Home -> Apollo BBS -> Brother Rod's Corner -> Whisper Chipper Ad

      Introducing the Whisper Chipper, (tm) by Troy Built.
        Don't allow yourself

       to be embalmed when you die.  Be Whisper Chipped.  It's so easy and the

     Earth will thank you many times over.
 
 

     The way it is today, dead people are either filled with harsh, non-

       environmental friendly  chemicals and then stuffed into a box that may take hundreds

       or even thousands of years to decompose.  Or they are fried to a crisp which

       just adds more carbon and heat to the surface of the planet along with

       noxious  fumes.
 
 

     Either way the food chain does not benefit from these two methods and

       now there is something that each of us can do that will benefit the whole of

       society.  Plus it doesn't even cost a lot of money.  You pay pennies per

       pound.  The average deceased costs only $22 to be Whisper Chipped.
 

     The Whisper Chipper has 316 stainless steel, rotating blades that stay

       sharp.  After a day of using the Whisper Chipper the blades will still

       slice a tomato, it's guaranteed.
 
 

     Here's how one plan works:  A quarter acre (at a time) of a large

          cemetary/park is cordoned off and the ground is tilled to several feet.  A

       determined number of pounds of flesh is Whisper Chipped over the prepared

       soil and then the earth is tilled  over for later growth of  plants on ground that is

       rich in nutrients.  A New section is then prepared and so on, the process

       continues. 

Butchers would be standing by as the cadaver is sent through the  metal detectors in order to spot and remove that

metal plate that aunt
 
Tilda had in her head, keeping the Chipper blades sharp and unbroken.
       .
 
 

     A wall structure that also serves as a bench holds the

       names of the departed (if wished) and a fitting slogan (such as 'lights

       worked, horn didn't') could be added.  Each corpse could have their own engraving including the date of

       departure unless wishing to remain anonymous..
 

       .There would be a party area in the park in order to honor the

       recently deceased.
 

     Bird populations flourish in Whisper Chipper areas and neighboring cats

       are well fed from what they can grab.
 
 

     Road kill and those animals put to death by the humane society could easily be  mixed

        with  human remains saving the county a ton of money. 

Nature intended for us to

       give something back to the planet and this is just one good way of showing

       Her that we care.
 
 

     And just hose the Whisper Chipper out at the end of the day and presto,

       it's as clean as when you started.
 
 

     What could be simpler?     -Rod
 
 

     P.S. There are a few alternate plans along these same lines, all

       contributing to the planet instead of hiding from it.  After all, this

       planet feeds us all of our life and WHAT, we don't even give it the

       courtesy of being shit on.  Pity.  But now, thanks to the Troy Built,

       Whisper Chipper, that's all in the past.
 
 

     (The Tomahawk Chopper by Troy Built is an alternative for your least liked

       relatives and loved ones.)