From samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:34:33 EST 1992 Article: 49000 of talk.bizarre Xref: samba news.groups:39045 alt.flame:36766 talk.bizarre:49000 news.admin.policy:586 rec.music.synth:31830 rec.music.makers.synth:69 rec.humor:57848 Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Path: samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Subject: =0= Prologue. '92 Usenet Winter Olympics. Message-ID: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Followup-To: rec.humor Summary: "Prologue" is not a computer language Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 08:35:17 GMT Lines: 71 Status: O Gene: >Okay, let's get down to business. The 115th meeting of the USENET >Backbone Cabal is hereby called to order, President-for-Life >Spafford presiding. Our first order of business is the size of >the net: It's *still* growing out of control, with new newsgroups >popping up like rabbits, and the number of people reading netnews >is going up way too fast. Dave: >The average IQ of the net readership is dropping like a stone. >Most of these newbies don't even have Computer Science degrees, >and some of them are even [shudder] Liberal Arts majors. At this >rate, brethren, people like ourselves -- the elite, the brilliant, >the vanguard of the New World Order -- could become outnumbered >and lose control of the net. [A collective moan echoes around the table.] Peter: >So far all of our efforts to drive away the riff-raff have been >unsuccessful. I've got news.groups bent into contortions trying >to rewrite the Guidelines -- which we still control, of course -- >and so far nobody's caught on. But it hasn't slowed the number of >new groups being created. Brad: >I've been making rec.humor.funny more and more uninteresting, and >posting jokes that only a CS professor would understand, much less >laugh about. But the number of readers keeps going up. I don't >know what else to do: How can we drive people away from the net? Gene: >Last year's noble sacrifice by Brother Kent bought us time, but >it was far from enough to rectify our situation -- and it left us >with a vacancy on the Cabal. [Nods to the Cabal's fifth member, >who is lost in thought and does not respond] We must take action, >and it must be soon. Dave: >Chaos. The net will fall apart; complete chaos in a matter of >years, maybe even months. None of this would have happened if we >hadn't broken up AT&T, Peter. Peter: >Don't start blaming me again. YOU're the one who deregulated >cable TV, and I'm not even going to bring up Ross Perot -- Gene: >Gentlemen, this is getting us nowhere. We need a plan, something >that will send the rabble packing and put USENET back in the hands >of the ruling class, of the kind of people who designed it. Ah, >for the good old days, when we ruled the net with an iron fist... [A collective wistful sigh echoes around the table.] Rich Kulawiec: [snaps fingers] >Gentlemen, I have it. I've developed a cunning plan, one that >will drive the newbies away from the net AND reduce the number of >readble newsgroups at the same time. And, best of all, we'll use >the Guidelines to make it work! Gene: >Brilliant! Nefarious! Rich, you've made a fine addition to the >Backbone Cabal. Do you have a particular newsgroup in mind as you >start putting your plan into effect? [rubs hands together] Rich: >I know *just* where to begin. [Fade to black, and to the sound of evil laughter...] From samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:37:41 EST 1992 Article: 49107 of talk.bizarre Xref: samba news.groups:39223 alt.flame:36822 talk.bizarre:49107 news.admin.policy:605 rec.music.synth:31866 rec.music.makers.synth:94 rec.humor:57948 Path: samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Subject: =1= The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Summary: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guidelines Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Message-ID: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Date: 14 Nov 92 07:22:12 GMT References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Followup-To: rec.humor Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network Lines: 159 Status: O \\ //// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents... (____) \ / || || \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ //// || //// || //// || //// The 1992 Usenet (____) (____) (____) (____) W I N T E R \ / \ / \ / \ / Olympics \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) Brought to you by \ / \ / \ / \ / the Betty Ford clinic || \\ || \\ || \\ || for chronic net.abusers || //// || //// || //// || Bryant: >Hello