Apollo BBS Archive - August 1988
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Apollo BBS Archive - August 28, 1988
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Message: 996
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: Dr, Seuss
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 03:14:16
Yes I get on to the board
Yes I drive my daddy's Ford
I am feeling like a bum
Cause this poem's so very dumb
Message: 997
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: Dr. Seuss
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 04:16:53
Don't you wish you were real smart
Aren't you scared you'll fall apart
Really doubt you'll find your heart
You can't find it on a chart
Looks like times of change are here
Didn't think it'd be so near
It's not something you should fear
Damning people, guzzling beer
Too much trouble, too much junk
Having sex and getting drunk
Eating too much, playing funk
Beating others, you're just a punk
It's not acceptable, you're just a kid
Gotta get real, see what you did
Don't you get it, control your id
Otherwise, you're just the crap under the lid
Naughty boys should gain some class
Get rid of their toys, kick 'em in the ass
Message: 998
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: poem
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 04:23:01
Jesus came to die for us
Ugly humans filled with pus
Scary geeky sloppy muss
Tricking, scheming, making a fuss
Kiss me darling right on that spot
It'd make me steamy and hot
Death makes people change a lot
Drooling over that cannabis pot
Itchy scratchy feeling fungus
No there is a geek among us
Gunky nicotine will coat your lung, Gus
...blah blah blah blah blah blah splungus
Message: 999
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Chit-Chat
Subject: poem
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 04:29:08
Needle dongs and berry juice
Oral surgery and a diseased goose
Token minorities and girls that are loose
Racist pigs and Alberto mousse
Esophagus phlegm and kitten spit
Attitude problems and a hairy armpit
Lovers' quarrels and babies' sh*t
Lysurgic acid and the witch's tit
Yeah
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1: Very, very good. Reminds me of Laurance Ferlinghetti from the Beat
2:Era.
3:end
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Message: 1898
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Cosmos-Chatter
Subject: my evening
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 03:57:12
Tonight was some night. I'll never be the same.
We all played Scruples at Traci Sibel's pad. 'We all' includes myself,
David Burkhart, Peter Petrisko, Jim Lippard, Pat Stoddard(?), Traci, Ron
Harvey and another Ron whos origin and purpose evade me. I arrived in time
to drool on some luscious Domino's pizza. Traci asked the delivery boy, "Is
that pepperoni on your pizza or are you glad to see me?" We all had a good
laugh. Or two. And then the fun really began. But not before Petrisko
arrived just in time to say, "Gee Zak, now that Dean's gone you can ask
Traci out!" That Peter - whatta crazy guy. One of these days...POW...
Scruples is a very strange game, not something you'd recommend to friends
you are trying to impress. But it didn't matter, the evening was beautiful
in its own special way, regardless.
But that's not all, folks. As if this wasn't enough of an endurance test
already, DB, RH, MN, MJ, JH and I went to Town and Country mall to see
"Married to the Mob". But first we chatted merrily with the LToC
protestors, who had signs saying, "Scorcese's Satanic Scorcery", "AMC 666
Theatres", and other blasphemy. But their artist screwed up. One sign said
"6666" and spelled "pieces" as "peices". Nerds. One of the protestors had
a strong interest in whether or not we were using bleach as a dietary
supplement. We assured him we most certainly were not, god damn it. Then,
FINALLY, we saw MttM. It should be picketed. What an editing nightmare.
They showed editing room clippings at the end; apparently most of the movie
Message: 1899
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Cosmos-Chatter
Subject: more
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 04:03:38
...apparently most of the movie never made it to the screen, but they did
have the good nature to tease us with the 13 other plots as we watched the
credits roll up. The credits included characters not even included in the
film. This movie had no other redeeming wualities to make up for the poor
editing. It had no interesting characters, no interesting plot, and no
interesting special effects or sets to make it half enjoyable. It did have
an R rating though, which makes it pornography, according to the
protestors. Why weren't they protesting it too? Nerds.
Then everyone left, and we all said goodbye, and I just didn't get full
value for my entertainment buck. Back to Tucson...
Message: 1900
Author: $ Ralph Blehm
Category: Cosmos-Chatter
Subject: Thang & Ann
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 10:14:12
Idid it do I get the $20.00?
Message: 1901
Author: $ Daryl Westfall
Category: Who-dun-it
Subject: IT WASN'T ME!
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 10:55:30
I've been working my ass off at the store, and haven't even had time to
conceive of such a project.
Message: 1902
Author: $ Daryl Westfall
Category: Thang!
