Apollo BBS Archive - August 1989

Apollo BBS Archive - August 22, 1989


Mail from Ann Oudin
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 06:16:20

Will you be at the GT this week end? I hope so. 'Twood' be nice to see youze
again! -=*) ANN (*=-
[A]bort, [C]ontinue, [I]nsty-reply or [Z]ap:Insty-reply

Enter a line containing only an <*> to stop
 1:Yes, I am going to be at the GT, unless of course my spacecraft is fixed by
 2:that time, then I will be kissing this fucking planet goodbye.  Otherwise 
 3:expect me there.  Looking forward.....-Rod

Message: 2445
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: Story 1 of 5
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:46:19

When I was growing up on my home planet, Zowie, my parents would warn
my sister J and I about being bad.  The big joke was if we didn't
behave we would be taken to Planet Earth and dropped off.  (In our
language this planet is called, Pilwekun, which means 'unenlightened
period'.)

Well, we always behaved because our parents would show us 'event
tapes' from your civilization (if one could call it civil, that is.) 
I am not trying to make you feel bad just because you live in a
disgusting period and on such a small ball of dust.  Our people were
once a lot like you, with all the hating and fighting, many eons ago.

Well, my sister J and I grew into what you would call 'teenagers' and
we were very curious ones at that.  One night, (one of our nights is
six of yours.) J and I asked permission and received it to borrow the
family spacecraft, a VMOOR 22X model.  We thought we'd 'tool' around
the Milky Way for a while and check out the sights.  After soaring
around a bit, we decided to do some checking of our own on your planet.
So, we hovered just above your atmosphere, got out our looking glasses
and opened a drink for ourselves.  But, we soon became grossed out from
all the events we saw. It was time to go to a more pleasant place.

As we were leaving we felt a drag on our ship along with some
unpleasant bumps.  "Oh gee", I said, we have a F.L.A.T.
(Flotation, Latitude, Aerial, Transformer)  And yes, we had no spare
part and the nearest dealer was 3 light years away.  On top of that,
transmission to our home base, at that time, was being blocked by your
Sun.  It was between us and help.  Our on-board computer informed us
that it would be 3 of your hours before we could successfully
transmit.  But when you have a FLAT, you don't have 3 hours, an hour
at most.

We both realized that we would have to set down somewhere and soon.
We quickly scanned the planets surface for intelligent thought in order
to better our chances of survival until help arrived.  We looked for
the land that appeared the most advanced overall and headed for it.
However, our FLAT was worse than we, at first, realized and we had to
make an emergency landing in the desert of Arizona, U.S.A..

It was night and judging from where we landed we were about twenty
miles from any humanoid existence.  This was good as we needed to make
a plan of action and perhaps get to our chosen territory as fast as
possible.

I must explain that our people are much like your chameleons in that
we have the amazing ability to change into whatever life form we
choose.  This is simply a survival mechanism that was left over from
our warring past.  We saw that the majority, and the leader-group, were
white so we became white.  (But once, later on, when we were in a
movie theatre where the majority were black, we found, upon exiting,
that we had turned black complete with kinky hair and big lips.  It
took us all night to turn back.)

We 'borrowed' some clothing (our race goes naked) from some
clotheslines after hiking half the night, to complete our disguise.
We were both scared.  Our craft had landed upside down which caused
our antenna to be useless but we turned on our ERB (Emergency Radio
Beacon) and the power supply would be good indefinitely.  Both J and I
clipped our portable EBR's onto our clothing so when help came we
would be quickly located.

Well, this all happened in your year, 1984 and we are still here.  A
lot has happened to us.  I will explain.  Little know to us at the time
of the landing, we had set down in an area of concentrated uranium.  We
use this basic material for our propulsion but it must be  contained
otherwise our ERB's or any other electronic equipment will not work
correctly.  Our portable ERB's are solely dependent upon the main unit
in the ship.  We found ourselves up the proverbial creek, so to speak.

We know that our kin are looking for us although we didn't exactly
tell them that we were going slumming that evening.  But they are
clever people and in the meanwhile we are building an advanced
communication system that will lead them to us.  Only trouble is,
getting all the equipment requires green pieces of paper that's called
money.  And we must be sly about this whole thing as being discovered
would certainaly mean sure death for us.

