during horror film 53 Put in asynchronous orbit above Earth's ozone hole; absorb harmful rays 54 Put thousands in giant spray can; mother-in-law repellant 55 Scoop out insides; fill with cocaine; shove up nostril 56 Place 200 on 8-1/2 by 11 sheet of Saran Wrap; put in photocopier; sell as genuine microscopic photograph of flea's tongue 57 Carefully balance on a needle point; earthquake detector 58 Paperweight for book of Prime Minister Mulroney's greatest achievements 59 Throw on roof; test rain gutter system of house 60 Drop in bottle of Coke; re-seal; sue Coca-Cola company 61 Put in belly button; videotape; market as 'Aliens' type horror movie 62 Put in peanut butter, cookie jar, deep fat fryer, etc; appetite suppressant for dieters 63 Impale 91 of them on 13 steel rods (7 on each); shishkabob serving 13 or makeshift abacus 64 Coat with sodium metal; dump in toilet; while away a boring afternoon 65 Scoop out insides; put in veterinarian-prescribed medicine; feed to dog 66 Collect and fill wax paper bags; put in colourful boxes; sell as extra- crunchy cereal that doesn't go soggy in milk 67 Figure out how they reproduce; win Nobel Prize and/or Playboy publishing deal 68 'Special' treat for bratty trick-or-treat'ers 69 Paint red and green; hang on miniature Christmas tree 70 Dump in a model town in Miniature World; film; low-budget horror movie called "Night of the Giant Wood Bugs" 71 Scoop out insides; paint several shades of green; army helmet for baby pet lizard to play with 72 Replace worn out water-level guage in iron 73 Collect 12 pieces of string and 12 wood bugs; use string as lane dividers and have a swim meet in your own bathtub 74 Coat with phosphorus; throw in toilet; turn out lights; flush and take photograph, keeping the shutter open for 20 seconds; sell to astrology lab as photo of a swirling group of comets 75 Cross genes with cannabis plant; grow self-rolling marijuana 76 Coat with ferric oxide; insert in hard drive; clean up bad sectors 77 Paint red; find somebody named William and put it on their head; test your aim with various firearms 78 Drill six holes in a rectangular cut-out from a felt shoe insole; paint 14 wood bugs different colours, half with stripes, and one white and one black; use toothpick as cue; Pocket Pool 79 Add a little excitement to a night at the opera: try to throw in fat lady's mouth 80 Wrecking ball for demolishing Mr. Roger's Neighbourhood 81 Flip up in the air and try to catch in your mouth; test to see how drunk you are (although if you resort to this test, you must be wasted anyway) 82 Cure fear of insects; take five daily or as directed by a physician 83 Send on space missions instead of astronauts; use smaller rockets and save $ millions in fuel 84 Tie to string; coat with green slime; hang from top frame of doorway; keep annoying salesmen away 85 Pee in small test tube; put in wood bug and stopper; carpenter's level 86 Shove up patient's nostril; eat away brain tumors 87 Test fly swatter 88 Trade with Indians for what's left of their land 89 Scoop out brains; glue to Atari ST motherboard; operating system upgrade 90 Coat with hairspray, styling gel and mousse, various colors of spraypaint, 5-minute epoxy and 10W30 motor oil; style Billy Idol's hair for him 91 Shifter knob in Austin Mini 92 Fishing lure 93 Spitball ammo (fill your mouth for that rapid fire action) 94 Bowling balls for you pet slugs 95 New, exciting shapes for Frosted Lucky Charms 96 Filling for bean bag type chairs 97 Squash and mix with sugar; cover with rich milk chocolate; Reese's Wood Bug Butter Cups 98 New high-protein substitute in Pork 'n Beans 99 Extras for the up and coming movie, "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids Again" 100 Attractive, cost-effective replacement for those worn-out dentures 101 Discussion topics for guys with nothing better to do. That's 101 (count 'em) fabulous, inexpensive uses for the little critters! Have fun! X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm) & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives, arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality, insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS. Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are, where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother. "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X