Subject: Publicity
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 10:56:18
who's to say that Cliff and Sandy didn't plan the whole thing just so they
could start a hang! category?
Message: 1903
Author: $ Gary Jones
Category: Thang!
Subject: It weren't me!
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 12:36:41
I had to do something with the Thang category, what with everyone
a'confessin' and denyin' everything! How 'bout this:
Limericks are art forms complex,
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
They usually have virgins
and masculine urgin's,
And other erotic effects.
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that's quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones are seldom comical.
Have you heard of the old man from Port
Whose Thang was remarkably short?
When he got into bed
His old woman said:
"That's not a Thang, it's a wart!"
Message: 1904
Author: $ Mike Carter
Category: Thang!
Subject: PROOF
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 20:39:55
I have a chemistry lab we can analyse the paint (if any) used on the
'rubber blubber' and I`ll take yer $20.00 when we discover it matches
the samples I have from Hawley's rocket.
Message: 1905
Author: $ Mike Howerton
Category: Cosmos-Chatter
Subject: last
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 21:54:55
And what were you doing handling his rocket??
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Subject:Rocket/last
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1: Mike likes large rockets.
2:end
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Message: 53927
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: JT/53925
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 04:06:54
What do you mean, "C"?
Furthermore, what do you mean, "Congratulations"?
Message: 53928
Author: $ Paul Savage
Category: Answer!
Subject: Ann
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 06:37:07
Which sand pile was your head in during the Roosevelt and Kennedy years
girl?
FDR had a long running affair, well known to both his cousin/wife Eleanor
and everybody else, with his Secretary, and JFK was one of the biggest
womanizers ever to sit in the White House. His conquests included, among
others, Marilyn Monroe.
Go read a book or two!
Message: 53929
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Politics
Subject: Paul/last
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 08:41:59
And you should get the cotton out of your ears! I never said they were
perfect - I said the public in general did not know these things! You lived
during the Rosevelt era - did you know he was having an affair? Did you know
he was propped up most of the time when he was giving a speech? Re: Kennedy
- sorry, but I don't believe half of what I've read about all his
womanizing. It's easy to get notoriaty by saying you went to bed with a
famous person after they are dead! But I say what difference did it make
what they did in their private lives regarding this subject! Being a good
president was the most important and I believe they were. Who they went to
bed with certainly didn't make any difference! I remember the first time I
read such rumors, how disappointed I was and I was sorry I HAD read it! It's
stuff like this that has made the people of today latharic and weary of the
politicians and voting. We don't revere our president's anymore - we pick
them apart like vultures hoping for a tidbit of juicy scandel! Once, when I
found out that Lincoln wanted to ship all the blacks back to Africa - my
reverance for the Oval office went down 10 notches! I'd just reather not
know. Reagan for instance - I didn't want to know he had a hemroid operation
- to be told daily how his A## Hole was progressing. It distracts from the
good he did/was doing. =*--ANN--*=
Message: 53930
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Vote
Subject: Cliff/the vote
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 08:50:34
Of course the Republicans are winning - this is a thoughly Republican state.
But I did notice the Libertarians are leading the Democrates and thats
great! =*--ANN--*=
Message: 53931
Author: $ James Taranto
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Last
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 10:32:58
Congratulations.
Message: 53932
Author: $ Dean Hathaway
Category: Politics
Subject: David B./Veto
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 17:15:31
Getting them on the record is attractive to the rest of us, but it scares
the hell out of Congress. This explains why there is no line-item veto.
See You Later
Dean H.
Message: 53933
Author: $ James Taranto
Category: Chit Chat
Subject: Dean McCarron joke
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 18:42:36
Dean McCarron and his next-door neighbor are standing in their front yards,
next to their mailboxes. They stand around for about an hour, and finally
Dean turns to his neighbor and says, "Waiting for an important letter?"
"Yeah," replies the neighbor. "What are you waiting for?"
"My life to change."
Message: 53934
Author: $ Mike Carter
Category: Entertainment/Movies
Subject: James Taranto Joke
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 20:35:56
Two FBI special services snoops were paging through the mounds of diatribe
collected off JT's phone line when one looked over to the other and
queried about the unusually mechanical way certain issues were always
sentout on the computer.
"What's with all the redundancy , you make anything of it?"
Joe stretches back, leans toward his co-worker and smiles briefly..
"Do you mean you've been actually reading this $#!+ ?"
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Message: 156
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Zak Drools
Subject: crucifixion
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 03:24:51
I don't see what the big deal is. So he hung around in agony for a while.
Thousands of people endure all sorts of pain every day - dying cancer
victims, starving third world citizens, emotionally and physuically abused
children. What made Christ's pain that much more significant?
