********************************************************************** *GS#008 * * * * More Things About the Illuminati * * by * * Guido Sanchez * * * * Written: July 14, 1991 * * * * Greets to: White Lightning, Erasmus, Ninja, Baron, Psycho (don't * * kill yourself), and . * * * * The All-Seeing /\ And also the sign of the * * Pyramid is / \ * * a trademark of SJG. / () \ ILLUMINATI! * * / \ * * /________\ * ********************************************************************** Well, this new phile is a compilation of many different files about the Illuminati. You probably will not understand ANY of this if you have not DLed or played Illuminati. Included are bits of literature about the Secret Masters, and new Illuminatis and other groups. Have fun with this stuff!!!!! ]--------------------------------------------------------------------[ 49 Awful Things About The Illuminati by Steve Jackson 1. There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret knowledge. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only adds to the confusion and mystery. 2. The Illuminati infiltrate and take over organizations of all kinds, from churches to the post office to the corner grocery store, and turn them to their own ends. 3. And, just as a black joke, some of their subject organizations advertise themselves as Secret Societies! 4. They have agents and ``sleepers'' planted everywhere. Many of these people have no idea who they are really reporting to. Others are active members of the conspiracy, working their way ever deeper into the fabric of society. 5. They control the schools in order to make sure that young people learn to enjoy strange tuneless music and weird outlandish games, and that they dress oddly. 6. They also try to recruit the best and the brightest young people as agents, to insure the next generation of the Conspiracy. 7. They constantly feud among themselves and war with other groups and organizations. Each group of Illuminati is constantly striving to increase its power base and undermine the competition. 8. Their first means of dealing with opposition is to buy it off. To any group as rich as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are nothing. 9. Next they try threats. Danger to possessions, status or loved ones has dissuaded many a would-be foe of Illuminati schemes. 10. And, of course, murder is an ancient political weapon. The Illuminati have been responsible for some of the most shocking assassinations of modern times. 11. They also replace people with doubles. For many years they recruited look-alikes who would serve their ends. Now they are perfecting cloning technology that will let them replace anybody. 12. Those who can't be dealt with any other way are discredited or driven mad. 13. The Illuminati conspiracy is hundreds, if not thousands, of years old. Many of the most famous names of history have been Illuminated, or Illuminati agents. Indeed, all of history is nothing more than an outside view of the schemes and struggles of the Illuminati. 14. And, of course, the Illuminati are constantly rewriting history to serve their own goals. For instance, modern schoolchildren are taught that there is no historical evidence of Jesus Christ, and they learn nothing about the Russo-German War or the state of Arcadia. 15. They control the news media, so you hear what they want you to about today's news. Any event that doesn't fit in with their program will be quickly hushed up. 16. In particular, they control television. They don't permit intelligent shows to survive; they encourage mind candy that will keep people from thinking. The only reason good shows are permitted to appear at all is to convince intelligent people that nobody else likes such material, and that there must be something wrong with them. 17. The Illuminati manipulate the stock market and control currencies on an international level. Your paycheck is worth just what the Illuminati want it to be. 18. Likewise, the entire ``energy crisis'' is an Illuminati invention. There's no shortage of energy, of a dozen different kinds, but plentiful free energy might threaten the Illuminated power base! 19. The Illuminati are doing their best to hold back the space program, for the same reason. If mankind was spread out through the solar system, they'd be much harder to control. [Not all the Illuminati agree on this. Some of them lust after the mineral wealth of space, and some want (literally) new worlds to conquer.] 20. And some of them are in touch with aliens from outer space. Some of them ARE aliens. Why would ``advanced beings'' want to meddle with the affairs of Earthlings? Good question. 21. Worse, some of them have actual magical powers and are in league with forces from . . . elsewhere. Great huge beings that are madness to look upon, or tiny, malicious things that glare and gibber from dark corners. They have pins and dolls; they know old names. 22. Other Illuminati have embraced technology. Their files of information are much more useful when backed by the power of the computer. They are also conditioning everyone to believe that computers are so complicated and dangerous that only the Experts should play with them. Next time you get an electric bill for $666,666.66, you know who's behind it. 23. And some of these technophiles have gone a step farther, creating actual machine intelligences. These sentient computers are now, themselves, a force amoung the ruling Illuminati! 24. The Illuminati don't like war; it's expensive and wasteful. War only happens when two groups of Illuminati are very evenly matched and neither is willing to negotiate. But then they whip a few nations into a patriotic fervor and go at it. 25. They send secret messages through the newspapers and airwaves - in the classified ads, and even buried in news reports. They have other, even stranger forms of secret communications . . . all around you, all the time. 26. They keep everyone - yes, everyone - under constant surveillance. Every time you fill out another questionnaire, you're weaving another strand of the net that binds the world. 