sports fans and welcome to the '92 Usenet Winter Olympics! >This is Bryant Gumbel here at USPN headquarters, where we've put >together one of the most exciting telecasts in Usenet Olympic >history -- featuring our new AsbestosCam (TM), a special camera >that lets you see the action as the athletes themselves see it! >And as a special treat we also have our EgoCam (TM), which lets >you see the athletes as they see themselves! >Our coverage begins with one of the most thrilling spectator >sports in the entire Usenet Olympics, one that puts 32 athletes >on the playing field at the same time, and doesn't end until >there's only one athlete remaining! Stay tuned... "HEY! You can't move in that direction! * It's against the rules!" O "Yeah? So |__| \ -+- what are you || O | gonna do ||.............-+-....................../ \...... about it?" .(__)//// //// | //// //// //// (_) ///. \ o.//// //// / \ //// //// //// . -+- //// //// //// o //// //// ////. .| // //// //// //-+- //// /|__| . ./ \ //// // o //// | // //// || //. .//// //// -+- / /// / \ //// // || . . //// //// | //// //// //// (__). .//// //// // \ //// //// //// . .................................................. C H E S S The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Charles Jaco: [asleep] >Hmph? Oh! Hello, sports fans, and welcome to USPN's exclusive >coverage of the 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics. We're here at the >exciting Chess competition, where things have bogged down while >the players try to settle a rules dispute. Let's go down to the >playing field and see how things are going... Chip Salzenberg: [Red Knight] >-- but paragraph 416 of the Guidelines says that no newsgroup will >be renamed on a Friday, which means that the 100-vote rule doesn't >apply unless the CFV is issued on a Saturday, so that the five day >waiting period doesn't contain a Friday. But there's a full moon >this weekend, so -- Dave Hayes: [Black King] >Wait, hold it: I can't find my copy of paragraph 416. Tim Pierce: [Red Queen] >That's too bad; you can't expect the entire net to stop what it's >doing and wait while you get your act together. The Guidelines >were followed to the letter, and that's what's important here. Gordon Van Huizen: [Black Bishop] >I could care less about the Guidelines. What's important is the >opinion of rec.music.synth's readership, not some silly rules. Jay Maynard: [Red Pope] >Blasphemy! The Guidelines are much more important that you are! Francis Uy: [Pink Elephant] >Woe! This terrible renaming has prevented one person from reading >the rec.music.synth group! The connection to SYNTH-L will be >lost, lost forever! The horror! Bill Fenner: [Scarlet Pumpernickel] >Oh, GIVE it a rest. If the readers of rec.music.synth cared about >these things, they would have learned what "CFV" stands for, read >halfway through an article with a misleading Subject line, and >mailed in a vote against the change. They didn't do this, so >obviously they choose to be ignorant of the USENET voting process. Dave Hayes: [Pearl Jam] >Are you NUTS? No one in their right mind would know to do that! John Stanley: [Indigo Girls] >*I* would have known. Joel Furr: [Red Hot Chili Peppers] >*I* would have known. Dave Hayes: [Toad the Wet Sprocket] >See? Laird Nelson: [The Replacements] >Dave, you're being unreasonable. Before posting, reading or even >subscribing to a newsgroup, every person on the net should read >and memorize the Guidelines, just like we have. It's only fair. Dave Hayes: [Peter Gabriel] >You can't be serious. You people are trying to turn the net into >a world of haves and have-nots, where the people who know the >Guidelines run the network and the ignorant are beaten down -- Chip Salzenberg: [Mojo Nixon] >Oh, stop being so melodramatic. We're just browbeating you into >conformity, that's all... Charles Jaco: [yawning] >As you can see, Bryant, the competition is running a little slow. >We may have better luck tomorrow. Then again, maybe not. Bryant: >Charles, I'm surprised this game doesn't have a referee of some >kind. Wouldn't it help in settling disputes like these? Charles: >Bryant, this is a highly intellectual game, and the players all >pride themselves on being able to work out the intricate rules >and trip each other up on minor technical points. If there were >an unbiased third party involved in these disputes, it would take >a lot of the fun and excitement out of the competition. Bryant: >I see. Well, thanks for the update, Charles. Stay tuned to USPN >for more coverage as the Usenet Winter Olympics continue! Don Pardo: >Coming up next: The Bogus Analogy competition! [stay tuned!] From samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:39:49 EST 1992 Article: 49207 of talk.bizarre Xref: samba news.groups:39383 alt.flame:36835 talk.bizarre:49207 news.admin.policy:620 rec.music.synth:31894 rec.music.makers.synth:110 rec.humor:57986 Path: samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Subject: =2= Night of the Usenet Winter Olympics Summary: It's too dark to see! Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Message-ID: <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Date: 15 Nov 92 07:24:36 GMT References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Followup-To: rec.humor Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network Lines: 97 Status: O \\ //// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents... (____) \ / || || .----. o o o o | -> | "WHAT the -- ?!" +=_. | | |__ '----' . o / / \-------\ \ || x _____-'|_\_________/_/_____||________ -/ ' .--'' | __ .-' / / o / \ \ / o / \ \ / o / \ \ / | \ \/\ | \__/ | | | F L A M E S L E D D I N G The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Arthur Kent: >Hello and welcome back to USPN's exclusive coverage of the 1992 >Usenet Winter Olympics. This is Arthur Kent reporting live from >Sarajevo, where the Flamesledding competition is underway. >Flamesledding is one of the most dangerous events in the Olympics, >and this year's competition has been very exciting. Let's take a >closer look as the news.groups team enters the gate: Ken Arromdee: >If everybody else were bobsledding off a cliff, would you? Karleenus Schwartz Davis: >Well, of course! I mean -- AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Ken: >Next! If everybody else were bobsledding off a cliff, would you? Jesper Lauridsen: >Umm... I suppose if everybody were doing it, there must be some >good reason for it, right? Ken: >Sure. [ AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ] Next! If everybody else >were bobsledding off a cliff... Arthur: >It looks like we could set a record this year, sports fans. Stay >tuned as the Olympics continue! * [Meanwhile, two men watch the proceedings from a nearby slope...] Gene: >Your plan is working flawlessly, Rich. The sysadmins have turned >against each other, and are trying to enforce the Guidelines where >they were never meant to apply. In a few days they'll be ready -- >perhaps even eager -- to return to the days of the Backbone Cabal. Rich: >Indeed. There's nothing like a little threat to the status quo to >make people feel insecure, and make them want to force a little >order and structure onto the net. By the time they realize what >they've put into place, we'll be in control again. Gene: >And then we'll rebuild the net -- in our image. Heh heh heh heh. >No more rabble-rousing talk.*, soc.* or misc.* groups... just >comp.*, sci.*, and only those rec.* groups that we approve. Rich: >And, of course, with the Cabal making all the decisions, there >won't be a need for news.* anymore, will there? Gene: >Of course, of course. You know, the time is coming soon when I >will step down as head of the Cabal... and I'm starting to think >that I may know who my successor will be. Keep up the good work, >Rich, and you may find yourself in the top spot someday. But >enough about that now: While we're in Europe we have some Cabal >business to attend to. Last month's currency crisis was a great >success, but we need to do something about the Bundesbank... [to be continued....] From samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!agate!spool.mu.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:41:47 EST 1992 Article: 49277 of talk.bizarre Xref: samba news.groups:39525 alt.flame:36851 talk.bizarre:49277 news.admin.policy:627 rec.music.synth:31921 rec.music.makers.synth:130 rec.humor:58014 Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Path: samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!agate!spool.mu.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Subject: =3= Attack of the Usenet Winter Olympics Message-ID: <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Followup-To: rec.humor Summary: Only the spectators survive. Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 06:05:08 GMT Lines: 53 Status: O \\ //// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents... (____) \ / || || Vin Scully: | _ _ >Hello again, sports fans! This is | ||| | | ||| >Vin Scully with an update on today's | (||| |==============| |||) >events in the Usenet Winter Olympics. | ||| | \ O / | ||| > | '-' '__|__' '-' >The Altlifting competition, after a | | >fast start by Michael Nolan of the | | >group alt.humor.oracle (now "rec"), | | >was marred by tragedy when athlete | / \ >Joel Furr was crushed during an | / \ >attempt to move the alt.folklore.