Message: 157
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Zak Drools
Subject: victorious duel
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 03:35:35
Sandy, what victorious 'duel' are you talking about between Jesus and Satan?
A sword fight? The resurrection and the many other unbelievable claims made
in the new testament are not accepted as historical facts among many
biblical scholars. Accounts of the various incidents were not written until
over 60 years after they allegedly happened. People cannot be blamed for
questioning the book's validity.
Ann, why shouldn't halos be symbols of Christianity? I thought they
indicated godliness and such. In the 14th century paintings of Giotto and
Boticelli, everyone appears with halos behind their heads. Obviously no one
was concerned whether or not the subjects were all saints. So put that in
your pipe and smoke it.
Ann, you say that hanging from the cross is a horrible way to die. You know
a good way? Use your imagination, you can probably think of plenty of
horrible ways to die.
Remember, this is not a religious board. So don't talk about it, dudes.
Message: 158
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Annie the ASSp
Subject: Cross
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 09:07:27
The difference is - Jesus choose his pain (supposedly) - we do not!
Message: 159
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Zak Drools
Subject: A good way to die!
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 09:10:05
YEs - there is good ways to die - one is - at the age of 95 and after a hard
round of tennis, your body just ceases to function! That's the way I want to
go. Of couse, it will never happen because I don't play tennis now!
=*--ANNIE the ASSp--*=
Message: 160
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Annie the ASSp
Subject: Halos
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 09:18:52
Yes, all the artists of the time painted halos around the saints, Mary,
Joseph, Jesus's head etc. This was to depict holiness - purity etc. But a
halo is nothing but an aura and it would only show Jesus as pure and not
above the saints et al. The cross was what he was born for - one of the
major things He came here for - the other being Rising from the dead to show
us there is no death! So a halo would not be a good Christian symbol. As I
said - the cross is a positive symbol - not a negative one. =*--ANN--*=
-- The resident preacher of the (W)ay Below Normal sig. (Taking over for
James White!!!) A real switch eh Rod?
Message: 161
Author: $ Ann Oudin
Category: Annie the ASSp
Subject: Rod/ the cross
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 09:26:34
I have read that they made sure they did not puncture a main blood vessel so
that His death would be long and painful. They wanted Him to suffer more
than the other two on the crosses. No where have I read He went into shock.
If His last words from the cross were acurate - He was not!
=*--The New Way Below Normal Preacher - Annie the ASSp--*=
Message: 162
Author: $ Zak Woodruff
Category: Annie the ASSp
Subject: death
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 12:46:16
Since you do not play tennis, you will either die horribly or live forever.
The reason they did not kill Jesus on the cross right away is because all
the artists needed time to paint him accurately.
Message: 163
Author: $ Daryl Westfall
Category: Annie the ASSp
Subject: Christ
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 20:13:24
Being born for the purpose of dying a horrible death is a pretty depressing
reason for coming into this world. Did Jesus wear a tattoo reading "BORN TO
LOSE?"
You would think that the icon of the Christian religion would be one of
positivism and goodness, not a morbid representation such as a cross.
Message: 164
Author: $ Daryl Westfall
Category: Annie the ASSp
Subject: Choice
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 20:18:03
Jesus CHOSE to die on the cross? Hm, I think I had better read that one
again.
Message: 165
Author: $ Daryl Westfall
Category: JT Intellect Bore
Subject: So...
Date: 08/28/88 Time: 20:18:41
How the fuck are you all today?
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Subject:Jesus
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1: Well, if Jesus was in fact God and God created everything including
2:Satan then I don't see the big challange here. How dumb one would have to
3:be, to be tempted by someting you made. Hmmmmm.
4: Also, if the creator of the universe choose to get on a cross and
5:have himself 'nailed', I doubt if it could have hurt anymore than say, me
6:eating a tomato.
7: If God died for everyone's sins then that whole concept is
8:ludricious. It doesn't compute, makes no sense. It was a dumb idea and it
9:didn't work. How could a creator of everything decide to go and die for His
10:own mistakes. Hey, it' totally beyond me, totally beyond logic.
11: This is the type of story, the story of Jesus, that you'd expect to
12:read in the National Inquirer and I'd take it with the same grain of salt as
13:I do with such titles, "Five Year Old Girl Gives Birth To Thirty Year Old
14:Baby". Both would show the same type of logic.
15: But, I accept the need for religion, after all this world does
16:manage to drive most people insane and it sure feels good to have a crutch
17:or two laying around.
18: * - * See You Around The Universe * - * Rod
19:end
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