27. They are working to make the law as confusing as possible, so everything will be illegal or potentially illegal - then they have a hold on everybody and everyone will fear the laws. 28. They encourage resistance to authority among young people and political dissidents, to distract government attention from the real enemy within. 29. But when they reach a satisfactory level of control, they turn their efforts toward extinguishing independence and encouraging mindless obedience to whatever orders come from the Illuminati or their servants. 30. They commit random atrocities - poisoning food at grocery stores, murdering old blind ladies, sniping on the freeway - just to make people vaguely confused, frightened and paranoid. 31. They suppress inventions which might change the status quo. The 100-mile-a-gallon carburator, the perfect contraceptive, and the cornucopia plant are all lying in Illuminati vaults, waiting for the day when it will suit the Secret Masters to release them. What happened to the inventors? Bought off, intimidated, or just vanished. 32. On the other hand, they also maintain secret laboratories where they develop new weapons and devices of all kind. 33. Their arcane investigations cause all sorts of mysteries. Ever wonder about the Loch Ness Monster? The ``cattle mutilations?'' The Oregon Crud? 34. And they require hundreds of human victims every year for their experiments. Ever wonder why there are so many Missing Persons reports, and why so few of those people are found? 35. They are constantly experimenting with new types of mind control. They put drugs in drinking water, flash subliminal messages during movies and TV shows, and play instructions that you can't quite hear over supermarket loudspeakers. They experiment with microwaves and ultra-low-frequency devices, too. 36. And every wire in your house is a potential pathway for Illuminati messages, attacks or controlling rays. Did you ever stop to think just how many wires lead to your house? And do you have any idea where they really come from? 37. Naturally, they discourage investigation of the strange and unusual, because it might lead to them. But they encourage people to joke about the Illuminati. 38. They also publish supermarket tabloids, just to make sure that everybody thinks ``Hitler's Brain Is Alive!'' and ``Bigfoot Seen In Hawaii'' are just jokes. 39. And they encourage the craziest pseudo-science ``researchers'' they can find, because this tends to discredit legitimate investigators into the unusual. 40. A popular belief is that the Illuminati want power for its own sake. This is true of some of them. But other Illuminated groups exist to support an ideology, to achieve a particular goal, or simply to oppose some other group of Illuminati! 41. One of their chief preoccupations is life extension by any means possible. Nobody who has held ultimate power for fifty years is eager to let it go. Anything you can think of . . . yoga, cryogenics, body-exchange, magic, cloning, goat (or other) glands, transfusions, computerized personality duplication . . . has been tried by the Illuminati at one time or another. And some of them work! 42. Furthermore, powerful Illuminati from past centuries lie waiting to be revived when science allows it. Mummies, pickled corpses, frozen bodies, conscious brains in jars . . . you would recognize the names if we could mention them. 43. You're not cleared for this one. 44. They use disease as a weapon to discipline their own populations or destroy competing ones. Black Death in Europe, smallpox among the American Indians . . . The swine flu, a few years ago, was thwarted by opposing forces, or you probably wouldn't be reading this. 45. They have a variety of unhuman and inhuman servants. The dreaded Men in Black are perhaps their best-known agents. No one knows whether the MIBs are androids, golems, or something even worse. Perhaps they were once human . . . 46. And they really are breeding a Master Race. The Nazis had no idea how they were being used, or why. And they'd be horrified at the Illuminati's idea of perfection! 47. The Illuminati know weird sexual techniques undreamed of in the Kama Sutra. They also know why those techniques are used. 48. The next time you spend too much money to buy something you didn't want or need, and it breaks in a week, you can be sure you've just contributed to an Illuminati fund-raising project. 49. They start chain letters. They also plant rumors that if you send a million cigarette packages to the Red Cross, they can buy an iron lung. No one knows why they do this. If you know any other secrets of the Illuminati, let us know . . . before it's too late . . . ]--------------------------------------------------------------------[ THE PYTHONATED ILLUMINATI This material, written by Bill Cassel, originally appeared (by the kind permission of the Python folks) in SPACE GAMER #72. The Illuminati extend their sincere thanks to Bob Schroeck for retyping this material for us. Unfortunately, Dan Willem's illustrations couldn't be input - not on this year's computers. The Pythonated (British) Illuminati are taking over the world not for power, but for laughs. Therefore, they *cannot* be destroyed, even if they control no groups; and groups in their power structure are also immune to destruction! Their special victory condition is to control six Silly groups. NOTE: The stats of the groups below are as follows: Name of Group or Illuminati P=Power R=resistance I=Income Alignment(s) All Pythonated groups except the Colonel and the Piranha Brothers are of Silly alignment. Silly has no opposite alignment. Silly groups cannot make or aid any attack to destroy, but CAN play the Killer Joke card. The British Illuminati P 9/9 I 6 +3 on Any Attempt to control Silly groups; cannot make or aid any attack to destroy; its groups cannot be