* | / \ >hierarchy. Furr is in critical but | >stable condition, and is expected to | "Put that DOWN!" >recover. | o o o > | o -+-' -+- o -+- >A subsequent attempt by Mark Brader | -+- | | '-+- | >of comp.society.folklore to move only | | / \ / \ | / \ >the alt.folklore.computers group also | / \ / \ >met with failure today, leaving Nolan | >as the only athlete to have succeeded | A L T L I F T I N G >at this difficult, challenging event. | |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Vin: |============ @ =========== >Meanwhile, the semifinal round of the |||||||||| o / * |||||||||| >Hockey competition began today as the ||||||||| -+- -+- ||||||||| >group soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya |========= | == | ========== >was flattened 17-0 by news.groups. | / | / \ @__ : > | \ / : >When asked for an explanation of the | .__|_o : >lopsided victory, news.groups team | \ : >captain G. Wolfe Woodbury told us, | @ : >"We had the regular ice replaced by | "Where's the >frozen Holy Water, and while the SRIA | #%$!! PUCK?!" o >people were standing around arguring | : -+- >over who would still be able to skate,| : / | >we scored 17 goals." | @ : @ / \ > | o / : >News.groups goes on to face the | -+- : >heavily favored rec.sport.hockey team | | "What puck?" >in the championships. | / \ : > | >Stay tuned to USPN for more updates | H O C K E Y >and for exclusive coverage of the | >Downhill Arguing competition, coming |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics >up right after these messages. | From samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewse!cbnewsd!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:45:02 EST 1992 Article: 49443 of talk.bizarre Xref: samba news.groups:39708 alt.flame:36892 talk.bizarre:49443 news.admin.policy:654 rec.music.synth:31974 rec.music.makers.synth:160 rec.humor:58153 Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Path: samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewse!cbnewsd!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Subject: =4= Planet of the Usenet Winter Olympics Message-ID: <1992Nov17.072636.13387@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Followup-To: rec.humor Summary: A world where metaphors collide and sanity has no meaning Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network References: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 07:26:36 GMT Lines: 93 Status: O \\ //// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents... (____) \ / || || /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ / |_____|\/\ /\/\ / \/\ /\ / \/ \ / \ /\ / | RFD | \ \ / / \ /\/ \ \ / \/ \ \ /\ / \/ \/ |-----| \ / .\/ / . \/ \ \/ \ | | \ |-------| / | | | CFV | |_______| | | | | \ | | | \___----''''| \ announce | "Oops!" \results | o \__---'''| \ -+- \ | "Start over." \ || \ | o o \/ \ \ | -+- o -+- \ | | -+- | \| / \ | / \ / \ S L A L O M The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Peter Arnett: >Welcome back to USPN's coverage of the Usenet Winter Olympics! >Today's broadcast of the Slalom event includes interviews with >past medal-winners in this thrilling event, including last year's >rookie sensation from sci.virtual-worlds.apps. But first, let's >take a look at the history of this unusual sport, which began... * Rich: >I don't understand it! News.groups should be *demanding* a way to >enforce the Guidelines by now, some way to handle errant sysadmins >and create a more orderly net -- but there's NOTHING! In fact, >there are suggestions popping up everywhere to make the Guidelines >*easier* to read and use! Gene: >They don't realize the consequences of simplifying the Guidelines: >The less intimidating the Guidelines, the more newsgroups created. >And the more newsgroups created, the more Usenet descends into the >lawless anarchy it is swiftly becoming. I don't know where you >found this "Dave Hayes" character -- he's very convincing, by the >way -- but so far your plan appears to be backfiring. Rich: >We need more time! I'll tell Dave to propose a new RFD, one that >conflicts with the original, and deliberately forces the issue... Gene: >You'd better hurry. The Cabal is losing patience. If your plan >fails -- YOUR plan, which the Cabal has put considerable time and >effort into backing -- I don't need to spell out the consequences. Rich: >I'll do everything I can. There must be something... * Peter: >--next competitor is Mansoor A. Jaffery, from soc.religion.islam. >It looks like Mansoor is having a little trouble as he makes it >around the second turn... Mansoor: >Post to groups: news.announce.newgroups, news.groups, > soc.religion.islam, soc.culture.