After coming into town for the first time, in the human form, we
slept at first on lawns between houses.  We ate from dumpsters of
eating establishments then we started staying and eating in missions of
charity.  Although they all have a 2 to 3 night limit each month, we
changed form as often as possible.  But we met others who were doing
the same type of things for survival and believe it or not, some of
them were highly intelligent.  Much more so than many of the leaders of
the land.

We finally convinced some people in a 'help the homeless' group that
we needed to work and better ourselves (we had to get this money in
order to buy the electronic components.)  We passed ourselves off as
a married couple in order to be left alone.  We still found the basic
human form to be somewhat grotesque although we were getting familiar
with it.

I had to do some mind searching in order to determine what type of
labor I was to do.  On my home planet I was an advanced computer
person.  I had been trained from birth but I quickly discounted
entering the field here as I might slip up and show the 'blokes' some
advanced technology.  This may give this sub-race the technology to
travel into space and the thought sickened me.  They had better find it
all on their own, in their own good time, I thought.  When they figure
it out, then they will, hopefully, be advanced enough in thought, to
join their brother and sisters in space.  But not yet.

Locksmithing seemed harmless enough and it paid well.  Locks are just
mechanical puzzles and shouldn't be too hard, maybe even fun, I
realized.  And not many people are adept at such a job so I should be
able to choose the jobs I want.  Besides, me an alien, knowing how to
break the security barrier of the humans, gave me a inner thrill.

Well, it has taken a while but my 'outreach' system is almost
complete.  It is disguised as a large satellite dish and I only need
one more component before I can test it.  It's is a tricky part, one I
will have to design myself from scratch, but me, I'm just biding my
time till I can return HOME.  -R

$tatus Club Bulletin Board command:$C

Message: 5820
Author: $ Jeannie Innajug
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: Navel
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 07:11:08

Migod.......................People...................

You'd think this was the COS sig sometimes, the way people get carried away
about a scar on someone's belly.  Mine's an "inner", not an "outer" anyway!

See Y'aa..............
Jeannie

Message: 5821
Author: $ Sandy SYSOP
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: last
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 10:53:18

        With that last bit of insight, I really know Jeannie now!
WOW ....... an 'inner', not an 'outer' ..........

                                       (smile)

The outer COSmos Bulletin Board command:$C

Message: 3353
Author: $ Sandy SYSOP
Category: Question ?
Subject: Users
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 10:59:57

        What happened to most of the users here?

Did they all of a sudden become too good for us?
Is no one having a good 'ol fashioned 'knock down dragged out fight'?

Oh, well ...... you all are excused anyway.

Message: 3354
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Cosmos-Chatter
Subject: where?
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:26:40

Fuck off.

Message: 3355
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Jokes & Ha Ha's
Subject: last
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:27:05

Everyone.

Apollo Underground Bulletin Board command:$C

Message: 333
Author: $ Sandy SYSOP
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: GT
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 11:00:59

        If you insist, I will be there as well.

Message: 334
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: GT
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:27:58

If Sandy will be there then I don't know if I can make it.  Headache's
happen, you know.

Bulletin Board command:$C

Message: 60481
Author: Stuart Beckwith
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Free Tape Plus Spin
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 00:41:43

(From a real ad for "Spin" magazine:)
"Posse in effect, the A-Team was about to jump into the Batmobile (power
steering, Landau roof) and roll.  But then --
'Dag!'
Big Bob, president of the A-Team, slapped his hand on the table and turned
to his friends, Swift and Dice.
'At that price, don't you have to pay for extra for the record reviews?' he
asked incredulously.  'Plus you get a free tape?  Get the funk out of here.'
Big Bob couldn't believe it.  'A whole year of SPIN, delivered to my
doorstep each month, for just $15.95?  Is there a method in their badness?'
Well, the whole A-Team was floored.  Funkwizard Snow agreed that a deal like
that was worth dropping out of law school for, even if this was his one
chance to get on the right side of the law.  'That magazine is eckmarvelous,
eckniculous, and then some!' he said.  Then Big Bob smiled.  He looks so
handsome when he smiles.
Why was Big Bob smiling?  He just realised that his paltry $15.95 would get
him not just 12 totally fat, dookie, dope issues of SPIN, but an equally
fat, dookie, dope cassette of new music.  Each tape is custom designed just
for SPIN subscribers, with hot new bands like Fine Young Cannibals.  It was
too much.
'Dag!'
The A-Team hopped in the Batmobile and rolled out.  Big Bob popped his tape
into the system, and the A-Team rocked on, rocked strong, to the break of
dawn.  That is, in the happily ever-after tip, boy-ee."