destroyed. (The illustration for this card, for those of you who have never seen it, is very cute: A pyramid with an eye, wearing a bowler hat.) The Pythonated Groups Argument Clinics -- 0 out P 0 R 5 I 2 Silly The Bishop -- 1 out P 3 R 3 I 1 Criminal Violent Silly Blancmanges -- 3 out P 4 R 5 I 3 Communist Silly British Dental Association -- 2 out P 4 R 3 I 3 Straight Silly Bruces -- 0 out P 0 R 6 I 3 Silly Camel-Spotters -- 0 out P 0 R 2 I 3 Peaceful Silly Church Police -- 2 out P 3 R 4 I 0 Fanatic Silly Fish -- 0 out P 0 R 2 I 0 Silly Flying Sheep -- 0 out P 0/1 R 2 I 1 Silly D.P. & R.J. Gumby -- 0 out P 0 R 0 I 0 Silly Mr. Edward Heath -- 0 out P 0 R 3 I 1 Government Conservative Silly Hell's Grannies -- 0 out P 0 R 6 I 3 Violent Silly Killer Cars -- 1 out P 3 R 5 I 0 Violent Silly Llamas -- 1 out P 2 R 3 I 2 Peaceful Silly Lumberjacks -- 1 out P 1 R 3 I 2 Weird Silly Micemen -- 0 out P 0/2 R 3 I 1 Weird Liberal Silly Ministry of Silly Walks -- 3 out P 5/2 R 4 I 2 Government Straight Silly Pantomime Horses -- 0 out P 0 R 3 I 2 Silly Society for Putting Things On Top of Other Things -- 1 out P 3 R 5 I 1 Silly Spam -- 0 out P 0 R 0 I 4 Silly The Spanish Inquisition -- 2 out Special Power: Their attacks are automatically privileged. (*No one* expects the Spanish Inquisition!) P 4/3 R 5 I 0 Fanatic Silly Upperclass Twits -- 0 out P 0 R 1 I 4 Conservative Silly The Colonel -- 1 out Special Power: +3 on any attempt to destroy any Silly group. P 2 R 8 I 1 Conservative Straight Fanatic The Piranha Brothers -- 2 out Special Power: +1 on any attempt to destroy any group P 4/2 R 6 I 5 Criminal Violent (I'm surprised there isn't a Spiny Norman card... RMS) Special Action Cards NOT BEING SEEN May be played when any attack is announced. The target group of that attack is then "not being seen" and may not be attacked on that turn. The attacking group may make another attack instead. Does not count as an action. KILLER JOKE May be played on the owning player's turn, affecting any group of that player's choice of Power 0 or 1. That group immediately laughs itself to death and is considered destroyed. *Can* be played by a Silly group. Counts as an action. SELF-DEFENSE May be played by any defending group in an attack. Adds 6 to the attacker's die roll. Does not count as an action. ]--------------------------------------------------------------------[ Groups Illuminated" by Russell Grant Collins in Space Gamer #72. These are some normal groups given the powers of an Illuminati. The Illuminated IRS Power 7/7. Income 4. Special power: Once per turn may suck the money from any one non- Illuminati treasury (in its own power structure or another's) to its Illuminati treasury. This counts as an action. Special Victory Condition: Gain control of groups with a total income of 30 or more (including its own). The Illuminated Moral Minority Power 7/7. Income 9. Special power: +3 to control any Conservative group; immune to any attacks from Communist or Weird groups. Special Victory Condition: Control five Conservative groups. SSFTASS This group isn't in any of the Illuminati games. It is mentioned in the works of Robert Anton Wilson that helped inspire the game. I thought that it'd fit in the games as well. SSFTASS stands for the Secret Society For The Abolition of Secret Societies. Power 8/8. Income: 9. Special power: For 5MB may cancel any other Illuminati group's special ability for one turn. Does not count as an action, and can be done during another player's turn. Special Victory Condition: Neutralized thirteen groups owned by other players. (Dropping your own groups doesn't count.) ]--------------------------------------------------------------------[ ILLUMINATI (to the tune of "Eleanor Rigby") updated 11-07-88 Steve Jackson, Joe Vail, Creede Lambard Illuminati . . . They put a thing made of tinfoil on top of my door . . . What is it for? Illuminati . . . Shooting a ray at my cornflakes to make them turn green . . . What does it mean? The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know. The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go. Illuminati . . . Doing unspeakable things in the night to a cow . . . Where are they now? Illuminati . . . Sent an impostor in place of the Popsicle man . . . What is their plan? The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know. The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go. Illuminati . . . They cancelled Star Trek, The Fonz, and My Mother, the Car . . . Are they bizarre? You can't escape them; Even if you take a plane to Nepal or Peru . . . They'll be there, too . . . The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know. The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go. I know that they know all about me . . . They know that I know all about them . . . Illuminati . . . Hide their assassins' instructions in newspaper text . . . Who will be next? They're all around us . . . Underline every third word in the Times and you'll see . . . How can it be? The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know. The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go. They're in the attic and the cellar . . . Bigger than Hunt or Rockefeller . . . Illuminati . . . Go through my garbage and count all the pop bottles there . . . Why do they care? They're out to get me . . . They're fluoridating my water from their UFO . . . What do they know? The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere, I see. The Illuminati . . . And no one knows but me. ]--------------------------------------------------------------------[ Well, I hope this has saited your appetite for plagurized Illuminati stuff!! If you have any compliments, suggestions, compliments, regrets, compliments, subpeonas, or even compliments you can leave me voice mail in my Voice Mail Box at 1-312-839-3196. Love you all, or do I??? hehe Guido Sanchez Minister of Philosophy ZA/\/ ]--------------------------------------------------------------------[