* >Subject: That's not the CFV! *This* is the CFV! >Reply-To: /dev/null [...rumble...] Peter: >Mansoor's started an avalanche of angry postings! It's -- [Peter is buried under several thousand tons of snow. After a few moments, the camera returns to USPN studios.] Bryant: >Thanks for that exciting update, Peter! USPN's coverage of the >Usenet Winter Olympics will continue right after these messages. From samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!ames!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 17:26:35 EST 1992 Article: 49578 of talk.bizarre Xref: samba news.groups:39881 alt.flame:36929 talk.bizarre:49578 news.admin.policy:681 rec.music.synth:32022 rec.music.makers.synth:184 rec.humor:58280 Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Path: samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!ames!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Subject: =5= The Last of the Usenet Winter Olympics Message-ID: <1992Nov18.073649.23538@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Followup-To: rec.humor Summary: Not that the competition actually *stops* or anything, but... Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network References: <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov17.072636.13387@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 07:36:49 GMT Lines: 115 \\ //// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents... (____) \ / || || \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ //// || //// || //// || //// The 1992 Usenet (____) (____) (____) (____) W I N T E R \ / \ / \ / \ / Olympics \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / || \\ || \\ || \\ || Closing Ceremonies || //// || //// || //// || Bryant: >Once again the Usenet Olympics draw to a close -- the athletes >burned out, the facilities destroyed -- and we here at USPN give >you our special thanks for watching with us as we recorded these >exciting moments in Usenet sporting history. As always, we look >forward to the next Olympics in Summer 1993, and hope you'll join >us then for another thrilling spectacle. > >We'd like to leave you with this collection of highlights from >Usenet Olympic history past and present -- a collection of hopes >and dreams, and moments to remember in net.history. Have a safe >and flame-free holiday season, and we'll see you in '93. _______________________________________________ | | | | | | The 1992 Usenet | | | | | [ ] | Winter Olympics | | | | | | o | | | | | | |--+-- | | ._-+---__. /| | | | brought to you | / /| '---' /| | | by | --. / | / \ | | 'xx'--' / * / \ | Scott Forbes | vv-----------------------'--' | '_______________________________________________' ____________________________________ | .__________. | | | | | With help from | | ____ | | | | ^____^ | | | '---\\//---' | caffeinated soft drinks | "Did not!" \\// | | U U U | sugar frosted cereal | -+- U -+- U -+- | | | -+- | -+- | | Music Television | / \ | / \ | / \ | | / \ / \ | etc. '____________________________________' ________________ Inspiration provided by | . o | Dave Hayes Chip Salzenberg Tim Pierce | x | Joel Furr Rich Kulawiec Jay Maynard | -/ ' | Francis Uy Gordon Van Huizen Laird Nelson | | __ | Bill Fenner Jesper Lauridsen John Stanley | / / o | Ken Arromdee Karleenus Schwartz Davis | \ \ / o | Samuel Ko G. Wolfe Woodbury Michael Nolan | \ \ / o | Mark Brader Gene, Dave, Brad, Peter and Kent | \ \ / | | \ \/\ | the _Illuminatus!_ trilogy by Wilson & Shea | \__/ | '________________' ____________________ | | Producer.....................Robert Redford | "En garde!" | | Director..........................Spike Lee | | | | O) * | Oh, you wanted credits for *this* movie | --+--' | | | | Equipment..............Allied Office Supply | / \ | Catering by..................Domino's Pizza | -------/ \----| Power provided by.......Commonwealth Edison | -----------------| Mr. Forbes' wardrobe '____________________' selected by.....................Gail Stern ____________ | | The preceding events are fictional, sort of. | |-__-''. | There is no secret Backbone Cabal trying to gain | | /\ | | control of the net and drive normal people insane | | ( ) | | with silly Guidelines and anal-retentive policies | |-__-'' | written in stone by a committee of lunatics. | | | | | | . U . | I think. | -*- | | | | | / \ | '____________' "Usenet Winter Olympics" copyright (c) 1992 by Scott Forbes. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced for profit without prior consent of the author. Void where prohibited or taxed.