Message: 60482
Author: Ronald McDonald   NOTE: ****  This was me ***
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Hungry?
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 03:58:44

 Hamburgers anyone?

Message: 60483
Author: $ Paul Savage
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Taranto
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 05:25:32

Never heard of "Technical Difficulties", but "Please Stand By" is one of my
favorites.

Message: 60484
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Bob on JT
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 06:10:13

Re: "You are such an expert on name calling. I bet you win all kind of
debates."

He doesn't win any debates when he name calls! Too bad - he has interesting
things to say too, but they are spoiled most of the time because he can't
resist being caustic! -=*) ANN (*=-

Message: 60485
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Bob on protection
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 06:12:36

I've got to agree with you there if given the choice. I will say though,
that of all the people I know - I'd choose Sandy Sysopette to protect me -
knowing her qualifications! Ha. -=*) ANN (*=-

Message: 60486
Author: $ Apollo SYSOP
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Drownings?
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 11:32:00

        They seem to have slowed down....  Maybe all the stupid people are
gone.

*=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=*

Message: 60487
Author: $ Apollo SYSOP
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Orange Julie
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 13:02:08

        I like this one...

1 can (6 ounces) frozen orange juice concentrate
1 cup of milk
1 cup of water
1/2 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tray of ice cubes

        Combine all the ingredients and place in blender.  Blend untill
smooth.  Makes 4 servings.  You could add orange liqueur if you like.

This tastes just like the ones at the mall.....

*=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=*

Message: 60488
Author: $ James Taranto
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Savage
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 15:52:06

Sorry, "Please Stand By" was what I meant.  Did you read about that in
Harper's or in Spy?

Message: 60489
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: SYSOP/Orange Julius
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:30:02

Or you could add some marihuana instead of the booze.

Message: 60490
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: More on conversation
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:30:46

I also remember most of our conversation about the school system.  The
fellow said, "All they do is teach us to obey authority.  They have no
interest if we think or not.  We are just numbers to them.  They get
so much per head.  Them government schools suck."

"They train a person to get up early whether one feels like it or not. 
They try to regiment a person to become a machine for life, to do
menial work for the state.  Well, if I get busted then they can
support my ass all they want.  They can send me to special schools or
give me courses in anything they want but when I get out I'll go for
the big money.  It's not like they are going to make me an attorney or
other free-type person, they just want my sweat and they want me to
pay them, the capitalistic establishment, for the privilege of using
their electricity or living on their land.

Our community here in the projects is okay because the $60 we gotta
come up with each month is almost nothing.  We are like a tribe here
and everyone knows everyone else.  We are blood.  Let the white rulers
pay.  You ain't gonna see me getting up when it's too hot or cold to
go out in that weather and kill myself for them."


Message: 60491
Author: $ James Taranto
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Last
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:57:12

Come on.  No one has ever said any such thing, except you.

Message: 60492
Author: $ Bob Thornburg
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Rod
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:00:47

Re:  "I could look forward to having a job for the rest of my life
with two weeks off each year and always have these big bills to pay."

Oh, the world owes me a living, tra la la la la la la.

Message: 60493
Author: $ Bob Thornburg
Category: Answer!
Subject: Ronald McDonald
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:03:05

Hamburgers??

Anyone who watches tv would have figured you would have been selling baked
potatoes by now.  What happened?

Message: 60494
Author: $ Bob Thornburg
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Ann
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:05:11

Re:  "- I'd choose Sandy Sysopette to protect me -"

Well, If Sandy Sysopette were packing her .357, it would give her a definite
edge.

Message: 60495
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Bob T.
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:44:47

The sentence in question was a quote from a gang member.

Message: 60496
Author: $ Rod Williams
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: JT
Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:45:12

Wanna bet?

VOICE